A Loser In Love ?
by 10mgivstat
Summary: Would love be different this time for Abby, or would her innermost fears resurface? Rating: T to M. All comments welcome.
1. Chapter 1

ALoser In Love ?

Why had I been so abrupt?

I could see my words had hurt him, the dejected look on his face said it all, no wonder he had just turned around and left.

Later that night I 'd returned to my apartment, and spent the hours, hoping against the odds, that the phone would ring, that somehow my continued stare would spring it to life, but of course it never did, in fact all there was, was silence. I was not in the mood for the mindless banter on the radio, or for some background tv, all I wanted was to hear HIS voice, but I knew my words "don't do that for me" would be playing over and over in his head, just as they were in mine, and the last thing on his mind would be to call me. Who could blame him ?

As I laid in my bed I went through countless scenarios of earlier that evening, but each time I had ended the conversation a different way. Instead of my curt manner, I had said, Jake I know your placement is important to you, I understand that it could separate us, but if we care about each other distance would not matter, in fact it could make our relationship stronger, but no, I had just dismissed him.

What was I afraid of?

Was I expecting the inevitable; that in my life things never went smoothly, that just when I thought happiness was finally mine some family trauma would surface, or my own inner demons would rise up and I would jeopardize the relationship myself before I thought someone else could hurt me, was that it ?

Would he have hurt me I doubt it, I had never known such an open loving man. His maturity, despite his youth, gained I'm sure from growing up in such a large boisterous family only served to contrast with my own; whereas I had been both a surrogate mother and a sister from such an early age, and had learnt to hide my own feelings, that at times I wondered if I would every be truly content again. Until he came along I had known fleeting moments of happiness, but he had changed all that.

I can honestly say from the moment I saw him I knew.

It was as if some lightening bolt had shot through me; those piercing blue eyes, that beautiful smile, that wonderful chuckle when he laughed, it captivated me from the start. I'd tried to deny it, thinking I was like some love struck teenage girl, but there was something in his confident open manner, despite his youthfulness, that just drew me to him. It seemed like no time at all before Jake privately expressed his feelings towards me, I tried to laugh it off each time, but his persistency was like an aphrodisiac, that in the end I agreed to go out with him on one condition, neither of us would say anything to the other staff; (did I fear their mockery for going out with someone much younger, and a student at that , a definite no, no in hospital policy or was I scared to admit to myself that I secretly longed to be alone in his company ?) and that we went somewhere I normally wouldn't go. Upon mutual agreement, and much to my amusement, to a Chicago Bears football game we went ; appeasing my conscience at the same time in that I thought this date would definitely not be alone.

Despite the cold, I had not had so much fun in years; yet I still couldn't understand all the rules, my brother had tried so many times in vain to explain but had always given up in exasperation, "Abby, how many more god damn times do I have to tell you".

So it was with him, I could tell by his expression that he was none too impressed with my knowledge of the game, maybe that's why he kept saying " just have some popcorn, I'll explain later " as his eyes veered back towards the field.

After the game we'd gone for a meal. The conversation flowed easily. Jake told me he was the youngest, and the black sheep of the family, having gone into medicine because his medical condition had excluded him from following the family tradition of serving in the fire department, it turned out that even his sisters worked there. He talked affectionately about them saying they still had a monthly family get together for Sunday lunch (everyone' s shift permitting) and that the table seemed to grow year by year, to accommodate the ever increasing children, well we are of Irish stock he added with a chuckle. He said his mother had insisted that the boys too had to learn how to cook, "just a simple meal, you will need to impress the ladies later on" she had told them; it had proved invaluable he said with a knowing smile. I on the other hand told him very little about my personal life. I mentioned my brother and mother, but held back on their medical history, and had only told him about Richard not of my involvement with Luka and John, why should I, this was a one off date I told myself; but I'd been happy to discuss my love of the theatre, literature, the great outdoors, and of course medicine. He did not seem surprised when I told him I had been an OB nurse before going into med. school, he said he'd noticed my rapport with patients, something gained from spending time with them, he often felt he was juggling too many cases to become so attached. I told him he scared me a little as I had never been so confident or competent as he was as a student. We'd laughed at some of the strange cases we'd treated, and the antics medical students got up to in order to cover up their inadequacies. Time passed so quickly I didn't want it to end, I had not felt this way in such a long time, so at ease with a man.

We had walked together to the EL still chatting and joking, never touching.

On the platform an awkward silence fell as we waited for the train, it was as if both of us were too scared to act upon our feelings. In the end after all his gestures, all his persistence, it was I who initiated our first kiss. At that moment staring into those beautiful, hypnotic blue eyes, I wanted nothing more than to embrace him. As I'd reached up, slowing encircling my arms around his neck, I felt his arms pull me closer to him as our lips met and our kisses deepened. I recall we had both laughed as we saw the train disappear down the track; and I remember saying, "I'm on a lieu day tomorrow" he I knew was going onto nights before leaving the ER to begin his psych. rotation, "so you can cook me lunch".


	2. Chapter 2

**From Jake's Viewpoint (part 1) **

"Don't do that for me", those words were still buzzing around in my head, they'd had the same effect as if Abby had drawn a knife out and plunged it into my chest, I was stunned. I couldn't even ask "why ? " All I could do was turn around and walk away.

I couldn't face going back to my apartment, my roommate Pete I knew would be there waiting to hear what she had said; but I was not ready to answer his questions when I had so many unanswered of my own. I recall leaving the hospital and just walking, brushing past people lost in thought, seeing her face, hearing THOSE words, stopping eventually in some bar. Looking back now, I was not proud of my reaction, I had just sat down and drowned my sorrows.

I had been interested in specializing in plastic surgery and burns, mainly in part after hearing so many horrific stories recounted by my fire fighter brothers, that I had felt the desire to be able to help the victims, as they had. However, working in the ER I had come to love the excitement of the unknown; one minute you were treating someone 's kid who had pushed a marble up their nose, the next, a gurney would roll up with a patient severely injured from a gunshot wound, or a auto accident, and the adrenalin would kick in as you tried to ascertain the cause, working against time, as a team, to save them. I had said to Abby several times that I could understand why she loved her work; long; unsocial, and sometimes unthankful hours that they were; yet I had still gone to see the other facilities as a possibility for a match as I was torn between which branch to specialize in . Why had she been so shocked when I said I might try for County's programme? It had an excellent reputation in both fields, it would be near my family ; if I had told her why I really wanted to stay; that it was to be with her, would it have made any difference?

From the moment I saw her I knew. I had been one of a larger than normal group of students assigned to the ER, so much so that my supervisor, dr.Kovac, had said to us, I have 3 of you, it's going to be impossible to do this without compromising your tuition, so I will rotate you between the residents, interns and myself. Jake I'm giving you over to Abby for the next few days. I saw him smile, I could see why when I turned around, the look on her face was priceless.

I could see she was annoyed, she was in the process of removing her soaking raincoat; pushing aside her dripping hair she'd smudged her mascara, and a brown trail had left its mark under her eye, not only was she thoroughly drenched, she was obviously late too; the last thing she wanted right now was a questioning student. I pulled a tissue from my pocket, smiled, said "hi, I'm Jake, I think you might need this" . Bedraggled as she looked, I believe I fell in love with her right then.

My mother had always said to us "kids" you will just know when "the one" comes into your life, it will hit you like a thunderbolt; we all laughed every time we heard her say it, "Mum, you're such an old romantic" we 'd say in unison. "It's when I see his bank account" one sis would throw in; joshing, one of my brothers would add, "if I see her ……" " now Mikey, don't finish that thought out loud" she'd quickly interrupt and say with a huge grin on her face.

Despite having to admit it, I realized, Mum's sometimes did know best.


	3. Chapter 3

**Jake's view (part 2)**

After a rather fraught beginning, Abby emerged from the lounge, her hair now pinned up, dressed in scrubs, exposing a slender neck, and a petite frame. She'd thank me for the tissue, said "I didn't know there were any gentlemen left" , " don't be fooled by that" I replied, "I just didn't want you scaring the kids in triage " I could see her begin to relax as a smile spread across her face.

Abby was an excellent mentor; patient, willing to let me try different procedures under her guidance, allowing me to work on my own initiative when assessing patients before reporting to her. I noticed her instant rapport with them, how she made them feel at ease, empathized with them. Morris, on the other hand was like some lose cannon ball, twice he'd let me start something under his supervision , but before I knew it he'd disappeared, thank god the nurses knew whom to call: Abby. I suppose they knew she'd been working with me before, and they didn't want to start any conflict if they had called Kovac about the missing Morris. I smiled when I saw her enter the treatment room, said thanks to both her and the nurse, she 'd just say "that's fine what you're doing, " or " if you approach it from this angle you will have better vision". The second time it happened she stayed until Morris returned to tell him in no uncertain terms to stick around whist supervising; the threat of informing dr. Kovac finally persuaded him to tow the line. I had not wanted to report him, I didn't want to cause friction, but she said just do it next time or he will never change. We never did find out where he'd gone, I told her, " I'm going to nickname him dr. SP", she'd looked quizzically " you know , the Scarlet Pimpernel, you seek him here ,you seek him there" laughingly she agreed it was apt. Dr. Kovac of course was outstanding, he was always so cool under pressure, he encouraged you to question, to participate, to excel; I admired him enormously.

I remember the first time I asked her out, we'd been assigned to work together on the night shift , it was a pretty manic evening, the Saturday night revellers were out in force.

At the admit desk at the beginning of the shift, dr Pratt was passing out the charts; when he said " hey, pretty blue eyes this ones for you"; I looked around thinking who's he talking to. "Hey I mean you Jakey," "ME ?" "Yeah, that's the only repeatable thing the women have been saying about you, hell man, I thought I only had competition from Kovac ", he said with a grin. "I've got an excellent teaching case here, and so early in the evening, Miss Rose York" he indicated towards admit bed three, "otherwise known as Miss Fifi" Looking towards the bed I saw a well endowed, voluptuous woman in an extremely revealing top. "Triage have assessed her as query a broken or severely sprained ankle , and minor cuts, I want you to go and take her vital statistics, err, sorry vitals and report to Abby" As I took the chart, shaking my head, I said in a sarcastic tone "thanks dr. Pratt ." As I walked towards her, I could hear him say, " $10 says he won't last a five minutes"; " come on Greg, have some faith in you're fellow man " Abby teased, Susan added "make it $5 and you're on." whilst Greg added "are you in Morris?"

I could smell the alcohol, the moment I reached the bed "great, just great" I muttered to myself. "Hello Miss York, I'm medical student Jake Scanlon" I'm going to take a set of vitals, ask you some questions and look at your injuries ……" " My ain't you darn cute , " she interrupted, ignoring this I continued, "then I will report to my supervisor before we begin treatment, is that ok with you?" "YOU, can do anything you darn well please honey" she slurred.

I tried asking questions, but in her inebriated state, the answers were none to coherent or for that matter repeatable, so I decided to keep to the basics, confirm name, address, and asking how she had sustained her injury; then I went through the normal vital checks, finally I reached my hand out to begin my examination of her badly swollen ankle. As I did so, she grabbed my hand and pulled it down onto her ample left bosom, " honey this is where its hurting " she said with a wink. I tried to move my hand but it was impossible, she had a vice like grip. I politely said, "Miss York, would you please remove your hand" no movement, all she did was say, "can you feel that, my hearts broken not my ankle…" Turning to face the admit desk I saw that the four of them had moved forward to about 10 foot from the end of the bed, all had huge grins on their faces; "Help Me " I mouthed. Gregg said "I knew it , pay up Lewis " I raised my free arm, looked at my watch ,and continued, "actually dr. Pratt it's been five minutes and fifteen seconds, you lose."

I don't think he forgave me for that as every case he assigned Abby and I to the rest of the night seemed to involve drunks vomiting, people covered in faecal matter, or some kind of questionable skin complaint. "It's all YOUR fault" Abby said as we looked over Miss York's x ray; it had been at least five hours since we sent her down there; x ray had been backed up, and of course, her condition wasn't life threatening, so the films had only just come back to the ER. "What do you mean by that?", "These cases we are getting" "Ah come on Abby, don't you think it's YOUR fault?" "Mine?" " Well, you women, that comment at the beginning of the shift, he had it in for me" I joked. The expression on her face said, I am not amused.

"Jake, can we get back to her x ray, we're looking for a hairline fracture as there is no obvious break."

"So Abby, do you agree with them?" "Excuse me?" "About the, and I quote, pretty blue eyes"; she turned, looked straight at me and said "No"

"NO? " (mocked shock expression )

" I said they were like limpid blue pools"

"Hmmm, that's interesting, they never been called that before."

(imaging him doing that raised eyebrow movement as in Only Connect)

Despite our banter, despite the smiles, I knew right then that she felt there was some spark between us as I did; the intensity of our stares revealed more than either of us would admit to verbally. The moment was broken by the sound coming from outside of "Have you seen Abby?" "Yes I saw here go into the exam room two…"

Nearing the end of the shift, we had found a quiet spot in the suture room to compare notes to write up the patients' charts, it had been too busy earlier in the night to do them. "So Abby, don't you think you owe me?" Looking up from her chart, with a slightly confused look she replied, "Owe you for what?" "For that humiliating scene at the beginning of the shift" "Hey I sided with you, besides it was a textbook case on how to cope with inebriated patients". "Sorry, that's just not a good enough answer to heal my wounded male ego". "So what do you want, a promise that I will bring you in a bag of cookies or a Hershey bar tomorrow?" "Nope, that won't do, besides I don't have a sweet tooth, the only thing I will settle on is a date"

She just laughed. I let her continue for a few moments, then putting on a serious face and voice, said, "What's so funny?" "You're kidding right?"

"I'm ALWAYS serious when I ask a woman out"

She stopped giggling, "No"

"NO, that's it, no explanation?"

"Yes" "Yes, no elaboration, or yes you've changed your mind?"

"Jake cut it out"

Oh, I get it, I was too blunt, you don't' think I'm serious"

"Can we get back to the charts"

" I didn't think I'd need to explain, I thought we both felt ……"

"Forget it …. I won't change my mind"

"Oh really, what makes you think that? come on Abby, stop resisting , just say yes, you know you WANT TO"

"god Jake, you have a high opinion of yourself, not used to a woman turning you down? …. And don't say no "

"actually there was one … what was her name, ……of yeah, Abby"

I recall the empty coffee cup coming my way, and hearing her say " I' won't change my mind".

Abby finally said yes a week before I was due to leave the ER.

A/N thanks for the feedback, I find they really motivate you to carry on - please continue to comment good or bad as all reviews are welcome. I must say I find Jake easier to write for as you more or less have free range with his character , Abby has so much history, anyway I'm trying to keep her more upbeat in this story.


	4. Chapter 4

**Abby's View (pt.2)**

Unlike our walk to the EL, our walk from it was markedly different. Jake wrapped his arm across my back and held me tightly as we made our way to my apartment. At the top of the stairs, unlocking the outer door of the building I swear I noticed him hesitate before stepping inside. I was imagining it, surely ? Outside my apartment door, I looked up at him and smiled; I wanted this to happen, yet I was as nervous as hell right now, it had been so long. What had I been thinking propositioning him like that ;" so you can cook me lunch" he'd asked me out, he should have said something, initiated the kiss but no it was me , why had he hesitated? "I didn't expect visitors, so excuse the mess" was all I said. "Visitors, that sounds a bit formal Abby,. surely it's friends."

Inside I set the dimmer switch on the wall socket to low, and turned to lock the door; two bolts and a chain. "I never knew this was a tough neighbourhood it doesn't seem like it" "Oh you know a woman alone…" was all I replied; it had been over two years since Brian had attacked me, but I couldn't get out of the habit of locking every bolt. Turning back towards him I saw that he was leaning against the back of the couch top, there was something not right, he looked apprehensive. I walked over to him, stood directly in front of him and waited to see what would happen. "I wish you hadn't have done that" "what, lock the door?" "yes, now I can't make a quick exit." "Oh that's it you're a love'm and leave'm guy" "what? " "Jake there's something not right here, you've been pestering me for weeks to go out with you, now you're finally alone with me you're different, where's the confident extrovert I know ? If you don't want to stay…"

"No I want to but……...god this is embarrassing, I'm, ….I'm …."

"Oh my god Jake, you're not,…… you're not trying to tell me you're a virgin," I said in my most serious voice. He burst out laughing, " why the hell would you think that? ….Abby I think I should just say goodnight and go" "Jake, come on, tell me what's wrong, there must be something, any normal man would have me half undressed by now." "Oh so I'm just another notch on your bedpost then?" "Jake, that's just not true, (I thought I'd come clean, tell the truth, perhaps it would help him to open up) I've not been with anyone for months, actually to be honest it's well over a year, probably nearer two, if you knew how nervous I was coming in here, how I'm inwardly shaking right now, it doesn't help that you have come over all coy but won't explain. Come on, I'm a doctor, you're a med. student I think we're adult enough to handle it; " realizing my slip, all I could do was laugh …. which didn't help.

"Your right,… … I know this may sound incredulous to you, and you may think I'm rather old fashioned, but ……I never sleep with anyone on the first date, blame it on my dad, he always said, show them respect, don't push things, so…...so I don't have anything with me " "anything with you, what do you mean?" "Abby don't, you're not helping the situation, I can see you're taking great delight in this…" Laughing, I said, "Alright, truce, but you owe me BIGTIME Mr. Scanlon. How about a compromise, I 'll get you some bedding so you can sleep here in the lounge, you'll have a clear conscience, is that ok ?" " OK" I continued, " you maybe a tad uncomfortable, you're tall, your feet are gonna. dangle over the couch arm …on the other hand its just punishment don't you think." Jake didn't say anything, he just gave a painful smile.

I walked out of the lounge into the other room, (little did he know it was the bathroom) I closed the door, put my hand on my mouth to stifled my giggle, and said to myself "it could only happen to you Abby" Of course it was not going to end this way, god I wanted him so much, I'd never felt THIS way about any man before, and I knew right now that he was feeling worse than I was; to be honest by now my nerves had all but disappeared. I got the matches out of the drawer, lit the candles around the tub, placed another on the sink and one more on the tiled shelf by the window, then turned on the faucets, adjusted the temperature, and left them on to fill up the tub.

As I went back out into the lounge Jake had moved from the sitting area, into the kitchen, he'd removed his winter jacket, and was looking in the fridge, "did you want a drink? If you want some liquor it's in the cupboard to the right of the sink". "Actually I was being nosey, seeing what you had in the fridge to cook lunch with tomorrow…Abby don't you ever cook? there's more shelf space than food in here, even I can't work miracles, I need some ingredients, there's not even any eggs" "Actually I don't keep my eggs in the fridge, there in the cupboard, and what's the point of cooking elaborate meals for one, it's cheaper, and easier to eat at the hospital" "You trust that food?"

At least the conversation had eased the tension; as I past the table, I stopped to remove my coat and lay it on the chair. "I see your out of bedding too" I walked over to him and said "don't push your luck" " I'm sorry Abby, what must you think of me?" "I think Jake Scanlon that it takes courage to stick to one's beliefs especially in this day and age". With that I leaned up and kissed him lightly on the cheek, looking directly into his eyes, I added, "but I also believe some rules should be broken " with that I took hold of his hand and started towards the bathroom, he did not resist , turning back to look at him I added with a wink, "and Jake I promise I will not tell your dad."


	5. Chapter 5

**Jake's viewpoint (pt 3)**

Why had I not said anything sooner, I should have instead of putting myself into that embarrassing situation, god I felt like a fool. I must have seemed pretty pathetic to her, I'd made all the advances up until now, yet when it came to the crunch I was like some dumbstruck teenager. I must admit I had not thought she ask me back to her place, even if I had, I knew I'd hear my dad's voice saying "treat them with respect, and they will want to see you again." Dad knew none of us were saints, but I think he like to feel that he'd tried to instil us with some sense of morality. I wasn't a devout Catholic, I only went to church for weddings, funeral etc, and certainly didn't believe that sex should be confined to marriage, yet despite what she might think I was not a serial womanizer.

I had been madly in love or so I thought with Laura; she had been my first; we'd met in college; when I look back now I laugh at how naïve we'd been; fumbling around as we did at the beginning. We were together four years, she'd gone on to university at Berkeley but of course, studies, distance, and the lack of finances on both our parts meant that we saw less and less of each other over those last two years; she met someone else, I didn't blame her when she told me that Summer, I knew I was as much at fault as her in not maintaining the relationship. There had only been two others, but in all honesty I knew they were just casual affairs, they'd both like me, at that particular time wanted nothing more than that. I was together with Jenny about six months, on reflection, and in all truthfulness, she was probably a rebound affair after my break up with Laura. I met Connie at a cousins wedding, we'd dated nearly a year; but she had left, gone overseas on a year's teaching exchange programme. God, she was one sexy woman, but not "the one" I knew that sex, despite the pleasurable experience, was not for me, the single abiding issue with which to form a long term relationship. Laughter, trust, honesty ,friendship and shared interests were what really mattered; sex was in there with them but not necessarily top of the list. Before that I 'd been just a regular college guy, dated a couple of girls, but they were never serious affairs. I was far more interested in sports, and unlike my brothers, who just wanted to join the service, I loved my studies; especially the sciences; which was just as well as my heart problems begun to surface which would mean an end to my planned fire service career and lead me to medicine…….and Abby.


	6. Chapter 6

**Abby's view (pt 3 )**

"Close the door behind you" I said, as we entered the bathroom. I must admit he looked rather surprised he obviously thought I was leading him into the bedroom. "Abby what's this?" "Jake it's called a bathroom have you not seen one before?" I sarcastically replied. "I meant the unattended candles, my brothers would love you, do you know how many fires start…." "god Jake I've NEVER known a man to waffle on as you do at the most inappropriate moments……just for that you can sit in the bath with your back to the faucets." "Abby " "yessss" "are you sure about this?" Before answering, I bent down and turned the water off, then standing, looking back at him I said " Yes I'm sure, but I have to lay down a few rules,( he looked worried again) 1)absolutely no references to any parental, family or fire fighter opinions, 2)neither of us have any protection, so no copulation , and finally - no peeing in the bath." "God Abby, you really know how to turn a guy on," he said as he started to laugh at last. "and Mr. Scanlon, if you don't hurry up and kiss me you will DEFINATELY be sleeping on that couch."

Looking intently as he moved toward me, he put his arms around my back , pulling me closer; as I tilted my head he began to lightly kiss my brow, then trailed the kisses down my nose to my lips. He began caressing my top lip, slowly taking it between his mouth, pulling, teasing, nibbling. He continued across my cheek, towards my neck, his mouth gently playing against my skin; his probing tongue and nibbling of my ear sending waves of pleasure down my spine, making me moan with delight. Slowly his teasing lips made their way back to mine, we kissed deeply, our tongues probing each others mouths in a passionate embrace. I felt his hands begin to release their grip from around my back , and slowly pull the bottom edge of my sweater upward, until with my help it was removed. I repeated the movement on him, letting his sweatshirt just fall to the floor. I reached up and kissed his neck, making tiny circular motions with my tongue as I moved along his flesh; at the same time gently pulling his shirt out from the top of his trousers. I worked my hands up to his collar and slowly begun to undo his buttons, pushing aside the material so I could caress his chest. I got to the second one when I had to stop in my tracks and just look up at him. "I know what you're gonna say "he said "what can I do it's a family…….." "Jake don't,…. rule number one, NO family …." "ah but you said opinions, this isn't, its heredity, like the blue eyes, it's family genes, I can't change them." "God Jake you're hopeless" "Hey didn't anyone tell you not to form any opinions until you've tried the whole product" "I didn't mean THAT" " I know, just teasing."

"There's something not right about this," "I know, you're meant to be sitting at the OTHER END of the bath" "I meant there's no bubble bath, isn't that the done thing on romantic occasions like this?; and, as I'm you're guest, I get the best position, besides didn't you get me in here just so that I can massage your back in that spot you never can quite reach when you're bathing alone; if you sit in front of me I will give it my fullest attention, I promise." "Do you always have an answer for everything?" " I'm sorry Abby, it's just growing up in a,… six letter word beginning with F ending in Y is that allowed?…. with four siblings you had to do something to get noticed, I was the annoying one always with an answer" "I can imagine." "Truce? Come on , get in and let me work my magic hands on you back" he said, beckoning me with wink and a smile.

He wasn't joking for once, his hands were firm, but relaxing, I could feel the tension ebbing away from my shoulders and neck as he manipulated the muscles; as he began to work his way down my spine I thought to myself ….I don't want this to end, not just tonight please. "Abby, lay back" he whispered, as I did so he moved my head over to one side as he began to gently kiss my neck; his hands reached up and began to slowly caress my breasts, I moaned in the pleasure of his touch, one hand then began to move gradually down my body, and reached between my thighs…."Jake what are you doing?" "dr. Lockhart I think you know the answer to that."


	7. Chapter 7

Jake's View (pt.4)

As she left the room she said, "fireman Jake, I'll let you douse the candles, I don't want your brothers coming over, beside they might split on you". That's what I loved about her , her skittishness, and her forgiving nature. Let's face it what woman would still be talking to me, I cannot believe what happened earlier tonight, I was usually so confident, was it because I wanted her so much , that I had lost my nerve, even at the station it was she who had kissed me, was I afraid I was not good enough for her? I just can't explain, it was like she bewitched me.

As I lay next to her, running my fingers along her back , caressing her soft skin, gently kissing her mouth, I longed to make love to her, to show her how I truly felt, it wasn't just sex, I wanted her like no other woman before, but I knew I couldn't do that to her. We had promised each other that wouldn't happen, I couldn't betray that trust.

"Jake just because there's rules in place doesn't mean we have to stay like this all night, there's no sign above the bed saying nil by mouth" " ABBY!"

"Don't say anything, just close your eyes and relax."

Abby began by stroking my face with her finger tips, long sensual strokes; then slowly ran her fingers around my hairline and earlobes; as she moved over me, I could feel her long dark hair, gently falling, brushing against my skin, I felt her retraced her steps this time with her mouth, her tantalising tongue leaving a wet trail across my skin………..

I had known nothing like it, every inch of my body just exploding in so much sensual pleasure, she was incredible, it went on and on, each time more powerful than the last.

"Abby……oh god, Abby……."


	8. Chapter 8

**Abby' s view point (pt 4)**

Lying here in the darkness, listening to his slow, melodic breathing, a smile crept across my face as I recalled last nights scenes. I cannot believe I said some of those things, poor fellow, he must have wondered what he let himself in for. It wasn't exactly romantic, in fact, it wasn't romantic at all at the start, what must he have thought of me. I'd be too embarrassed to even ask him later; and knowing him he'd play it up; but that's what appealed to me about him. Jake made me laugh, he cracked me up at times; I can't remember being so happy as when he was around, I looked forward to being on his shift, even if we were not actually working together; for no matter how tough things got he would always have time for a banter , or just come out with some crazy anecdote, and have everyone in stitches. He could have been so annoyed last night, yet he never showed any ill feeling, despite the teasing on my part. I knew he was used to it from his siblings, thankfully, he seemed to take it in his stride, or at least I hoped he did.

Jake had been an sensitive and generous lover, knowing how to satisfy a woman completely, despite the constraints, yet he never once tried to force himself on me; how many men would have been so tolerant, would have kept to their word; respect my wishes, I could not believe it. I so admired him for that.

As the dawn light broke through the chink between the drapes I felt him stirring, "hey " I said, and moved closer to him, planting a kiss on the tip of his nose. He yawned, let out a sigh and said "morning Mrs. R." - I thought to myself does he never give up, can't he be like a normal man and just reach over and kiss me, but that was Jake; that's what drew me to him. "Have you forgotten where you are?" He chuckled and said with a wink, "you think I could forget last night." "Why the Mrs. R.? " he just started humming, it took me a few moments before I recognized the tune, ( see note) "Jake, for heavens sake, I'm not her" "yes you are, you seduced me last night, you're older"…"watch it , be VERY careful what you say, anyway, I thought Dustin was still a virgin, or am I wrong, it's been so long since I saw that film, and you DEFINITELY ARE NOT, although I must say I did have my doubts at the beginning, you were so…." "Hesitant, please don't remind me, what must you have thought of me." I didn't let him say anything else, well, not for quite a while at least.

Whilst he was rustling up some lunch with my meagre ingredients, he turned and asked, "Where did you learn how to do that?" "Do what?" "I've been thinking it over and I can honestly say I've NEVER had that done to me before" smiling I said, "ohhhhh that, well lets just say we older women have a few little tricks up our sleeve……anyway don't talk about that now, it's embarrassing, concentrate on lunch." "ok,…. but do you mind if I just say one thing,… that other little trick you pulled with the ice cube, remember Abby it's the middle of Winter, it was bloody cold." "I don't remember you complaining last night, in fact, it was quite the opposite if I recall." We both just looked, then started to giggle like a couple of kids.

Jake had to leave after lunch, he'd got a prior commitment; as we stood at the apartment door he said, "I want to see you again, may I?" "Oh course, I'll see you tomorrow morning when we change shifts, you're on nights, I'm on days or have you forgotten." "Abby you know I don't mean like that." Reaching up I kissed him then said, "Definitely, because I need to finish fully testing the product."

A/N encase you are not familiar with the film, the tune he hums is Simon and Garfunkle's "Here's to you Mrs. Robinson" from "The Graduate" starring Dustin Hoffman.


	9. Chapter 9

**Jake (pt 5)**

"Oh Jake you made it, I thought perhaps you were working today" Mum said as I walked into the lounge. "I'm sorry I'm late for lunch, I'm going onto nights today so I tried to sleep in a bit longer" As I went forward to hug her, she said, "You know it doesn't matter what time you come it's lovely just to see you, besides you know this time of the year it's just casserole so it keeps, did you want some ?" "A bit later, I've not long had breakfast." Over the years Mum had given up cooking a traditional roast on our family get together Sundays, she'd said it's becoming more like Thanksgiving every month too many mouths to feed, and too many darn long hours in the kitchen; so she started a new rule, Winter Sundays, a big steaming dish of casserole, as she said once the veg. were cut, the meat put in. it was left to it's own devices so no time consuming hassle for her on Sunday morning; and in the Summer, she opted for an outdoor barbeque, I think the latter was to get the men to take over the cooking, "there's just something about men folk and bbq's " I heard her say to my sis. - I realized a while back, women aren't daft.

"So what were you up to last night ?" Danny said as he nudged me in the arm. "Sleeping" "Is that what they call it nowadays, I'm your brother, I recognize that smug look on your face, got some last night did we?" "NO" "Liar, you couldn't even shave before you came here, if you ask them nicely they will let you borrow their razor you know, clean up the evidence…." "I've decided to grow a beard again…" "As I said LIAR"

"So are you still in the ER or have you moved on" Dad asked, "No, still there, well for the next few days, I finish after my night shift stint." "Will you be glad to move on?" "No, I've really enjoyed it, it's been tough at times, but my colleagues have been great, they really want you to gain from the experience, they let you push yourself if you want, it's been a fantastic learning experience, in fact, I'm toying with the idea of taking emergency medicine up." "Jake you can't do that, you gotta be that hotshot plastic surgeon you were always going on about,; you know, making piles of money so that I can retire early and live on your generous benevolence." " Yeah, you can live in hope Dad."

Later that afternoon as I sat down to eat, Danny came over and said, "Did Mum tell you Paul Creegan has gone to County," " Yes, I heard," "It doesn't sound good, he's having his op. on Tuesday, I thought I'd go see him Thursday, do you think that will be too soon?" "No it should be ok, if you want I can go find out for you, let you know if he's up to visitors;" "Thanks bruv, did I hear you say you're on nights, I'll call down to see you after…… check out the place." "You mean women" "Well I'm single, and if I wear my uniform you know what they say ….." "Danny you never change." I said laughing.


	10. Chapter 10

**Abby (pt 5)**

After he left, I sat down on the couch, picked up the cushion, put it against my face, and just screamed into it, my legs kicking wildly in front of me like some crazy sixteen year old girl, god it's what I felt like. Regaining my senses somewhat, I just sat there for ages with a smug look on my face, just recalling the night. It had been sheer bliss.

I was like that all afternoon, I couldn't concentrate on anything. I just kept feeling the delicate touch of his hands, the gentle caress of his mouth on my body; the taste of his sweat on my lips, the sound of his moans in my ear. Unlike Luka, who too, was dark haired and had that five o'clock stubble after a few hours , Jake was hairy. I couldn't believe it when I'd unbuttoned his shirt. "I promise I don't have any on my back; it's not going to put you off is it, I know some women hate chest hair; it's like I told you, family genes" he said laughing

Lunch had been great, I couldn't believe he could produce something so tasty with so few ingredients, his Mum had taught him well. He said she told the boys (apart from impressing the girls with their skills) that they had to learn, as when they went to the fire station, as rookies, they'd be assigned to cooking the watch meal, so they'd all learnt basic stuff, pastas, casseroles, pot roast, soups. I could cook of course, but it wasn't exactly inspiring cooking for one so I did it less often.

I took a long hot bath before going to bed, and unlike the previous night, I remembered the bubble bath. Lying in bed I couldn't sleep for ages, I longed for him to be with me, enveloping his arms around me, was he thinking about me as I was about him? " Abby, pull yourself together" I finally said to myself, " you're nearly 36 not 16".rriving at County next morning , I caught up with Susan in the ambulance bay, "Good weekend " she asked, "Brilliant" "Hmmm, I'm intrigued, what did you get up to ?" "Absolutely nothing" "Lucky you, what I'd give for a few hours by myself….those were the days." "Come on, you know you wouldn't swap Chuck and Cosmo for anything." "It's tempting at times," she giggled.

I must admit I was dreading walking inside, I didn't know if I could keep myself from blushing when I saw him. As Susan and I got to the admit desk Jake came along with Ray. "Hi, ladies" said Ray. " "Hi dr. Lewis, dr. Lockhart, have a good weekend?" Jake asked. "Yes it was fun" said Susan, "Chuck and I took Cosmo to the Shedd Aquarium, I think we enjoyed it more than he did." "Yeah, that's usually the case (he chuckled); and what about you dr. Lockhart ?" "Fantastic, I was totally self indulgent for once, just lazed around reading, did absolutely nothing " "Not even any cooking?" (I could have killed him) "A microwave meal, I told you I was totally indulgent" "Lucky you" "That's what I said", agreed Susan, "but don't worry Jake I'll make her suffer today, I'll keep her busy" she laughed. " So, see you tonight at 7 then, hope you have a good shift " he said as he smiled and left.

As we walked to the lounge Susan said, "Ahhh, If only I was ten years younger" in mock surprise all I said was "SUSAN"

A/N - Thanks for the continuous reviews - great to know other people like this couple together too.

As I am going on my hols. The next chapter will be in about 3 weeks time.


	11. Chapter 11

**Jake/Neela (pt 6)**

As I entered the ER waiting area I run into Neela. "Oh you made it, I thought the EL would have problems " she said. "I know so did I. I couldn't believe it when I opened the drapes and saw outside, the snowfall overnight was amazing, so, busy shift last night I take it?" "Yes five patients, and they came in before 8 pm I don't know how we coped (she laughed), but I tell you we had a BRILLIANT shift." "Really? Well come on tell me."

Neela told me she had heard on the radio before the shift had started that the expected storm was due to reach the city by 8pm , so she knew it wasn't going to be busy, so she'd decided to bring in some of her Punjabi and English cd's just to pass the time away. Ray as usual had bought his guitar. "Honestly we had a great music session." "So that's it?" "NO, listen Abby, I've met a great guy for you to go out with," "What!" "Well I remember you saying you wanted to concentrate on your career, leave men alone, but for bloody hells sake Abby its been nearly two years, and he's not a doctor, I think he would be perfect for you, except he'd be a couple of years younger, would that be a problem?." "Stop it right now, I'm not interested" "You would be if you saw him, he's a fireman, bloody good looking, got those lovely blue eyes, and great manners too, must run in the family" "huh?" "Jakes' brother, Danny." "Are you crazy ….NO !". "How can you say NO you've never met him?" "Forget it" "He's a great dancer too" "How do you know that?" "That's what I've been leading up to …last night"

I had been up to see Paul on Wednesday, the op. for his cancer had gone well, although weak, he said he'd be glad for Danny to visit, they 'd been together as rookies in training school, but had been assigned different stations, and did not get time to meet so often as they'd like.. On his way out of County, Danny kept to his word and called into the ER.

"So this is where you hide out" "Hey " I said as I went up to hug him, "you managed to get in, it's dreadful out there tonight, did you get to see Paul?" "Yes, he was quite tired, it seems they managed to catch it in time thank god I can't believe it, he's only my age, ….…. Oh by the way I've got something from Mum in the bag I'd been round home earlier today, she's been baking, when I told her I was coming in she said I was to bring these in for the staff, you know Mum."

"Neela, Ray, Chuny, this is Danny my brother; as you can see a fireman (he was wearing his official Fire Dept. sweatshirt under his open jacket, just as a reminder) and he's bought in some of the best muffins you'll ever taste, isn't that right " "I can see your busy "he said to Chuny, "Tell me where the coffee machine is and I'll get some to go with these. " "It's ok I will get it" "Nooo, let me give you a hand to carry the cups " So off they went; " that didn't take long "I said to myself," how does he do it?".

We had all been sitting around chatting and laughing, there was absolutely nothing to do. Ray told Danny he played guitar in a band at some point, (Danny played too) so he said, "As there's no one here why don't you get it and play for us." Luka was in charge tonight so we asked him, "Why not, who's here to complain."

Neela told me Ray played some crazy stuff at first, just to show off his skills , until Chuny said, "Ray, at least play something we can dance to, what else is there to do? " "So began our musical session. You know Chuny, she loves to dance so she got up onto the floor and before you know it Gregg , Haleh and she were gyrating around, so of course I couldn't let them show me up; so I said come on Jake, Danny, Luka, Morris no resting for you lot. Everyone got up, anyone who came into the ER, the

x ray techs, the blood bank nurses, even the cleaners joined in; god we had a laugh. Ray asked Danny if he'd play a couple of tunes, he was good, BUT you'd never guess who played the best. "I can't imagine" "MORRIS" "Morris!" "Bloody hell Abby he was great, none of us could believe it, we all said if only he put as much effort into his medical skills as the guitar, and boy can he sing" "SING!" "Yes, he's got an amazing voice, he sounds like Jon Bon Jovi when he plays rock, and John Denver when he sang a ballad." "Your'e kidding me?" "Swear to god, Ray even said he could play in his band if he wanted."

Neela continued, "Of course if they were playing they couldn't dance, besides there was a limit to the music with just a guitar (so to speak) so I went and got my cds, I had them dancinging to Bangra tunes, it was hilarious, and when we played the western stuff, of course I snared Jake for a dance, been waiting to get my hands on him for ages. Bloody hell he's a good mover, holds you real close as he sways you, and you know they say, if you dance like that, what must they be like in bed " "NEELA, What about Mike?" "Who?" she laughed. "Danny was great fun too, they are so alike in their mannerisms, and he has the same sense of humour" "You mean there's two of them like it ! Their poor Mother." "As I was dancing with Danny I thought to myself, the Valentines Day dance is coming up soon, Jake won't be a student in our department, so we won't be breaking any hospital rules if we ask him to come, and also get him to bring Danny along for you, what do you think?"

I was thinking , how am I gonna get out of this without letting on, there was no way I could go, well not with Danny, sod it, what excuse could I think up?

I heard the inner ER admit doors go, but I couldn't see who was coming through, all I heard was "You still here Ginger?" it was Jake's voice; then "Geeze, look at that snow out there, oh well it will be an obvious excuse for being late today."

It was an unfamiliar voice. I turned around, I could tell who he was , there was no mistaking the similarity - Danny.

"Hey Fred" said Neela, "Danny weren't you meant to start your shift by now," "I know, but I overslept , I'll be in big trouble when I get to the station." "This is Jake's brother Danny" Neela said. "I thought as much, you're very alike" was all I replied. "This is Abby, dr Abby Lockhart" she told him. "I've just been telling Abby about the shift, she missed a good night." "Yes, and she never got the chance to see Fred and Ginger dance to the "Boohey Ba rain " Jake said as he raised his arms and started moving his shoulders up and down in a Punjabi style dance. "BA REY Boohey Barain not RAIN is how you say it, I told you enough times" "I've just woken up, I'm forgiven if I can't remember surely" he chuckled. "So Neela, are you going on the EL, if so we will walk with you" Danny said. "See you later dr. Lockhart, don't overwork yourself today, pace yourself" Jake said laughing. "I'll try , see you both tonight."

Two days later:

It was his last shift in the ER, we hadn't spoken properly since the weekend only at shift changeover. I knew I wanted to see him, no longed to see him again, be alone with him. I had said to Susan as she left for the night, I'm going to catch up with my notes, I'll see you Sunday evening, so there I was waiting, looking for an opportunity to speak to him alone. I saw him later, standing in the hallway looking at an x ray on the wall screen, so I went down there, smiled at him, discretely dropped the keys in his pocket, and moved back a little. If anyone had passed all they would have heard me say was "so it's your last day, I hope you have found your time with us rewarding, you have certainly impressed us all here with your enthusiasm and skills, and if you need any references, I'm sure Susan would be more than happy to oblige. So bye Jake, and good luck for the future." He just thanked me, said he's enjoyed his time here in the ER , and gave me a wink. I moved away slightly, but turned back towards him and whispered "I'll leave the door bolts undone."

A/N - must have pressed the delete button in the last chapter in error, it should have been - new paragraph - then "Arriving at County ….."


	12. Chapter 12

**Abby (pt 6) **

(M rated - for small section of adult content in the chapter)

I was awake so early, I was longing to hear the sound of the key turning in the lock. It was nearly eight thirty am before he arrived. Jake didn't come into the bedroom straight away, I could hear him moving around outside, I was intrigued to know what he was doing, but I didn't move. Eventually, I heard his footsteps move nearer the bedroom door, so I rolled over turning my back towards it, feigning sleep. I heard him push the bedroom door open wider, and move across the floor to the bed, I felt the bed give, as he moved across it.

"Morning sexy" he said, as he blew gently in my ear, I acted surprised, as if I had just awoken. Turning around he had this huge smile on his face, but he looked cold. "You look frozen " " It sure is cold out there, I stopped on the way to get some things that's why I'm a bit late". "Things?" "Yes for dinner; pasta, onions, garlic, peppers, mushrooms, cheese, sweet corn, tomatoes, tuna, …thought I'd make a tuna pasta bake, you do like tuna? if not I can make it without." "Jake why are you studying medicine, why aren't you at catering college ?" We both laughed. "Oh and I got some of these" he said with a wink, as he opened his hand. I put my own hand under the pillow, pulling it out again I simply said "Snap."

Jake didn't stand a chance, I wanted him so badly.

Later, much later, as I lay back down on the pillow, recovering my breath; brushing aside the hair from my face I saw him reach over to the telephone. "What are you doing ?" "Dialling 911, " "ehhhhh?" " god Abby, you're on fire I need to call for help." "Can't stand the heat? I thought you youngsters had all the energy." "Hey, I've been working a Friday night shift, you've had your sleep, you have an unfair advantage, besides these supplies, are meant to last the whole weekend." "Wimp, besides it's revenge for that stunt you pulled the other day at the admit desk with Susan" "What?" "….not even any cooking?… I could have killed you when you said that." "I had to, Abby you looked so nervous, I had to get you to smile, I was surprised, I didn't think you'd be so embarrassed seeing me….I'm sorry, …but seriously Abby, it's nearly 2.30pm I need to get some rest, honest, I'm knackered, it really was hectic last night I'm sorry, " "don't be daft , it's me that should be sorry, besides, I think I've settled the score". I turned and snuggled myself close to him, kissing him lightly on the lips, saying, "you're pretty darn hot yourself you know" "YEAH? You'd better recoup your energies then too, because, think what I'll be like once I have had my beauty sleep."

We stirred a few hours later, Jake said "I'll go bring us some juice," "no let me get it", "it's ok I need to use the bathroom, I'll bring some back," "ok". I smiled to myself as I watched him leave the room, boy what a morning it had been, I couldn't believe I'd been like that; its amazing what lust does to you. "Are you getting hungry ?"he said when he came back, ( he'd dressed himself in a his shirt and had wrapped a bath towel around his waist,) "I am, can't think why!" he grinned, "actually I am getting peckish, and I must say your pasta bake sounds good, although I do feel a little guilty, as I should be cooking for you." ""You can rustle up something tomorrow".

As he sat on the bed he said, "Oh I forgot to tell you something funny earlier. I was working with Ray night before last, we had this woman come in with two kids in tow; they were little devils running all over the place. Ray sent me off to round them up, it took me ages to catch them, I eventually cornered them in a side room. Just as I got hold of one of them, Connie came out from behind one of the curtains with a bed pan, as he struggled he sent the whole thing flying, I got it all over me, boy what a stink, the boys were in fits, they thought it was hilarious, naturally nothing went on him. I had to go shower and change, but they only had extra large scrubs left, I obviously didn't tie them properly, as later when I was assisting in the trauma room the they fell down. No one would pull them up, and blooming Chuny to add insult to injury, grabbed the Polaroid and took a picture, honestly, it would happen now, she was off last night so I couldn't get my own back on her. I'm so annoyed, as I've finished my ER stint now; I'm gonna have to think up something so that if I get called down during my psych rotation I can get my revenge on her" he said laughing. "Honestly Jake, haven't you learnt by now, they take advantage of every situation down in the ER " I giggled.

He finished his drink and said," I'll go take a quick shower, and get dinner started, why don't you relax, take a bath " "no I will come and join you, then give you a hand with the preparation, I'll just finish my drink" "Ok, but NO , and I mean NO hanky panky in the shower, I can feel my blood sugar level dropping, I need to eat soon Abby." "Ok I promise" As he left the room I burst out laughing, "I can hear you, you know" he called back through the door.

A little while later as I entered the lounge area I saw why Jake had offered to get the drinks, he had placed a vase of flowers on the kitchen table and there appeared to be something next to it. "Oh Jake they're beautiful, that's so sweet of you." As I went up to take a closer look, I saw that the wrapped object next to it had "to Mrs. R love Jake" " I know what this is, it's a dvd of "The Graduate" "he didn't say anything, "can I open it now, or later" "whatever you like". "Ohhhhhh Jake," I said laughing, "I could get you into serious trouble for this, removing hospital property" "Borrowing, you can take it back tomorrow" he said smiling, "No way, this is staying right here" I said as I picked up the Nil By Mouth sign from the box. "You can put it anywhere" he said," except over the bed."

I walked over to him in the kitchen area and said "Thank you they are lovely and the sign is just great, I love it" I reached up and kissed him passionately. Before I knew it he had picked me up and was walking with me towards the sitting area, but he stopped at the table, and placed me gently down on it. I just stared at those beautiful blue eyes of his, as he smiled, and started to kiss me. While slowly caressing my neck with his mouth, he moved his hands up and with his fingertips teased the dressing gown off my shoulders murmuring, "lay back Abby." I lay down; he moved over me and kissed me gently on the lips. Then I remembered, "Jake, the flowers" "stop wriggling then" he said, "noooo, I don't want to knock them over, pleaseeeee!" He leaned over and moved them onto a chair, then kissed me again, "Jake I thought you said there was to be NO hanky panky, you were hungry " "I am, you're my appetizer" he said with a grin.

This time he kissed me with ever greater passion; his mouth then begun to move over my skin with the softest touch, whilst his hands pushed aside my robe. He worked his way down my neck, nibbling my flesh as he went, I could hear myself murmuring his name, "Jake that's soooo nice. " As he moved down my body, his hands and mouth played with my breasts, caressing, flicking, sucking, teasing my nipples, my groaning increasing with each caress. I ran my fingers through his hair, and gently played with his ears , then moved my hand down to his face, his wet lips nibbled my fingers, "Jake," I said, as he slowly moved ever downward. His hands began to gently nudge my legs further apart, "oh god….Jake," I moaned as his tantalizing tongue sent waves of sensual pleasure throughout my body, my breathing becoming heavier, and deeper as the intensity increased, "please don't move from there, ….ohhh Jake, that's so nice,….oh yes…ohhh," he reached up, took my hand from his hair, and placed his hand on top of it, then moved them both onto my breast, moving them in a circular motion, increasing my arousal, letting go, he moved his free hand to my other breast, repeating the movement in time with my own hand, "hmmmm, …ohhhh,… hmmmmmm…. ….god, Jake, don't stop, please don't stop….. ahhhhhh that's soooo good;" my back arched, as I writhed in the pleasure of it all; my groaning and breathing merging as the orgasm reached its pinnacle. He stayed there for a long time just caressing with his tongue teasing the final sensations from my body. He moved back up with a knowing smile on his face; we kissed deeply, our mouths and tongues exchanging juices, inflaming my ardour further.

" Jake that was …." the huge grin on my face said it all.

"I told you, once I've had my beauty sleep"

"You ready for the main course?"

"Are we talking about food?".

"Of course, what did you think I meant?" he said with a teasing tone in his voice and winking.


	13. Chapter 13

**Jake (pt 7)**

I had not wanted her to see the flowers, so I had found a vase, put some water in it, then taken them back to the hallway outside her door, leaving the vase with a note, "surprize for Abby, please do not take away", hoping she had good neighbours. I was so happy when I went to retrieve them that they were still there.

I could not believe the look on her face when she opened the package, it was such a silly gift, but when I had seen it at work above one of the patients beds who had been assessed for surgery I knew I had to sneak one out. I thought to myself, I know she will find it funny, she had a similar sense of humour to me, underneath that sometimes serious exterior I knew there was a soft, fun loving, sensitive centre, that just needed coaxing at times.

As I prepared dinner, much, much later than I had intended, I said to Abby," you know I do have a copy of "The Graduate" with me, I borrowed Mum's video tape, we can watch it after we've eaten, oh, by the way, you do have a video, or have you gone over to dvd's I never looked" "No Jake you wouldn't notice, but if I were to ask you what's in my kitchen cupboards, no doubt you'd know". "First cupboard above, to the left of the cooker, has all your spices, sauces, vinaigrettes, the one below houses your saucepans, dishes…" "See I knew it" "by the way, you have a good supply of all the basics, you can liven up any meal with those, I'm quite surprised". "That's my mother for you, she's quite a good cook when she sets her mind to it, she set me up with those.". "I'd like to meet your mother, I think we would have quite a bit in common, love of food obviously,…. you didn't really talk about her much when we went out last week". "Not much to say, besides we don't see each other so often; so when's this pasta dish ready?"

As we sat down to eat, I said, "sorry I've forgotten the wine, did you want red or white?" "Actually I don't drink, didn't you notice last Saturday I had a soda with my meal " "No, I' thought you didn't want any at that particular time, have you never drunk?" "Yeah I have, but I had an unfortunate reaction with antibiotics once, I had a throat infection, the ones they prescribed upset my system after taking the course the next time I tried alcohol I came out with severe mouth ulcers, I tried again another time, but the same thing happened, so I don't bother anymore( why did I lie ?) anyway don't let me stop you drinking".

As we sat eating the pasta, I said, "Jake, what excuse are we going to give Neela about this Valentines day dance, she told me she was going to ask you and tell you to bring Danny along too" " Yes, she said to me, why don't you bring your brother along, he seems to like dancing, he could make up for the lack of men that there always are at these events". "She never said anything else? the little devil" "Why what else did she say". "Don't laugh, she wants to get you out on a date, and set me up with your brother, she thought we could make a foursome" he couldn't stop laughing for ages, he thought it was hysterical. "So what are you going to tell her, we cannot let her or anyone know, I told you that right from the start…. that's why I agreed to go out with you, it was to be just between ourselves, you're a student for god's sake, we both could be in serious trouble if anyone finds out, you know the hospital's policy on that". "I'll tell her I'm seeing my girlfriend and I won't be able to come, sounds reasonable, it will be Valentines Day after all, she's a woman, she'll understand ". "Make sure you do." "Are you still going Abby?." " I think so, Susan said she'd come with Chuck, so I might go along with them, mind you I haven't danced in ages, not as though I'm much good." "Don't believe that for a second, you've got too much rhythm ….I should know".

After dinner, we set up the video, and made ourselves comfortable on the couch , I held Abby in my arms as she lay in front of me. I remember watching some of it, then I struggled, I just couldn't keep my eyes open anymore, I was just so tired. It was much later that I felt her moving, " I'm sorry Jake, I tried to get up without disturbing you, I'd said something earlier, but there was no reply, I turned to look at you and saw you were dead to the world, I didn't want to wake you, that was about forty minutes ago but now I have to go to the bathroom, I'm sorry". "It must have been the wine, and the warmth from your body, I felt too comfortable" "Jake go to bed." When she joined me later , I tried not to show how tired I was, I said, "so what happened I've forgotten the ending too" "Oh you know how it was, he was seeing both of them , then nearly lost them because they found out, but then he realized his mistake, went to the church and declared his love for the older woman" - I teased. "Have we been watching the same film Abby?" "That's for you to decide, now no more talking, and definitely NO hanky panky, you need to sleep, oh by the way , I'm taking you out tomorrow, so turn around let me snuggle up to your back so you can't do anything but sleep". "Where we going?" "Somewhere I've never been". " "Sounds intriguing."


	14. Chapter 14

**Abby (pt 7)**

I stirred from my slumbers, not knowing the time; but knowing something very pleasant was happening under the duvet. As I lifted up the cover I said "What are you doing?" looking up with a grin on his face, he said "it's your early morning alarm call." When he eventually surfaced to face me, I cheekily said, "did I tell you I put the alarm on an hour too early, I need to reset it." "Abby are you trying to lead me astray?" I didn't reply, I just wrapped my arms around him and kissed him lightly on the lips. I ran my fingers around the stubble on his chin, and said " I think it's sexy on you, it enhances your eyes, plus it tickles when you…" I didn't finish, as he began to kiss me again. I saw him reach his hand under the pillow, he looked slightly shocked, saying, " Abby, did you take ALL the supplies from the ER cupboard?; I hope you're not expecting me to use them all today, I'll need to take a week off work to recover if I do". "No (I chuckled) I left a couple in the box; besides it's Sunday, you can have a day off; you already worked a double shift yesterday, and I'm on duty today," I said as I pushed him onto his back, and winked.

"What's this?" he said, "Jake it's too early in the morning to do this, it's obvious, it's a chicken." "That wasn't there last night," "I got the chicken fairy to deliver it, honestly you're culinary obsessed. I thought I'd show you that I can cook, so I'm doing us a roast when we come back in; as I'm going on nights and you need to go home to brush up for your new rotation tomorrow we'd better go out earlier otherwise it will be too late to eat." "It's defrosted ok, so why don't we prepare it before we go out and set the timer so it's nearly ready for when we come back." "You're here for the second time, and you can set the timer, that is just so unfair, I had no instructions, it took me a week to work it out, as every time I set the darn thing it came on at the weirdest times or just didn't." "I have my uses," he laughed. "I thought I'd roast a small portion of vegetables too, parsnips, potatoes, onions, carrots, and do some broccoli to go with it, what do you think ?" "You trying to fatten me up ? (he laughed) …..you're the chef, I'm in your hands today ."

As we sat down eating breakfast, he asked "so where's this place you're taking me to?" I laughed and said, "I'd love to go down to the lake, hire some bikes, but it's not exactly the right time of the year, so don't' think I'm crazy, but I thought of going to the Shedd Aquarium, Susan told me she enjoyed it so much the other weekend, and it's somewhere I've not been to." "A Bears game and the aquarium, not the usual venues for a date, they sure ain't a romantic dinner for two ,"he chuckled." "Ah, but they are memorable first dates."

We had a great time at the Shedd, I could see why it was so popular with families, even just adults, there was just so much to see and do. Jake told me he was here with his nieces and nephews last Summer, they'd loved it, "perhaps we can bring them next time, kids make you see things in a different light, and it's great to watch their expressions; you'd love Liam, he is just so funny, he loves to imitate the fish,( he begun to make these stupid facial expressions, like Liam had) and he is so inquisitive, he keeps you on your toes; Dad say's he is just how I was at that age."

We were home by 4pm, the roast was ready for half past, just as he'd set the timer for. It felt really comfortable being with him like this, just relaxing, enjoying the meal, listening to music, just like any normal couple could spend their Sunday afternoon. I saw it was approaching 6pm, I said reluctantly, " I had better go and get ready for work, I'll go take a quick shower." "Ok, I'll go do the dishes we left soaking ."

As I was getting dressed, Jake came into the bedroom, he came over and wrapped his arms around me, and gave me a quick kiss, saying, "Abby will you let me have your phone number, I know that seems kinda strange to ask, but unless I get called down to the ER on my psych. rotation, I won't be able to see you at work and I have no contact number for you;….. that's if you want to see me again"

"Hmmm, do I want to see you again, let me see; …. I have tried many of the items offered by the product, they've been pretty impressive, and I would get the option of a replacement if anything went wrong as I have a 12 month warranty, now do I want to take the offer up?"

"Well?"

I let my passionate embrace supply the answer.


	15. Chapter 15

**Jake (pt 8)**

I found out my new shift pattern on Monday; as it was my first week on the psych rotation, I'd been given the weekend off, which was great as I knew Abby's night shift finished on Saturday morning. I phoned on Wednesday and left a message for her saying I'd meet her at 7.45am at the EL station near her apartment, and that I had somewhere in mind where to go out later, adding finally, I'd bring some food along for breakfast.

I saw her smiling, as she walked down the steps towards me. I felt so happy seeing her. I knew, despite our relatively brief liaison , I was in love with her . I could not put it into words why I felt so drawn to her, I had been from the start, all I could say to myself was that Mum was right, when "the one" comes along you'll just know. We kissed briefly on the lips, before setting off on the five minutes walk to her apartment; chatting as we did, about her shift, my new rotation.

We barely got through the door of her apartment before we passionately embraced; our hands began furiously pulling at each others clothing as our ardour took over, we went crazy, neither of us prepared to wait to go to the bedroom, "Jake, wait let me take a shower, I'm all sweaty, after the shift, besides the "things" are in the bathroom"; "why bother you're only gonna get hot and sweaty again " I chuckled adding "and those "things" are in the pocket of my trousers you're just about to relieve me of " "oh I see you've joined the boy scouts, "be prepared" she laughed. "well I had to, after the embarrassing fiasco of the first evening."

"So where are going today?" she asked, as I stood at the stove cooking pancakes. "Well I've thought long and hard about this; …we've sat down at the Bears game, we walked at the Shedd, so I thought, it's time for some real exercise…" "Isn't that what we've been doing this morning " she giggled. "Abby, be serious;" "I was." "Ice skating is what's on the venue today, what do you think?" "Are you mad, can't we go to the movies, or out for a meal like most couples . " "No, because we are not like most couples, that's what I love about you, you have a crazy streak, like me." "What did you just say ?" "You don't think we're slightly mad, think of the daft conversations we have, they crack me up, you have a zany sense of humour like me." "I meant the other thing you said." "What? …. Oh that, just a figure of speech Abby, how can I be in love with you I hardly know you…… but supposing I lied and said I was, what would you think? " "I wouldn't think , I'd know you were definitely crazy; so are the pancakes ready, shall I dish up these scrambled eggs?" (why had she turned the conversation so quickly, she'd done the same when she talked about her mother last time, WHY?) "yes you can dish up, so is that a yes to the ice skating?" "It sounds fun" "Ok, …then I promise I'll take you out for a meal after."

We went to the rink in the Millennium Park, as it was a Saturday afternoon it was busy, but we had a great time. "So Abby you have been keeping this a secret, I see." "What can I say, I'm a closet ice skating dancer, so come on Jake let me teach you." "Abby, do you have anymore hidden secrets I should know about?" she never replied. I had skated in the hockey team at school, taken my sibling's kids for a skate, but I'd never mastered the manoeuvres she had, I was pretty impressed, I was a far better dancer on two feet than two blades." So I can see there will be no holding you back from the dance floor this Friday at the Valentine's do; you said you hadn't danced for ages, liar, I bet you're here every week, you're too good not to be." "Natural talent, what can I say."

We had worked up an appetite after our skating session so decided on an Italian, she said she'd refuse to eat it if I paid for all of it, as "you're not earning a wage, and you won't let me pay" so she had made me promise to split the bill, I'd reluctantly agreed. It wasn't as if I had no savings, after my health problems in the past, I decided to take a year's break before going to medical school and work instead. I was lucky in that my sisters got me a job in the administration side of the Fire service where they worked and I had managed to save a fair amount, despite the outlay on airfares spent visiting Laura that first year; unlike the second year, when we met maybe five times, as I had begun my studies too. My Mum too had refused to take any housekeeping money from me, but I had told her, you have to take something, I cannot expect Dad and you to keep me; they'd put me through school, encouraged me in my desire to go to medical school; (a career that I had contemplated on in the past due to my love of science,) once a change of career plans became necessary; covered my medical costs through their insurance, it was only fair that I contributed something; it would be a good few years I knew before I could repay their generosity. I had been lucky to qualify for a deferred repayment loan from an educational foundation, based on my academic achievements which had helped enormously, as this particular foundation allowed repayment over a 10 year period after graduation, at 6 per annum , so it gave me a little breathing space; but it still had to be paid,. I wouldn't be able to cover Dad's early retirement plans just yet, I told him, jokingly.

Later that evening at Abby's, as we laid in bed, I said "as I will not be seeing you on Valentines Day, I thought we could do something the day before, I know you're off, and I've already asked if I can work a hour later the day before, and leave an hour earlier on Thursday, they have agreed so I thought we could do this…" I leaned over and pulled a cutting from my jacket pocket and gave it to Abby. "The Shape of Things" a play by Neil La Bute I've not been to the theatre in a while, and I do love it, and if I recall he is quite an intriguing playwright, things are never quite what they seem in his plays; yes Jake I'd love too; do you think we can get tickets?" "I remembered on our first date you said you loved the theatre, so I went ahead and got a couple of tickets… and before you say anything I got them at a student rate" "Jake I hardly look a student , and what have I told you about spending your money….." "so I take that's a yes".

A/N way back in time (Jake pt 3) I wrote Jake met Laura in college - it should have been high school, then she left to go to university


	16. Chapter 16

**Abby ( pt 8)**

I met Jake outside the theatre at 630pm. As neither of us had eaten we walked along to a nearby diner for a quick meal. Jake told me he had been sent down to the ER today, and whilst he was there he told Neela that he wouldn't be able to make it to the dance, nor Danny, who was working;( he'd forgotten to tell her earlier he confessed) she'd looked quite disappointed he said, saying " I really thought it would be great if we could get those two together, I think they would hit it off, perhaps you could arrange something for another time, we could all go out". "So shall I?" he teased. I just poked my tongue out at him. Then I remembered, "how can we all go out if you've got a girlfriend" "forgot about that, landed myself right in it, got to think of something, so don't say anything tomorrow if she asks about me" ."Ohhhh, Jake."

The play was excellent, cleverly staged, and certainly thought provoking. "Jake do you agree or disagree with Evelyn 's take on life and art" I asked as we made our way home. "I think maybe she carried it to the extreme; radical, provocative change is sometimes just for sensationalism, and therefore dismissed by purists as bunkum, and so destroys what people try to achieve ". " A yes or a no would have done". "Abby, you said you studied English and literature, surely an affirmative or negative wouldn't have done." "Stop being a clever cloggs." "What do you think about people changing others to suit their ideal" he asked. "It's a natural reaction for people to do that; I don't think it's always a conscious act, but it happens. What about you?". "I firmly believe in the individual, we should be allowed to follow our own paths, surely that's what attracts people to each other" "but what if others see faults or frailties in your behaviour that you don't recognize, or care to, should they try and change you?"

"Yea gods Abby, I have enough of this at work at the moment, don't forget I'm on psych rotation". "come on tell me, is there anything so far you would want to change about me? " "but doesn't that contradict what I've just said" "probably….but I'm interested, come on, is there? "YES, …..I'd get you to stock your fridge more often". "Jake, you and bloody food" I said laughing. "Ok, if your going down this route, what, if anything do you want to change about me" "Your love of the colour brown" "Excuse me?" "See, you're completely oblivious to it. The first day I met you, you were wearing brown cords, and had on a shirt that was white with thin brown stripes in it, together with a brown tie, plus dark brown shoes; you wore and wear those brown cords so often, or a slight variation, tan ones - technically it's in the brown spectrum; our first date, a brown winters coat, look at you now, a brown stripped shirt , and dark brown trousers…….I rest my case". "Ohhhh, so you did take notice of me that first morning in the ER" he chuckled. "and I'll have you know, those cords are very comfy, and warm for this time of the year". "Trust you to have an answer". "So would you like to do this again if I can get the student rates for us?" "I would, I love the theatre, but only if….." "I know, I know, only if you pay your way".

"Jake, no more, I'll be too tired at work tomorrow", I said as we parted from a passionate embrace. "So, have a double expresso from the mart before you go in, besides it's my Valentines gift to you, I will not be seeing you tomorrow, err… today". "oh blimey, it's nearly 1am, come on we got to sleep" "you know you sound like Neela, you've picked up her expressions, that's so English" he chuckled.

As the alarm went off I leaned over and began to kiss the stirring Jake, "Happy Valentines," I said as my hand moved down under the duvet. "Abby what are you doing ?" " Hey that's my line", I said " We will be late for work cut it out" , "No, we won't I put the clock on an hour", "you mean its only 5am!… ….honestly Abby" "ahhhh, but it was only 12 last night so you've not missed your sleep" "you'll pay for this" he said as he pulled me into his arms and started to tickle me." Jake……..stop" I giggled" "not until you beg for mercy….."

"You see Jake how good I am to you, you've even have time for breakfast, my Valentines treat,…. oatmeal". "I didn't know you cared" Well the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and I know that to be a fact in your case." "Are you suggesting I eat too much?" "Not at all, to be honest you just eat a regular portion, but you love the whole concept of food, from buying to cooking to eating, honestly you should have been a chef". "Maybe I'll have a career change". "well just make sure you do it AFTER you graduate".

"I know this is going to sound terrible, but can we travel in separate compartments on the EL as we may run into someone from County, in theory we are not in the same department anymore, so they may wonder ……you know". "How do you know no one has seen us out together already?" "What, you think I'd miss the newsflash on the hospital grapevine, you know what it's like there." "Ok, this is where I say goodbye then, enjoy tonight's dance, and I'll call you tomorrow to see how it went". We kissed as we saw the train coming; then, shaking his head he started off down the platform.


	17. Chapter 17

**Jake pt 9**

"She is going to be there, I'll go crazy if she isn't" Danny said as I spoke to him on the phone. "Yes I assume so; you know I don't work there now, so it's difficult to just go down there and find out these things without arousing suspicion If she isn't we will have to think up something to visit the ER, like …..oh, I know , we could say you're suffering from a severe case of thunderboltitis. " "What the hell weird disease is that, it's not something sexual I hope, it will put her off." Chuckling I said, " no it's that condition Mum's always telling us about, you know when "the one" comes along, I think you've got a severe case of it . " I could hear him laugh down the line " you know we always teased Mum when she said that, but I hate to admit it, it's true, but don't tell her that, I will never live it down. I can't tell you how so darn happy I was when you called last week and asked me to come. By the way, when I called earlier to ask about finding a way of meeting her again you were out. Where were you ? Pete said you were out all night, see I knew the other Sunday you were lying. Come on spill the beans. "

"Danny, you know we have an unwritten rule between Mike, you and I, no quizzing about our women, generalizations only, not specifics." "That was when we were in our late teens/twenties, not now, come on". "Noooooo, I'm only doing what you've always done, a single man, sowing his oats, besides I can never win with you, you berate me if I'm single, then do the same when I'm dating saying "don't f...k with your studies, you know what it's like when you're with someone, especially at the beginning, all you can think about is her and sex, everything else goes out the window"; maybe I'm not like you, maybe I believe there's more to a relationship than sex." "Who are you bloody well trying to kid, you're a man, we have one track minds" "Danny you've been working predominately in the company of males only for too long, I know what your topics of conversation are down at the station, sex, sports, sex, cars sex " "The weather too, don't forget that" he said laughing. "You really don't give me any credit Jake you know, I'm not such the lothario you imagine me to be. I may have had a few girlfriends in my time, but despite what you might think, I have not slept with all of them, and I've certainly never had a one night stand, how could I, when I can hear Dad's voice in my head saying "treat them with respect…" "You hear that too, god I thought it was just me". "See we're more alike than you think Jake; the only real difference is you're the brains of the family, none of us can ever match up to you"

"DON'T EVER say that you hear, all of you are far more clever than I am in other ways; people respect and admire Mike and you for the work you do, our sisters are raising a family and having to work part time too, that's the hardest of all, so don't give me that bullshit, we're all different, none of us are better than the rest." "Ok, I get the message,…… but seriously, I meant what I said earlier, I can't get her out of my mind; she was so much fun, I felt so much empathy with her; ….I can't believe I never asked her out, what a fool I was." "Danny I don't know what's come over you, you're slipping, old age is finally creeping up on you". "Hey, didn't Dad tell you not to cheek your elders".

"Oh by the way Jake, I almost forgot, I heard I got my promotion through yesterday, I've been assigned to a new station, command 2 it takes in County's catchment area would you believe it, I had put in for that even before I saw her, so if all else fails, I can set one of the lads up say with, a pulled back muscle and I'll escort him there, do you think that will work?" "Danny that's great news, you deserve it, so both Mike and you are the same rank now, I'm really pleased for you, but all I can say is you must be smitten if you neglected to tell me that straight away" I laughed.

"So where shall I meet you, at your apartment or there?" "How about at The Shamrock bar just round the corner from the venue, do you know it?" "Yes, but why there, are you trying to get me intoxicated before we go". "Just thought you might need a bit of Dutch courage. So shall we say 8.15, it will give me a chance to have a shower and a sandwich to eat before I go. It starts at 7.30 so if we get there for 8.45 things will be in full swing, you saw how hospital staff love to party. " "Ok, see you tonight, at 8.15, bye bruv" "yeah bye".

Was it true what he said, we were all alike us males. I always said to myself that sex wasn't the main issue for me in a relationship, I wanted to believe that, yet I yearned for her, couldn't wait to spend time alone with her, to be intimate with her. Connie, was a sexy woman, yet there was no comparison between how I felt for her, and how I now felt about Abby.

Women, they turn you from a rational guy, to a quivering wreck; just look at Danny, I said to myself. Abby had done the same to me, she'd just turned all my conceptions upside down. Why, was it because I was in love; knew that I had found my soul mate, my life's partner? But what about Abby, was I just a passing, casual sexual relationship, I hoped I wasn't, but whenever we'd broached anything about her feelings about family or herself she'd deflected the subject. I felt if she wanted to elaborate she would in time; so I was left wondering, how did she REALLY feel about me.


	18. Chapter 18

**The Valentine's Day Dance Pt 1**

"Whisky chaser's,…. ohhhh, bad sign, this must be a first for you Danny, normally no woman's safe when your around". "Knock it off Jake, I told you, you have the complete wrong idea about me; I'm not the bad boy you would like to believe. But I tell you, I had to have a shot, I'm a nervous wreck, I've never know anything like it". All I could do was just look at him and laugh; eventually saying "I wish Mike and Dad could see you now, they'd never believe it, Danny at 33 has finally met his match". "Please don't tell them, I'd never live it down….. PROMISE". "Depends what it's worth to keep quiet."

I had been picked up from my apartment by Chuck and Susan, they were experiencing that rare opportunity, an evening out together, without Cosmo. "I don't recall the last time we actually went out like this, it was so good of Chuck's Mum to say she'd keep him until tomorrow; mind you Abby, I may have to come over and stay with you, Chucks been frisky all evening, I barely had time to get ready, so goodness knows what he will be like after a couple of beers". "Susan, please, do you mind, I am in the car with you" he laughed, "do you tell her everything?" "Wouldn't you like to know" she said.

It was about 8.15pm when we arrived, Neela, Ray, Morris, Chuny, Haleh and Malik were already there, the latter three already on the dance floor. The place was pretty packed, but they had set aside some chairs for us, knowing we'd be coming later. "I'm glad you three are here, I feel like a bloody raspberry, since that musical session at the ER, Ray and Morris are bosom buddies, I don't know what's come over them?" she giggled, as they continued their animated conversation. "How come you're not dancing" I said. "Well if I got up too, people would nick the chairs and they wouldn't even notice I'm sure, so I thought I'd better hold out until you arrived." "Abby what would you like to drink" asked Chuck. "I'm not sure what's happening, we normally put some money in the pot and buy rounds, are you doing that Neela?" "We haven't yet, so why don't you get this round and when the others come off the dance floor we can do that". "ok," he said, "so Abby, what would you like?" "just a club soda, thanks".

"I was a bit disappointed yesterday you know" "why was that?" I replied. "Jake came down to the ER to do a psych evaluation on one of Ray's patients, and whilst he was waiting for dr. Brownlee to oversee him, he came over and said to me that neither Danny or he would be able to come as they were working. I really hoped Danny could have come, I told you I think you'd have hit it off.. I've asked him to try and arrange something for another time". "Neela, what did I tell you about that; NO! I am perfectly fine as I am right now". "No you're not, I'm going to arrange something, I will keep you posted."

"So Jake shall we make a move?" "Yes, let me just finish this soda" "Honestly Jake, I still can't believe you can only have two or three of drinks before it hits you, you're like a girl". " Hey! watch what you say, remember I have insider information on you".

As we approached their table, we noticed Abby, Chuny, Helah Ray and Morris were on the dance floor, they had their backs to us so didn't see us arrive. I motioned to Susan to be quiet (by putting my finger to my pursed lips) as I went up and tapped Neela on the shoulder. The looked on her face when she turned around was great, "you blooming liar" "she said "you said you were working" at which she playfully punched me on the arm "don't believe everything I say Neela, and look who I happened to find just wandering aimlessly outside", I said, as I moved out of her way. "Danny, oh it's really great to see you again, I'm so glad you could make it". "Yes me too, so how are you?" he said smiling broadly.

We were sitting down talking to Neela, Susan and Chuck, when the others came back to the table. The look of disbelief on Abby's face was wonderful. "Hello, what are you doing here?" "Well, Neela invited Danny and I awhile back, so we thought, if we can we would, and here we are". "Yes, and he even said only yesterday that they couldn't make it, and I believed him", she jokingly added. "Well it's nice to meet you again Danny, and Jake… it's been a while, how's psych going, are you missing the ER?"


	19. Chapter 19

-1**Valentines Dance (pt2)**

"Would you like to dance dr. Lewis?" I said. "Jake, off duty it's Susan, ok, Susan and Abby, I know were getting on but were not that old yet, so cut out the formality don't you agree Abby?" "Most certainly, besides who's old, from what I hear it's the youngsters who have no stamina, so watch yourself Jake, once she gets you on the dance floor there's no stopping her, isn't that right Chuck?" "Jake you don't know what your letting yourself in for" he laughed. "So Abby shall we join them?" Chuck asked.

We had a couple of dances together, then Chuck said to Jake, "shall we swap partners?". As we moved away from them across the dance floor I said "You are such a so and so Jake Scanlon, you had this planned all along, you didn't forget to tell Neela earlier did you, what am I going to do with you?" "It's more like what you've not done to me" he laughed mischievously. "Stop it, honestly, people will notice". "No they won't that's why I wanted to come tonight, so I could be with you, yet not be with you, I can hold you close and people will think we are just dancing, I'm not doing anything different from dancing a slow dance with Susan". "Just make sure you don't or you will be in for it". "Is that a promise?" he said teasingly.

"So Jake, as both Danny and you are here, you know she is going to say something about going out, how will you explain that away, I can't think of what to say". "Actually you don't have to worry on that score, Danny has a crush on someone, so he will make up his own excuses for rejecting you". "I'm not good enough for him?" "What can I say, he doesn't know what he's missing." We both just grinned. "So whom does he have a crush on, and why isn't he with her tonight, it's Valentines after all?" "Who say'she's not?" "She's here, do tell." "Oh I couldn't reveal a brother's secret, I would definitely be in BIG trouble, it would be more than my life's worth, you'll just have to watch and see if he acknowledges it " "Spoil sport".

I stood chatting to Danny, "I saw you dance with her, did you say anything?" "Well yes, I said,… … you're what's known in my family as "the one", so what date shall we set for the wedding;……. was that what you meant?" "Don't get sarcastic with me Daniel Scanlon, or else I will go up to her and tell her myself that you, for the first time in your adult life been overawed by a woman". "I don't know what's the matter with me, I'm always so confident around ladies, do you think it's because I'm afraid she will say no to a date, or perhaps I'm dreading her saying she's already seeing someone?" "Do you want me to go test the lie of the land, see if she mentions any boyfriend, I could say something like " how come you're here, and not out on a romantic date tonight " see how she responds?" "would you?" Laughing I said, "remember you will owe me a favour, and I mean seriously owe me one, and if you rescind, Mike, Dad and the whole of your Watch will hear about what a wimp you really are, got it!" "ok, ok, it's a deal" he laughed .

As we stood in queue for the bathroom I said, "you and Danny seem to be having a good time, he's hardly danced with anyone else, what's going on there?" "I know, he's really great fun, I hoped I might see him again, but I didn't think it would be so easy to, he's never been to County before that night. I told my sister about him, and she said "if you feel like that the only thing to do is to ask Jake when he next comes down to the ER, or else your going to miss out on this opportunity, as didn't you say Jake's a final year student so might not be around County for much longer." I knew Neela had asked them both, so I thought I'd see what happened tonight; then yesterday I heard him say they couldn't come, I was gutted, so I thought I'd have to try what my sis. suggested; thankfully they turned up. I must say he seemed rather nervous the first time he asked me to dance tonight, I didn't quite know what to think." "well he certainly seems smitten with you, no one else has caught his eye at all" "Do you think so? I hope he asks me out, I'm just dying to say yes" she giggled.

Later on as we queued for something to eat I said to Jake, "Tell Danny that he needn't worry about Chuny refusing to go out, she's quite taken with him" "How did you know it was her?" "He's hardly danced with anyone else, so who else could it be.?";

teasing him I added, "she said he seemed nervous at first, is that some kind of family gene?" . He just grinned.

I danced with all my colleagues a similar number of times so as not to arouse suspicion when I danced with Jake, mind you I needn't have worried there as Neela danced with him as often as she could when the slow music played. I said to her later as we stood chatting, "well did you find out anymore about Jake, does he have a girlfriend, are you still going to try and ask him out?" I was getting as bad as him teasing her, she'd probably never talk to me again if she knew. "No chance there either, it seems he is seeing a fellow student, she is working nights this week, that's why he was able to come; oh well perhaps we can get Danny to invite us to a Fireman's do, there will be plenty of men there". "Neela you had better write and tell Mike to quit the Army and come home soon, you're getting too horny" I laughed.

I was on an early shift tomorrow, it was nearly midnight, so I said to Susan, " I'll make my way home on the EL., you and Chuck stay, enjoy the last hour, take advantage of your freedom." "You can't go home by yourself, isn't Neela on an early too, why don't you wait till this dance ends, and see if she is going home now too".

As Jake and Neela finished their dance Susan asked her, "were you leaving soon? It's just Abby's going now, but I don't think she should go on the EL alone, and as Ray 's left already, you could share a taxi as you both go the same way." "Yes, I don't mind making a move or else I will be useless at work in the morning". "Well bye you two, and Jake it was nice to see you again, you will have to pop down to the ER to let us know what's going on with your brother and Chuny" I joked. "Yep, I'm gonna be trying to quizz him tomorrow alright, not as though he'll give anything away, it's an unwritten rule we brothers have - never tell - so I think it will be me visiting the ER to find out from you lot" he laughed.


	20. Chapter 20

-1**Abby pt 9**

It seemed only natural to have a set of keys cut for him. We had been seeing each other outside work, at least twice a week, for the past month. I couldn't get over how I felt. I felt so alive, so wanted. I tried to kid myself, that I was merely flattered by his attention, that it was probably nothing more than just a sexual fling on both our parts; we had the most amazing sex, he was so sensual, so receptive to a woman's needs, he made you feel so utterly desired. Yet that did not distract from his other qualities; he was just so sweet, and the daft things he did to make me laugh: his off key singing, his funny stories, his stupid conversations, just hearing him chuckle bought a smile to my face. He was so thoughtful too, the small details he remembered from our first date, like my love of theatre and literature, his kind gestures; the impromptu funny gifts or the flowers he bought me every week; he made me feel so special. He could just turn and smile at me, and my heart melted. Our affair had only really just begun, yet I knew there was something, I couldn't explain it, it felt so right. Was it love?

"So what's this?" "Open it and you will find out" As he picked up the wrapped box marked "to Jake from Mrs. R" he asked "what is in here, its quite heavy"

"Keys! …. to here?" "No, to the local store, I know how much enjoyment you get from going there, gathering your victuals …….of course they are for here".

A huge grin swept across his face. "And before you get too excited, there are a few rules" He rolled his eyes and groaned, "how unexpected,….. bring it on". "If you're gonna be like that, I'll take them back" "Noooooo! I'm willing to follow the rules, you know I did last time". " Yes for 99 of the time, remember I let you off for that heredity gene remark you managed to slip in". "I was just clarifying your quizzical look if I recall, so you had to allow me that one…" he teasingly replied. "Ok, ok; so for the present situation the following apply";

"Rule 1) no more than 2 visits per week" "Why?" "Because you have to study," "And?" " I need time to myself" " Why?" "Stop it"

Rule 2) don't come around unannounced, and before you ask why, I might be in the middle of some torrid sexual encounter with your love rival and I don't want you walking in on that" "Oh really!" he said grinning.

And finally; Rule 3) always come with emergency food supplies, as you know I don't keep a well stocked fridge; I'll reimburse you for any outlays, I don't want you out of pocket.

See that wasn't so bad was it?"

"Why can't I study here? You're a fountain of knowledge, look at that excellent conversation we had last week about bi polar patients, you knew so much, it really helped in my understanding of that patient 's condition. Besides you have all the text books, and you offer the best anatomy class, you can't beat a hands on experience" "Precisely, you'd never get any work done". "I promise I'd give anatomy my fullest attention" "Jake stop it, be serious, you have still got to complete your degree; it's important, don't slack off now, it will effect your grade". "Ok, kidding apart, I meant what I said Abby about your wisdom and insight it really helps to speak to someone

who has witnessed or has carried out certain procedures; your really good at explaining, I recall when I was in the ER, you really helped me". "Really?" "I'm not just saying that; Luka, Susan and you were the best teachers, you all encouraged me to

try new procedures, it was a great learning experience, it really made my time in the ER all the more enjoyable, even with the difficult cases, when nothing we could do could help. Don't underestimate your talent Abby, I mean it."

Abby seemed rather taken aback by my words, but they were true; she had so much to give to her colleagues; yet sometimes I felt as if she held back when it came to her own personal feelings and desires; but I knew it was not for me to push her, she needed to take those steps herself.

"One other thing, this love rival, does he cook for you too?" "No, you win Brownie points for that; but you could loose them for being cheeky". We both just started to laugh. "Seriously Jake, I meant what I said about coming here too often, you have to respect my wishes on that". He came up and put his arms around me, and kissed me lightly on the lips; "Abby, I won't abuse your trust in me, I promise. I must say though, I am actually quite surprised that you have given me these." "Why?" "We have not been seeing each other that long" "So, I feel comfortable with you having them, and if you want you can leave a change of clothes here, just one set, in a designated space in the lounge cupboard, I don't want you taking over my others; kitchen cupboards excepted". "I can actually leave things here, wow, what's come over you Abby". "Just appreciating that you may have to go from here to work, so clean clothes are needed, otherwise you'll have to go all the way over to your apartment which even I know doesn't make sense". I leaned up and kissed him adding " I must remember though not to lock the door if I know your coming over". "I'll bring my rota next time and you can decide which days you want me to come, I'll leave it to you". "Ok" I said smiling.

During the next few weeks Jake changed over from Psych to Paediatrics, his last official rotation of his course, I saw him once when he was called down to the ER, otherwise we just met outside of work. He also continued to visit some out of State hospitals, he told me he was torn between which branch to specialize in; originally it had been plastic surgery/burns, but his ER rotation had awakened new thoughts of a career there.

One afternoon when I came home from shopping, as I put the key in the door I heard a male voice speaking, opening the door I saw and heard it coming from the tv. It was the sports channel. Jake was in the kitchen area, rustling up some dish, completely oblivious to my presence. I went over and started singing "hey good looking, whatcha got cooking" he turned around surprised, saying "sorry I didn't hear come in." He smiled, then leaned over and kissed me. "What are you doing here, I thought you were still in San Francisco". "I did call and leave a message before I came over; rules observed; but I knew you were going on nights so I thought I'd come and see you and tell you about UCSF, you're not mad with me?" "No, it's just I thought you'd not be back until the evening". " I managed to get the earlier flight, I skipped lunch, I lied and told them I was on duty tonight". "Jake you shouldn't have, that looks bad". "NO, keen and enthusiastic, hopefully." "So tell me all about it". "Let me finish this first, I'm just ready to put it in the oven, it will be about 40 minutes, I've got some cranberry juice open, do you want some?". "Jake you shouldn't be cooking, you have only just got back from your overnight trip, and I have just bought something for myself for supper, you make me feel guilty your always doing this" "You know I enjoy it, so don't worry," he said as he stopped and wrapped his arms around me and began kissing me lovingly.

Jake told me in great detail about the facilities it was obvious he was excited at the prospect of going there over all the other places he'd seen. I tried not to think about it too much.

"You know next weekend when you finish nights, I can try and wangle 4 days off too, it's my lieu days from working over the holidays. I thought as the weather's quite nice we could go away for a few days. It can be my birthday present to you; even though it's a ten days early, what do you think?" "How come you know that?". "My CIA training paid off. Would you like to go somewhere?" "That would be lovely, but where?; and your still not going to tell me how you know?" "No, it's my secret. I have somewhere in mind, I 'll let you know if it's possible".

"Jake I thought we were going somewhere romantic, a hideaway country hotel, this doesn't exactly fit the picture I had in mind when you asked me". "How much more romantic can you get than camping out under the stars, look at all this beautiful scenery, look at all the hikes, the horse riding, the canoeing we can do; shame on you Abby. Do you know how lucky I was that Mike wasn't going away with his family this weekend so that we could borrow his tent and camping gear. I remember you told me that first date about your love of….. and I quote "the great outdoors"." "From a car, on a walk, yes. I've never camped in my life," "there's a first time for everything" he chuckled.

Jake had left a message on the ansaphone and told me " it was all ok, he could get the time off and that he had hired a car for the few days." ( we'd later agreed, reluctantly on his part, to split the hire cost) "Just bring some clothes for all weathers encase it changes and some trainers". I couldn't imagine where we were going, or what we'd be doing, it was certainly intriguing.

Starved Rock State Park, was stunning, the weather glorious, we had so much fun. We did as he said, hiked, rode horses, and canoed, the latter two for the first time in my life. He had bought his camera, and seemed to have the knack of always capturing me as I tried to mount the horse or step into the canoe, when I looked most apprehensive. "great picture" he'd say. My sides ached from laughing; Jake was just such good company, it was the best few days holiday I'd had in years.

We made love one night out in the woods; he'd said" let's go for a walk", I couldn't understand why he'd taken a blanket, I later found out why. "Making love under the stars, don't tell me this isn't romantic" "tree roots in my back, the creepy crawlies, yes it's romantic" "liar, don't tell me otherwise".

As we lay in our tent on our last night I asked, " so tell me how did you know my birthday?" "you had it marked on your calendar, I noticed when I went to put my rota schedule on it; you had names with birthday against them, and on yours it said "me" I just guessed by habit you filled yours in too" "clever deduction." I chuckled. "So Jake, have you done this before, camped here?" "once before with a friend, and a few times with my family; it's only an hour and a half from the city as you saw, yet it's a million miles away from the hustle and bustle; Mike and his family, and my sisters with their kids too, often come here in the Summer there is so much for them to do". "who did you come with?" "Abby, does it matter" "was it a girlfriend?" "hey, my rule for a change, no quizzing about our ex's , I'm here with you that's all that matters". " was there anyone serious?" "what did I just say" "come on yes or no, I'm curious" "if I answer will you promise never to ask again ?" "ok" "one, Laura, we dated four years more or less" "and the non serious ones?" "Abigail Lockhart your in dead trouble, remember I know your weak spots" he said as he started to tickle me. "Jake stop it, stop it" I said through my giggles "shhhhhh, you will wake the other campers".


	21. Chapter 21

**Abby's birthday Pt. 1**

I couldn't wait to get off duty. Abby would be at home all day, it was an unforeseen piece of luck that her schedule meant that this year she was off on her birthday. I had bought her presents and some non alcoholic elderflower "champagne" with me to work, as I had decided to go straight round there rather than go home first and meet her in the afternoon as she suggested. I was off tomorrow and she, on a late; she'd said laughing "get some rest first, you'll need all your energy for later". The forecasters had said it was going to be a beautiful and sunny, so I thought, why waste the day, we could go out mid morning, and take a picnic out with us and go down to the Lake, hire some bikes, go for a swim; anything but just going out for a birthday meal. I stopped on the way to get some roses which I knew she loved, and had them make up a bouquet in her two favourite rose colours, cream and apricot; then bought some food from the delicatessen to take with us.

I let myself in, and knowing it would be a while before we got up; I stood the roses in a vase, and put them, together with her presents and card on the table; finally I put the food in the fridge. Often I undressed in the bedroom if I let myself in, as it was usually too cold to be naked out here, but now that early Summer was here I always got undressed here first, sometimes taking a shower if I'd come straight from work, before joining her in bed. As I walked over to the couch to put my clothes on it, I noticed she left a pillow and a blanket on there, she must have been watching some late night film, I must remember to ask her what it was. I took a quick shower before heading to the bedroom.

As I opened the door I saw that her back was facing towards me; she always pretended she was asleep, but I knew different by now . I made my way across the bed, slid my hand under the duvet and placed it on her camisole covered breast, at the same time moving my other hand across her head to remove the hair covering her face, saying "morning birthday girl".

The piercing scream that followed could have awakened the dead.

I scrambled backwards off the bed, wondering what the f.. k was wrong with her screaming like that, she must have been in a deep sleep, goodness knows what time the film had finished.

The figure struggled to sit upright, but seeing me, began screaming again. It wasn't Abby.

I kept calling out, "I'm Abby Lockhart's friend, please stop screaming, I'm Abby Lockhart's friend, Abby's friend please stop, I'm not going to harm you, please stop" Hearing Abby's name must have registered as, thank god, she eventually did.

" I'm SO sorry I didn't mean to scare you I thought you were Abby. Where is she? And… and, WHO are you?" "Abby's at work" she panted," "and I'm Mrs. Wyczenski, her Mother, ……but as we seem to be on intimate terms, ( I saw her eyes leave my face and glance downward ) …. you can call me Maggie".

"Oh ……Jesus Christ!", remembering I was stark naked I grabbed a pillow off the bed to cover myself; I had never been so embarrassed in all my life. "I'd better go put some clothes on", I managed to mumble. "Yes dear, we don't want you catching a cold". I had no choice but to turn around and walk out, I knew if I tried to walk out backwards, as things were going this morning I'd probably bloody well fall over something. I said to myself "oh well she might as well see my naked butt too". I'd never left Abby's bedroom so quickly.

I knew I couldn't just leave, so I knocked on the bedroom door; "Mrs. Wyczenski, I just want to say I'm leaving, and please accept my apologies again for what happened earlier, I had no idea you were here". She opened the door, and started laughing . "I'm sorry" she said "but it sure is a strange way to introduce yourself to your girlfriend's Mother; I assume that's who you are - her boyfriend; and please don't go, let me explain about Abby;…… by the way, what's your name?"

"Abby it's your Mum, and she says you have to take this call or else she will phone every five minutes until you do" said Jerry.

"What is it, I'm busy" I said in an irritated tone.

"I thought I ought to let you know I've met Jake; he's a very polite young man, and I emphasize "young" how old is he 25?" "WHAT? Where did you see him? " "It's not a question of where, more a question of what I've not seen Abby,…… cute butt by the way, although he's a bit too hairy for my liking" "Mother have you forgotten to take your medication, WHAT are you going on about?" "He came here early this morning, it was quite eventful, but I won't go into that now, just calling to say come home straight from work as we will be cooking you a birthday dinner" "what do you mean WE" "Jake and I of course", "where is he now?" "in the kitchen, cooking breakfast" "WHAT?"

"Abby don't you know any other word but WHAT" "Mother I'm coming home right now" "don't be stupid, they called you into work because they were short staffed, besides by the time you get here we will be gone", "GONE?" "yes he'd called to take you out for the day, so he's taking me instead, and before you say anything, I will not say a word about my condition, your brother or anything else, I assume he already knows or if not it's for you to tell him, so don't worry, and YES I have taken my medication, as you know I promised you faithfully I would when we discovered Eric was bipolar too. It's my turn to accept responsibility for my life not expect you to any more, you have had more than your share of my worries, …. just remember come straight home, I will fill you in with the details when I see you. One thing I must say Abby (gives a little laugh) I wish I'd had my camera out this morning, the poor boy, I've never seen a person go SO red in the face before" "WHAT?"

"Is everything ok at home with your Mum" Susan asked, "it's not your brother is it? Do you need to go?" "No everything's fine, she called to tell me something about my neighbours cable repair man, god knows what she was whittering on about but thanks for asking, I'm not going anywhere." - but really I longed to run home and find out what the hell had happened.


	22. Chapter 22

**Abby's birthday pt 2**

"So, do you want to hire a bike, or shall we just walk for a bit?" I asked as we reached the Lake shoreline. "Oh let's hire bikes, it will be fun to see if I can remember how to stay upright, I've not done this before here with Abby, so let's makes use of our time, besides it's lovely weather to be outdoors".

Maggie had been brilliant earlier, put me at my ease. I had felt so foolish, I just wanted to scurry out of her apartment; why hadn't Abby told me her mother was coming instead of letting me humiliate myself like that. I shudder to think what she must have thought of me; I'd just wanted the earth to swallow me up when she said she was her Mother; and to think I'd clasped her breast, oh my god, …….. yet I couldn't help laughing to myself, it was so bloody funny; Funny? Not the word I would have chosen initially, but it apt now.

I couldn't understand why Abby had not spoken about her Mother more often, she was very amiable, and not at all like I imagined her to be. I expected some frosty woman, with no sense of humour, but she was the complete opposite. I found out one thing Abby had told me to be true, Maggie was interested in cooking and it had proved to be the topic that had eased the situation this morning. We had decided to cook a simple meal rather than go out, and she said "I will give Abby a quick call whilst you're doing breakfast and tell her not to dawdle coming home".

After a somewhat wobbly start, she'd managed to stay on ok, so we cycled quite a way before stopping to sit in the sunshine and have our lunch. " It's a shame Abby's not here to enjoy this" I said. "Oh I don't know about that, I think were having more fun on our own". "I hope you don't mind my saying, but you're not like I imagined; Abby's only mentioned you a few times, and then only briefly, I got the impression you didn't exactly get on; she's always saying I mention my family too much it's a bit of a joke between us". " I can understand that, we've had problems in the past, but I think we are slowing getting back on track. So how long have you two been dating, I must admit I was rather taken aback at seeing you, ohhh, sorry, badly put, I didn't mean that episode from this morning, (she grinned) I meant you're quite a bit younger than her, where did you meet and how come ….you're together?" "We met when I had my ER rotation last December. I was drawn to her from the start. It's a standing joke in my family, my Mum always says when "the one" comes along it will hit you like a thunderbolt, all I can say is that's what happened to me. I can't really explain it any other way, I just knew." "How does Abby feel about you?"

I couldn't answer that, I still had no idea what she truly felt about me.

"Abby's not said has she?" "well neither have I in so many words, I've mentioned things but not specifically told her I love her, if anything I'm as much at fault there I don't know why I've held back". "Is it because she has not said anything to encourage you do you think, maybe you're hesitating to tell her because you're afraid she doesn't feel that way about you?". "you're very insightful, maybe I should get you to test the waters for me" "I didn't used to be so aware of peoples feelings, that's not true, I went through life completely disregarding their desires, their hopes, I thought only of myself". "That seems a rather harsh view of yourself, I'm sure we all do that at times to a degree, we may not be conscious of it, or really mean it to happen, but we do it".

"Has she told you about me ?" "what do you mean?" " my condition…….. I can tell by your quizzical expression she hasn't. I'm bi polar, and unfortunately in the last couple of years we have found out that her brother is too".

Maggie was very frank, telling me all about their childhood, how Abby had more or less raised her brother, about her own marriage break up, how she'd dragged them from State to State, about her suicide attempts, the emotional roller coaster she had put her children through, especially Abby; how it had effected Abby's own marriage, the strain of it all, running after her, trying to study, support Richard, her abortion, her drinking problems, and as she had found out not so long ago about Abby's brutal attack by her neighbour. I learnt about Luka and John Carter, how Maggie had effected Abby's relationships with them too; I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I was stunned.

Maggie told me she been stable for the last two years since she found out about her son, it had been the wake up call she needed. I learnt that she went to group therapy sessions every month, and was on regular medication which she had promised faithfully to Abby she would take; "I've ruined her life too many times to do that again. I've been selfish, I didn't try to get better in the past, and the one that's suffered the most has been Abby. I know she doesn't talk much about her feelings, she's been hurt too often by me, by others, she clams up if she feels someone is getting too close, it's her sense of defence, keeping her distance; she feels vulnerable, believing that her happiness won't last, due in part, largely to me; we'd go through a period of stability, she could become a teenager again, enjoy life, laugh, make some friends, but I would go off my medication and so the cycle would continue; dragging more people into the web of despair I'd created by my condition".

So that was why she had been so knowledgeable on the subject, why hadn't she said anything, surely she must have known I would have tried to understand, maybe not be able to appreciate all she had been through, but at least could have empathised with her having witnessed several patient with the condition myself during my psych rotation. The same with her drinking, why hadn't she told me the truth. Was she ashamed?.

"You were ill, you cannot blame yourself for everything" "As I said before Jake, and as Abby told me many times in the past, I never tried to get better; I was oblivious to all the pain and suffering I was causing." "But you are so clear in your thoughts and understanding of your condition now" "Yes, but too late maybe to completely heal the damage I've caused Abby; can't you see that in your relationship; she's not being open with you". "Mental illness is still a taboo subject, it's not easy to discuss, regardless of the tv chat shows play on it, lets face it more people are suffering from stress in this day and age, but people try and hide it I think you have been extremely open with me, it's not an easy subject to share". "Three years ago I doubt if we would have this conversation, since being on my meds and going to therapy I've learnt to express my feelings, see how my condition effects not just me, I knew deep down it effected others, but I was not willing to see that, now I am".

"Maggie, will you promise me one thing; don't tell Abby about this conversation. If what you say is true about Abby, then given time I believe she will open up. I don't want her to feel as though I'm forcing her into anything, if she feels she can trust me, knows that I don't want to hurt her emotionally, then I believe she will tell me; but it must be in her own time. I love her; I've never felt this way about any woman before; and as we are being frank with one another, can I just say it isn't just a sexual attraction between us, there's a chemistry there, I just know it; we have so much fun together, I've never laughed so much with a woman, we have wonderful conversations about all manner of subjects, we enjoy so many shared interests, were great friends, not just lovers".

"How old are you Jake, are you so sure she's the one? there's more than a couple of years age difference between you, are you really prepared to take on all her emotional baggage; are you really prepared to wait for her to open up?"

"Yes, I am. I don't want to lose her; she's my soul mate."


	23. Chapter 23

-1**Abby's birthday pt3**

"Something smells good". "Oh Abby you're here, Jake and I hoped you wouldn't be delayed at the hospital; we timed that just right, everything's more or less ready save for the garlic bread, I will put it in the oven now, so if you want to take a shower …… what am I thinking; Happy Birthday Abby, I'm sorry, I should have said that first". "Thanks Mum" I said as she came up and hugged me. I looked over to Jake, he winked and said, "well we had a great birthday treat today, cycling by the lake, a picnic, we had a laugh didn't we Maggie, it' s a shame the birthday girl couldn't make it". "I don't know about that Jake I think she may have spoilt it" Mum replied. "You two seem to be getting on well; I'm getting worried, what's been going on?" "I'll save Jake's blushes for now, we will tell you over dinner" she laughed. Jake came over, gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, and said, "Happy Birthday, and whispered, I've missed you Abby".

By the time I came out of the shower, they had finished decorating the table by putting a linen cloth and napkins on it, together with a vase of roses and presents; they'd lit several candles, and had put some soft background music on too. It had been a long time since I had been treated to a birthday dinner by my Mum, it felt great that she made the effort, and I was so glad Jake was here to share it with me too.

"Hmmm, this is delicious, and Jake this elderflower drink is really nice where did you find it?" " my housemate told me about it, his girlfriend's a vegetarian, and she doesn't drink alcohol he saw it in a health food store they went into and thought it was a joke calling it "champagne" but they decided to buy a bottle and liked it, so I thought why not give it a try. I can't drink much Maggie, I've got low alcohol tolerance three beers and I'm gone" "he's a cheap date Mum" I laughed. "that must be embarrassing, especially for a man, mind you not as much as this mornings episode". "oh Maggie, please don't, I beg you; at least wait till I've gone, please" he said putting his hands up to cover his face, laughing. "what on earth's been going on, come on, tell me". I couldn't stop laughing, "oh my god, …. Jake you didn't pick up you message I left, I phoned to say my Mum was here, that will teach you" "I tell you I have never been so embarrassed in my life, at least I can laugh about it now; I'm surprised your Mum's screams didn't alert the neighbours to call the Police, it would have been worse having to explain to them."

"I've left my camera in the bedroom, I will go and get it before I bring the cake out and you open your presents Abby, it's been a while since I've had a birthday picture of you" she said winking and pointing at Jake with pursed lips behind his back. I couldn't get over her attitude, she was like a different woman these last couple of years. If only she could have kept on her medication years ago, things would have been almost "normal". We still did not meet too frequently, but each time we did, she seemed, like me, to be more relaxed at each others visits.

Taking on her advice and absence, I leaned across the table and said, "hey I'm sorry about having to work" I smiled, and gave him a lingering kiss. "thanks for taking Mum out, I hope it wasn't too daunting". "We really had a good day, I like her". I thought to myself , what if he had seen the other Maggie, would he still be sitting here? .

"……….Happy Birthday to youuuuu". "that was soooo out of tune, I thought if you two were out together today you could of at least rehearsed" I said laughing. "I want every single candle blown out Abby" Mum said, as she stood poised with the camera; "and don't forget to make a wish". I didn't need to make a wish, I had it already; Mum, like this, being my Mum, how I'd longed for a day like this.

"Oh this is lovely Mum," I said as I opened the box containing an ethnic styled necklace, and the theatre ticket vouchers are great, we will have to go next time your over" "No, you go with Jake, he told me you've been several times, so you go along with him". I gave her hug and said "thanks, and it's been great having you here for my birthday".

I opened Jake's box; inside was a pretty feminine, yet sexy, lavender blue Summery top, "oh Jake, this is lovely, and such a gorgeous colour" - and it was the correct size, I was amazed - but not as shocked as when I took it out to look at it properly, as a small jewellery box , he'd hidden inside it, fell on the table. "Jake what's this?" "If you don't open it, how you going to know?" "oh my gosh! …… Jake, they are absolutely beautiful", they were real diamond earrings, " you shouldn't have, " "don't say that Abby, I wanted to". This time I didn't care if my Mum was in the room, I just leaned over and kissed him lovingly on the lips. "Abby, your Mum's here,……stop it".

We had a real fun evening, we got the Scrabble out and played seeing who could cheat the best, I'd not seen Mum so happy in a long time; her therapy sessions were definitely helping, if I didn't know any better I would have thought there was nothing wrong with her. Jake and she seemed to really hit it off, I wondered what on earth they could have been talking about all day.

Eventually she said, "It's been an eventful and fun day, I think I will go take a long hot bath. Jake don't go on my account, I can sleep here on the couch." "Absolutely not, I'll make a move soon" - my god how could I push her out of her bed, or worse still, stay over knowing she was outside the door; I don't know if my parents would have been so tolerant. I helped Abby wash the dishes, and stayed to say goodnight to her Mum before she went into the bathroom.

I got my coat ready to go, kissed Abby goodnight, and said, "you know you can come over to my place if you want, but I just couldn't stay here tonight" "I know, I was surprised too when she said that" she said laughing. "Can I ask Jake, how did you guess my correct size for that pretty top?" "I peeked in your middle drawer, I know you keep your tee shirts and tops there, I've seen you take them out when your dressing". "You went through my things?" "Hardly Abby, I just opened that one drawer, I didn't want to make a mistake in the size" "Don't EVER do that again", she seemed really annoyed. "Oh so its ok to be really intimate with you, to come inside you, but not look in your drawer" "That's right, that's getting TOO personal" I just burst out laughing. "Jake it's not funny, how would you feel about me going through your drawers?" "Ok, I'm sorry, I swear that's the only time I've ever done it, but I do plead guilty to going through your kitchen cupboards more than once" "Ohhh, your impossible Jake, how can I stay mad at you?" she giggled. "I'm glad you like it, and despite what you might think, that lavender blue , not brown is my favourite colour. I think it will look nice on you too, don't you think so, besides it will make a change from your usual black, brown and white tops you wear, mind you sometimes a red turtle neck sneaks in your wardrobe, by that I mean your attire, not your actual wardrobe, which, by the way, I promise, I have not rummaged through. " "cut it out! you're pushing your luck", she said as she gave me a playful poke in the chest. Abby leaned up and passionately kissed me, as she broke away, she said, "and the earrings are so beautiful, I am going to keep them for special occasions, but you really shouldn't have spent so much on me, you're always buying me little gifts. " "You're very special to me Abby, don't you know that by now". I said, and kissed her softly on her lips.

" I won't come by tomorrow, spend the day with your Mum, she told me she's leaving tomorrow night, so have your time together." "Ok, but call by the day after, even if it's for an hour, you owe me that other present" "what other present ?" "the one I missed out on earlier" she grinned. "ohhh, that one". I held her tightly in my arms, I loved her so much, despite all that I'd heard today my feelings hadn't changed, could she read it in my face, I wanted to say it to her, but all I said after we kissed again was, "you know I care about you so much Abby". She just smiled, and said, "Day after tomorrow, don't forget".

A/N - next chapter were back to "that night"

I 've taken it slowly to introduce characters, especially on the Scanlon side, and to show the more relaxed, happy Abby.


	24. Chapter 24

**Jake's thoughts "that night" & Jake/Abby's reactions pt 1**

I knew it was an immature reaction, drowning my sorrows in beer in the bar but it was all I wanted to do right now. I had not asked her "Why?" because deep down I knew the answer, knew why she was pushing me away, yet it had still come as a shock to me to hear her say "don't do that for me".

Maggie had warned me about Abby's reaction; it was an automatic response to people coming close to her; she felt, in her mind, it wouldn't last, that she would be let down again; it was easier to push the other person away than to expose her vulnerability . I had so many questions I wanted to ask her; yet I knew she probably would side step them not wanting to admit to her fears.

More importantly, I couldn't expose my knowledge of her mothers words, I had given her my promise, as she had me, neither could betray that trust ; so I went away angry, blaming her, when I was just as guilty in not telling her about my true feelings. I should have told her "I love you" but each time I held back why, was I scared to say it because I knew she would react this way.

It hurt, it hurt me like hell. Was I so foolish as to think that I was anything more to her than a sexual encounter; that I was the one she could trust to share her problems with, could support her through her highs and lows; could be her lifetime partner. I thought I was, but she obviously did not feel the same way about me.

I felt so confused. I should have gone round to her place and talked to her; but pride got in the way. So what did I do, just ordered another beer, with a whisky chaser.

"What the f--k ! …….. Christ Jake look at the state of you" "Are you gonna let me in or are you just verbally going to lay into me, in which case I'll go" I said stumbling over my words. I started to go back down the steps, but Danny seeing me sway so unsteadily rushed down after me and grabbed me by the arm and dragged me back to the doorway. "Bloody hell Jake, it's 1.30am …..aghhhh! on, get inside" he said as he pushed me through the door and manoeuvred me up the stairs to his apartment.

"Where the hell have you been, and how come you're here?" "Batchelor party" I said, even in my drunken state I knew I couldn't say why I was really like this. I flopped down on the couch, I felt decidedly nauseous, the room just wouldn't stop spinning. "Jake you're not gonna throw up, let me get a bucket or something, it will be quicker than getting you to the bathroom, just,… just try and hold it" I just managed to hold out till Danny came back with a container before I heaved my guts up; "I'm sorry, sorry", "well it makes a change for me to do this, it was the other way round on a few occasions if I recall when we were younger, it's been a very long time since I've been this bad. Do you feel better now you've been sick?" "Slightly, but the room is……."

He took the container away, and came back with a wet cloth and wiped it over my face, then gave me a tumbler of mouth wash, "swig this around your mouth, get that foul taste out, spit it in here", he said holding up a plastic bowl, "it will make you feel a bit refreshed." "Thanks, that's so much better" "Come on, lets get you into bed, you will be ok now, there's nothing else left to come up". He put his arm around me as he led me to the bedroom as I was still unsteady on my feet. He undressed me and lay me in his bed. He went out but came back with a large glass of water and a small bin, " Drink some of this if you can, and if you feel sick, use this". "Ok, and thanks bruv" He turned out the bedside light. "Just remember, I'm your brother, not your girlfriend, so keep your hands to yourself" he said with a laugh as he climbed in the other side.

"Chuny it's Danny for you" Frank said. "Hey what's up, you don't call me at work; you're not cancelling tonight are you, you're not pulling an extra shift?" "No, I'm calling to ask you a favour. Jake came round home in the early hours, absolutely wasted, you know those expressions, " drunk as a skunk, sick as a dog," that was him. I left him asleep in the bed, I'm at work now, but he's in no fit state to work today, but I don't know which department he's in right now, could you call the faculty or personnel or whoever and say he's sick with something and he won't be in for me, I don't want them to wonder why he's not turned up". " Yes, it's not a problem, I'll think up something to tell them, but that's unlike him, you told me he hardly drinks, what happened?" "Honey I'll tell you later, gotta go, there's a call coming in on the other line" "ok, see you tonight, don't worry I know where he's working I'll call them now, bye hun".

"Oh Anna, it's Chuny down in the ER. Can you let dr. Dubenko know that Jake Scanlon is unwell and won't be in today, possibly tomorrow too, he and four others were treated at Northwestern last night,….. suspected food poisoning, they've been sent home but are unfit to work today. …….yeah I know you never can tell what stuff goes on in some of those restaurant kitchens…..ok, thanks for that, I'll get his brother to update me tonight and get him to call if he's no better tomorrow… ok, bye"

I had just come to the admit desk to get a new chart when I heard Chuny talking on the phone about Jake. "Did you say Jake's got food poisoning?" "Not at all, do you think I sounded convincing Abby I lied my head off, apparently he found his way over to Danny's in the small hours, absolutely wasted, he was sick as a dog, as Danny said; he's left him there in bed, dead to the world this morning, dread to think what his head will be like, Danny says he hardly drinks" "does he know why he was in that state?" "well he didn't tell me on the phone just now, but I must remember to tell him what I said, and which hospital he's supposed to have been in, cause knowing Dubenko, he will quiz him, you know what he's like for details". "too right, oh well better go see this one, Mrs Grey"

Well now at least I knew why he never phoned; but why had he gone and got drunk; I'd never seen him like that ever, merry, on the odd occasion, but he always knew his limitations. Had my words really done that to him?

"Ohhhhhhh, shit", I felt absolutely dreadful, my head was just thumping, it felt like someone was bringing a hammer down on it; my throat seemed as though it was on fire, and I had a raging thirst. It took me, on opening my eyes, a moment or two to adjust to where I was. "Danny's, how the hell did I get here?" then the slow realization of what happened last night began to dawn on me. I had no idea what the time was, my watch was not on my wrist, had it been stolen? I slowly pulled myself upright, each movement absolute hell, my head just spun, and I felt nauseous again. I looked over at the bedside cabinet, and saw my watch, picking it up I peered at it, trying to focus on the dial, it wasn't easy, surely it wasn't 2.30pm. "Oh hell, I should have been at work hours ago" I prided myself on having been every single day since I enrolled at med. School, "oh well, too late now, half the days' gone, better try and get up". It was agony. I can only recall one other time being this bad through drink., my 21st, that was the reason I controlled my intake, this feeling ….ughhhhhh!

I made my way unsteadily to the kitchen, thinking, "if Chuny's here, what the hell; Maggie's seen me naked, so what's another embarrassing episode" As I got to the fridge I saw a huge note pinned on the door with magnets "Jake I've called work told them you're sick - don't worry - and, if you made it this far, you'll live - Danny"

I bought a huge jug of water and a tumbler out into the lounge and just sat on the couch, drinking four lots straight off. It felt good, the burning in my throat slowly easing. Then it started to all come back, why I had gotten into this state, her words at the hospital, my juvenile response, drinking myself into a drunken stupor; what a bloody idiot I was.

Yet two days ago it had all been so different, I had been with her in a side room in the ER, waiting to take a semi conscious patient upstairs to the OR,; we had been joshing one another about some slushy romantic thing on tv saying oh we'd never do that, go around singing to one another; (whereas in reality, she knew I was always doing it, singing off key at times, on purpose, to make her laugh, ) then to tease her, I just started humming and singing………"hmmmmm hmmmmm, hmmmmm……..

"It doesn't matter where you go or what you do,

I want to spend each moment of the day with you ,

Oh, look what has happened with just one kiss,

I never knew that I could be in love like this

It's crazy but it's true I only want to be with you.

You stopped and smiled at me and asked if I'd care to dance,

I fell into your open arms and I didn't stand a chance.

Now listen honey I just want to be beside you everywhere,

As long as we're together, honey, I don't care,

'cause you've started something Oh, can't you see?

That ever since we met You've had a hold on me

No matter what you do I only want to be with you".

"JAKE stop it, someone will hear you or come in" but I kept on , until she started to laugh; as I did too. "What's going on in here, you sound like a couple of school kids giggling in the chemistry lab ". "Oh Susan I didn't hear you come in, sorry, I know we shouldn't be laughing with the patient here, but Jake was telling me something funny about dr. Dubenko" - I knew he'd be better at lying than me.

"Thanks Abby, I'll get you for this, now what can I makeup that sounds plausible I said to myself . "Yeah, you know what he's like when he goes off on one of his problematic theorems; he was jabbering nineteen to the dozen, and these other eminent surgeons just looked opened mouth thinking "what the frig is he going on about" the look on their faces was priceless". "Maybe it was the way you told it to Abby, it came across funnier" she said. "It was his actions, he had Dubenko down to a T, you know tossing his hair, waving his arms as he does when he gets all excited, it was hilarious, honestly Susan". "Well each to their own, ….the reason I'm here, they called from surgery, they have OR3 ready, so you can take him up".

"Well thanks a bunch Abby, that was the most stupid explanation I've ever come up with, she must think I'm an idiot; and does Dubenko really wave his arms about when he's animated?" "who knows, but it sounded better than anything I could think of; besides I warned you to be careful, it was your own fault ". "just for that you can sit with your back to the faucets tonight, no massage for you".

So we had gone home to her apartment; (in different carriages on the train, as usual,) she had left a present on the table for me marked "to my camping mate love Mrs. R" it was a lovely photo album, with some of the pictures we had taken on our camping trip already inside. I had left the used film at her apartment, the other one was still in my camera; she had taken it to be developed, and then had entered the photos in it with funny captions, we had laughed as we recalled those fun filled days. "Next time lets go to Yellowstone, I've never been, but would love to, what do you say Abby, would you like to, we can go after I graduate " "That would be great, I'm getting into this camping lark" she said smiling. Everything seemed normal. Yet,……that all changed when I said I was thinking of staying in Chicago.

A/N song "I Only Want To Be With You" - Dusty Springfield


	25. Chapter 25

**Ramifications of "that night" pt2**

I knew I couldn't stay here at Danny's, so I took a long hot shower and got myself dressed. I still didn't feel right, but I felt a darn lot better than a hour ago. I wrote him a note, saying I'd call him later, and set off to my apartment. I turned on the answer phone to see if maybe she'd called, there was nothing.

"Hey, I'm so sorry about last night, I don't know what happened really, think maybe someone spiked my drinks with vodka or something, they probably thought I was a jackass for just having a couple of beers and then a soda. I don't recall drinking more than that, but I obviously did; and I don't know why I didn't get a taxi home. I'm sorry I woke you up Danny"; I felt terrible lying to him, but I had no other choice. "Ah, forget it, what are brothers for. Oh before I forget let me hand you over to Chuny she can tell you what she told them about your absence". "Feeling better, or is that old head of your's still suffering?" Chuny went on to tell me about her call to the OR. "I think I will go in tomorrow, may not be up to speed, but I 'll keep the caffeine fix going that should see me through, and thanks again for doing that".

Later that week:

I did not see Abby for the next couple of days, Dubenko was off, and I somehow managed to get one of the other students to take to the ER calls. However dr. Dubenko and I were called down today to treat one of Abby's patient with a suspect abdominal wound. We'd hardly acknowledged each others presence, thankfully the trauma deflected that. Assessing the need for surgery Dubenko, said to me, "I will go and see when we can fit him in, stay here and I will call you and you can bring him up".

"I take it I'll see you on Sunday at your Mums" Chuny said "Yeah, I'm off this weekend". "That's good, I want to talk to you about something" "Do you want to talk about it now?" "No, it can wait until then, besides, I have to show you something too, it's not urgent. By the way Jake, are you finally going to bring this mystery girlfriend of yours along.? Danny tell's me whenever he calls you're housemate says you're not there, must be pretty serious, so when are we going to meet her?." "who says I have a girlfriend?" "come on, he told me as far as he knew you've been seeing someone since before he and I met, yet how come no one in the family have met her?"

"How come you two talk about me, surely you have better things to do when you meet. Anyway who say's I have only one, could have a couple on the go, working shifts, its quite easy to do" I said with a grin. "Two!" "yeah! and make sure you tell Danny he knows the rules, no quizzing about girlfriends, and that I won't fall for his ploy of using your wily female charms to weedle the information out of me". "as if I would do such a thing, isn't that right Abby?" "Chuny ….never". "Actually if your on a mission for Danny, tell him I will be bringing her along when I graduate, but he's to keep it under wraps from Mum and the others, and that goes for you too, or else both of you will be in trouble." " oh so it is just one, well some information is better than none" she giggled.

Sam came in through the swing doors, "Chuny, can you give me a hand next door, we got a GSW coming in" "yes, be right there" "do you need me there?" Abby asked. "No Kovac and Ray are bringing him in" After Chuny left there was an awkward silence, we both kept glancing up from the patient, looking at each other, but diverted our eyes just as quickly. I knew I had to have a doctor take the patient up with me encase of an emergency in the lift, it would be her, so to break the ice I said "I was only kidding Chuny, I had to say something to appease her". Abby looked but didn't say anything. I said to myself " please say something Abby, please "

"Encase you failed to notice, encase you fail to see

This is my heart bleeding before you,

I'm simply down on my knees

And these foolish games are tearing me apart

And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart

Breaking my heart

…….…..somewhere along the line,

I must have gone off track with you,

Excuse me, I think I mistaken you for somebody else,

Somebody who gave a dam, somebody like myself

And these foolish games are tearing me , you're tearing me, your'e tearing me apart,

And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart"

but all there was, was silence. Neela came in from the hallway "Jake they are ready for you in OR" "Neela, can you go up with Jake, I'm dying for the bathroom" "OK" I watched her go out, but she stopped in the doorway and turned back to look at me. I could see her mouth forming words, but no words were spoken aloud; she just stood there looking. As Neela began to push the gurney towards the door Abby finally moved away.

Sunday:

"So you're getting married, I can't believe it" Mum said. "I know it's not been long, but I just know Chuny's the one, so why wait until next year. Chuny's cousin is getting married in August, and she's one of the bridesmaids, so it's all a bit hectic before then, so we are looking at October." "You're not giving your Mum much notice to organize things Chuny, what if you can't get a church or hall, caterers, you know how busy these places /people are" "My Mum's been waiting 33 years to get me married off, all my sisters are married, so she will stop at nothing to get me out her hair" she said laughing. "To be honest I don't mind a small affair, but I know she will never hear of that, so I will just go along with it". "Does she know yet?" "No" said Danny, "I spoke to Chuny's father last Sunday, asked for her hand , and made him promise that he would keep it a secret from her, we are going over tonight to tell her".

"So Jake will you carry on the family tradition, you know, the younger brother being best man?" "Oh course, I will, I'd be delighted to. I'm really happy for the two of you. You're very lucky to have that commitment from one another." "Commitment?" "Unfailing love, and belief in one another". "So Chuny, this is why you asked if I was coming today, but you said you had something to show me….. oh, I'm an idiot, you mean this", I said taking hold of her hand to admire the diamond on her finger. "I think that alcohol is still in his head, he's not very quick is he", she joked. I folded my arms around her, and kissed her on the cheek, "Danny is so lucky to have you, I couldn't wish for a better person for him, I know you two are so right for each other".

"Jake's graduating on the 24th this month, we were going to have a family get together after; Chuny, why don't you invite your family over and we can make it a double celebration for you and Danny too, that's if your free, I know Danny is, he's been told enough times by me to keep that day free of shifts. All the family will be at the graduation, we'd love for you to join us too" said Mum. "That's a lovely idea, thank you, I will make sure I check my shift tomorrow and alter it if necessary, but only if you let me help with the catering, I can't expect you to do it all".

"Any ideas where you're going yet son?" " Yes, I sent my acceptance off yesterday, I'm going to UCSF, I couldn't turn down such a wonderful opportunity, they have fantastic facilities, and it's a prestigious hospital, I was lucky to have been invited. I'm gonna miss the family though, I won't be able to just pop in or get back each month for our get togethers. You know these Sundays are wonderful, even if we can't always make it, they show me how important our families and loved ones are, I think I'm really fortunate." "Hey, don't just say that to me son, let your Mum hear you, it was all her idea originally, but I must say I'm glad too, some families only meet at the holidays, and some never, I wouldn't want that either. So when are you leaving?" " Dad, can you keep this quiet for the moment from the family, just until I graduate, I don't want to upset Mum, I know she worries about me because of my medical condition, she thinks I'm some fragile orchid that needs looking after, but I'm not, but that's a Mum the world over, they all think their children are still "kids". Just let her enjoy Danny's good news". "Ok, I promise; I know how important this is to your career, I'm so proud of you; but I will miss you too, son." he said as he gave me a hug.

Last three weeks.

I saw Abby maybe twice; she went onto nights, then she was off for a few days following her shift. I knew her rota even now, we'd both kept copies of each others duties so we could arrange to meet up, so I kept out of her way. I had officially finished my course rotation, but was finishing my last few weeks with an extra stint in the OR . I managed to stay for the majority of the time in the OR area, sending the junior med. students down to the ER saying they'd gain from the experience. When I did go to the ER I just worked in the trauma areas, did not hang around in the admit area to chat as I used to unless Chuny was there. It was rather pathetic behaviour on my part I know, but I loved her and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't talk to anyone about her, so I just suffered in silence going through the motions each day wishing my last few days as a student away.

I remembered I still had her set of keys, so I went to her apartment before going on shift one night. I opened the building's outer door, then sealed her keys in an envelope, and put them into her mailbox. So was that it, the final severance of our relationship, in that one act. I hoped in the future something might change, but for now all I could do was walk away with a heavy heart.

Was that Jake I could see in the distance walking down the steps of my building? I stopped in my tracks and watched as he went through the gate and turned right heading in the direction of the EL. I did not call out his name, I just watched him go. I went upstairs, turned on the ansaphone, no message. Then it came to me, - the keys - I went downstairs to my mailbox, opened it, and inside was an envelope. I knew they were inside by the weight and shape; opening it, I hoped against hope that it would contain a note but no, just keys.

I wonder what he would make of the mail I had just sent him. It wasn't from me, but Mum. I had received a large envelope from her this morning containing a note with another sealed envelope marked to Jake Scanlon. Mum had asked me to give this to him, it was a congratulatory graduation card; say hello to him for me, and say I hope the two of you will have time to visit your brother and I here this Summer. I had filled in his address and put in the mailbox just now, when I went for a walk to the local store; it was on my return that I had seen him, leaving my apartment building.

I loved him, I knew that. Yet I had rejected his plans of staying in Chicago so dismissively. I knew deep down that was for his own good, it was too great an opportunity to miss going to UCSF; he had been so keen on it; he was thrilled at being invited as a potential candidate for a surgical programme there, it would stand him in good stead in future years; but my response had been so blunt, with no explanation, and I had done nothing since to ease the situation that had developed between us. Why had I pushed him away, why did I keep doing this?

A/N Song: These Foolish Games - Jewel


	26. Chapter 26

**Graduation / Engagement**

Maggie had no idea where I lived, so Abby must have forwarded this card. The letter she had put inside was very sweet, apart from wishing me good luck in my chosen career path she had invited me to come and visit and to meet her son Eric during the Summer with Abby. I had to laugh she had also inserted a recipe for her own version of homemade carrot cake, saying it was Abby's favourite growing up, and that if I baked it Abby would surely come to realize that I was a man to hold onto, as nothing satisfied like a piece of home baking. "Oh Maggie, if only you knew".

I felt quite sad that there was nothing from her, that it had come to this, not even a little note of congratulations.

June 24th, a busy day for my Mum. I don't know where she got all her energy from, as she'd not only organized all the decorations, and the catering for me, but had expanded the day to take in Danny and Chuny's engagement too, and for that had brought in some Hispanic fare to please the future in laws., "Mum, you shouldn't have gone to so much trouble, baking, and making all these things, we could have bought some, it's so much work for you" I told her. "Jake, I was used to cooking for seven most of my life, then when we started our get together Sunday's with all the expanding families, another ten mouths didn't make much difference. Besides having you "kids" help out these last couple of days has been great, why do you think I taught you all to cook" she said laughing. I went up and gave her a hug saying "I couldn't wish for a better Mum, I hope I can repay all the sacrifices you and Dad went through to help put me through Med. School." "Just celebrating with you today is more than enough; you know the whole family are so proud of you, especially after your health scares in the past", ….. tears welled up in her eyes and started to roll down her cheeks, "hey come on, I'm a tough old cookie, you don't need to worry about me now, that's all in the past, I'm monitored, so there is no need for undue concern; besides I can't have you attending the ceremony with big red eyes can I". I put my hand up to her face and wiped away the tears. Mum smiled, then reached up and kissed me on the cheek.

I knew it was his graduation today, I had booked the day off ages ago so that I could attend, but under the circumstances I knew it would be impossible to join in with his celebrations. I wanted so much to speak to him, to explain, but every time I had tried to call, I put the phone back on the receiver before even dialling the number. What was the matter with me?

I felt sure the mortarboard would slip off my head as I went up to collect my degree. No doubt Dad had a camera at the ready expecting to capture that moment, but I managed to walk through it all without any hitch ups. There was an embarrassing cats chorus of whistles and jeers from the large family contingent as I did so, "families, trust them to show you up " I thought, yet inwardly I was laughing, I wouldn't have expected anything less from them, we were always teasing one another, it stopped us getting "too big headed" as Dad would say.

I had waited until the ceremony had begun before going over to the area set aside in the grounds. I knew from my own experience that the Dean's speech, the pomp etc. would go on for at least 20 minutes before the degrees were handed out. I stayed well back in the tree line and watched as he went up to accept his degree; with highest honours, no less. I felt so happy for him, no doubt his family were proud of what he had achieved. I knew that following the ceremony there would be family photographs, but I didn't want to risk being seen so I slipped away; wondering what might have been.

"It's pretty crazy here isn't it " said Mary, my sis. "what with us noisy Irish, and now the exuberant Latinos, can you imagine what the wedding will be like, I can't wait, I know it will be so much fun. I'm glad your doing the honours as best man, don't be too hard on him like Danny was with Mike when he made his best man's speech, but it was so funny, do you remember?" "how could I forget, my sides ached from laughing, his speech will be a hard act to follow, I'd better start getting some thoughts together now, so let me have a list of things you want to include, I'll get Mike and Grace to chip in too, we can say some of the things he got up to with his siblings". "You know Jake, when it's your turn I'm going to be your "best man" trouble is the list of things we have lined up to include is so long,; yes Grace and I have already started on it, …it will take up the whole day. Do you know what an infernal pest you were, always sneaking up on Grace and I when we had our boyfriends round, you scared off so many, we both said the boys we'd marry would be the ones who could survive an evening of your antics, honestly you were such a scallywag, how we didn't murder you sometimes I'll never know", she said laughing.

"Gosh, was I really that bad ?" "yes, somehow you always sneaked up just as they were getting romantic, the number of kisses I missed out on all because of you", we both laughed. "so was it true about the boys you married?" I asked jokingly. "with Grace, yes, Tom was the first boy to pass the test, with me no. Kevin was the second, you recall when he moved into the neighbourhood, he got friendly with Mike, then he started coming round the house, he always encouraged Danny and you to join in with them be it sports, going to the movies, car repairs; I thought to myself, he's potential husband material, good with kids, kind, funny; so I used to make sure I was around when he called by to see Mike, it paid off; mind you he's a good kisser so that swung it". "Mary!", "what, don't tell me you boys didn't comment on each others girlfriends, Grace and I sure did ". "actually we never did, but maybe we might have been a tad cruel, teasing you girls about your boyfriends, but that's brothers for you"

"Now that you have finished your studies for the time being, are you going to relax, have some fun, as far as I know there hasn't been any girl on the scene since Connie, or are you just keeping quiet about it?" "yes, I was seeing someone but…. ….you know how it is, so don't hold your breath waiting to be my "best man", but if I do decide to get married I'll take up your offer sis" I said smiling.

As Mum, Dad and I sat out in the yard having a drink, finally alone, I thought I had better tell them (I reminded Dad earlier in the day to pretend he didn't know) what I had decided to do. "I sent off my acceptance the other day". "oh , to which hospital, you haven't mentioned anything before," Mum said. "No I have been toying over which course to do, you know I always wanted to do plastics/burns, but I really loved the ER rotation, and I couldn't decide; but to be honest I was thrilled to be invited to UCSF, and seeing the facilities, the variety of experience you can gain there, together with it being such a prestigious hospital, that I have accepted their placement. I know it will be a wrench leaving the family and Chicago for the next two years but I know the training I will get will be excellent, so that's what I've decided on". "Jake that's wonderful news, but I'm going to miss your cheery smile coming through the door" Mum said. "Oh son, that 's great news, I'm happy for you, Chicago's loss is San Fran's gain" he said smiling. "So you two had better come visit before too long, and Mum don't forget to bring some of your great muffins, by the way, you can bake me a batch to take with me". "of course, come here" she said as she opened her arms to embrace me. "I will miss you so much, but I know how important your studies are, when do you have to go?" "middle of July, so I thought in the meantime I asked Mike if he wants me to take his three little' uns camping for a week once school finishes, it will be a nice break, out in the fresh air away from the city" "oh they love it when you take them, they always tell me how much fun they have when they go camping with their Uncle Jake; will you go to Sacred Rock State Park?". "I'm not sure, we have been there a few times in the past, maybe I will look up somewhere else to go for a change". I couldn't tell them that for the time being that Park held too many wonderful, yet sad memories.


	27. Chapter 27

**Jake at UCSF pt. 1**

It did not take too long to settle into the new routine, many of the surgical intakes were like me, from various parts of the country; having studied for their degree at other medical schools. I was living for the time being on campus, which made it easier to get to know my fellow "students;" we often met after surgery to discus the procedures we had seen or practiced or just socialize; it helped to take my mind off thinking about Abby.

I had been bombarded with letters containing my nieces and nephews drawings, and photos from the family which was great, and I made sure I called Mum every weekend, just to let her know I was ok, I knew she would worry otherwise. When I spoke to Dad he'd say Mum was so excited to hear from you, to listen to all you've been up to, but when the call finishes she always cries; "I keep telling her, your only in Frisco, not Outer Mongolia" he said laughing. "so you don't miss me then Dad?" "not one bit son" he teased. "Listen, it's too soon yet, but maybe in a while, why don't Mum and you come over for a break, wait until after Labor Day it will be quieter for sightseeing, and I should be able to get a long weekend off". "yes that will be great, and I'll make sure Mum brings some muffins for you".

"Aren't you ready yet? You're leaving it a bit late, the gig starts in 20minutes" said Steve as he walked into my room, past the door I'd left ajar for him. "Sorry I was on the phone, forgot the time, but I'm all ready to go." "It should be good, Jane tells me the reviews for the band have been fantastic; " " by the way where is she?" "I'm meeting her there, she's bringing a friend along, she'll be mad at me if I miss the start, so come on".

The student hall was packed, I'd never heard of the group, but by the numbers here they were pretty popular. Steve said he told Jane to wait over by the notice board so we made our way through the crowd to the meeting place. As we approached it I couldn't believe my eyes; standing there next to Jane was Laura.

"Oh my goodness, I don't believe it, what are you doing here Jake?" she said smiling at me. "Laura!" was all I could say. We both just laughed, then embraced in a hug, "god how long has it been? and what are you doing here at the hospital?". I started to explain I was doing the 2 year surgical programme, but the music started and our conversation was drowned out by the noise.

We kept staring, and smiling at one another as the music played; it was not possible to hold a conversation, so after about half an hour I indicated to go outside so that we could talk. "I just can't believe it, talk about a small world" she said. "You look great, so how are you, Robert, and your parents?" I asked. "we're all good, and your family, how many grandchildren are there now?" "Mike's got three now, and both of my sisters have had another one each, so that's seven; oh and Danny's getting married in October, so its keeping Mum and Dad busy, but they are both keeping well, so yes were all fine". "So your not engaged or anything yet?". "Me, no" "someone special?" "still as inquisitive, I see." "yes, some things don't change." "Listen instead of standing here, why don't we go grab a coffee, or beer or something, we can catch up with all the news, what's it been, 5 or 6 years since we saw each other, I can't believe it's been that long" I said.

"So your doing Obstetrics and Gynaecology, are you enjoying it?" "Yes, it is most enjoyable, a bit hectic at times, but the majority of the patients are fit and well and we have a good laugh with them, and of course you also see those women with problem pregnancies and births, and also women's general gyne. problems so yes I love it." "So you stuck with your career plan of plastics/burns, I'm surprised, so many people change course; so this programme gives you a foundation in the first year of general surgery, then you go on to study your specialist area is that right?" "yes, but you also cover other specialist fields, so it's an excellent foundation builder, I'm not sure where I will go after , but I want to do this field of medicine. I hope in the future to be able to do pro bono work on burn victims, deformities etc, supplemented by the cosmetic side; although for a while I did get drawn to emergency medicine; I loved my rotation in the ER, the uncertainty of what would come in through the doors". "I know the drunks, the gang fights, the same drunks; gosh I recall my time there, I hated it, you really do have to be a special type of person to work there, you need so much knowledge, be so quick to react, have a sense of humour most definitely; I so admire those that work there, it's not an easy job". "That's so true, the staff I worked with were fantastic, great motivators, yet knew how to party, that's for sure".

We talked for ages, laughing at the things we both done during our course, the places we'd been, the things our families had got up to, time just passed so quickly. "So there is no boyfriend on the scene, what happened to Paul, the one you abandoned me for so cruelly," I said teasingly. "Jake it wasn't like that" "dumping me wasn't cruel, what would you call it then?" I laughed. "an error of judgement, you know how it was, we saw each other so little that second year I was at university with my medical studies, you too were busy with your new course; I think I just fell into a routine of seeing him, we were friends at first, like you and I, things just happened; I did feel bad about the way it went, I didn't mean to hurt you." "hey, I was just as guilty, letting weeks pass by without visiting, I don't blame you, it happened, were talking now, we have known each other too long to just ignore one another." "Jake, you know I will always be your friend, you helped me so much in the past when Dad was ill, I can never forget that, I hope we can meet up occasionally and go out whilst you're here, it would be really nice to do that". "ah I know what you want, a partner to go to see some indie film, wasn't that how it started if I recall, gosh we were so young then, now look at me, grey haired, wrinkles, …" "I can see you haven't changed, you always knew how to make me laugh". "drive you crazy, is what you said if I remember".

"Let me walk you to the bus stop, I'll wait with you until it comes. So have you've been in your apartment long? I am going to live on campus for awhile, I'm finding it helps makes friends, and it will give me time to decide which area I want to stay in, on the other hand you can guide me on that, as you know the city. Oh, before the bus comes, give me your number and I will call you next week, we can see if there is an evening free when we could go out to the movies or something, I'd like to do that, would you?" "Yes I would like that very much. It has been fantastic seeing you again, despite what happened I felt sad we didn't keep in contact, that we just drifted apart, we were always such good friends; let's not let it happen this time".


	28. Chapter 28

**Abby in Chicago**

"Hey are you ok, you were miles away, didn't you hear me call you?" "I'm sorry Susan, got a bit of a headache, I wasn't concentrating, what did you want me for?" "Are you sure you're not coming down with something, you have been quiet recently; or is there a problem with Eric or your Mum" "Why do you always assume it's that?" I snapped back. "Sorry, I was just concerned." "No,… no it's me that should be sorry, I didn't mean to snap just then, I've not been sleeping well, I'm just tired I think. I will be glad when the shifts over, I will have a few days to myself after these nights, it doesn't help the weathers turned so hot, you just can't sleep." "I know, but there's something not right with you, I'm not the only one that's noticed" "What do you mean by that?" "take it easy, I'm just saying other people have noticed you are a bit… irritable lately; it's just these last few months you've seemed so happy, what's happened to change your disposition?". I laughed, "my disposition?" "You know what I mean, come on, I need a "happy crew" working for me, I have enough hassles with all the god dam admin, and Kerry on my back without you starting the others moaning" she laughed. "Susan you should have said something sooner, I didn't realize, I'm sorry. Do you think if I run over to the mart and get a box of donuts it will appease them?" "Probably, they will do anything for a donut or a cookie, they are easily pacified. Seriously if you want or need to talk I'm here for you Abby, I know your keeping something back." I just grinned, Susan was always so intuitive. "Listen, how about meeting up day after tomorrow, we could meet by the Lake, bring a picnic, take Cosmo for a paddle, what do you say, we can talk about it then." "If you're sure, I don't want to make you feel as though I'm pushing you into something." "No, maybe it would be better if I talked about it, so shall we say 11am at Navy Pier." "Ok, and by the way I give you permission to go over to the mart". she laughed.

"Listen do you fancy hiring bikes, Mum when she was here did, and enjoyed it, we can get a baby seat, or one of those little buggy attachments for Cosmo to sit in, plus we'd work up an appetite for lunch." "Yes, that sounds like fun, gosh it's been ages since I've ridden a bike".

"So what is up with you Abby, why the sad disposition of late?". "Can't you guess?" "Would I need to ask if I could" "Relationship problems" "You've been seeing someone! Ohhhh, I must be getting old, I should have noticed the signs; the smiles, the laughter, the feminine, sexy tops of late you have been wearing, how he always makes a bee line for you, what an idiot I am not to have twigged before. But why so quiet of late, have you two had a row?" "Whom are you talking about?" "your secret Santa, Dubenko of course, he's smitten with you, everyone's noticed". "It's not him." - oh thank goodness they hadn't caught on about Jake and I; I could lie through my teeth without feeling so guilty.

"So who is it then, and how come you have not mentioned him to me?" "I met him, Ian that is, a few months back at the Goodman theatre, he was sitting next to me, he's a reporter for the Tribune, been working here for a year, he's originally from the West coast, he's just gone back, that's why I am a bit down, I miss him". "So why aren't you over there now, you have these few days off, you could have gone to visit".

"My life is never that easy, seems he had a girl back there, I was just his fill in, I have only just found out. The thing is I really liked him, it's been a while since I dated, through my own choice, but there was just something about him, I can't explain it, I fell head over heels in love" " Abby I'm so sorry. How did you find out?" "I went over to his apartment the other week, just before he left, and she was there, seems like she decided to join him for a few days before he went back to San Francisco. It was a bit of a shock, that's why I'm sure I've been a bit snappy, I was just so disappointed, I thought there might have been something between us. C'est la vie, as they say." Did it sound plausible, but why had I come out with San Francisco, not Seattle, Portland, or LA.? Even now, I was subconsciously thinking about him, I must be.

"Well we can't have this, what you need is a pick me up, so next week you're coming round for dinner, and I will get Chuck to bring his friend Dave along, he's a nice guy, a flight nurse too, single, been dumped recently, so you two can commiserate with each other, two lonely souls looking for love , think of the great sex you'll have". "WHAT, Honestly Susan, I am not looking for that, I don't really want to date just now." "Ok, but come over for a meal anyway, I will let you know which days I can do, and I won't bring anyone in for you".

I could see Chuck laugh as he opened the door; "don't blame me, I was badgered into it". Behind him was a male form, talking to Susan. Out in the kitchen I said, "Susan, you liar, you promised no one, this looks like a blind date set up to me". Susan just smiled.

"So, how did you two get on last night after you left, you seemed to gel quite well." "Dave is very nice, but I had to be honest with him, I told him I was not ready to date again so soon, I'm sorry Susan, but I had to be truthful, I didn't want to lead him on knowing that he too was recently single, it wouldn't be fair. " "Oh well, you liked him, that's a start, we could bring him back for a meal later, maybe second time around will work for you both." "You never know".

It was true, Dave had been extremely nice, friendly, easy to get on with, as you'd expect given his profession; maybe in different circumstances I would have considered meeting him again. I had felt bad dismissing him so easily; but he wasn't Jake. He didn't captivate my attention in the same way that my first meeting with Jake had, the "lightening bolt effect" was missing; he wasn't "the one".

" One word, that's all you said

Somethin' in your voice caused me to turn my head.

Your smile, just captured me,

And you were in my future as far as I could see,

And I don't know how it happened, but it happened still…

Well you had me from "Hello"

I felt love start to grow

The moment that I looked into your eyes, you owned me

It was over from the start

You completely stole my heart

And now you won't let go

I never even had a chance you know

You had me from "Hello"

Inside, I built the walls

So high around my heart, I thought I'd never fall

One touch, you brought it down

The bricks of my defenses scattered on the ground

And I swore to me I wasn't gonna love again

The last time was the last time, I let someone in

But you had me from "Hello"

A/N song : Kenny Chesney - "You Had Me From Hello"


	29. Chapter 29

**Jake at UCSF pt.2**

"Which one do you fancy, the SiFi or the comedy?" "I recall you liked SiFi so lets go check that out, and if it's too horrendous I will make you sit through a Danish film next time" she said laughing. "I liked that Danish one we saw, what was it,……. oh yes, "Italian For Beginners" it was excellent, quite a quirky comedy, the characters were great, believable too, you could relate to their problems, and if I recall you developed a crush on the lead player, the one who was always trying to get his hair cut". "oh gosh, what a memory, mind you he was pretty darn cute, gave you a bit of a scare, thought he'd stolen my affections; I was always teasing you talking about that film " "HIM" we both laughed.

It had been great to hear her friendly, familiar voice when I had called to set up a day to meet to go to the movies. I couldn't believe it that night seeing her again. I can't explain how I felt about her, it was a strange experience, just chatting to her about old times, someone whom I'd dated so long, whom I'd been intimate with; yet despite our break up, the conversation had flowed so easily, as if we had never parted; it didn't feel awkward, it felt right.

"I must admit that was a pretty good story, the special effects were fantastic; so no need to worry Jake, you're spared the continental film for now." "Actually I was reading a review of a French film that sounds interesting, would you fancy going to see it next week, we could go for a bite to eat before as it's not on until 9.30 pm." "yes, I'll let you know what evening would suit me best; do you have a cell phone? (I nodded) ok let me load the number on mine and I will call you."

I waited with her until her bus came; then made my way back to campus. As I sat on the bus, staring out of the window, my thoughts drifted back to Abby. What was she doing now, was she working, at home, did she ever think of me? It seemed at odds to be thinking this way having just left Laura; but for me at this point in time, we were pals, nothing more; old acquaintances renewing our friendship. I had done nothing to be guilty of, yet why did I feel as though I was betraying Abby ?

"So what's this I hear about Laura and you? Jenny tells me you've been out a few times; mind you, you didn't waste much time snucking out of the gig that night, couldn't wait to be alone ?" "we're not dating, just seeing one another" "there's a difference?". " Yes. It's not like that, were old friends from high school, besides what is it to do with you, why the sudden interest?" " 'cause Jenny's known Laura for the past year, they started their gyne. internship together, and she tells me Laura's not had a serious boyfriend in all that time, just occasional dates, then suddenly you appear and she's out with you all the time". "Is this to satisfy YOUR interest or Jenny's?" "whom do you think? you know what women are, they love delving into this stuff". "Can we drop this subject please,… now, what time is Josh coming to pick us up for the game?". "don't think I'm gonna drop it just 'cause you change the subject to sports" he said laughing, "I'll get some more out of you".

"Did you tell Jenny we were dating?" Jake's tone seemed rather serious. "NO, she asked me if I had seen you since the gig, I said we'd gone out a few times to the movies, why?" "Steve has been quizzing me about us; I told him we were old friends from high school, I never said we'd dated, did you?" "No, honestly, I haven't mentioned that". There was obviously something on his mind, so I took the plunge and said, " Jake, can I ask you something. When I asked if there was someone special you never answered, is there?" I noticed he hesitated before answering. "Yes, but no;…. …it's complicated". "Is she married? Oh, ….. do you mind my asking?" "I wouldn't expect less of you, Miss Inquisitive, didn't I used to call you that" "no, Miss Nosey" (I lied) it got him to laugh at least. "If you don't want to talk about it, it's ok". "she's not married, she's someone I met at the hospital; but it ended awkwardly, strangely, I…I don't even know how to describe it, I'm still in……….; I still care about her, think about her……sorry I shouldn't be saying this to you…" "It's ok, ….listen if you want to talk I'm here." "thanks", was all he said.

It was pretty obvious to me that he wasn't over her; was he feeling guilty because he was seeing me? Nothing was going on between us, but I must admit I felt stirrings of my affection for him beginning again. He was such a great guy, so dependable, thoughtful, funny, intelligent, with such a thirst for knowledge, he always amazed me with his diverse interests; that's what I loved about him. Yes, I had been in love with him, and I kicked myself for how it ended, it shouldn't have been like that, but I can only say in my defence I was lonely; we went for weeks not seeing one another that last year; it was so easy to let my friendship with Paul develop to more than that. I wasn't proud of what I had done; I think deep down I always regretted it.

"I forgot to tell you earlier, I have a few days break due, so my parents are coming weekend after next for five days; I told them I had met you again, they were quite surprised, we must all go out for dinner together." "Are you sure, " "Of course, they wouldn't forgive me if they knew you were here and they didn't see you". "That would be lovely, then yes I would like to join you, did you have anywhere in mind, it's just I know a lovely little place I think they would like and it's not expensive, someone recommended it to me and I had a delicious meal there." "Ok I will let you be the guide on the venue, do you think we could make it either the Saturday or Tuesday their first or last nights?" . "I'll look up my schedule, if your sure either of those days suit I will call and book a table as it's quite popular. By the way where are they going to stay?" "I thought they could stay in my room on campus, it will be a bit cramped, they can have the bed it's queen size, and it's got a bathroom, which is all they will want; and I have asked them to borrow Mike's sleeping bag and camping mat, I can use those for the few days, I'll sleep on the floor; it just seems wrong to put them up in a hotel." "Jake you can't do that, honestly, what were you thinking of. I know what we can do; you stay at my place and I will live in your room for those few days; your not working so it doesn't matter. I don't have a big apartment, but at least it has a separate bedroom for them, and you can sleep on the couch, plus it has a small kitchen, so you will be in your element. You still like cooking I take it". "I couldn't impose on you like that". "Don't be daft, think of your poor Mum. Your on early tomorrow aren't you, so why don't you come over and take a look, it' s a bit further out, but transport is good to the city; what do you say to coming over for a meal as well,…. I know don't faint". "You cook!" he laughed. " I have actually learnt to cook instead of just warming up a pizza" I giggled. "This I have to see, you at the stove, cooking". "I just do simple things, to me it's a chore, but you loved cooking I remember, so let me impress you with my skills for a change, it will be edible I promise" I said laughing.


	30. Chapter 30

**Abby in Chicago pt 2**

The long hot days of Summer made me think of him more often. We planned to take advantage of the long evenings when we were not working by going down to the Lake; to swim, to cycle, to walk, just to be able to enjoy each others company, without the thoughts of his finals looming over us. Mind you I need not have worried there thinking I was distracting him, his exam results were outstanding; he hardly had to study, he was just like Neela able to absorb everything like a sponge, nothing seemed to faze him. Jake always said he was not so good on the practical side but that wasn't the case at all, once he was shown a technique, he mastered it within two or three tries. It was sickening really, I was so envious. He had great belief in himself, unlike Neela who despite being a competent doctor, was full of self doubt about her practical /patient skills. As for me, I like to think of myself as pretty capable on the practical side, the part of me that let me down was my own self doubt. If I had been more open with him, told him of my problems would he have wanted to stay in the relationship? I didn't give him any chance to find out , I pushed him away like I always did when someone got too close. I knew how he felt; he never actually came out and said those words "I love you;" directly to me; but he hinted so many times in his words, his gestures, the lyrics he sang, only a fool could be blind to it. But what happened, happened, so instead of going as we 'd said we would to Yellowstone after he graduated, I was here alone, thinking of him, constantly thinking of him

"Danny say's they are holding a Summer's barbeque dance in aid of the firemen's benevolent fund shall I put you down for a ticket Neela?" "when is it?" "Friday fortnight" " let me go check the rota, be back in a tick". "Luka , Ray did you want any?" "Friday's are my gig nights. Sorry" said Ray. "I'll let you know " said Luka. He and Sam had been having a rough patch of late, we were all wondering when the time bomb would explode. "Yes I will take a couple of tickets, the shifts are fine" Neela said. "Two?" "Yes I am going to drag Abby along too, but don't tell her just yet. I will fix her up before the next Valentine's dance even if it kills me, I've made it my mission, the last Valentines was a disaster….." " actually it was pretty brilliant if I remember….." I said laughing. "yeah Chuny, you wrecked all my plans, don't know why I'm still talking to you" she laughingly replied.

"Did I tell you I emailed John about the wedding, asked if Kem and he would come, I've not had a reply yet, but he's probably out in the field so it maybe a while before I hear back." "How are the plans going?" "Oh I'm leaving it mainly to Mum, she loves organizing stuff like that. Danny managed to get this hall though, they let the fire service use it for so many things, dances, lectures, conferences, etc, it's great; plenty of room to sit down for the wedding breakfast, dance, car spaces, grounds outside for the kids to run around in if they want, and it's pretty central, which is handy, so most people will be able to get here without too much difficulty." "yes it is a good size, and airy too, I think it's an excellent choice, you were lucky to get it, October's not that far off . What about your dress, been looking yet? Been inspired? ". "I have started looking with Mum, but don't forget my cousins wedding is next weekend, so I've been helping her do things, it's all a bit hectic lately I can tell you. Danny's Mum, Catherine, has offered to help as well, she is such a lovely lady, she made Jake's graduation day come our engagement party so special, she put so much effort into it. I couldn't wish for a better relationship than I have with her. I'm so lucky, she's not the future mother in law from hell you hear so often talked about. "

"If you stand talking to Chuny all the time how are you going to meet a fella?" Neela asked. "What is this thing people have going on trying to fix me up, have you been putting bets on or something, first Susan, now you, Chuny will be next". "Susan set you up. How come you never said?" "Sorry I thought you knew. It appears there has been a lot of speculation going on as to my current love life; haven't you got better things to talk about than that" I said. "Absolutely not." she laughed. "Actually I was concerned, you've not been yourself recently, normally we can have a laugh about our pathetic love life, but you have been very coy about your recent relationship, you never mentioned it to me at all, like everyone else I noticed you were happier than I seen you in a long time, at first we all thought it was because your Mum and brother were doing so well, you told us how much fun you had this last visit with her, we all thought it was because you could relax, not have to worry about them, but on reflection you have been happy for the last few months, so I got to thinking you must have been with someone, you had that sparkle about you that you get when your in love; but you never said a bloody word to me; it's really frustrating Abby, this not knowing." she said jokingly. "Well don't think you will be getting any information out of me now other than to confirm that yes, I was extremely happy for that time we had together, and that no, I am not looking for anyone at this present time, I'm here to enjoy the dance that's all…so shall we go look for dancing partners? "


	31. Chapter 31

**Jake at UCSF pt 3**

I went over to Laura's after work; she'd told me the bus number and said to me to phone when I got on it, so that she would know approximately the time the bus would be due at her stop so that she could come and meet me. It took about 20 minutes which wasn't too bad. "See it isn't too far from the stop, and the one opposite where you got off brings you back to the hospital or the other service takes you straight into the city. That's what I like about it, it's a nice area, but not too far out, mind you as you will see when we go inside, it isn't exactly large but it suits me".

"It's very nice, I like the view, and I'm sure Mum and Dad would appreciate it more than my room. So yes I will swap with you if your sure it's ok". "Would I have suggested it if I hadn't been. Anyway, Jake, I'll leave you to do the honours, the corkscrew is in the top drawer to the left of the sink in the kitchen, I have both red and white wine, the white is in the fridge chilling; I'm happy with either". Whilst in the kitchen I lifted up the saucepan lid, and said "this sauce smells wonderful, what have you put in it?" as she joined me here she said, "it's my surprise recipe, but I shouldn't pass comment until you have tasted it, I will put the pasta on now so supper shouldn't be too long; anyway, tell me what were you doing today? " "I went down to the lecture hall as professor White was giving a talk on minimally evasive surgery, which was quite interesting as in the afternoon I scrubbed in for an abdominal surgery that was far from that". "I know, they do contradict at times, but the former, thankfully is the way most surgeries are going thank goodness, it's better all round for patients and surgeons, less threat of infection, quicker healing times… well, you know the score"

"Laura, that was simply delicious, marks out of 10, ……oh I'd say at least 11, I'm impressed. Mind you, did you cheat, you had that sauce already cooked, did you just reheat it?" I said teasingly. "Blooming cheek, Jake Scanlon, I told you I've learnt to do simple meals" she said playfully punching my arm. "did you want some more wine?" we had already finished the first bottle, I could feel my head getting fuzzy, but what the heck I was off tomorrow. "why not".

"Are you ok?" I had stumbled as I came back from the bathroom, the wine had definitely taken effect. "Yes, just tripped over my own feet, I'm so clumsy at times" I said slurring my words somewhat; I hoped she didn't notice; mind you I'm sure the stupid grin on my face gave me away. "oh I'd forgotten,…….you and alcohol don't mix too well ….I'm sorry I shouldn't have made you open the other bottle" "no, it's ok, it's great wine, …I've enjoyed tonight, it's been nice to relax indoors", I said as I sat back down with her on the couch; "what's so funny?" "you,…. I did miss you Jake."

Her skin was so soft, and had a slight hint of the fragrance from the bubble bath she had used earlier. As I ran my fingers along the contours of her body, I could feel her relax and respond to my touch. I could feel the warmth of her breath on my skin and hear her sighs as I kissed and caressed her neck; her soft lips reciprocated to my teasing caresses, her nipples harden as I took them in my mouth; her thighs eased slowly apart as my hand moved down her body; the taste of her on my lips as she responded to my tongue; the moans of delight in her voice; feeling her body react as she came to her climax. "Jake, ohhhh Jake"

When is this torment going to stop?. Every night as I lay in my bed and closed my eyes I saw the same thing; HER face, heard the same sounds, felt the warmth of her lying close to me; heard her call out my name.

"A hundred days have made me older,

since the last time that I saw your pretty face

A thousand lies have made me colder

and I don't think I can look at this the same

But all the miles that separate

They disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby,

but you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby,

and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby,

but you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight, there's only you and me"

Laura had asked me to stay over, she could see I was not particularly sober;

"don't worry Jake I won't take advantage of you, well not until the morning at least, when your sober" she had said laughing. "Honestly let me get some blankets out for you, stay here on the couch, it's not a problem, it's late, don't go".

I couldn't do that it wouldn't have been fair to Laura, I didn't feel that way about her; she might get the wrong idea; and the memories of Abby were too fresh in my mind. So I had taken a taxi home to the campus, and promised to phone her tomorrow to let her know how I was.

As I lay here in the darkness I could feel the tears roll down my cheeks, the pain just never seemed to abate. Who said men never felt like this, they'd obviously never loved someone; relationships were two sided affairs; was she feeling this pain too?

A/N "Here Without You" 3 Doors Down


	32. Chapter 32

**Jake UCSF pt 4 - parents visit **

I could see Mum waving excitedly as she came into the public waiting area. They had taken the last flight over so that they could make the most of their time with me, rather than to wait until Saturday morning to begin their journey. "Oh it's so good to see you Jake," she said as we hugged each other tightly. "you too Mum" I said as I kissed her on the cheek." "Dad, how are you, how was your flight over?" "it's great to see you son," he said as he embraced me, "can't believe it's been over two months already, you look well." "Give me your bag Mum; Dad, do you need a hand with anything?" "No I'm fine." "Then follow me and we will get going. I know it's late for you, but the streets will be quiet so the journey shouldn't take so long. " "Didn't you say we were going to stay at Laura's?" "Yes Mum; she was horrified to think that I was going to make you stay with me; my room's ok, but three people, yes it would have been a bit too cosy; so she is staying there. I came to her flat the other day for a meal, it's nice, and not too far from the city". "You see her quite often then?" "now Mum it's not what your thinking, " "I didn't suggest anything,…….it will be nice to see her again, I always liked her".

I stirred from my slumbers, awoken by the light shining through the gap at the top of drapes. Looking at my watch I saw it was 915am. We had not gone to bed until nearly 2am, by the time we had arrived at the flat from the airport, then chatted. I could hear my parents voices coming from the bedroom, so I got up and knocked on the door. "Morning, sleep well?" "yes," said Mum. "We have been awake for a while, but we didn't come out as we couldn't hear any movement, we thought you must be sleeping still". "yes, I've just woken, so let me get you something, Dad, coffee or tea?" "coffee will be fine, for Mum too" "ok, coming up".

We sat talking as we drank our coffees; "so Mum how are the wedding plans going, any hiccups?" "No, it all seems to be going well, of course Chuny's Mum is doing most of it, as it's her daughter's wedding. Chuny's asked me along a couple of times, so I've gone with them to the caterers and the florists, it's been fun; we all seem to get along well. I am amazed things are going so smoothly considering they only decided to get married in June; perhaps that's the way to go about it, things can't go wrong when there's so little time. Do you remember the panic we had when Mary got married. They were planning that over a year, then at the last minute the bridal shop went into foreclosure; her dress was caught up in all the red tape we couldn't get it, so we had to run around with three weeks to go looking for another gown , hoping it didn't need any alterations; thank goodness the bridesmaids dresses were from another store, as cousin Julie wouldn't have been able to come up from Houston for another fitting. It's laughable now, but Mary was gutted at the time; but as it turned out the dress she bought was even prettier than the original, so I suppose there was justice in the end." "So how's your speech coming along? I can tell you a tale or two you might want to use if you want to embarrass your brother. He made poor Mike suffer, so he should too, don't you think so". he said laughing. "Dad, don't be cruel, as if I would do such a thing". I said winking. "So what do you guys want for breakfast, I've got in oatmeal, pancake ingredients, eggs, bacon, sausage, bread, juice, what would you like?. I know we could sit here chatting all morning, but we can do that when we are out, you're here to see the city, how long ago did you say it was since you were here?" " Jake were here to see YOU," they said in unison, then burst out laughing that they'd said it together. "But gosh, it's was 30 years ago, you weren't even born, it doesn't seem possible" Mum replied. "well you will have to see what's changed. Ok then, tell me what you want and I will get breakfast started, you go shower." "Are you sure you don't want me to do that?". "No Mum you're on holiday." I said giving her a kiss.

We did the touristy things; spent time in Union Square, took the cable cars, visited Fisherman's Wharf, strolled along Pier 39 and watched the sea lions antics; deciding to stop and have a light snack there; all the time taking pictures and chatting. We decided to go across to Alcatraz another day, as we had been up so late the night before, and decided to leave the city late afternoon so that we could have a rest before meeting up with Laura for a meal later. I had hired a car from the airport so that I could ferry them back and forth for their flights; also so that we could go across the bay to Muir Woods, Sausalito, and the Nappa Valley on Monday. I would use it tonight to pick up Laura.so that we could drive down to the restaurant and take her back to the campus; it was handy, but I'd decided against using it today as it was easier to take local buses into the city as parking was a nightmare.

"Hi, we're just leaving, we should be with you in 20minutes or so, I will call you when I get to the campus car park……ok see you soon".

"Laura, it's lovely to see you again, you look well, how's the family doing ?" Mum asked. "They are all well, and you're busy I hear with Danny's wedding coming up; and Mr. Scanlon, how are you do'in?" "Please, you have known us long enough, it's Cathy and Sean, there's no need for formality."

The restaurant setting was delightful, set by the bay with huge panoramic windows taking in the view We had a delicious meal. " I'm glad you book us into here, it's lovely, you couldn't have chosen better spot." I said. "I'm glad you like it; I know my friend raved about it, and when I came here I could see why. It's especially lovely as the sun sets, sometimes the mist rolls in and you can't see anything, but it was beautiful this evening". "Yes, we were so lucky today, the sunset was glorious" said Mum.

We had chatted and laughed like old times; it was so strange this easiness with which we all got along , like we had never severed our relationships. It must come with age, if we were still 20 years old I don't suppose we would have felt so comfortable; ex lovers talking as friends, sitting here with my parents.

"Did you want to show your parents your room?" she said as we pulled up at the campus. "No, it's late, maybe I will bring them by tomorrow, didn't you say you were on an early, I can show them when it's empty, then I will show them the campus area and the hospital." "So what are you planning on doing after that?" "thought we'd take it easy, go to the Golden Gate Park, look at the conservatory of flowers, the Japanese garden etc, I will park the car nearby as it's closed to traffic then, we can take a stroll." "That sounds lovely, and the forecast is good for the next few days. It has been really great seeing you two again; next time I talk to Mum I will tell her, she missed your company when she moved over to Boston. Well enjoy the rest of your stay, maybe I will see you some other time. Goodnight." "Yes, bye Laura, it's been lovely, and thank you once again for booking that restaurant, it was delightful". "look after yourself" said Dad. I turned around to them and said, "I'll just walk Laura back to the building, I won't be long".

"Thanks for asking me tonight Jake it's been lovely. Before I forget, is everything ok with you at my apartment, the hot waters' working, it can be a bit temperamental at times." "Yes it's great, no problems at all, thanks again for letting us use it. I'm glad you enjoyed it tonight; I know my parents loved seeing you again. Listen, I will drop your apartment keys here on Wednesday morning, I will leave them on my desk; and I'll leave their bags here too, we can go to the airport from here later; you can give me my spare key another time as you will need to lock the door after you have picked yours up." "yes that's fine with me as I'm on day shift this week ". I stood there looking at him; it would be so very easy for me to reach up and kiss him, I wanted to, I so wanted to. "Well goodnight then Jake." "Yeah, goodnight".

Maybe I shouldn't have been so nosey, but, as he said, I was Miss Inquisitive. I had been looking at his pin board earlier today, looking at the new photos from his family, his siblings kids' drawings; laughing to myself at the memories of the fun times I'd had with some of them in the past. I had been eyeing his text books too when I had seen on the shelf below a photo album, so naturally I had picked it up . There she was, this woman with such a hold over him. I was surprised she was older than I had imagined, but pretty, with nice eyes and a lovely smile. I recognized the place; Sacred Rock State Park. They seemed to be having so much fun, and the funny comments underneath each photo must be in her hand, as it wasn't Jake's peculiar writing; he always held his pen at a most unusual angle, even for a leftie, which made it very distinguishable. "Abby" so that's your name." He had not elaborated anymore since that night we'd spoken about her; I was not going to push it, but it was obvious he still had strong feelings about her, was that why he did not want to stay over the other night?. He obviously felt there was still a chance with her, so he didn't want to tarnish his conscience by staying with me. Was that it?.

I picked up the album again. "Abby, if you could see him you'd know he's still in love with you" I said to myself.

Yet I was left wondering, why did he see me so often, we met every week, once, sometimes twice; we had a great time together. Was he just lonely? He never really said.


	33. Chapter 33

**Jake at UCSF - Dad's viewpoint**

"Listen Cath, don't say anything when he gets back into the car, you'll embarrass the boy". "I know he said there was nothing going on, but she seemed really happy tonight, she was always looking at him, maybe they have sorted things out between themselves, he's just not letting on, they were always so well suited I thought." "Honestly woman, just because Danny's getting married next month, doesn't mean Jake's far behind, let the lad enjoy himself; look he's been studying for so long, even now his delving into textbooks again, he was a little quiet a while back, maybe the Finals had something to do with it, I don't know, but he seemed to enjoy tonight, let him do things in his own time, don't start going on about her ok?" "alright Dr. Phil" she laughed.

"Dad, did you want a beer?" "yes I'll join you, I noticed you didn't drink earlier, have you gone off wine?" "No, but you know me, a couple of glasses and I start to lose it, so I didn't want to drink and drive, I fancy one now though." "I didn't mention it earlier, but we've arranged to take Danny to "The Blue Haven" for his bachelor do, were going the Saturday before, shame you can't join us". "Boozing and naked women, how original," I laughed, "Well you have to keep the tradition going, sad that it is. I must say I was really surprised when Danny said they were going to get married, they've not been dating long, I thought perhaps there was an ulterior motive, but not at all." "He just fell head over heels in love, it happens to us all eventually, didn't you say that's how it happened between you and Mum." "I think that was more of a case of me falling out of the tree when I went to rescue her cat; I think your Mum was so shocked she had to follow up and see how I was, she came by the hospital every day, I swear that's why she forbid me getting you kids a cat, only a dog, she had a guilty conscience" he laughed. "Chuny's going out with the girls that night too; not sure what they are doing; probably involve naked men; mind you all those lot from the hospital will think nothing of it, they're used to all that". "yes that's true".

Would she be going too?

"what are you doing Jake? …. Jake, did you hear what I said?" he nudged me with his elbow, "sorry did you say something?" " you weren't listening were you? I said are you planning to take the Friday overnight flight, or would you be able to come over earlier that day?" "I think I can only make the late night one, I will go straight over to Danny's I should be there by 5.30 and with him by 7 - 730 am , no lie in for him, he will be pleased". "Let's hope the weather's fine and your flight's not delayed, otherwise Mike may have to make the best man's speech instead, mind you he might take great pleasure in that, get his own back ". he said smiling. "well that' beer's enough for me, I'll be off, see you in the morning son" "goodnight Dad".

We had a great few days, just the three of us, exploring the northern shores of the bay; tasting the wines in the Nappa Valley, looking at the artist colony in Sausalito, going to Alcatraz, China town, the Golden Gate park; and looking around his campus. Time went too quickly. We had a lot of laughs, but sometimes I noticed him just staring, lost in thought, when we were supposed to be enjoying the view; his Mum and I were passing comments; but he was miles away.

"I can't believe it's our last day, the time has just flown by." I said as I watched him cooking pancakes. "I know, but it's been great having you over, I didn't realize I missed you both so much; it's true; absence makes the heart grow fonder".

Catherine and I had both come from large families, and decided early on in our marriage that we wanted three or four kids ourselves; they seemed to come like clockwork, every two years. "This is definitely the last one Sean; think of the cooking, the washing, the expense. NO more" she had said after Daniel was born.

That Summer had been excessively and uniquely hot; relentless days of over 90Fdegrees. It was more than you could do just to think. We found fire fighting horrendous at that time; so many fires starting by self combustion, and attending them was a nightmare, the heat, oh god, the heat. At home the air conditioning went peculiar, and didn't seem to make much difference; so we had bought in fans too. You had the blinds down and the drapes pulled to just to try and keep the place cool; we lived in shorts, it was horrendous having to don a uniform for work.

The kids loved it of course, splashing about in their paddling pool under the awning, or sleeping in their tent in the yard. "Mike leave your sister's hat alone, what have I told you, keep covered up, its too hot to be without a hat on. Grace, leave the dog be, he's hot like you, let him sit in the shade. Mary, Danny, will you two stop arguing. Oh, …these kids will be the death of me" Cathy had said that afternoon. "Listen go have a lie down, it's just the heat getting to you, I will bring you up an iced tea" "That sounds like bliss, thanks ". "Mikey, I'm going inside to take Mum a drink, watch your brother and sisters, don't let them play out in the direct sunshine it's too hot, keep them under the cover; and don't tease the dog" "ok Dad".

"When is this heat going to break; it's too much, I don't know how you cope at work". "You kinda get used to it, anyway have a sip of this it's nice and cool". I lay down on the bed beside her just looking at her, she was still so pretty; even after all these years of marriage I loved her as much, if not more, than on our wedding day. "Sean, don't look at me like that, I know what you're after; NO it's too darn hot, Sean,…no….no she giggled, ohhhh Sean , ……Sean…….hmmmmmm".

Jake had not been planned, and the look she gave me when she told me was not one of pleasure. "Sean why couldn't you have been like most men and just flopped in front of the tv when the weather was so hot, why did you have to be so ..…" "irresistible!" her stern look gave way to the warmest smile, "this one is DEFINITELY the last; it's snip snip time for you".

I love all my kids; and I know I shouldn't have favourites, but I couldn't help having a soft spot for Michael, my first born. I recall every moment of his birth, the long hours of labour she went through, "never again" every new mother's lament, until they hold their newborn in their arms, and the overwhelming love they feel for that child pushes aside all the rigours of birth from their mind. Catherine had been lucky with the others, their labour had been relatively quick and straight forward. Then he came.

Jake, how could you not adore him? Six years down the line, this little whirlwind of fun and laughter appeared. He was always so good natured, so inquisitive; so helpful. Oh he teased us all alright, I'm sure his sisters cursed his presence at times when they had their boyfriends over, he always seemed to be hanging round quizzing the boys, much to his sisters annoyance; but you couldn't help just loving him, there was something in his smile and twinkling blue eyes that melted your heart. As they got older the relationships between all the siblings grew stronger, he was no longer their annoying younger brother, but a level headed, intelligent, caring young man; so full of life, so funny; always so optimistic, even when his medical problems came to light.

Yes, Mike and he held an extra special place in my heart.

"So what have you in mind to do today Jake, we more or less have the whole day free; we might as well make use of our time together." "I thought we could take the cable car down to Fishermen's Wharf, and take the cruise around the bay, that will be nice and relaxing, then go somewhere for a late lunch; what about China town?" "that sounds great, what do you think honey?" "yes I'd like to do that; it's a beautiful day again I can't believe how lucky we've been".

"It has been so lovely Jake seeing you; and thanks for taking us to see all the different places; it's been a wonderful break." "Glad you enjoyed it Mum, and it won't be so long before I see you and Dad again, the wedding's not far off". "Yes, but it will be so hectic that I won't have time to enjoy your company properly, that's why this trip has been so great, its been time spent with you, that's what has been important". I hugged and kissed her, then said my goodbyes to Dad. As he embraced me, he said, "I do miss you too you know, Mum doesn't have the monopoly on that".


	34. Chapter 34

**Abby - Chicago pt 3 - Chuny's hen night**

"No doubt they think we are at some male strip joint," Chuny said laughing. "If only they knew" said Maria, "mind you I'm a bit gutted, just 'cause you lot see naked bodies every day you shouldn't spoil our fun". "Too right, next time anyone gets married we will organize the bachelorette venue not leave it up to the bride to be; mind you this is great here, it's a really good atmosphere, so you didn't do too badly Chuny", laughed Carla, her cousin.

We had gone to a Latin restaurant/nightclub, and as it was a Saturday night the place was heaving. There was quite a crowd of us too; Chuny's three sisters, and six of her cousins as well as our group from the hospital. We had had a good old laugh whilst we ate our meal, mainly at Chuny's expense when she told us of her trials in trying to appease her mother when it came to her wedding dress. "Just wait till you see it" she giggled. "she's not joking" said her sisters in unison, "we've been there, we can sympathize" said Maria.

"So even if Danny's side can't Salsa at least you lot will be able to show them what to do after tonight" said Maria; as they led us through to the dance floor. "and it's great for the figure" she laughed. We all had a lot of fun trying to pick it up, Haleh of course had all the action in the right places, she was just a natural dancer, some of us struggled at the beginning; but by the end of the night we all could pass off a reasonable, to the untrained eye at least, Salsa. "So see you all next week at sometime" I said as we left the club. "Yes, keep dancing, keep practicing I want you ladies to knock 'em dead on the dance floor next Saturday", said Maria.

"So we going onto somewhere else just for drinks?" said Susan. "The night's still young, I'm game" Neela added. "And me" said Chuny. "what about you Abby?" "why not, I'm on a late." The others decided to call it a day, some of our ER group were working the morning shift, and as it was already nearly 1am decided they'd better go get some sleep. After we said our goodbyes, Neela said, "where we going?" "follow me, I know a place, it has music until the early hours, you can just sit and drink " said Susan.

"Your turn again, Neela" "oh, it's getting hard, I'm running out of ideas, …hmmm, gosh the most obvious and no one's asked it yet,…. doctor you'd like to screw, and why?" "Morris" said Susan laughing, "can't resist a redhead" "Dubenko, to see if he could go through foreplay without rambling on about the declining spermatozoa count in the modern male or some such thing," I said, "yeah bet he would find some fascinating topic to enlighten you with" chuckled Neela "dr. Dorset, he was pretty hot; I like a bad boy" added Chuny. "Ray……no just kidding, I'll go along with Abby, Dubenko , he'd be an interesting challenge" said Neela.

"Morris or Ray" I asked. "Morris" I have to keep with him said Susan. "Yep, me too" "Neela…….this time Ray" "definitely Ray all the way" said Chuny.

"Jerry or Frank?" said Susan. "Eweeeee! said Neela "come on got to give an answer" "ok … ohhh…Jerry" she reluctantly replied. "Trying not to think about it…..but Jerry" said Chuny. "Ahhh poor Frank, I'll have him, see if he is really a pussycat underneath that gruff exterior. What about you Susan?" "Jerry".

"Well I think we've about exhausted those, don't you? Hope to god there's no tape recording going on here" said Susan laughing. "actually I've got one more," said Chuny . "Medical student you'd like to have screwed and why?" "Jake….. do you really need a reason" said Neela smiling gleefully. "Jake, I'm with you on that….it's the cheeky smile and lovely eyes " said Susan. "Jake……no I can't say that; he's gonna be my brother in law next week,……. god don't tell Danny" she giggled, " I know," she continued, "what about Urbanus, he was so sweet, ". "I'll go with the majority, Jake too; no doubt he'd do everything to make you feel utterly desired as a woman". I saw them all looking questionably at me. "I meant, as an older woman, he'd want to please you……being a younger man……. well you know what they say". They all burst out laughing, "why you blushing Abby" said Susan, "you got the hots for him?" giggled Chuny. "No, she can't have him, he's all mine, just wait until next week, if he doesn't bring a girl along….." laughed Neela.

The others might have been a little tipsy, but I was as sober as a judge. I meant every word I'd said.


	35. Chapter 35

**Jake in Chicago - wedding day**

"So you're off tonight; you will be feeling a little tired by the time you get home, you never can sleep well on the red eye flights" "Tell me about it, but I couldn't take any time off as it's not been long since I had that official break, so maybe I will just have to drink something on the flight to make myself relax and try to sleep". I had received a message from Laura asking if we could meet in the hospital canteen as she had something for me to give to Danny. " I just got him a card to wish him well, but I wasn't sure how you spelt his girls name, so I need to finish it off before I seal it. Remember I want plenty of details when you come back. I heard the weather forecast last night, it's going to remain good weather in Chicago; the church they are using is going to look beautiful with all the Fall colours in the trees as a backdrop, they should have some lovely pictures." "Yes, when I spoke to Mum yesterday, she said it has been beautiful there all week". "Did you finish your speech ? The part you read to me was very witty, it will go down well I'm sure". "Yes, I finished it last night". "Well I gotta be going, have a safe flight, and say hi to your parents for me. Bye Jake".

"Arghhhh, Jake did you have to come at this god damn time, don't you know you're suppose to ease gently into your wedding day not get up at the crack of dawn, give a man a break" "It's nearly 8am, what are you going on about? I see by the look of things you were celebrating here last night too, I thought your bachelor party was last weekend; I thought the idea was to give you time to recover." "Believe it or not it was just Mike and Dad, we had such a laugh; we got to wonder what you are going to come up with in your speech, they thought of some amusing stuff, mind you it might not be repeatable; Mike gave me a ribbing again for mine, poor guy, don't think he ever lived down some of the things I revealed; if only you could have been here too. You know I think we are really lucky being so close, we get along so well not everyone is so fortunate with their families." "That's true, I know we have our disagreements at times but that's only natural, but none of us hold grudges, except for when Grace decided to support the Red Sox, don't know if I've ever forgiven her for that" I said laughing. "yeah, I'm siding with you on that one".

"So what time are we going over to Mum's? you did say we were picking them up en route to the church, does that still stand?". "Yeah, Martin's bringing a minivan, you know he doesn't drink, so he volunteered to ferry us all, god help him tonight with you lot", he laughed. "by the way you're still staying over there tonight aren't you, or did you want to stop here? Martin said he's coming here at 12.pm, we should be at Mum's by quarter past, Mike's bringing his family over to Mum's too, and cousin Julie and Aunt Jane and Uncle Bob will be there so we can all go together; then it's, what about 20minutes to the church, so that leaves about 25 minutes spare encase of traffic". "That sounds a good idea, and the traffic shouldn't be too bad as we are not going into the city centre. Thanks for the room offer but I promised Mum I'd stay at home so I could see the Texan branch, don't get to see them so much nowadays. Well I don't know about you but I'm famished, is there anything I can eat in the your fridge?". "Plenty, Chuny keeps it well stocked, every time she comes over she brings more food, it's something to do with keeping your man well fed and he won't wander; I dunno, well that's what she tells me. So do you want to go cook a condemn man his last meal ?" he joked.

"Can I ask you something" I said as we sat eating our breakfast. "fire away ". "I know you've had quite a few girlfriends/lovers, call them what you will, but what made Chuny so special, "the one", you didn't date so long before you got engaged; you went out with Megan for nearly three years, yet that fizzled out, but here you are about to get married".

"Jake, how many times do I have to tell you; just because you see me chatting up the ladies doesn't mean anything, it's just my affable nature; and some of the things I've said to you in the past, I'm joking when I say them; I'm just winding you up. If you must know, including Chuny, I've had, let me see……. starting from my first date with Erin, when I was 17 years old, to the present time …….nine girlfriends. Before you ask, 'cause I have a feeling you will, it's gonna be one of those sort of mornings I can see; I've slept with, including Chuny …..five. Despite the impression you have of me, I don't just jump into bed with them, or have one night stands, I told you that before. I actually enjoy the company of women; I love their femininity, their take on life, I think it's because I'm surrounded by men all day, you don't have that, your workplace has a good mix of sexes. As for Chuny, I told you, she's just so much fun, and underneath that bubbly exterior she shares the same hopes for the future; believes in the values I do. Marriage, family, loyalty, to name a few: she's caring and supportive too. It's funny with Megan, I wanted to take the next step, get engaged, yet towards the end she made it quite clear she didn't want a family, or want to settle down, she was quite happy with the situation we had; lets face it we were both in our mid twenties, so I can understand her stance. Yet look at her now, eight years down the line, married with two kids. Mind you, with Chuny, I'm in for an interesting ride. I don't know how I'm gonna cope with her fiery Latino temperament; I've had a dose of that already; all this stuff that's been going on, first her cousin's wedding, sorting out our wedding stuff with her Mum, and trying to appease her mothers crazy ideas on wedding dresses, and then her working too, it got to her; my god, I tell you when she gets going……although making up was pretty explosive; thank goodness I wasn't to blame I dread to think what will happen if I am in the wrong ." he laughed. "Does that answer your question".

"Yes; your so lucky to have someone who shares in your beliefs and hopes for the future. Can I ask your opinion, how would you feel if you loved someone; believed, no, knew they cared about you too, but because of an underlying self doubt , didn't want to admit to those feelings. Suppose you knew why they had these doubts, but you couldn't say because you would be betraying someone's trust; would you feel there was any hope for a future together. Would you want to pursue that relationship?"

"Phew! That's a bit heavy isn't it, you're my best man , you're supposed to be keeping me upbeat this morning Jake, not depress me with this sort of stuff" "Please, I'd like to know what you think". "Oh is this referring to your mysterious girlfriend that never showed up at the graduation?" "No, it's a friend at the hospital; he asked me yesterday what to do, I told him if he really loved her to give her time, she would need to see for herself if she trusted him enough to open up and explain why she had hesitated in sharing her doubts with him . Do you think I gave him the correct advise?" "Without knowing either of them it's hard to say, but maybe if she's young she's like Megan was, unsure of what she wants, there maybe too many options pulling her, because it's a big commitment to admit to someone you love them and want to share the future together, it scares some people away, it's too much to handle; they like the romance but commitment's a step too far. If I loved her would I wait, that's difficult, there's only so much time you can, otherwise you end up sacrificing your happiness waiting for something that's not going to happen. As I say, without knowing them, it's difficult to give an honest opinion." "Perhaps your right, there is only so much time to hold onto someone who is afraid to commit".

"Jake, enough of this, look it's my wedding morning, it maybe only 930am but I'm going to have a beer, if you say anything to Chuny, I'll say you drove me to it with your topic of conversation. Care to join me, you will have time for it to wear off".

"Why not. Oh I've got my camera with me, I said to Dad I'd take some shots of you getting ready, candid stuff that's fun to look at instead of all the formal photos later. I am going to take some during the day, informal pictures of everyone, I bought a couple of films with me. First off - beer drinking at 930am" I said laughing.

"Did you have to make any alteration to the suit or are you still the same size" "No, I went to collect it from their branch in town ten days ago and it was fine, good thing they had an outlet in San Fran. too otherwise it would have been impossible to get anything to match with me there and you here. I was lucky last night the steward hung it up for me so it shouldn't be creased, I'll take a look in a minute. It looks good on, if I say so myself; but I somehow don't think the cummerbund or bowtie is gonna stay on for too long after we start dancing" "I know, I'm hoping Chuny will let me take mine off too, but as the groom she may not think it appropriate, so I'll have to play it by ear. By the way; how come you didn't get a hair trim, she'll have something to say about that I know. "

As we sat drinking our beer Danny said, "listen as we have no secrets today, come on

spill the beans, how many girlfriends you really had". " I'm not getting married, I don't have to say" "hey I told you, I've never been that candid before, mind you I did not reveal those others names so I don't feel guilty, I've kept their honour intact. I know about Laura and Connie, and Suzie from way back, how many more have there been?" "three" "and ……" "and what?" "you know what" "had carnal knowledge with?" "yeah that" "four" "four out of six - Jake, now who 's the bad boy its not me not with those statistics." he said laughing. "And have you ever been in love?" "I thought so" "with whom?" "that's all your getting out of me". "I thought you were seeing someone earlier this year did you keep in touch after you moved out West?" "No" "That's all; no, what happened, you seemed happy each time I saw you; and when you didn't say anything I knew it must be getting serious, that's how I remember it was with Laura. Why didn't you ever bring her round here, or to Mum's?" "listen do you mind if we drop the subject, ..….oh I've just remembered I've got a card here for you" "from Laura, that's sweet of her, I hear you two seem to be getting along well, are you rekindling that relationship?" "can we leave out talking about women, lets talk about my role today, I've not been to the rehearsal so tell me what I've got to do, stand where, apart from the obvious next to you, is there anything extra you wanted me to do?" "avoiding the subject are we?" I just gave him a stern glare. "oh, like that I see, touched a raw nerve, sorry. Nothing unusual, the normal best man's duty, just don't forget the ring. By the way, am I in for a hard time with your speech later". "you bet, mind you I may have to alter the bit about your bad boy reputation, it doesn't really apply, looks like I have taken over that role, unless you'd like to enlighten me with Mike's record". "geeze, Jake your not gonna mention that, Chuny's mother would kill me I'm sure" " don't be daft, only good things I promise."

As Danny went to get showered, I wondered to myself if Abby would be there at the church. I was longing to see her, I'd thought of nothing but her as I flew back home. Yet I was so nervous of seeing her, we'd hardly spoken in those last few weeks, it had been so awkward. I had so wanted to tell her I knew why she was reacting this way, but the frustration of not being able to was so hard to bear at times. Even now thinking about it……I couldn't help but recall what he'd said earlier, about just waiting for so long then giving up hope; carrying on with my life; was that what I was gonna have to do?.

"Bloody hell Jake, what's that glass in your hand? Don't tell me you've been drinking the whisky, not with the beer, what's got into you, you know what happens if you mix them, come on you're meant to be looking after me, I'm the one whose supposed to be nervous, not you. Don't tell me I'm gonna have to sober you up. Put the glass down, go take a shower".

As the hot steaming spray run over my body I tried to push aside THAT night from my mind, the hurt I felt at her rejection, why was I thinking about then, why not the fun times we had, the laughs we shared, the love I knew I had for her. "Abby why do you confuse me so much? Perhaps I'm not so grown up after all when it comes to relationships."

"You've not shaved! Why? Are you doing everything to get me into Chuny's bad books." "They say ladies like the look, there will be plenty there, so I'm going like this, besides didn't I meet Connie at Joseph's wedding, I was like this then too, so it's staying". "Jake you can be a right bloody pain at times; I'll put your bolshi attitude down to the whisky, I know how quickly it effects you. Anyway, I 've made some strong coffee, drink some BLACK".

"That will be Martin, you ready?" "As I ever will be; gosh I'm starting to feel nervous now…..am I really doing the right thing, it's been so quick". "Danny you love her, you know she's "the one", think about what you told me earlier, you can't interfere with Fate" "that's true" "Come here." I gave him a hug, "I'm so very happy for you, I know Chuny and you were made for each other; and I'm sorry I mixed the drinks earlier, needed a bit of Dutch courage, I didn't think I would feel so nervous too, forgive me?" "I could never stay annoyed with you even as a kid, I love you Jake, and I'm proud that you're here today as my best man", he said as he hugged me back.


	36. Chapter 36

**Abby/Jake - The Wedding - pt.1**

Would he be there? Of course he would; he was Danny's brother. Why was I feeling so nervous, so excited? I knew why, I would be seeing him again; it had been months since that fateful day, when those words had turned my world upside down. Although we had seen each other at work a couple of times afterwards it had been awkward, would it be the same this time?

I had to work the day shift unlike Susan, Helah, and Neela; they'd all been off, so had been able to attend the ceremony, the wedding breakfast, as well as tonight. Luka was on nights but he'd stopped by during the day before coming to the hospital for his shift; "it's pretty crazy over there, good fun, reminds me of a Croatian wedding" he said laughing. Carter had even promised to be back from Africa for the big day, he said he'd plan his next visit to oversee the building of the Joshua Carter centre to coincide with it; how could he miss it he told Chuny, in his email, I've known you over 11 years.

I went home took a quick shower, making sure not to wet my hair, and got ready; the taxi was due at 8.15pm. I had taken ages to decide what to buy; Chuny's invitation to all the girls in the ER had all been overwritten in her hand saying "sexy dresses only, absolutely no trousers or you will have me to answer for". I had been to several shops looking for inspiration, I hardly ever wore dresses or skirts; I recall Jake saying "why don't you, you have a great figure, why hide it ?" I had finally gone into a small store, "Angelique's" they had a dress in the window that had caught my eye. "Yes it is a lovely dress, the structured bodice means you don't have to wear any thing else, and it really enhances the figure" the saleswoman had said, "if your not keen on the white we have it in various colours, and you can mix and match the ribbon for any colour you want too." I knew the moment she showed me the selection; she had it about ten different colours, they were all so pretty, but she had one in a pale lavender blue, his favourite colour. "I mentioned the ribbon that goes under the bust can be any colour, do you have one in mind you'd like to try?" "Do you have one in brown?" it may not be best combination, but it was the standing joke between us about his undeniable love for the colour.

So here I was standing in front of the mirror. I had decided to put a few curls in my hair with my tongs (they normally did not see the light of day, ) so that when I brushed them my hair would be wavy, not it's usual dead straight. I had made myself practice a couple of times till I could do it quickly as I knew I wouldn't have much time when I got home. I applied a small amount of makeup, put in the earrings Jake had given me, and said to myself, "actually you do look rather nice even if I say so myself".

The dress was simple, yet stunning. It had spaghetti straps, leading down to the bodice which I must say did enhance the bust, I was not that particularly well endowed, but it sure looked as if I was now. The silk material was slightly ruched as it ran over the bodice, but just flowed naturally down from underneath the bust line; there was no adornment save for the wide ribbon that ran around the dress from the back to underneath the bust, where it was bowed slightly off centre, its loose ends trailing down to the middle of my thigh; the chocolate brown the sales assistant had chosen complemented the lavender better than I had expected. When I had first seen it, I had loved its simplicity, but I wondered if it would look too young on me but it hadn't at all, in fact the woman had said it suited all ages, she was right, as the style was classically timeless, and the colour really did compliment my skin tone. It was the sort of dress you could wear at various functions, she had said, (yeah, as if I went to any of those) as it finished just below the knee, it did not drop dead straight, as the cut of the material meant it flared out slightly, and flowed as you moved, it felt great on, it was so feminine, and I must admit, it made you feel sexy too. I decided to buy a pair of strapy heeled sandals in the same colour, and a small clutch purse and wrap in a chocolate to complete the outfit.

Let's face it, I had bought it with him in mind, would he like it? Would he be pleased to see me? Would time have healed the wound I caused?

I had just left the dance floor with Neela; we had gone back to the "ER table", and there she was chatting to Susan. Abby looked stunning, more beautiful than I can ever recall.

"Abby,…. bloody hell, look at you,..…you look fabulous..… you on the pull?." "I could say the same for you, look at that revealing top, your mother wouldn't approve" "thank god she's in England then," she laughed, "besides I'm only following Chuny's instructions "sexy dresses" "well I'm just recalling that article I read, 60 of people meet their future spouses at weddings, so fingers crossed." "60, " he said, "I had no idea." "yes, 60 here, 20, in supermarkets, believe it or not, and the other 20 in bars, dances or wherever". "I better go warn the other single men to be on the lookout for predatory females, or else they won't stand a chance with those statistics." he chuckled.

"Jake it's nice to see you; Californian air seems to suit you, you look well, how's the internship going?" "Great, it's hard work, but really interesting, …..so Abby may I get you a drink, what would you like?; oh and before I forget, there's a buffet at the far end of the hall, a wonderful fusion of Hispanic and Irish fare, you must be hungry if you've just come off you're shift." I inwardly laughed, Jake and cuisine. "I'll have a club soda, no ice, just lemon thanks."

Jake looked wonderful, he had a lovely tan, and those beautiful, hypnotic blue eyes of his seemed even more pronounced. I noticed he had not shaved, he'd got a couple of days growth on his chin , no doubt Chuny had been pleased, she'd probably say he spoilt the photographs, looking like that, like he just got up. ( Had he done that for me, he knew I found it sexy; what was I thinking, why would he, we'd had no contact for just over four months, he'd probably met someone else, he was a good looking guy, he'd have no problems there). I noticed his hair was longer too, only an inch or so; because he'd been dancing it had a slightly tousled look, but it suited him; it was at that length that if you ran your fingers through it, you could take a spiral of hair and wrap it around your finger and play with it. Despite being October the weather was fabulous, and like many of the men present he'd removed his jacket and tie, but he'd also undone the top couple of buttons on his shirt exposing that chest hair that had caused me to stop in my tracks that first night…… oh god I wanted him so much.

Abby's understated sexy dress I noticed was in my favourite colour, it even had a brown ribbon on it; she had always said I had some brown colour fetish; we had often joked about it. I noticed too that she was wearing the earrings I'd given her for her birthday. They were real diamonds; she'd been shocked when I gave them to her. I know she was always saying let me pay for this, or I'll go halves with you, you're still a student I've been there, I know what it's like to eke the money out; but I had wanted to spoil her, she meant the world to me; I loved her. Nor could I get over her hair, it looked lovely, she'd often had it in different styles, but never wavy like now, it suited her, and with her tan from the long hot Summer she looked simply sensational……. oh god I wanted her so much.


	37. Chapter 37

**Abby/Jake The Wedding pt.2**

I said to Neela as I returned with Abby's drink, "tell Abby this is for her; I better go mingle or else my brother will be after me, I'll come and dance with you again later."

I saw Abby at the top table talking and laughing with Chuny and Danny; I could not take my eyes off of her, she just looked so beautiful.

I stopped on my way to the buffet table to chat with Chuny and Danny, she looked pretty, if somewhat swamped in the material of her dress. "Oh don't laugh Abby, it was the least meringue like dress I tried on, you know I wanted something plain, but there was no way my mother was gonna allow that, it's not the done thing in her mind to have a simple style wedding gown. Danny reckons I will smother him to death on the bed tonight." "Yes Abby, give me your number before you leave, I may need to call for medical assistance." At least he saw the funny side too. "I love your dress" Chuny said, "it will go down a treat with all the males here." "Oh thanks, I'm glad you like it; and Danny, what's gonna happen in the city if there's a fire tonight, are there any firemen on duty, it looks like they are all here," I giggled.

I had a laugh dancing with the men, even Morris seemed to forgive the chastisements I've given him in the past, paying me compliments too; I must remember to wear this dress again, it does wonders for your ego I decided. Chuny had said she'd alternated the band, getting them to play for an hour, followed by disco music for half an hour, so they could take a rest, have a drink, something to eat, they were excellent, singing and playing all manner of music; they really made the evening.

In all that time Jake never once came up to me and asked me for a dance; although I had wanted to, I could hardly approach him. O h well, at least it was clear to me now what he thought about me; I had, as I had done so before, ruined a perfectly good relationship because of my fears; but this time it wasn't just that, I had severed myself from my soul mate.

I had danced with several of Chuny's family, my Mum and sisters too, yet I could not bring myself to approach her again. Why? I wanted to hold her, to feel her delicate soft skin against my hands, to look closely at her face, into her eyes, to embrace her, to tell her how gorgeous she looked; yet I couldn't, my pride had got the better of me . I just watched her as I danced, she was enjoying herself so much, it was great to see her so relaxed, to see that smile of hers again.

Later as I'd stood at the side of the hall, sipping my second whisky, ( why I was drinking it, because I just felt so confused seeing her, did I think the alcohol could somehow make me see sense, hardly, it was just a foolish action ) my Dad came over; "Jake what's got into you? Why are you drinking shots, three beers is just about all you can handle, you're not like your old Dad or brothers." "So, what's the f---ing big deal, it's a wedding, people drink, if I 'd known I was being watched I wouldn't have bloody bothered flying over" I slurred. "Jake come with me" he said angrily, as he took the glass out of my hand, grabbed me by the arm, and guided me out of the hall, cross the corridor, and through the glass door opposite to the steps outside.

"You may be all grown up, a doctor even, but you don't speak to me like that. What the hell has got into you? Danny told me about this morning, he was concerned, it's not like you Jake, you were always the sensible one, I never had to worry about you in that way, but look at you. What's wrong, have you had something show up on your EKG, had a problem at work? We all can tell you're enjoying your hospital work by your enthusiastic comments; but that sparkle has gone from your eyes lad, your mother and I noticed it when we visited, come on, tell me, how can I do anything if you bottle it up inside. I'm you're Dad I want to help."

I could feel the tears welling up, I tried to fight them, but the drink had not helped either.

"For Christ sake, Jake, tell me. I 've never seen you like this, not even when you're heart problems surfaced" he said as he pull me into his arms and hugged me. "I'm sorry Dad, I didn't mean what I said back there, you know I love you to bits, it's nothing to worry about, it's just, …… just relationship problems." was all I said.

"Is it Laura? I thought you two were getting back together again". "No were just friends, it's no one you've ever met, it was someone I was very fond of, no lets be honest, I loved her but, ……but it didn't work out;…… it's just the wedding, and being back in Chicago, its made me come over all emotional; made me realize just how much I miss her; I'm just like women are at these sentimental occasions, god, you must think I'm pathetic." "Women can do that to you I know; I can think of the occasional times your mother and I have had words, how I felt, who says it's just women that get upset. I'm just so glad it's not a medical problem. Jake just promise me, don't drink anymore, have some strong black coffee; luckily your Mum's dancing so much she may not have noticed, but if she sees you in this state, she will kill me for not stopping you, she knows only too well you can't handle the hard stuff; I often wonder if you really are my son ." "Dad", I said laughing, " I promise I won't have anymore, I'm sorry if I caused you to worry unnecessarily, and please forgive me for being so short with you, I shouldn't have sworn at you, I'm sorry, it was uncalled for, I don't know why I said that. " "Don't worry, it's just the drink talking. Jake, I love you, more than you will ever know, …..….see you're getting me at it now too " he said as he chocked back the tears. "Well no one can say we don't share the same genes" he said as he tried to laugh it off.

I was on my way back from the bathroom, I could see what looked like Jake outside through the glass door hugging someone. I shouldn't stay and watch, but I couldn't help it. I was surprised to see him come back inside with his arm around his Dad; it was the same older man I'd seen at his graduation, who else could it be, you could see the resemblance, those same blue eyes, that dark wavy hair, he was right about those genes. He hesitated, when he saw me, but as always, the well mannered man that he was, said, "Abby, wait, you've never met my Dad, I've mentioned him often enough, let me properly introduce you. Abby, this is my Dad, Sean; and Dad, this is doctor Lockhart, Abby and I worked together in the ER at County". "It's very nice to meet you Mr. Scanlon, Jake talked about you often." "All good things I hope".

I was shocked, both of them had obviously been crying, their eyes were still quite watery. "It's a great wedding Mr. Scanlon, a real lovely atmosphere, and as I said earlier to Danny, are there any firemen left in the stations tonight?" "It makes you wonder" he replied. I didn't want to linger, they were trying to be polite I knew, but I could see they needed to be alone a moment longer, "well I'd better get back inside, I'll see you later".

It scared the life out of me, I wanted to talk to him, was it his heart, had something shown up on his EKG why would they both have been crying? But how could I, I had no right whatsoever. If he wanted to tell me, it was for him to initiate the conversation. I just kept thinking about him, what was wrong?


	38. Chapter 38

**Abby /Jake - The Wedding pt.3**

The band were playing again by the time I went back inside. As I got to our table Carter said, "come on Abby, lets dance this slow one for old times sake" I recalled our first dance together at the charity function in the museum; gosh that had been so long ago. It had been the beginning and end of two relationships that night; Luka, who had always been so patient and understanding, letting me go without any trace of envy; but from that night, I had let my continued friendship with Carter take on a different prospective; yet, in the end I had lost both of them. It had taken a long and dramatic turn of events before we could all be on mutual terms again. I was sorry for the pain I caused, especially to Luka, he was such an honest loving man, I think I would always carry a small torch for him deep within my heart. As the dance ended, Carter kissed me lightly on the lips, I was quite shocked. "John, don't do that, you'll ruin all my chances with these burly firemen" was all I could say; "it's for old times sake Abby, we are, and always will be friends" I just prayed Jake had not seen it.

So now I knew; that's why she looked so happy, Carter and Abby were back together again. I had finally been introduced to him earlier this afternoon, he seemed a great guy, considering his wealth, he was very down to earth. Maggie had told me they dated over a year. I could understand why they had been together, he was very amiable. I was a total fool; there I was thinking she felt like me; that there was a remote chance that we could try again, maybe tonight would be the opening we needed, but I had done nothing to help, I could have asked her to dance, but I had let my wounded pride stop me. John had been quite guarded, he'd not been openly affectionate with her until now, she'd been dancing with my brothers' friends, her work mates not showing any preference for anyone in particular, just enjoying, or so I thought, the opportunity to dance and have fun. How wrong could I be.

I saw him watching me, shit, why had John done that. What was going through his mind right now. Did he think I had started to see Carter; he did not know of our past relationship he wouldn't know why John had kissed me, for old times sake. If only he would come up and ask me to dance; I could explain; explain so many things, about THAT NIGHT, John's chaste kiss, how my heart ached , how I missed him; but most importantly, to get the chance to ask him what was troubling his Dad and him. I could not just go up to him and say "come and dance, you danced with my colleagues, why not me?" we had been so discreet all those months I did not want to arouse any suspicion.

Later when the band stopped for their break, Chuny called out, "Now we are going to have some cabaret for you, it's with great pleasure I give you Jake and Neela, aka Fred and Ginger demonstrating a Punjabi dance, to the Bhangra music, "Boohey Barain" a dance that holds a special place in my heart……one from the night that Danny and I met; so watch and learn…. JAKE where do you think you're sloping off to; no bathroom excuses from you my man, there's no escaping this" she laughed. I think it was the first time I've actually seen his blush. Neela grabbed him by the arm and pulled him onto the floor; as they past by me, I heard him say "is this payback time for the Valentine's dance Neela?" "you bet" she said laughing.

"Chuny you do realize you're fast becoming my least liked sister in law," he said laughing as he reached the middle of the floor. " I have one request, everyone else has to get up onto the floor after 30 seconds or else I'm off…..deal?" "don't be such a wimp Jake", I heard Danny call out from the other side of the room; gosh I felt for him, he did not look particularly sober, I 'd seen him drinking shots earlier, I'd never seen that before, was it because he was worried over his health, all he ever had with me was a couple of beers or glasses of wine, never mixing drinks, even with those he was pretty merry; I always teased him about it, saying I'd never been able to take advantage of a man so easily.

As the music started, he joined Neela in performing a Punjabi style dance, arms raised above his head, his shoulders moving up and down in rhythm to the music, his body twisting as he moved about the floor. I could see him glancing at his watch, wishing those thirty seconds away; true to her word Chuny pulled Danny onto the floor, saying "come on you lot, this is all you have to do". People by now, infused with alcohol, inhibitions thrown aside, all radiated onto the floor, it was hilarious to see this mass of bobbing heads and arms whilst the intoxicating music played. Jake came over to where Susan, Chuck and John were talking, "hey no standing on the sidelines, everyone's got to do this" he said, as he gently pushed them towards the crowd. Jake did not say anything to me, he just reached out and grabbed my hand and pull me onto the floor. It felt as if an electric current shot through me as his manly hand grabbed mine.

Abby looked so vulnerable standing there alone. I had been polite to her from the start, but the emotional wound she'd left could not be healed so easily, that's why I had just got her a drink and moved away from their table. I don't know if my talk with Dad had melted my frosty heart a little; maybe that's why I reached out and took her hand and led her onto the floor. I did not stay close by her, what was the point, she was with Carter now, so I moved away, dancing next to Susan.; but I could still feel that surge like burst of electricity that shot through my body at the touch of her delicate hand.


	39. Chapter 39

**Abby/Jake The Wedding pt.4**

I did not dance with Carter anymore, was it t show Jake that nothing was meant by that chaste kiss? Probably.

Susan and I were sitting down talking, taking a breather from all the dancing. "I know it's funny, I've not been to a dance in ages then this year I've been to the Valentines Day do, the Fireman's Barbeque/dance, now this; it's funny how it goes," I said. "Yep, it sure is, but one thing I want to know Abby, why has Jake ignored you?" "What do you mean, we have spoken a few times this evening, besides as the grooms family he has to mingle, you know, dance and talk to everyone." "Agreed, but he's not danced once with you unlike at the Valentines do, why's that do you think?" What could I say, I couldn't hesitate for too long, knowing Susan she'd be suspicious. "Oh we had an argument one time, just before he left the hospital when he came down whilst doing his extra surgical rotation; it was about some procedure, gosh I can't even recall what is was now, but obviously he's held a grudge, that's all I can think of." Did I sound convincing?. "Oh, I know people do harbour grudges, but I'm surprised I didn't think he was like that."

I tried to change the subject without appearing too eager to do so; "So Susan, do you think Chuny's found her soul mate in Danny?" "Well if she hasn't it's a bit too late, divorce is an expensive business…..that sounds terrible doesn't it "she said laughing.

"Actually I believe she has, I've known her a long time, and she's had a few guys in the past with whom she has had longer relationships than Danny, but there is something about him and his brother Jake too, they are both such great fun to be around, they'd cheer you up during the difficult moments we all have, and seeing the rest of the family too today, I can honestly say they are a genuinely loving one. No doubt they have their ups and downs like we all do, but you can just tell there is so much affection between them that it would pull them all together in their difficult times, that's rare nowadays, look at my own family, gosh you think you have problems Abby." "I think you're right about that, I recall Jake always talking about them when he was in the ER, you don't do that if there's no love. I believe Chuny is one of the lucky ones, becoming part of his family."

I did have a few more dances with some of Danny's workmates, but before long it was time for Danny and Chuny to leave to go to their hotel, they were staying near the airport for the night before leaving to go on their honeymoon to Hawaii in the morning. Susan told me that Chuny's Mum was going to the hotel later next day to pick up her wedding gown and Danny's suit, as neither had bothered to change before leaving. Of course the car was a sight to behold, (I wondered who had been brave enough to let them do it to their car as someone was obviously going to be driving them there as both Danny and Chuny had been drinking ) not only bedecked with firemen's regalia, but medical supplies too; I smiled to myself as I never realized that condom's or surgical gloves blew up to such a size. I noticed the Nil By Mouth sign dangling from the interior mirror, "I know who put that there" I chuckled to myself.

As we stood outside watching them depart, I saw Jake talking with some older ladies, so I decided I would make the move and speak to him. One of them who saw me waiting behind him said "Jake there's someone who looks like they want to talk to you." and pointed towards me. As he turned around I said "do you mind if I speak to you?" "Ok"

I moved down about four paces from them, lowered my voice and said, "I know I have no right to pry, but I'm concerned; when I saw you and your Dad earlier it was obvious you had both been crying, Jake are you ok, has a problem shown up on your EKG or has something happened to your Dad?" He looked for sometime before he replied , "No, we were talking about something different." He did not elaborate further.

I felt a tap on my shoulder, turning my head, I saw it was Ryan - a fireman - whom both Neela and I had danced with throughout the evening. "Abby I'm going to get the car, I will meet you back outside here in 5 minutes, is that ok?" "Fine." "John Carter's not taking you home?" "No, why should he, besides he doesn't have a car, what's the point he's only ever here in Chicago for a short time before he goes back to Kem in Africa, ( I made sure he got that clear) so he uses taxis." "Oh,.…... So he's your 60 ?" " NO, Ryan, is kindly giving Neela and I a lift home, he lives out our way". "Oh that's good of him" was all he said.

It was as if we were transported back several months ago to that moment on the EL platform, neither of us saying anything, both just looking intently, you could feel the sparks flying, but absolutely nothing happened this time.

Were we both thinking of this evenings wasted opportunities.?

I eventually said, "Jake I have to go find Neela, I can't keep our lift waiting. It was good to see you again. Take care". "Bye Abby, take care yourself."


	40. Chapter 40

**Abby / Neela - post wedding conversation**

As I lay in my bed my thoughts kept drifting back to Jake. I couldn't believe we had messed up yet again, this time it wasn't just me. I knew when we spoke for those few moments at the end of the evening he still had feelings for me, as I did for him; I could tell by his piercing stare, yet neither of us had said a single word. Why had I been so stupid, why did I not tell him how much I missed him; how I longed to explain to him why I had been so abrupt and dismissive of him that evening at County. I knew it was my last chance to speak to him yet I had, as I'd done in the past, let a situation pass by unacknowledged; was that my answer to everything in a relationship because it was easier that way to feel less guilty when things went amiss.

I couldn't sleep, I just tossed and turned, watched the clock as the minutes turned into hours; all I could see was Jake's face, feel his soft caresses, recall the warmth of his breath against my skin, his sighs as we made love. These last few months the pain of losing him had not eased. We had know each other for so short a time, yet I had never been happier, laughed so much, felt more wanted as a woman. Tonight made me realized what an utter fool I had been.

The morning came as a welcome relief. I showered, had a strong black coffee and set off to work. We were not that busy, which was just as well as their were plenty of delicate heads about; so we had time to chat and recall the fun we had at Chuny's wedding; everyone agreed it had been a lively, and extremely friendly occasion. We wondered if it had anything to do with the careers of the majority of the people there; medicine and the fire service; we were all aware of how fragile life was, maybe that's why so many enjoyed life to the full outside of work, we appreciated what we had.

Neela was on a late shift but she appeared about half an hour early. "Abby, can I talk to you in the lounge" she said. It was still quiet, so I told Jerry to call me if I was needed. "Aren't you the lucky one" I said, "having the chance to lie in this morning, some of us had to get up for work at the crack of dawn, thank goodness it's been a slow day". "If only that were the case" "What do you mean?" "I think I'm in love". "What?" "I was with Ryan last night, I stayed over at his place". "WHAT!"

"Bloody hell Abby, he was just amazing, it's been so long since I've had, you know - sex - but he was a fantastic lover, I don't think we slept all night" she said with a huge grin on her face. "I didn't think you had taken a particular shine to him at the wedding, well not that I noticed". "True, but we were talking after we dropped you off, and he had been so sweet all day at the wedding that I thought, why not accept his offer of coffee" "Coffee, is that what they call it nowadays?" "Don't look at me like that Abby, you remind me of my Mum, she'd have a fit if she knew, she thinks I'm still the innocent Indian/British girl she raised " she said laughing. "Do you know what, he even cooked me breakfast before he bought me back this morning, what more could a woman want" she giggled. I inwardly laughed, these firemen certainly knew how to win a girl over I thought. "I'm seeing him again on Wednesday, and I can't wait". "Well wipe that smirk off your face young lady or all the staff will know what you've been up to last night. Seriously Neela, I thought you still cared about Mike". "People change Abby, I did have strong feelings for him but it's been so long since we saw each other, although we write often, I can only be honest and say I need something more than that". "Sex you mean" "Too bloody right I do". "So the article was right, you're one of the 60, so are we going to have another ER staff member married off to the Fire department?" I joked. "You never know" she beamed.

"It was a shame you could not have been at the wedding ceremony Abby, it went really well, but poor Chuny, that dress!" "I know, at least Danny could laugh too, their photos will cause a lot of hilarity when they look back in later years". " The wedding breakfast was fabulous". "I can imagine, as the buffet I ate later on was delicious". "Jake looked great didn't he; it's a shame you didn't hear his best man speech it was so funny, talking about his brothers antics growing up, all the sibling's love and rivalry, how he got Chuny and Danny together when his brother lost his nerve, it was hilarious. He also joked about the things Chuny had got up to whilst they worked together, and how he is going to use that picture she took of him when his trousers fell down as blackmail if she ever says a bad word about him."

"The bit that got to me though was at the end, he spoke with such poignancy about love, about searching for one's soul mate; "if it's the right one you will just know, despite differences in faith, race, age, no matter how short the relationship"; he said it was a family joke, they always teased their Mum when she spoke about "The One" but now they all knew she was right . It was a different side to his character I'd not seen before; honestly it bought a tear to my eye, it was as if he was talking himself when he spoke of love" she said.

"One thing though with Jake, poor guy he can't handle alcohol, he had some champagne to toast the couple with and I saw him drink a beer a bit later in the day but when we were dancing before you came, you could see his eyes begin to glaze over, if I knew he was that easy to get sloshed I'd have given him some punch at Xmas, I could have had my wicked way with him then, now I know why he just drank soda" she laughingly said. "Excuse me, have we forgotten Ryan already" I teased. Neela just grinned.

If she was right and he had been speaking from the heart why had he held back with me? Was it because I had never let him really know how much he meant to me; how much I loved him. Why was I still so scared to open up to someone, would I ever get over this hurdle?

There's so many things

I didn't say

And even though

It may be too late

I want you to know

I still love you so

When I close my eyes

You're all I see

In the dark of night

You're in my dreams

Throughout the day

You're easy to find

You're always there

When I close my eyes

In my mind I know

You're far away

But here in my heart

Nothing has changed

I'm still holdin' you

Like I used to…..

………You're always there

When I close my eyes

A/N song "When I Close My Eyes - Kenny Chesney


	41. Chapter 41

**Post Wedding - Scanlon House**

"I 've just got to stop drinking shots, I can't stand this" I said to myself as I eased myself upright in my bed; my head felt decidedly muzzy, I hadn't slept well which didn't help, I 'd been tossing and turning, cursing my stupidity; why had I distanced myself from her all night when I longed for her, why?

I decided to take a shower and go out for a stroll; no one seemed to be about when I went downstairs, everyone must be lying in after the exuberant night following our return home. As we had a couple of spare rooms some other cousins decided to stay over too, rather than drive home, so the merriment went on well into the night. It must have been about 3am before people drifted off to bed.

I walked down to the local store and bought a paper, then decided the only thing to do was to phone her, ask if I could go over and see her, I couldn't talk about all the things I wanted to say over the phone. I used the public payphone; I dialled the number, the line rang and rang, finally clicking over to the ansphone…..I didn't leave a message.

"Didn't know you had gone out" Dad said as I came back into the kitchen; "did you want some coffee, I've just made some, and I've got some eggs, ham and pancakes ready too." "yes, I'll join you… anyone else up yet?" "Mum's taking a shower, but none of the others as far as I know, mind you a lie in will be welcome I'm sure, there will be a few delicate heads this morning" he laughed. "Did you sleep well?" "Tossed and turned a bit, must have been the alcohol, I know mixing drinks is fatal to me; and Dad, I'm so sorry for last night you know I didn't mean those things I said". "It's forgotten, I told you it was the drink talking, besides you were upset I can understand".

"Why were you upset?" Mum said as she came into the kitchen. Dad and I both looked at one another, neither wanting to reveal the truth., "at missing the evening at Danny's with Mike and I. I told Jake what a great laugh we had, he said he was upset not being able to be there, and missing Danny's bachelor do too. I told him it couldn't be helped, his work is important, besides it's almost like he is a student again, he can't just take time off". I smiled and gave him a wink; Mum couldn't see I had my back to her. "I know you would have liked to have been there, but it can't be helped Jake, the boys know that, they understand". I had turned around to face her as she had spoken to me, "I know, but it's the first time I missed out and well…." she just smiled, "Jake , honestly, don't worry". I'm sure to deflect the conversation Dad piped in with "Honey, did you want some coffee, there's enough eggs, ham and pancakes too if you'd like?".

The day passed so quickly. We took several pictures of the family to use up the film inside my camera. "I will get all of them developed Jake, then I can let the others see them and see if they want copies, it will be easier that way, rather than you develop them; don't worry I'll send copies out to you too; you can show Laura". "Yes, she said to me before I left she wanted full details of the day, your right, it will be easier for you to have them done as most people are here in Chicago, so thanks ". Dad's camera had gone wrong and he had used mine to take informal pictures throughout the wedding day; saying " he'd take them instead of me so that I could dance, let my hair down; typical isn't it, the moment you want to use if for a special occasion the bloody thing goes wrong".

Before long it was time for Dad to drive my relatives and I out to the airport. I was quite sad to leave it had been for the most part a great weekend. The wedding had been so much fun; everyone had remarked to Chuny's and my parents what a fantastic time they'd had, it had been such a friendly occasion.

I was sad to think that Abby and I had not really spoken - I had no one to blame; the fault was entirely mine.

"But still I wonder if we'll ever meet again,

Only time will tell the end,

They were the best days of my life,

The best times that I had,

The best days of my life, well they ended so sad,

How can we change what was so right,

………..…the best days of my life I spent with you."

A/N song "Best Days Of My Life" - Scott Grimes (aka. Dr. Archie Morris)


	42. Chapter 42

**Jake at UCSF pt 6**

I had left a message for him to give me a call so that we could meet up for a coffee and I could hear all about Danny's wedding. I did not hear from him until the following week.

"I'm sorry I've been busy lately, I've had a paper to write, and what with the wedding and everything I'm all behind.," was all he said. It was strange I thought he would be dying to tell me about it, but I was the one asking all the questions, dragging the information out of him; it was so unlike him, he was always so chatty, so descriptive of any event he attended.

Then it dawned on me. She had been there. Abby must have worked in the ER department; had things not gone as he hoped between them, was that why he was so quiet?.

"Did the speech go down well? More importantly is Danny still talking to you?" I said laughing. "Just about" "Did you take lots of pictures?" "Dad used my camera, as his broke, so he is having the films developed, he promised to send copies over for you to see". "I will look forward to that; it will be fun to look at the informal pictures, as well as the official ones.Were there many of your old colleagues from County there, it must have been great to see them again, I recall you told me how much the ER staff like to party; I bet it was lively what with all the Irish and Latinos there, did they get you to Salsa, what about the food, did they have something to suit everyone's taste?; what did you use to decorate the wedding car with, I bet it looked fantastic, or did they have a fire engine or ambulance, it wouldn't surprise me if you told me they did." "Yes it was certainly a boisterous occasion; and Laura, ……do you think you could stop for a breath before the next question," he laughed. "Sorry, its just you don't seem very enthusiastic, didn't you enjoy yourself ?" "What kind of question is that, of course I did; I got to see all the family for the first time in ages; why wouldn't I?"

Laura was right of course, I wasn't particularly forthcoming with details of the wedding. It reminded me too much of my stupidity that night, the opportunities I had wasted.

I felt bad being so abrupt, she had done nothing to upset me, I could see she was hurt by my curt response. " I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be brusque, but I have not been able to concentrate on my paper, it's been a real effort to write it, I don't know, maybe it's because of the wedding, having seen the family, its been a bit of an anticlimax these last few days, I 've really had to motivate myself. Forgive me?. Listen, now I have got the paper out of the way, why don't we go out to a movie; we could go next week, and have dinner too, hopefully by then Dad's pictures will be here, I can explain better if I show you the photos; you can see the latest pictures of the family too, what do you say?". "If your sure I don't want you to put yourself out". "Hey, come on, I'm not annoyed with you, just myself,…….friends?" I said smiling and giving her a playful tweak on the tip of her nose. "Ok, (I smiled) …. Friends. It would be lovely to go out, thanks; and I'm sorry too, I know I am too inquisitive at times for my own good."

Jake called on Tuesday and said he had received his photos that morning, "how about skipping the movie, lets go and have a meal at the restaurant where we went with my parents, does Friday suit you? my treat." "Jake that's a lovely idea, it's so nice there, Friday I am on an early shift so its fine with me, shall I make the reservation for us?"

Jake was back to his usual sociable self when we met up on Friday. "Oh my that dress, she has some guts to wear that, you say her Mum picked it out, poor thing, that fashion went out about 20years ago didn't it?" "I know, she absolutely hated it, she tried to persuade her Mum to have something plain, but she wouldn't hear of it, so she suffered in silence; she told me she's banning Danny putting any pictures of their wedding up on the wall", he said with a grin. "Your sisters don't look much different from what I remember, save for their hairstyles, and their kids are so cute; Mike and his family look really happy in this, it's a lovely picture of them all. I can't get over how you boys are so much alike it's uncanny , you seem even more so as you've gotten older, ."so people say ".

"I like these informal pictures, they really capture the mood well….…what on earth were you doing here?" "Oh this is a Punjabi dance, geeze, I was more than a little drunk doing that, been mixing the drinks, champagne, beer,…. as you know, it and I don't mix well; that's Neela an doctor from the ER I was dancing with; she's really good fun, very clever, if somewhat unsure of her own practicable abilities, I don't know why, she's a great doctor I think with great patient skills, she's not from here, she's originally from England. It was difficult to get pictures of the whole group as people were working different shifts, same as the fire staff, some came during the day others at night. These are of Susan, Chuck and their son Cosmo, she was my Chief of Emercency in the ER, her hubby is a flight nurse, the other two are Malik and Haleh both nurses; and this is Jerry, and this one is Frank, they keep the ER running, they work the admit desk, they had to come at different times unfortunately, they are both characters; Frank is not so gruff as he'd like us to believe. This is Luka, my attending, with Neela again" "He's pretty darn hot, and so tall, he looks European, is he?" "Yes he's Croatian, an excellent teacher, and always so cool under pressure, I really liked him, he taught me a lot; and yes, you're not the only one to comment on his good looks, I don't think there's a female who comes into the ER who doesn't fall under his spell". "Jealous are we?" she joked.

These two are doctors or should I say, would be rock stars, Ray and Morris, a couple of unorthodox doctors if ever I saw. Morris is definitely one of a kind, outside work he's great fun, but I don't think I'd ever want to be his patient". "This is Neela again with Abby another ER doctor whom I'd worked with; despite the age difference they are really good friends; they were both in their intern year when I worked with them. Abby encouraged me all the time to try out new practical skills, let me work on my own assessing people so that I gained confidence in diagnosing, she was an excellent teacher; she was a obstetrics nurse before continuing her MD studies, it really showed in her rapport with patients; she had so much empathy with them." "Sounds like you got along well, she looks nice, how old is she?"

Was I pushing him a little too far? I was surprised he had shown me her picture, I thought perhaps he'd take her photos out. Goodness knows what happened between them that night, it had obviously upset him initially; maybe he'd realized that the relationship was not going where he hoped, it was not for me to come out straight and say I knew about them, that I'd been nosey looked at his album, would he forgive me if I did? "Abby, I think she's in her mid thirties, why?" "You said she was an intern but she's older than Neela" "Don't forget, she was a nurse before for a few years" "Of course, you said".

The evening went by so quickly, we laughed a lot, chatted about so many things. I was glad the rapport between us had returned; the other evening had been so awkward, but tonight was like old times.

We took a taxi back to my place, as I went to leave I asked if he wanted to meet up next week to go to a movie. "Ok, I will see what's on in the paper and give you a call tomorrow" "Fine, I'll talk to you then." We both just smiled, and said goodnight.


	43. Chapter 43

**Jake at UCSF pt 7 - Laura's birthday**

I had arranged to meet up with several of my friends, including Jake, on Saturday night to go out for a meal to celebrate my birthday; but had asked him to come over tonight for a meal at my apartment on what was my actual birthday.

"I've got a surprise for you tonight Jake, don't be shocked…… I've cooked a roast" I said laughing as he came into the kitchen to put the bottle of champagne he'd bought into the fridge. "You're kidding me; what's come over you?" "Well I thought all those times you cooked for me, and the only decent meal you'd had out of me was when you first came to see my apartment, that was a pretty simple dish, so I thought I've got to pull out all the stops tonight if I'm going to have my wicked way with you,…...don't look so horrified, I'm only kidding", I said winking.

"Did Steve tell you he and Jenny are getting an apartment in the new year, I'm not surprised, they have been dating since he met her doing his obstetrics rotation earlier in the year; but you know how it is, being a student he had to keep it under wraps, it's crazy I know that you can get into so much trouble for dating a doc., don't you agree?" "Yes in this day and age some of these rules are a bit antiquated, especially if she wasn't assessing him and as long as their work doesn't suffer because of the relationship, what the heck, I can't see a problem. I will miss him stopping by my room but surely it's natural they want to be together, they are well suited". "Yes she's really a good friend, and he's a great guy; I take it you will still be going to the games with him and Josh though, she's not the type to pull in the reins when she gets him under her roof. ". "Oh course, you know were a bit sports mad, besides it's a great release from all the hospital stuff. By the way this meal really good Laura, I should have said earlier" "Thanks, I'm glad you like it".

It was such a great evening, we were so relaxed in each others company, we laughed so much, maybe both of us were more than a bit tipsy; we were on our second bottle of champagne. "I hope you like them" he said, as he handed me my present. "Oh these are beautiful Jake, and such an unusual colour"; he had bought me a lovely pair of contemporary designed earrings, "that's so sweet of you" I said as I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. I couldn't help myself, I just looked at him. I wanted him so much. I thought to myself, how much more do you think I can take Jake, it's been four months, and we've never kissed, held hands even, am I so foolish as to think we could ever try again, surely Abby can't still be in your thoughts, nothing obviously happened at the wedding or I believe you would have said……..you must know how I feel about you, it's become more than just friendship on my part……

Jake's lips were as soft as I remembered, his gentle caresses so tender, the warmth of his hands as they moved across my skin, …. …….

Abby and I were not to be, I knew that now, we'd squandered too many chances. I did not resist her outstretched hand as she stood in front of me.

As we lay on the bed embracing, my hand moved up to undo his shirt, running my fingers over his chest I thought to myself of the first time we'd made love all those years ago, how I'd been shocked at his "hairy carpet" as I used to teasingly call it. We were quite naïve back then, but I remember our first time had been so special, I had wanted it to be like that, not some rushed affair with the first man that came along, but with someone whom I cared about, I loved.

I could hear his sighs of pleasure as I made my way down his chest, kissing and caressing his firm body, teasing him with my tongue. I loosened his belt and slipped my hand down to undo his zip, at the same time gently nibbling his skin as I moved ever downward. I pushed my hand behind his back and teased his trousers and underwear lower down his body; caressing and kissing all the time as I slowly made my way down his legs to remove them. I felt him respond as I moved my hand between his thighs and as I inched ever nearer with my mouth, I felt him gently playing with my hair. I took delight in listening to his is sighs and moans that grew louder as he neared his climax, "oh baby that's so good, so good,……. don't stop, please don't stop,….… I want you so much, so much…… Abby, ……oh Abby".

Leaving a wet trail with my tongue along his torso, I slowly inched my way back to face him, pulling as I did the throw that lay at the bottom of my bed up over us. As we met we kissed with a passionate embrace; I could feel his hands slowly making their way down my back, on reaching the bottom edge of my top I felt his hand slide underneath gently making its way back up towards my bra strap, the other hand made its way to my trousers's side zip and began to pull it down, "Jake wait, not now, just hold me, ..…..please just hold me close to you; I just want to feel your warm embrace, it's been so long since anyone's held me in their arms, this is all I want right now, just to feel you close to me".

As I listen to his slow, deep breaths, I untangled myself from his arms, I got up and took my trousers off to be more comfortable, then slipped back under the throw still wearing my top and underwear, and moved myself close to his body. Should I really be doing this, lying next to him, cuddling him in my arms?. I couldn't help falling in love with him again; but I knew it wasn't to be. I knew I could not let him continue; let him make love to me when he was thinking of her, that's why I'd said those words. I knew tonight would be the last time we were this close. I could feel the tears roll down my face, and I heard myself say; "Abby, if you knew how much he loves you, how could you push him aside; he's such a wonderful man; so supportive, so genuine, so sensitive, so loving, so much fun. What happened to make you two part?"

"Hey sleepy head" I said as Jake emerged from the bedroom. "I didn't feel you move, have you been up long?". "About an hour, you were dead to the world, I thought I'd let you sleep; did you want some tea, coffee , water? I won't offer you the last of the champagne, not if you're feeling anything like me this morning" I said smiling. "Hell no, we did get through rather a lot, but why worry, neither of us are working. I'll get some water, did you want anything?" "No, I'm fine, I've just finished some tea." Jake had put his trousers on, but his shirt was still undone like I'd left it last night; "Jake stop teasing, it's not good for my blood pressure this time of the morning seeing you like that" I said trying to laugh it off. "I thought perhaps you'd come back to bed, I'm ashamed to say I didn't create a good impression last night falling asleep like that, I didn't get the chance to make…….." "You were a perfect gentleman last night, it's me who should be apologising, it must have been the champagne, it just went to my head, I was more than a little tipsy, I shouldn't have kissed you, taken you into my bedroom…..I'm so sorry, I feel so ashamed this morning, what must you think of me?." "Don't you think I'm a little to blame too? I could have stayed on the couch; but I didn't want to". "Stop being so darn polite, if neither of us had drunk so much do you really think you would have followed me? We have never kissed, held hands even in all this time we've been going out, doesn't that tell you anything; it's pretty obvious to me, in the light of day, we're just friends as far as your concerned. Do you recall that first night we met here, I said I was sad we'd lost contact, despite what had happened, we were always such good friends; I meant that Jake, and I mean it now; but I feel this embarrassing episode might have jeopardized our friendship" (Yes, despite everything that happened on both our parts last night, I still longed to remain friends; he was just such a great guy, I didn't want to loose him from my life again.) I could feel the tears starting to form; I didn't want him to see me cry, but I couldn't stop them rolling down my cheeks.

"Come'n no tears, you've got nothing to feel bad about, surely I am in the wrong too. I must have given you the wrong impression; I didn't mean to lead you on, I thought we went out as friends; I can only say in my defence I did nothing to suggest otherwise, tell me, am I wrong to see you so frequently?". "Why do you?" "Maybe it was seeing a familiar face again, you know what I'm like, I'm pretty close to my family, I've missed them being here, when you showed up it was great to see someone that knew me so well, I didn't have to explain everything, it just feels so comfortable being around you,…… that doesn't sound flattering does it, but you know what I mean." "I'm comfortable to be with ……what, like a pair of old slippers,…. …charming" I said starting to laugh. "See what I mean, you just know me so well". "I know what you mean, it's nice to see someone who actually gets on with their family nowadays, but is that the only reason?; you can tell me to shut up if you want, but I have to ask you something; do you see me because your lonely, you told me you had been in love with someone, that it ended awkwardly, I believe you 're still in love with her, missing her." "No, it's over, it has been for months". "Jake don't lie, you told me ages ago you still care about her, still think about her, it's obvious to me, your as much in love with her now as when it ended; deny it if you can". He lowered his eyes for a moment "You're right, but things just never seem to work out; ……, no that's not true, I've had opportunities to do something but I just wasted them". "Tell me if I'm wrong, but I believe she was at your brother's wedding, you were so quiet when we met up after, it was so unlike you, did you see her with someone else, was that it?" Laughing he said "I wish us men had as much insight as you women at times, yes, she was there, but as I said I had the chance to talk to her but it was as if I couldn't get that moment out of my mind when we parted, it just clouded my judgement. I was bloody pathetic, I ignored her for most of the evening, I just watched her all the time, wanting her, doing nothing save for drinking shots, thinking they'd make me see things clearer; what an idiot." "That makes two of us then..….it was pretty bad behaviour on my part last night, I took advantage of you…...mind you I did warn you earlier I wanted my wicked way with you, so I can be forgiven." I said jokingly. "Do you really think I would ignore you from now on because of last night, don't be stupid, we all do things we regret…….as it is I regret not talking to you about her, you said to me if you want to talk I'm here, I should have, speaking to someone who doesn't know her may have helped, I've never spoken to anyone save her mother about my feelings for her". "Not even Danny, I know you two are close, well you used to be, both being single as you were, and nearer in age, why didn't you?" "I'm a bit like Steve, I fell in love with someone I worked with I told you, and once Danny started dating Chuny it was impossible to talk to him, we couldn't let it be know we would both have been in trouble. Abby, that's her name, was one of my assessors, which didn't help either; but not only that she's quite a bit older than me, who knows maybe she didn't want it known we were seeing each other because to her I was just a passing phase, who knows, she never told me what she really thought about me; but that's part of her makeup, she's had a lot of problems with her family in the past, it's effected her in so many ways, I never knew about them until her mother told me, but we promised each other not to let her know. I thought if she could learn to trust someone again she would open up, but when I came to tell her that I was in two minds what to do, that I was rethinking my plans, that I wanted to stay in Chicago, not come here, she just pushed me away, not because she didn't love me I don't believe that for one moment, I really don't, but because of her fears, she is afraid of letting someone get too close, she is afraid of being hurt, being let down again ".

"Does she really know you? You're the last person to do that, I've never known anyone quite like you Jake, your always there for others, gosh even when you were ill, you always thought about them before yourself. It's time to put yourself first. You have got to see her, tell her how you feel, if you don't you'll never move on; you can't live like that wondering what might have been. I'm not just saying this, but there are a few people I know at the hospital that would jump at the chance of going out with you; don't push those chances aside because you've pining for her. When are you next home? " "I'm not going until the middle of next month, I volunteered to work Xmas and New Year shifts in the ER, there is no point of going home for a couple of days as I'm back in surgery on the 27th. I told Mum I would be home then, I've got a week off". " Then go and see her. I mean it . Do something about it, you will either find out that she still cares about you, and you can work it out together from there, or, that it's over as far is she is concerned, in which case you will have to let go, move on with your life. Promise me you will do that. I mean it, promise me faithfully you will ." "Yes I promise I will go and see her". "I mean it Jake, don't just say it and then toss the idea aside once you walk out this door". "Laura, I promise you I will". "Ok then; now you gonna cook me breakfast before you go? …… I'll take it in lieu of my therapy charge". Smiling he said "see what I mean….you know me too well".

As we stood at the doorway, he says, "do you think I should take the earrings back and wrap them up to give them to you on Saturday, won't the others think it a bit strange I don't have a present for you?" "No I'll tell them I had you over for supper….let their minds go on overdrive……they can't quite figure us out, why we can be friends nothing more, I quite enjoy winding them up, don't you?" "Laura, if I didn't feel this way about Abby, I would not just be your friend, you know that I …." "Stop ….don't say something you'll regret later,…… friends, just friends ". He leans over and lightly kisses me on my lips, and smiles; "yes, friends always". I watch him walk down the stairs, "see you Saturday, at 8pm" I say smiling, he turns back, "sure thing, 8pm".

As I sat on the bus making my way back to campus I thought of what Laura had said; she was right of course, if I didn't do something how would I know if she still cared about me, I'm sure she did. I know I'd never stopped loving her.

Every once in a while

You find a love

That slips right through your hands

Gonna do my very best

To get you back again

A flame for you still burns

And so I'm savin' my love for you

(savin' all my love for you)

A flame for you still burns (hey)

And I'm holdin' on

Yes, I'm holdin' on

Still in love with you

A/N song "A Flame For You" - Lea Salonga


	44. Chapter 44

**Jake in Chicago**

"It's so good to see you son, I can't believe it was Danny's wedding the last time you were home, time just flies," I said as I gave him a hug. "Yeah, I've missed you too Dad, I really have." "The boys are so looking forward to seeing you, Mike told me only the other day he can't wait till Thursday when we go off on our trip, it will be good to spend some time alone together, it's been a while since we men folk have done that, Vegas should be fun" "I'm really looking forward to it, just getting away from the hospital and everything, thanks for arranging it all Dad." "Well we couldn't have him celebrating a milestone birthday like that with just a party, saying that though, it is making me feel very old, I can't believe he's 40, where have all those years gone?" "I only hope some of your youthful genes rub off on me, I'd give anything to look like you at 62". "Save the flattery for your Mum" he laughed.

Mum was in the kitchen, it smelt wonderful, nothing beat the aroma of home baking "You baking those for me?" "Gosh I never heard you two come in, ah Jake it's so lovely to see you, you look well, I've missed your cheery smile coming through the door" she said as she came smiling towards me. "It's great to be home Mum, I missed you all over the holidays," I said as I embraced her, "but it's going to be strange getting used to this cold weather after Frisco, burrrrrrrr it's darn cold out there,….. I can't believe I've said that, born and raised in the city, I must be getting soft with all the milder Californian weather ".

As we sat down to coffee and muffins we chatted about the family, Julia's plans for Mikes party tonight, my studies and Laura. "So is Laura ok, did she go visit her parents in Boston for Xmas?" "No she was working like me, we had Xmas lunch together with some friends in the hospital canteen, not quite as good as dinner here, but it was nice to be with friends, she's going to Boston next Saturday actually, she sends her best wishes to you by the way." "You could have bought her over for the weekend, she knows everyone, she could have come with us to Mike's party". "If she weren't working I could have but she's on call this weekend." "Oh that's too bad, I'd like to see her again". "Have you some unwritten agenda to complete before your 65 in September Cath? You know item one : teach all of them the piano - done,

item two: teach all the kids to cook - done, item three: get all our kids married off - almost done. What have I told you, leave the poor boy alone; he'll settle down when he's good and ready, he doesn't need our interference" Dad said teasingly. "I can but try, what mother wouldn't" she jokingly replied with a huge grin on her face. "Dad don't worry if you've made a bet, Mum's gonna lose ". We all just laughed.

"Mind who you're calling old, 40's the new 30 so I read, it's the age to be, your only envious" Mike said as he embraced me. "I'm so glad your home you keep missing out lately, Liam was quite upset you were not at his party in November, you know how much he likes his Uncle Jake; so are you glad to be back or do you prefer your life out West now?" "I do like it there, but I miss everyone of course; mind you I don't like this weather, would you believe I've felt so cold since I got back this morning. (I laughed) Liam was telling me earlier that you took him to Planetarium for his birthday, he was so excited explaining it all to me, he dragged me off to see his telescope you got him for Xmas even before I got the chance to come and say hello to you; mind you did Maria and James enjoy it, I know they are not so inquisitive as he is". "Actually we all did, Julia too, we had a fun day out, that's why we decided to get him the small second hand telescope for Xmas, he was that enthusiastic about it . I have no idea what he'll be when he grows up, somehow I feel it won't be a fireman; he is so like you were at that age, I was never so inquisitive Mum says, if I didn't know better I'd swear you were his Dad." "Hey mind what you say, you could get me into serious trouble", I laughing reply. "I'm glad you were able to get the time to come with us to Vegas, did Dad tell you he got you a ticket back from there to Frisco, save you having to fly all the way back here first, you should check on Monday if you can get the date changed on your ticket so you can use it next time your home. I'm really looking forward to it, I don't get to spend so much time with everyone as I'd like, family and everything, but you never know we might hit the jackpot, and that could all change." "Chance would be a fine thing". "Hey don't be so pessimistic, you never know when "lady luck" comes calling, suppose she did, what would you do?". "In the unlikely event that it happens, firstly pay off my medical loans, give something to Mum and Dad, then put some aside to go travelling after I finish these two years,

I 've decided I've had enough studying for a while I need to take two or three months off; depending on what I win of course; but the way it's designed you win but nearly always put it back into the casinos". "True, but if any of us do, we will set a precedent, that money stays in our pockets", "Ok, agreed, but I think your being way to optimistic, the odds are not in our favour" "You never know, Jake, you never know".

Why was I feeling so nervous; I could see my hand tremble as I reached out to push the intercom buzzer to her apartment. I pressed it again, nothing, then again, still silence. Dam it, why couldn't she be home; maybe I should have phoned, but I wanted to surprise her, so I had taken the EL over after breakfast. Well there was nothing for it, I was going to have to go to the hospital and see her. I didn't really want to do that, I wanted to talk to her privately, but now I had no other choice. Besides, I didn't want to leave it any longer as I knew I would only have Monday to Wednesday free before I left for Vegas, and if things went as I hoped, I wanted to spend that time with her. Hopefully as it was Sunday morning, the hospital wouldn't be too busy, we could go somewhere for coffee and talk. I'd gone past the stage of caring if others questioned our actions, I just wanted, no longed to speak to her.

I approached the ER from the lifts, having gone in via the main hospital doors, hoping to keep my arrival secret, rather than have to be let in through the ER security doors via the ambulance bay. "Still scaring the med. students Frank, things haven't changed around here I see." "Gotta keep my reputation going" he said laughing " It's nice to see you son, been a while since your brother's wedding, how's life treating you?" "What you after? Think I've got muffins in my bag?" "Well on the odd occasion Danny's been here, he's always got some of your Mum's baking" "Your so predictable Frank" I joked back.. "So who's on duty today, anyone I know?" "Susan, Ray and Pratt, plus a few interns, and a couple of locum attendings, there's been a real bad flu outbreak at the hospital, staff are going down like flies, hence they are bringing in people, much to Weaver's annoyance, it's eating into her budget , making her as cranky as hell". Outwardly, I just laughed, inwardly I despaired; I 've not missed her again. That was why she hadn't answered, she must be on nights, she was sleeping.

"What you doing here?" it was Susan. "I thought I'd call by whilst I'm home it's been a while since I saw everyone, I thought today's a good opportunity, it's usually a lot quieter, but seems like most of the familiar faces are off, or at least on nights ." "Connie and Malik are here, Ray and Pratt too they were in trauma one, they should be out soon as they are taking the patient up to the OR. anytime. You weren't back for Xmas I hear, your Mum must have missed you I bet; were you working?" "Yes I volunteered to work, actually I covered in ER, I enjoyed it, you know I always loved my time here, I was always in two minds whether or not to do this as my speciality, I really enjoyed it, you were all such great teachers here, I learnt a lot." "Flatterer, mind you Abby's always complaining about the new interns, she says most can't be trusted to work on their own, I told her we should have hung on to you, you kept us on our toes, always questioning, competent, plus we miss your funny anecdotes isn't that right Frank". "Now who's the flatterer" I said. "Are Luka and Neela on nights, if so I might pop by Wednesday to see them if I'm free". "Yes, but you won't see Abby she's got the week off, she's gone home to see her Mum and brother as she was working over the holidays." "Oh, that's too bad".

I stayed to chat and had a laugh with the others for a while, but decided I'd better get going as it started to get busy. "Oh before I go, I mustn't forget to leave these, you see I lied Frank I have got something for you." "You did bring in some of your Mum's baking, I knew she wouldn't let you come here without anything". "Actually I baked them, it's carrot cake, a friend's mum gave me the recipe, she said it was a sure fire hit, I did a couple so you all can have some". "You baked them?". "Man of many talents, what can I say……..actually Mum taught us all to cook, she said we needed to learn for when we joined the service, you know the rookies get lumbered with the watch cooking………why do you think Chuny married Danny?" I joked. "Listen say hello to Jerry and the others, I'm sorry I missed them, maybe I'll be luckier next time". I popped my head into the suture room where I saw Susan sewing a man's head lac. "I'm off now, say hi to Chuck, and Cosmo for me; and listen if your ever out my way, let Chuny know and she can give you my contact details, it would be great to see all of you". "I'll hold you to that. It's been great to see you. Take care Jake, bye". "Yes, bye Susan, take care yourself".

As I left the hospital I decided to walk along by the river. I couldn't believe we'd missed each other; trust me to be here the week she was at her Mothers.

The first time I laid my eyes on you I knew.

We'd spend this life side by side.

I still feel the same though you're so far away.

I swear that you'll always be my...

Forever love………….……

Love is the road to our destiny.

Nothing can change what is meant to be.

"Oh Abby, ……Abby." It was what I hoped for, but had Fate other ideas?

Las Vegas:

"I will share with Mike, you and Danny take the other room is that ok with you?" "Why should I mind? ……. Anyways are you hungry, I feel peckish, shall we say meet down in the lobby in 15minutes go get something to eat before we hit the tables?" "I'm for that, shall we just give you a knock as we pass, the lobby is so god dam huge we'd miss each other I'm sure" Mike laughed. "That's true, see you in a bit".

We had a great day, we decided to each put so much per day aside to gamble with and stick to that regardless, so that we didn't loose everything. In the evening we went to some sports bar for a drink and eats, then went to watch the fantastic water display at the Bellagio, followed by a trip up the Stratosphere Tower to see all the neon sights from aloft which was amazing. We decided to book up to go to the Grand Canyon on Saturday afternoon so that we could catch the sunset. Mike and Dad said they'd sort it out when they got back to the hotel. We had such a laugh, it was great, we were just like kids, taking it all in, taking pictures, joking about. It was great to be with my Dad and brothers, I realized just how much I missed them all.

Next day we left the serious gambling aside until the evening spending the day visiting various hotels admiring the attention to detail of their designs, wondering if the real place really did looked like it. We always had a go at the slots in each hotel, putting in a couple of dollars just encase we got lucky. We never did. "I told you Mike you were way too optimistic". "It's only the second day, we've got two more; besides you want to travel don't you, go see these places for real, do Europe, don't give up, our luck's gonna turn".

Danny and I were back in our room, resting before going out later for dinner. "You know I think I've walked more today than I do at the hospital. My legs are killing me; think I will have a read lying on my bed, instead of sitting here. How do you feel?" "Not too bad actually, considering the mileage we've put in. What time are we meeting the other two for dinner was it 6.30pm?" " Yes, we're stopping at the hotel tonight, I'm glad, I feel quite tired". "Do you know what, I think I will buy that necklace I saw downstairs for Chuny, you liked it didn't you?" "Yes it was pretty, is it for her birthday?" "No, it's an anniversary gift". "What anniversary?" "Don't forget Monday will be a year since I met her in the ER, gosh that was some night shift, changed my life completely". "You old romantic you." "Talk of the devil", he said as he picked up his cell phone, "it's Chuny. Hi baby,.. .…..I'm with Jake in the hotel…….hold on……..Jake I'm gonna go outside to take this, then I'll go get that thing I was talking about as it might go otherwise,………see you in a bit." "Ok, see you later."

It was about 20 minutes later that I heard him come back in. "Any luck, was it still there?" I said lowering my paper to see if he had the gift package in his hand.

I couldn't believe my eyes.

"ABBY!"

"Oh my god,……. JAKE !"

A/N song "Forever Love" - Reba Mcentire


	45. Chapter 45

**A Helping Hand**

2 months before:

As I had more time on my hands now, I was able to sort out the films I'd taken at the wedding, getting an extra set of copies done to send some onto Jake, and have spares for other people. Having completed well over 30 years in the service as fire fighter, working my way up through the ranks to where I could if I had wanted taken early retirement; but knowing that I'd probably drive Cathy up the wall being home so much, I had applied for, and got, a part time job teaching new recruits at the training centre which I had been doing for the last few years after successfully completing a my training course; it was something that I really enjoyed, not just instructing them by the book, but passing on my knowledge gained from all those years in active service. It meant too that Cathy could have those three days to teach her music pupils and go to the local handicapped school where she played music in the therapy classes; the other free days we could spend together.

I was three years younger than her; my fire fighting colleagues had had a great time of it when they had learnt that she had been visiting me at the hospital after my accident following the rescue of her cat; it wasn't because of my arm, I'd been kept in for a few days observations mainly due to my badly bruised back and head. I had been visiting a friend who had moved into a shared house, as it turned out, just down the street from where she lived; we'd heard the commotion outside and had looked out of the window to see what was going on, and saw people pointing, and looking up into the tree; saying something about a cat. Being the idiot that I was, I said to Brian, I don't mind climbing up, I'll go see if I can help. Cathy told me later it had been love at first sight for her, "yes I'm sure" I used to say, "a right idiot I must have looked lying on the ground with a cat in my arm covered in scratches, pain etched in my face" due to the broken arm I had sustained having lost my footing due to the struggling cat as I was coming down. I often wondered how I never squashed the cat.

I must admit I was surprised when I found out she was older than me, she always has looked much younger than her age, which you can imagine caused much merriment amongst my buddies, "boy toy" was my nickname down at the station from then on. Cathy was in her final few weeks as a teacher trainee, specializing in music and English when we met. Our dating was brief, we married within a few months; we both knew, despite our relatively young age, we were meant to be together. During our first year and a bit of marriage she worked in a school, but once she discovered she was pregnant she decided that she would quit near the end of that Fall semester as it would be getting too difficult to manage with the baby being due mid January. When Mike was 6 months old she asked if I would mind her working from home teaching music to three pupils a week, as it would give her a small income, and enable to do what she enjoyed; teaching . As our family increased she stopped teaching at home as it was impossible to combine the two, but I knew she missed it, so we compromised, so that she could still practice what she loved, teaching the enjoyment of music to pupils. We mutually agreed I would look after our kids myself for one day a week so that she could go and play music as therapy for the special needs pupils which she loved doing. It wasn't until our "kids" were teenagers that she went back to giving a few private lessons again from home. Naturally she had taught all ours to play; Mike was exceptionally good on the piano, the two girls too, Danny had followed in my tracks and shifted his allegiance to the guitar and Jake although he could play chose sports to music practice. At Christmas times and parties when the kids were small we always had a sing a long at the piano, and Jake would always wind her up by singing off key on purpose, which drove her batty as she always said "he's got such a great voice".

I collected the two films that I had taken, plus the one he had started earlier at Danny's on the wedding morning that lunchtime, and had spent my break sat in my office going through the photos, laughing to myself at some of the antics people had got up to at the reception, when I came across seven pictures which I'm sure he'd forgotten were on the film. They were taken at Sacred Rock State Park of Jake and a woman, what did he say her name was? I remember he'd introduced us out in the hallway, she's worked with him at the hospital. There were a couple of her laughing as she sat paddling in a canoe, another of the two of them, he standing behind her, his arms entwined around her, both smiling, someone obviously had taken it of them as they were standing by the park sign; one of him lying bare chested under the blankets looking for the world like he'd just woke up, another they'd obviously taken, camera held at arms length, of them both lying in their tent in each others arms, and two more of them together taken on a hike, they had put the camera on a tree or some other object as the pictures were slightly off balance in both frames, in one, they had a map in their hands, he pointing one way, she another, both smiling broadly, in the other he had thrown her over his shoulder in a fireman's lift, and both were obviously in fits of laughter. I felt awkward looking at them knowing he'd forgotten all about them; yet in another way I was glad I had seen them as now I knew, I was sure of it, whom he had been referring to outside on the steps. When I saw them talking briefly to one another after Danny and Chuny left I realized that I had not seen them dance together all night, well not that I could recall, whatever they spoke of was soon over, yet they had stared intently at one another for an awful long time, as if wanting to say something, yet hesitating to. Thinking back now he'd been quite on the journey back home, but had livened up when we were indoors with all the others. I realized now, it was obviously her he'd been in love with.

I had posted some of the wedding pictures onto Jake, they were mainly of his relations and all those of his ER friends together with those seven, saying I'd show him the others next time he was home as they were mostly of Danny's friends and Chuny's family. Jake had called to say he's received them ok and how good they had come out, he never mentioned those other pictures.

"These are good Dad, they really capture the atmosphere of the wedding; I know Chuny and her Mum will love seeing these". "I'm glad you like them, Mum and I had a laugh looking through them. I know what I wanted to ask you, can you tell me the names of the people from the ER as I want to put some comments in the album under the photos, there's a few of your fire fighter buddies I don't know too, I put them in this pile". "Sure, I'll see if I can recall all their names, if not Chuny will tell you". "Neela, dr Kovac…Luka I think is his first name, Susan and her family forget their names, Ray, Morris, these two are nurses, ….stuck on their names, Abby another doc; that's Ryan, George, Gary , Mike, Steve and John . What I will do is take them down to the station and see who wants copies, then I'll get Chuny to do the same, not everyone will, as lots of people had their cameras, but there might be some who don't have these ". "It's not a problem, take them home with you as I've got more or less two complete sets here; it's only the few I've sent Jake; those of the family and his County colleagues that I don't have two of , but I can get extra copies if people want them it's not a problem. I also sent a few of formal ones to him too, he phoned to say he'd got them and was taking Laura out for a meal to show them to her." "Weren't you surprised he didn't bring her along to the wedding, Mum said they had been seeing each other quite a bit from what she gathered talking to her". "They are friends yes, but Jake's not serious that way about her" "What makes you say that?" "Something he told me at the wedding." "Really! …….your not going to say, come on Dad, don't start something like this and leave it mid air, that's what Jake did too". "What do you mean…….. he did?" "The wedding morning, we got talking about girlfriends and relationship stuff, he said he was asking for my opinion for a friend but I had a sneaking feeling that wasn't quite the truth. He omitted he had been seeing someone earlier this year when I quizzed him, I knew he was, he was always so darn happy when we met up, even Mike commented to me on it, I know Mike doesn't get the same chance to see Jake as often as me having the family and work and everything else, but he noticed the change in Jake whenever he saw him here; he told me Jake had borrowed his camping gear saying he was taking his housemate camping, but he didn't believe him for a minute, he said to me "he's going with a girl somewhere, I just know it"; but he kept real quiet about her. I knew it was getting serious, in fact he did say when I asked him if he'd ever been in love that he had, but he never let on with whom. I asked if he was still seeing this latest girl, you know now that he'd moved out West, but all he said was no, and got a bit shirty when I tried to get more out of him; something happened between them but I don't know what." "What did he ask your opinion on for "his friend" that morning?" "Something about holding out for someone who was afraid to commit because of their fears, that "his friend" knew what her fears and self doubts were but couldn't betray someone's confidence on the matter; it got a bit heavy so I told him to drop the subject …… for god's sake it was my wedding morning after all." "What?" "I can tell by your face Dad, you know who this girl is". "No I can't be 100 sure, but I'm 99 certain I know". "Don't you dare hold out on on tell me."

"She's in this one and these two". "Neela, I had my suspicions they seemed to get on well that night I visited the ER, and she was really happy to see him when we turned up at the Valentines do, but I'm a bit puzzled as they were dancing at the wedding and chatting all night, they didn't give the impression they'd finished, are you sure your not mistaken?" "Open your eyes son, she's not the only one in all those pictures". "You mean Abby, you can't be right, ……. she so much older than him". "Less of that if you don't mind, remember Mum's older than me ……..recall what he said in his speech about finding your life's partner, you'll just know, no matter what faith, race, or age; didn't he say something to about never giving up despite those differences; I think he was talking about himself when he spoke those words, especially after what you've just told me about his so called friend's concerns. You told me he was drinking shots that morning and I took him outside at one point in the evening, you never saw us, but he as he was doing it again, and that's not like him, you know that, and he was not exactly pleasant about it when I mentioned it, but I knew he didn't mean it, the poor sod just can't handle alcohol. I think he was anxious, nervous even about seeing her, he knew she was more than likely to be there at some point; he's not gotten over her." "Did he come out and say he was talking about her, I doubt it……. so what makes you so certain?" "I can't show you, I left the copies at work, but in amongst these pictures were some he'd taken at Sacred Rock State Park of the two of them, he'd obviously finished a roll and taken a few on the new one that he used at your place, he'd forgotten they were on there I'm sure; I just sent them off to him with the wedding ones". "Did Mum see them?" "See what?" "Yeah gods woman, why do you always have to sneak up when I'm trying to have a quiet word with my sons" "Listen up Danny, you will be talking to Chuny like this soon, the honeymoon period doesn't last long I can tell you" she laughed. "I can't help it if I've just come in and in all innocence walk in here to see if anyone's home, what's a woman supposed to do, besides if I hear Danny asking if I've seen something of course I'm going to respond". "Actually Mum, Dad was showing me something he's thinking of getting you for Xmas, I was asking him if it was a surprise or had you seen something you particularly wanted, isn't that right Dad?" "See I try and do something special for you honey, try and keep it a quiet, but you seem to have a knack of coming along at the most inopportune moments, you'd have thought I'd learnt after all these years that' it's impossible to keep a secret from you" I laughingly replied. "Ahhh That's what I love about you Sean, your consistency, you always were a bad liar;….. but I know when I'm not wanted; so do you two conspirators want some coffee?" she said smiling.

"Thanks for that Danny, you know I love your Mum to bits, and I don't like lying to her, but I don't want her to know about this just yet; that's why I left the copies at work. I have an idea in mind, but if it should all go wrong she'd never forgive me, you know what an old die hard romantic she is; lets keep this between ourselves for the time being. Can you do a bit of groundwork, suss out Abby's situation, is she seeing anyone, but be careful how you go about it with Chuny, you know how insightful women are, they can spot anything amiss at a thousand paces". "Tell me about it; I don't want to make it too obvious, so it may take a few days, but actually these photos will help …..I'll think something up, don't worry".


	46. Chapter 46

**Dad's Plan **

"So why all the intrigue Chuny, what is so important that you had to get me all on my own to tell me". " I'm just trying to organize something on the quiet and I don't want others to hear, you know what this place is like. Listen can you come by next Tuesday to our apartment about 730pm, I see you're off it's just I need a bit of help with something. Let me know if you can't make it, as I've got someone else coming and I will have to rearrange if you can't." "Ok, as far as I know it shouldn't be a problem, but if Chuck's working do you mind if I bring Cosmo along?" "Not at all, the main thing is you being there, and please don't mention this to anyone, if I find out others know I'll hand in my notice, I mean it." "God now you've got me intrigued, ok I swear I won't tell a soul" "Promise me, or I'll never talk to you again." "Promise" I said laughing.

"Sorry I'm a bit late, I've been having fun with mister Grumpy here, wouldn't eat his dinner tonight, that's why I'm all behind". " It's ok, a couple of the others only just beat you, don't worry, you're here that's what counts"." How many are here? I thought it was just one other" "Nope, I lied, but don't worry it's only Danny's brother and Dad, and Neela". "Neela! well she certainly kept that quiet, I never knew she was coming too".

"I know this is a kinda strange meeting, even poor old Mike here has no idea what it's about, but I asked Danny if we could come here as I wanted to ask your opinions regarding a certain situation, and as all of us know one or both of the persons concerned, I personally feel all our input may just be what's needed to resolve a certain situation". "Dad, what are you going on about?" asked Mike. "It concerns your brother Jake". "Jake, what on earth….." "Oh, is this going to be one of those meetings where people set up someone because there's a problem that they can't see themselves, oh what do you American's call it, ….." "Intervention meeting" "Yes, that's it , but why Jake, has something awful happened to him?" "No, it's not like that, but…. .. I'll be honest and say; and the boys can vouch for this, I may have given them a few guidelines regarding behaviour, but I have never interfered with any of my kids relationships, that's their business, but there comes a time when a Father's concern about their kids overrides anything else; I know that something needs to be done to either help the situation along, or call time on it because in this instance I don't think he knows what to do; he's happy in his work, but pretty miserable within himself, and has been for quite sometime, even his Mum noticed when we visited him, that certain sparkle had gone from him, and that's why Mike I asked if we could meet here, if Mum knew about what I am suggesting and things go all pear shaped she'd never forgive me". "But why have you asked us two to come along, said Susan. "Because we know the woman; to be honest when Danny told me I was totally shocked, I had no idea they were involved, and how I never let on to you two is beyond me" "Yeah she bursting to tell you I know, and how she kept it quiet ….." he chuckled. "Can you two guess who it is?" Chuny said. "I haven't the foggest idea, I know he was seeing a fellow medical student, he told me so at the Valentines do, but the only one I can think of that all three of us know is Jane ,……but we don't know her that well do we Susan, we only know of her through work , and those views might be a bit biased, she nice enough, a good worker, but can be a bit sarcastic at times to her own detriment". "You're totally off track with that suggestion, and as I now know, he spun you a few fibs when he said that about his girlfriend". "Don't hold out on us then, come on Chuny, spill the beans" said Susan.

"Abby "

"WHAT!" said Susan.

"Blooooooooody Hell !" was all Neela could say.

"Why are you all so shocked, is she married or something, is that the problem?" Mike asked.

"I can't believe it, she even asked me if I had found out anything more about his girlfriend, I can't get over her winding me up like that, just wait until I have the opportunity to let on……. the blighter" "Me too, we even talked about her last relationship in the Summer, you recall how tetchy she was at work, I commented to her on it, she apologised at first, blamed the weather, lack of sleep, then she said to me lets meet up and talk, it might help. She told me she was upset about the break up of her recent relationship, that she had fallen head over heels in love, she hadn't expected to, but as it turns out, the rest was a complete lie; she spun me this yarn about a journalist she'd met from the West coast, how she found out he was still involved with someone back there, and that he'd left to go back to San Francisco! and I never cottoned on when she said Frisco. I must admit after she told me this I tried to set her up on a blind date, get her back in the dating scene, the chap I introduced her to and she seemed to get on ok when they met at my place for dinner, but she told me next day that she'd been honest with him and said she wasn't ready to date again. Now if I think about it, when they worked together in the ER or when he came down during his surgery rotation they were always laughing and seemed really happy together, but I thought nothing more of it, he was always so affable with everyone, he was probably one of the best students we've had through our doors in ages…..oh sorry Neela, but you know what I mean, everyone liked him, he was always so much fun to be around, and was an excellent worker too…. god, I must be getting old, when you look back there were lots of clues but I never picked up on them". "That's what I told Danny. You know when he was showing me the informal wedding pictures he starting asking questions about the people there, I thought it was a bit strange at the time why he wanted to know if Neela or Abby were involved with anyone, but I never really gave it too much thought after that, then a few days later he told me about his Dad's suspicions, what Sean had seen; and as I said I was totally shocked. Geeze, do you remember that conversation on my hen night what she said about him……. she wasn't lying was she….…Hahahaha" "What's all this laughter about?" "Not telling, that's only for us girls to know Danny".

"I still don't understand, why is there a problem?" "Abby is a lot older than him, she's divorced, has had more than her fair share of family problems, she's never one to really open up, she keeps her true feelings locked up, I wonder just how much he really knows about her, perhaps that's what put and end to it, who knows?" said Susan. "But surely that shouldn't make a difference, being divorced, were not exactly devout Catholics, and to hell with age, Dad's younger than Mum and they couldn't be happier, isn't that right Danny?". "Yes, couple of old lovebirds those two" he replied laughing. "Knock it off you two. Look I don't care about all those things, what I care about is his happiness, it would be the same with any of you kids. Jake told me he was in love with someone, that it hadn't worked out, how being at your wedding bought it all back how he missed her, he was drinking more than he should that day, you two know how his is with alcohol, but I'd never seen him like that, he was so upset; he's still in love with her, that's obvious, and I think he needs to know if there is a chance that they can make it together again". "One thing I'd like to know, they had their chance at the wedding, she knew he'd be there, she looked fabulous that night, she dressed for him I'm sure, but why didn't they do anything about it?" Neela enquired. "Yes. I couldn't understand why they never danced together, they had at the Valentine's do I even commented to her about it, she told me they had had an disagreement over some surgical procedure just before he left County, and that she thought he must have harboured a grudge about it, but as I said to her, I can't believe he would, he wasn't like that..…..they must have both felt awkward or something, or lost their nerve, that's all I can think". "Well whatever the reason I feel we need to step in and get them together somehow so that they get to talk things through, either they will realize what a mistake they made parting, or if it turns out the other way, I risk having my son never talk to me again because of my interference, but it's a gamble I'm willing to take. Do you think Abby still feels that way about him you say she's not easily persuaded to reveal her true feelings, and lets face it he kept it quiet for months, it was the drink that finally loosened his tongue." "I thought Mum told me he was seeing Laura again and that it seemed to be going well" said Mike. "Who's Laura?" asked Neela. "Laura was his first serious girlfriend, they went out what,..…... four years, he didn't know but she is at UCSF too, we met her again when we visited him, Cath's got them married off already, but he told me they were just good friends, I believed him when he said that, but unintentionally he is not being honest with her, I have a feeling she maybe getting serious about him again but I don't think she's aware he's still in love with someone else."

"I think your right, we need to do something as her friends knowing what she's been through with her family, it's time for her to find happiness again " said Chuny.

"Well somehow we have got to see if she still loves him, but how?" "I think it will be very difficult to just bring Jake into the conversation, she never let on that night that they'd had a relationship, so I doubt if she will now. I feel the best plan would be to think up something to get them together as your Dad suggested, and just risk everything on that one occasion, trouble is where can we get them to meet and when?" said Susan. "That might be a bit of a problem as it won't be anytime soon, when he spoke to Cath on Thanksgiving, he told her he was working at Xmas too, but he did say he'd got time off in January, he's off for a week and that he'd come home, so we will have to fix something up for then." "What day is he coming back, it's just I know Abby has sometime booked off in January; she told me as she was working over the holidays she was going to see her Mum and brother in the New Year for a few days, knowing our luck it will be when he's home. Chuny, do you mind if I use your phone to call County, I'll get someone to look at the rota, it will be ok as Abby will have left by now," "Sure, help yourself Susan".

"Abby's off for the week starting the 21st, how does that tie in with Jake's holiday."

"I have it here in my diary, as I said I'd pick him from the airport, ….. you're not gonna believe this……." "Oh don't tell us it's the week before" said Neela. "Nope, it's the same week, how god dam lucky is that".

"So any ideas where we can get them together ?" Danny asked. "Listen you know it's my 40th coming up on the 18th January, Julia has got a party organized for the 21st, now I know we can't get her to come to that, there'd be no logical reason for her to be there, but Dad could call and say to him that as he missed out on Danny's stag do, and that night before his wedding with us three, he'd like for us guys to do something special together to celebrate without Mum and their wives, we could go somewhere for a couple of days; maybe you girls could do something like that with her, would you have any reason to go somewhere without it being too suspicious?" "That's a great idea" Chuny said. "I know , ….. it's a little bit early, but my birthday is on the 6th February, I can tell her just before Xmas that Ryan and I are going away for a romantic couple of days, hopefully we will still be together, something tells me we will, (she grins) but even if we're not I can lie, I'll say, as it's my 30th I want to do something special too with just my girlfriends, so why not try and do something for the weekend of the 27th. Susan you can juggle the rota around so that we'd all be free". "Yes that's won't be a problem, as ER chief, what I says goes" she giggled.

"So we're left with where the hell to go….. any suggestions?" Danny said. "As we're using the ruse of a 40th and 30th birthday we could make it somewhere a bit different, somewhere that you wouldn't normally go for your birthday, how about a city break, say ….. New York or Boston." said Neela. "Yes I could go along with that. I think he'd buy that too" said Sean. "Dad, they're a bit too cultural for a birthday, you need somewhere outrageous if it's a milestone birthday……I know, how about Vegas?" said Mike. "Yeah, that's a brilliant idea" said Neela "I've never been, I know I'll enjoy myself there even if those two don't, what do you others think?". "Let's go for it" said Danny. Nobody said no.


	47. Chapter 47

**Las Vegas pt 1**

A stunned silence followed, both of us just looking, wondering how on earth the other was here.

I got up off the bed, but stayed by it, not moving nearer her; "I don't understand what are you doing here?…..how did you get in?". "I could say the same to you…...when I heard a voice as I came in I wondered what on earth was going on, I thought I'd been given the wrong key; when you lowered the paper and I saw it was you, I couldn't believe my eyes..…..in fact I'm still in shock, I swear I didn't know you were here." "Are you alone?" "No I came with Susan, Chuny and Neela, were having a girly weekend to celebrate Neela's 30th birthday……...or so I thought. And you?". "Celebrating Mike's 40th along with Dad and Danny……….or so I thought;

but something's telling me there is more to it than that, there's too much of a coincidence here, ….……oh shit, (chuckles) I think we've been set up don't you?" "WHAT? But how, I never told anyone about us, I swear. Did you?". "No, no I didn't…….actually that's a lie; Laura knows, but she wouldn't say anything I'm sure; perhaps we weren't as discreet as we thought; someone saw us out, put two and two together, but I don't understand why they would think we're still in ……. but if this has somehow been arranged by them, does it make you uncomfortable being here, neither of us were exactly talkative the last few times we saw each other". "How could you think that, ……I've said more to you now than I did that night at County, ….…I can't believe how I behaved; when I think back to that night. I was so abrupt, so dismissive, I know I hurt you, I didn't mean to, it's just me, it's how I…….

I wanted to talk to you to put things right, but neither of us called, we hardly spoke during your last few weeks in the OR, the longer we left it the harder it was for you to forgive me, I knew that. I just wanted to say sorry, but I……..". "Abby don't you think I should take some of the blame, I had every opportunity at the wedding to talk to you; I wanted to, but something stopped me; my wounded male pride no doubt. I told you the first time I asked you out, males ego's are easily dented".

"Did she buy it?" asked Mike as I went into their room. "Seems like it, I told her I'd lost my credit card, said I must have either dropped it in the lift, or hopefully left it at the front desk, I just handed her the spare key and my holdall and dashed off, I could hardly linger outside the door, if anyone came along the hall they'd have wondered what on earth I was doing listening at the door…..so Neela any joy?" "Decent hotels are no good for this, the darn walls too thick, I can't hear a sodding thing through this glass, it worked when I was a kid ok when I wanted to listen in on my sister, but now nothing, don't know if they are talking, making out or what……..it's so darn frustrating" she laughed. "Hey Dad, do you remember that motel we stayed in when we went to that fire convention, the walls were so thin we didn't need the tv on, we had our own adult entertainment channel …..where was that place?" "MICHAEL, ladies present" . "Don't go all coy Dad, remember you started all this" Mike laughingly replied. "Do you think it's gonna work or have we taken too much of a gamble on this one occasion? "Listen honey, if you're going to take a gamble it might as well be in this town", Danny replied grinning.

"Abby I knew I had to do something, I'd let this situation go on for too long, I just wanted to see you to say sorry too. I called at your apartment last Sunday, but you weren't there, so I went to County; Susan told me you were at your Mother's. I couldn't believe it; the only darn time I was confident enough to put things right between us, you were with Maggie. I needed to know if we could be friends again; I valued our friendship more than anything; it hurt to think that we couldn't even talk. I know that was my fault, I wasted every opportunity I had to put things right. I just kept remembering that conversation at the hospital, I knew you didn't mean those words, it was just your normal reaction to a certain situation, you couldn't help it; but it hurt me to hear you say them, it clouded my judgement on every occasion after that". "What do you mean by that,….…..my normal reaction?"

"I don't know about you lot but I am getting peckish, what is the time by the way?" "Nearly 615pm, maybe we should go and eat, we don't know what's happening next door, we could be here hours hoping for an answer of some sorts, there's no point sitting here, we can't hear anything, so shall we meet up in the bar downstairs say at 7pm" said Neela. "Yes, that sure sounds a good idea. I'll come with you Neela as you've got my spare set of clothes in your bag, good thing we followed your Dad's advice and put stuff in each others bag or else I may never get mine back till the morning" joked Susan. "Yes, 7 is fine with us" said Mike, "Danny I've got your extra clothes in my holdall in the closet if you need them". "Ok, so which room do Chuny and I have now, is it just along the corridor?" "Yes I got them to block off four rooms next to each other, just to make life easier", said Sean. "Let's hope we won't be needing a fifth" said Neela. "I'm sure once they get over the initial shock they will be all right……. what they need is time to talk, and if they don't feel the same, well we will just have to swap rooms around again…… mind you it might be a tad awkward at first going in with Abby, she will not be pleased with me I know; but as you said Sean, we just have to risk it and hope they see why we tried to intervene" said Susan. "You know if they cannot see that they are right for each other I will personally go in there and get them to see sense. I know that sounds an odd thing to say, I don't know her, I've only met her briefly at the wedding, but they are made for each other I just know it; the way they looked so intently at each other at the end of the evening you could just tell, their pictures together too; you could just see it in their faces. I can't explain it, I just know. Who cares about age, it's their lives to live at end of day, he's not been truly happy for last 4/5mths, and from what you've told me in hindsight, they both were when they were together. Despite what we sometimes think, sex is not the be all and end all of a relationship, it's important I grant you, but not the main criteria to hold a relationship together, you need to be friends, need to be able to laugh, be able to trust and depend on each other to see you through the good and bad times, you need to love one another. I know he loves her, I truly believe he's never stopped loving her; but I am not afraid to admit that I am nervous right now wondering what she is thinking, I just hope she hasn't changed her view of him. I don't know if I will be able to forgive myself if it all goes wrong". "Sean, come on, don't get cold feet now, you know your doing it because you care, I wish I'd been lucky enough to have a Dad like you; someone who really loves their family as you obviously do" said Susan.

"You haven't answered me Jake, what did you mean by that?" "Let's just say I know why you were always reticent to talk about certain things, your family, about yourself, even us. I thought you knew you could be open with me, that I would listen, try to understand, not judge you; but you always held back your innermost thoughts; as if exposing them would show your vulnerability, that if I knew about them I would try to change you; I told you a long time ago, I believe in the individual, that's what attracts us to each other; why would I change my views about you because of your past, I loved you for the person I knew. It hurt me to think that you couldn't trust me; yet I had shown you I would keep my promises. That first night you asked me not to make love to you because neither of us had protection, I respected your wishes, it wasn't easy, I wanted you so much that night, I'd never felt that way for any woman before, yet I did nothing to reproach myself with; you gave me keys asked me to respect your privacy, I did. I never, as far as I was aware, behaved inappropriately towards you at work; I never tried to kiss you, embarrass you, I only ever laughed and joked with you, just as I did with the others, no one was aware we were in a relationship; surely that proved to you, you could trust me to keep my word". "True, you always did keep to your word, but what I don't understand is you alluding to my past. I am older than you, been married; of course I am going to have a past, and our past is going to make us react in a certain way, it's a form of defence mechanism at times, or helps us see how things can change, I don't see anything unusual in that; it's how we move forward" "Precisely, but you haven't in one important aspect of your life, you reacted how you always do, pushing people away that come to close to you, because you fear rejection." "How can you say that? You have no bases for that theory, your saying that because my words hurt you. I told you earlier, I know I was abrupt I should have said more when you said you were thinking of staying in Chicago to study. I should have said something to encourage you; told you that staying at County would not be the option I would have taken if I'd been offered a place at UCSF; it's a prestigious hospital, it would be important for your career, we could continue to see one another……" "Why didn't you?" "Because I, ……." "Because you thought it was easier to let me go than to get close to you, you didn't believe it would last, you thought I'd eventually leave you; so you pushed me away before you got in too deep, before your were hurt and disappointed again. How could you think that. You must have known how I felt about you; that night of your birthday, don't you recall what I said to you, didn't it mean anything to you? Abby you confused me so much, I knew there was a chemistry between us, yet sometimes you made me feel as though I was just a sexual fling as far as you were concerned; you never gave me any encouragement to say what I truly felt." "That's not true, I've never felt that way you must know that; did you really think that I was blind to all your gestures, your words; I knew how you felt" . "Then why didn't you say anything to me?".

"Do you think it's going well? How longs it been?…….if only we knew what was happening……I know what, we will try and listen as we go past their door". "Neela we can't do that, we will just have to keep our fingers crossed, there's not much else we can do".

"So will it be a triple whisky for you Dad to calm your nerves?" "Actually for once I could take you up on that. I'm so glad your Mum's not here Mike she'd be tearing me off a strip if she knew about this, especially as I'm starting to question what I've done; did I make a terrible mistake trying to intervene?" "Dad, you know your doing this in his best interest, look if things go awry, he's going to be none to pleased with any of us; but you know whatever the outcome he will see sense, he's not stupid, he'll know why we did it; he will come round." "I hope so, I sincerely hope so…….. Go on then, I'll have a whisky; make it a double" .

"Why? because you're so much younger; initially I thought its just a "Mrs Robinson" phase your going through, but then I realized it was more than that, I knew there was a chemistry too; I felt the same way. But I was also aware how important family was to you and I didn't know if I could deny you that; I would never forgive myself for that, that's why I didn't say anything too. I thought if you go away, you'll forget about me, meet some young woman who could give you that,…. a family." "Why can't we have a family? You're great with kids, I've seen you with them at County your so natural with them, I don't believe you don't want any". "I can't have them?" "Why?"

Was I pushing her too far? - I didn't think so, I needed her to tell me in her own words, not keep everything locked way; I realized Maggie was right I couldn't wait forever for her to open up. Abby seemed willing for the first time to talk without claming up; I had to get her to continue, for both our sakes. I had almost given the game away earlier, saying I knew why she reacted in a certain way in a particular situation; thankfully she didn't seem to know how I knew, she'd interpreted it another way. I couldn't reveal her Mothers words; I'd promised Maggie I wouldn't.

"No that's not the truth, I can have kids, but I mustn't. I can't go through that again" "What? Did you have a miscarriage? Are you afraid it might happen again?" "No, no, I 'm scared of raising one that could inherit my mother's and brothers illness. I know now how it effected me, I don't know if I'm strong enough to cope with all that again". "Maggie seemed fine to me, what's wrong with her, do you mind my asking?". "Yes she seems fine now, that's because she has been on her medication for the last two years, but for many years she was unstable. She's Bi polar; it wasn't easy coping with it all, it put a strain on my marriage amongst other things. Mum and I didn't have a very happy relationship for a long, long time. I know I blamed her always, I told her so many times that she never helped herself; she kept coming off her medication. I wasn't willing to see that her illness made her react the way she did. I was a cold hearted bitch towards her at times, but I felt justified, she ruined my childhood, my teenage years even my adult life; every relationship I had I blamed her for it finishing, when I knew it was I pushing the other person away, not wanting to get in too deep as I knew it would never last, something would always happen involving her, and it was easier to blame her than myself for not letting another person in to share my problems. I can't recall being happy very much, always being on tender hooks wondering when she would go into a manic or depressive phase again. I'm scared of having a child like that. I 'm scared of putting you, or anyone through that". I could see tears forming, she was struggling to hold them in.

"Don't you think I could say the same too? A child could inherit my heart problem or something worse. You cannot think like that. If you have a child, you love it unconditionally, no matter what. All life's a risk, you never know what's in store, the only certainty is death; yet you don't go living life thinking every minutes your last". "True, but you've been raised in a happy and loving environment, you can just tell, you look out for one another, I had no one I struggled along trying to balance everything, and when I couldn't I took the easy way out; I hit the bottle. I told you I had an antibiotic reaction, it made me unable to drink; I lied Jake, I'm an alcoholic. I was sober for a while but I was attacked indoors by a neighbours husband, it started me drinking again, that's why I have all the security locks, I was afraid to be alone by myself for quite a while; maybe that's why I didn't have a relationship, I told you, I'd not been with anyone before you for such a long time. I've been sober for the last two and a bit years, but its always there that temptation, I could so easily fall back; I've attended AA meetings in the past; but the last year and a half I've felt strong enough to go it alone. Maybe it's helped having my mother stable, I don't have that worry now. My brother succumbed to the illness two years ago, it was a dreadful time for everyone; but in one respect my brother Eric's illness pulled her into shape, was the wake up call she needed; she promised me she would stay on her meds for my brothers sake. To be honest she has, she attends counselling too; if you had seen her three years ago you wouldn't have recognised her; but in one respect her recovery has helped me too I've become more relaxed; I've been enjoying life for the first time in ages, especially these last couple of years, both in my work and more recently in my relationship with you; but I cannot expect you to take all this onboard, it's too much to ask of anyone".

"Don't you think I should be the judge of that? I told you earlier I wanted to speak to you to rekindle our friendship, that was true, but it's not the main reason I wanted to see you. I needed to tell you what I've known all along. I love you Abby, I always have. That first morning I saw you, you looked liked drowned rat, but I knew right then we would be together; don't ask me why, I just knew. I enjoyed your company so much; I've never laughed so much before with a woman, we shared so many interests, you were always so much fun to work with, a great teacher, always questioning me, encouraging me, wanting me to excel, you don't know how important that was to me; I've missed you so much Abby. I told you I should have said something at the wedding, but pride got in the way; I was totally stupid; I couldn't take my eyes off you, yet I was afraid to come up and tell you how I felt; I acted like a complete idiot, I just kept drinking instead of speaking to you. My Dad took me outside asked why I was drinking shots, he knew that wasn't like me; I'm ashamed to say I wasn't very pleasant to him, I can't handle the stuff, it brings out the worst verbally in me. I told him the wedding made me realize how much I missed someone, I was upset our relationship broke up, that's what we'd been talking about when we met you in the hallway, but I never said who that person was. I never told anyone about us, the only one who knew was Maggie. Did you know Maggie invited me to come visit her and Eric with you last Summer, she'd put a note inside my graduation card you posted onto me. As we are being honest with one another, I have to say, I was little upset that there was no message, not even a "congratulations Mrs R" written on the back of the envelope; it hurt that our relationship had come to that."

"Jake, did you really think so badly of me? I saw you graduate, I came just after the ceremony began, I kept back in the tree line, no one saw me, but I watched you receive your degree. I can see by your expression you don't believe me. There were lots of your family there all standing and cheering as you went up. I could see your Mum, she was dressed in a pretty pale blue and white dress with a plain pale blue jacket, your Dad wore a dark brown suit - it's heredity too I see (laughs), one sister wore a light grey trouser suit and white top, the other a pale lemon summery dress. Mike and his family were there, as well as Chuny and Danny, the others I didn't know, and I presumed the kids were your brothers and sisters, they had the Scanlon dark wavy hair , as I say there were quite a few others too. What? You think I'm just saying what I saw in Chuny's photos, I'm not, she never bought them into the ER; just remember I had booked that day off ages before".

"Why didn't you come up and say something?" "Come on how could I, you knew how awkward it had become between us, I didn't want to spoil your day; but I knew I had to be there for you. And your degree, a pass with highest honours, and there was me thinking I was distracting you, (grins) I was so thrilled and pleased for you".

"That's what I love about you, I never quite know what your thinking, it drove me crazy at times, yet that air of mystery is what attracted me too. Don't push me away again Abby; don't think because of all your problems I can't be there for you. That's what true love is, it's not just about intimacy, it's being there for one another during the difficult times. I'm not perfect, just an average guy with all the usual faults; but I know I don't want to spend another moment wondering if you and I had wasted our chance of happiness. I love you so much Abby, I've never felt this way about anyone before. I just need to know how you feel about me."

"Do you know what I've missed about you, your funny anecdotes with references to your family, I've missed our crazy conversations, your off key singing, the spontaneous things you do, how you make me laugh, I've never felt so happy; but most of all I've missed you; my life feels incomplete without you, but I don't know what to say to make amends, I treated you so unfairly. I'm so sorry".

"Abby, come with me to San Francisco; lets start afresh in a new place. I've missed you so much I don't want to be without you ever again. I know that's a big decision, and I don't expect you to answer now,……… but just remember you only have 7 days left on your products warranty - no exchanges after that".

"I thought it was 8 days"

"No, definitely just 7"

"Ohhhhh it's a tough decision, do I want to keep this model or put in for a replacement?……...hmmmmmm! "

Both of us smile, then start to laugh.


	48. Chapter 48

**Las Vegas pt 2**

I wanted to scoop her up in my arms, yet I held back, thinking this can't be true, it's all a dream; she'll disappear if I close my eyes, but she was still here; laughing and smiling at me.

I slowly moved nearer to her, not wanting to rush this moment. I moved my hand up and gently caressed the side of her face, tilting her chin up so that she looked directly into my eyes; "I can't explain how you make me feel. I've never loved anyone like this before. I tried to get you out of my mind, but it's been impossible, you're the last thing I thought of every night, I missed you so much; the pain of losing you has been unbearable at times. I always hoped we'd have another chance; let's not make the same mistakes again". I leaned down and kissed her lightly on the lips "I love you Abby, I love you so much".

"You're not going all slushy and romantic are you that just won't do, that'll be too much to handle, what with this unexpected meeting and all" I said jokingly. "Is it really so difficult for you to say those three words; I know you feel the same, despite your toying with me, I can see it in your eyes, they don't lie". "Do I love you?….. I think I've been in love with you from that very first moment I saw you in the ER; does that sound crazy? It felt like a lightning bolt shot through me when you turned around to face me; your piercing blue eyes and that dazzling smile, I truly believe I was hooked from the start". "You know Mum always said that would happen when you meet "the one" but we kids never believed her; but it looks like we both succumbed to that theory despite initially not wanting to admit to it" I said grinning. "Now there's the Jake I know and love, the only thing missing in this entire conversation is the lack of mention of food, it should have cropped up by now, you've mentioned family, but not that" I said laughing. This time I could not stop myself, I leaned up and encircled my arms around his neck; "yes I love you, ……in fact, it frightens me just how much I do". "Looks like were stuck with each other then." "Seems like it" I said smiling. This time we did not hold back from our passionate embrace.

"So do you think we should go down and face our conspirators?" "Well, lets put it like this, you said I'd not mentioned food, well I'm going to now, I'm starving, we were meant to eat here at the hotel at 630pm , and what time is it now, nearer 7, so yes lets go face the music". "Do you mind if I just freshen up before we go down, I won't be two ticks"; "Of course, I will go in after you". Neither of us had taken it further, we had embraced, but I think both of us were wanting to take it slowly this time, just to hold one another in our arms meant more at this moment than anything else.

"I'll go take a sneak in the sports bar, I'm sure they will go in there tonight before eating especially if everyone's here." "Well?" "Yes, they're there. So shall we go get a table, we said we've eat in the American fare restaurant, I don't suppose they will change that; let's hope not." "Sounds a good idea". "How many is it for did you say?" "Eight, the others will be along in a minute, but we will go and sit down if that's ok.". "That's not a problem, I'll take the name down and then show you to your table. Did you want non smoking?" "It's Scanlon. There will be three men and women in the party; and yes non smoking will be fine thank you".

"It's too bad we started without them, but if you knew how many miles I've walked today you'd know why I am famished. Anyway just this appetizer is fine, it will tied me over until they come…… What are you grinning for?" "Oh, I was just thinking of an unusual appetizer you once had, you probably don't remember". He just grinned. "I take it you do". "The main course was a slight change from what I'd intended too if I recall". We both just giggled.

"What are you two doing here?" asked Danny. "I think the term used to describe it is called eating", said Jake sarcastically. "I take it that it's alright to sit here, your not gonna cold shoulder us?" said Sean. "No Dad, your ok" I said smiling, "and Mike I don't know if you've been introduced properly to Abby, you might only have seen her at the wedding, not had time to talk. This is dr. Abby Lockhart, and Abby this guy, or should I more aptly say, co conspirator is my brother Mike, who's birthday were celebrating, amongst other things." "It's nice to meet you, I must admit I don't really remember talking to you at the wedding, there were so many people there, and what with all the different shifts, the faces kept changing I can't recall everyone I met; but I'm real pleased to meet you I've been hearing quite a bit about you." "Not too bad I hope?" "And Jake, didn't I tell you not to be a pessimist, I said "Lady Luck" would come calling" he added laughing. "Yes, you did, but you had an unfair advantage, you knew the odds were stacked in your favour…… and Dad, you remember Abby I take it?" "Yes I remember we spoke in the hallway; I'm glad to see both of you here, we were wondering if we'd done the right thing arranging this get together". "So who did this, was it you Danny?" asked Abby. "I wish I could take the credit; but no this was Dad's idea". "WHAT! You set this up; I can't believe it; but how did you know about us Dad?" "Lets just say I put two and two together; the conversation we had at the wedding, the last part of the best man's speech, on reflection it gave us a few clues, but mainly it was the photos, if you hadn't forgotten about them maybe I wouldn't have known, but it all came together when I saw them, I just knew the woman you'd been talking about was Abby." "What photos?" " I had forgotten about them until I opened the package Dad sent of the wedding pics, your right, they definitely gave the game away", I said laughing. "Come on, explain it, what are you both referring to?". "You know when we went to Sacred Rock State Park I took a few photos on a second reel, they were still in the camera that we both used when I came back for the wedding, I totally forgot they were on there. Dad kept the films to get them developed, you know the informal ones, he saw them; there were some of you in the canoe, the two of us out on a hike, another by the park sign…." "Oh shit, there wasn't anything embarrassing was there?" "No your blushes are spared" said Dad laughing, "and don't worry I'm the only one who's seen them". "And you told me you wanted to borrow the camping gear to go away for a few days with Pete….. you goddam liar Jake, I told Danny as much, " said Mike grinning. "As for lying Abby, you have a few fibs to own up to too?" said Neela; "asking me to find out about his girlfriend…….. and no wonder you didn't want me to set you up on a date with Danny" she giggled. "My turn," said Susan; "this tale you sold me about Ian the journalist going back to Frisco, I believed every word……and I never cottoned on when you said that". "I know, I almost gave the game away saying that city……why on earth did I say that?" " 'cause you were thinking about me;……. see, I knew you cared". "Well we've spared her blushes for now, but how about my hen night? how much is it worth to keep quiet about that?" Chuny laughed. "Just remember I know a thing or two that you said, so tread lightly, or I will reveal all your little secrets too". We girls all began to giggle; the men just looked perplexed.

We had a great evening, we laughed so much, I couldn't believe how relieved I felt that our relationship was finally out in the open; it felt so good, everyone accepted us without reservations. I felt so relaxed, I hadn't been so happy in ages. Jake was right about his family, they were so much fun; his Dad and Mike were hilarious. .

Neither Jake or I could believe all the subterfuge they had used to initiate the meeting. "Yes Neela had some of my spare clothes and wash kit , Danny's were with Mike; the fake cellphone call from Chuny, when infact it was me calling from the lobby telling him we were here, I tell you Neela and Chuny had a hell of a time distracting you so that he could come over and give me his key, then my charade of losing my credit card, it was like planning a war campaign to get all the timings and logistics right; your Dad's got a lot to answer for" Susan said. We all just burst out laughing.

"So as were here in Vegas what's to stop you two going to the Courthouse to get a license?" Mike asked. "That's a great idea, you want that don't you?" said Danny. "Good God No! Don't even think about it. Your Mother would kill me if I let them do that. Cathy doesn't even know about this, she thinks it's just us boys here; you know what an old romantic your Mum is, if she knew Jake got married without her being there I'd NEVER hear the end of it, besides I don't think I'm too bad a Dad, so surely you can spare me your Mother's wrath" he said in all seriousness. "Slow down you lot, we've only just met again, honestly you'll scare Abby away……..just ignore them; they're just teasing. you have to get used to that ". "Who says I want to get married?". Abby's retort certainly put a stop to the conversation. "Well, not right now" she added grinning.

"Listen we provisionally booked before Xmas for both of you to take the Canyon tour with us tomorrow at 3.45pm, so we need to be in the lobby for a 3.00pm pickup; so if you want to come be there then." said Dad. "Before Xmas, so how long ago did you set this up Dad?" . "End of November actually, see I had that much confidence in your both coming along on this trip". "I'm amazed; none of you let on at work, I don't know how you kept it from me; there wasn't even a hint, I'd no idea you knew about us". "Well we could say the same about you Abby, we were totally in the dark. If I think about it now Jake did say to me, "don't believe everything I say " he was darn right, he comes across all boyish and innocent at times and I fell for it" Neela said jokingly.

"So what do you plan on doing tomorrow morning?" I asked. "Thought I'd go take a look at the Venetian hotel, well I've been to Venice so I want see how it lives up to it's namesake, your welcome to join me if you want Abby if you not otherwise engaged " said Neela smirking. "Actually I will, what time do you plan on going?" "Well shall we say meet down in the lobby at 9am for breakfast and we can go on from there, did you want to join us Jake?" "Yes I'll tag along", "Anyone else?" "Yes I'll come too, although I have been before with Chuck, I can just about recall it through my wedding hangover" she laughed. "Mike and I will find something to do" said Sean " us boys went there earlier today; if you want we can meet up for lunch somewhere if you'd like" "Ok how about "Denny's" across the street from here, and we can do something special at night". "Yes, that sounds a good idea, do you have anywhere particular in mind you'd like to go, it's just as it's Saturday night it will be busy everywhere we might need to make a reservation…….choose something, my treat, as a thank you to you all" said Jake. "Are you sure, there's 7 of us don't forget" said Susan. "Better make it Macdonald's then" I replied.

Jake joined me as I stood looking out of the window watching the neon displays. "Hey, are you ok, I said something a minute ago but you never replied, is everything alright……..did my brothers teasing earlier about marriage upset you is that it? It's just you seem miles away". "No, it's not that, I didn't mind what they said, no it's something else" ."What?" "Jake you may hate me for saying this, but tonight can we just sleep together, not make love…….I know coming from me, who unashamedly

dragged you into my bed on our first date it seems rather an odd request, but tonight I just want to lie in your arms, just feel you close to me, that's all I want right now". "Honey it's ok, I don't want to rush you, I just want you to be happy" "But the thing is you sleep naked, is it too much to ask you to cover up, it's just for some reason I can't, not tonight, it seems crazy I know because I want you, yet I can't explain it, I don't know why I feel like this". "Oh Abby" chuckles "are you gonna drive me crazy all my life trying to figure you out?" "More than likely" I said smiling as I reached up to embrace him.


	49. Chapter 49

Las Vegas pt 3

"So you coming with us too this morning Chuny?" asked Neela. "Yes, I've not been here before so I want to see some of these hotels too, and I'll have a gamble as I go, are you going to give it a go Neela?" As the girls sat chatting discussing where to go for tonight's meal I sat and watched her, wanting her more than ever. It had been so difficult to resist the temptation last night; but I knew I had too; tonight I don't know if I could. "Listen whilst you go sort out the dinner reservation we'll go to the restroom and then meet you out front" said Danny. "Ok see you in a bit" Chuny replied.

"Did you find the gifts I told you about last night?." I just shook my head, "honestly what were you guys thinking?" " Hey, don't blame it just on Mike and I, Dad and the girls contributed too, in fact they put in some of the fancy stuff . So I take it you two…….." "What?……. Ohhhhh, you mean discussed the merits of ablation therapy in the treatment of cardiac arrhythmia, yes we talked about that last night ". "Knock it off, you dam well know what I mean" he said laughing. "Not as though it's any of your business, but actually we didn't" "What, after all the effort we put in to get you two together, your kidding me, right?" I just looked at him. "Shit……..your not lying". "And, for your information, this is the only time I am going to say anything about us; you know we never talked about that kinda stuff apart from your wedding morning and its staying that way, got it". "Ok, ok…….I won't ask again".

We took some pictures outside and heard from Neela that it was indeed an exact replica of the Doge's Palace, "the only difference being the Rialto bridge would not be in this location in the actual city in relation to the palace" she said and laughingly added, "one things missing, all the dam pigeons". We took a slow stroll along the Grand Canal, watching the tourists as they took their gondola ride whilst being serenaded by the gondoliers, visited the piazza, listened to the strolling players entertain the crowds, then Chuny decided it was time to hit the casino so we made our way down there to try our luck at the tables and slots.

As I stood with my arm around Abby watching her play I knew I couldn't hold out, I wanted to make love to her so much; it got to a stage where if I didn't leave right now it could get embarrassing. "Abby come with me after this game" was all I said. I took her hand and led her out of the hotel. "Where are we going?" "Just follow me" I said smiling. We hailed a cab and headed back to our hotel; I don't know if the others saw us go; to be honest I didn't care.

We hardly got into the room before we passionately embraced; our hands began to furiously run over each others body as we sought out buttons and zips, laughing as we did between kisses at our enthusiasm as we tried to discard shoes, jeans and underwear; "oh baby I want you so much, so much"; I couldn't control myself, my overwhelming desire to have her threw all precautions to the wind.

"I'm sorry,…..so sorry, I didn't mean to rush like that, but I couldn't stop myself; I know you haven't reached…. forgive me baby, forgive me". I watched her stretch out her right arm and turn the lock on the door, and put the chain into its catch, "you can take all the time you need, I'm not going anywhere" she said before kissing me again.

It was almost as if we were making love for the first time, caressing each others skin with long delicate sensual strokes and kisses, exploring each other's body with our tongues; nibbling, sucking, teasing each other with our mouths; her sighs and moans bringing pleasure to me as I heard her arousal grow. "there's some things in here….., don't laugh, you won't believe what those guys have put in here," "oh my goodness, they certainly don't supply those in the ER, and my god what's this one……geeze". We laughed so much, it almost spoilt the moment.

I could see tears running down her cheeks. "Baby what's wrong,…. did I hurt you?" "No, how could you even think that". "Is it because of what happened earlier, I didn't stop to use anything; I know I was in the wrong but you didn't stop me, I thought you must ….." "It's alright, I only finished a couple of days ago, it will be ok; besides who can stop an express train" "Oh don't mock me please don't, I truly couldn't help it, …. but something's not right, tell me what's wrong, I've never seen you like this before". "It's being here with you like this; I've wanted this for so long; just to hear your voice and that chuckle when you laugh, seeing that smile of yours, I always felt so darn happy when I was with you, and now being so intimate with you again, feeling your warm breath against my skin, the delicate touch of your hands, the softness of your lips as you caress me; no man has ever made me feel the way you do. I thought after the wedding fiasco that we'd never see each other again; I wanted to put things right with you that night but I never did; I felt so awful after that; was I never going to change?" "Abby, we spoke of this yesterday it wasn't only your fault, please don't let this upset you, were here now that's all that matters". "Jake, I never said anything last night when we spoke, and I've never told anyone this; but after you went back to UCSF I decided I had to do something, I couldn't let this cycle continue, I knew if I'd let this relationship that I cared so much about fall apart what hope had I in the future; I knew I couldn't go on jeopardising things. So I did what I should have done years ago, I went to a counsellor. I knew I needed to see someone, a professional, with whom I could be open to help me face my problems instead of pushing them aside thinking I could sort them out myself, which of course I never did; I've been going twice a month since November". "I'm glad you made that decision yourself, if I or anyone had suggested that I think you would have been annoyed thinking we were trying to push you in that direction, you needed to make that choice yourself. To be honest when we spoke yesterday I couldn't believe how open you were with me, it was the first time I'd ever heard you be so candid, I noticed the difference in you straight away. It made me so happy to think you trusted me enough to share your thoughts with, I'd wanted that for so long, but I knew I couldn't rush you into that, you needed to do that in your own time; I'm so pleased that you have". "You know what I planned on doing, I decided I was going to come and see you in Frisco; oh I knew that it would more than likely be a pointless exercise with regard to our relationship, you were bound to be seeing someone, your too special a guy to be single for long, I understood that; but I just wanted ten minutes of your time to apologise and explain to you about that night at County; it wasn't something I could do on the phone, I needed to speak to in person; I wanted to know we could be friends, that if you came to County or if we saw each other at some function with Danny and Chuny we could talk, not try and scurry away afraid to face one another". "I'm glad you thought that way too; I hated that we barely spoke, it wasn't right that our relationship should be like that, we should have been able to talk; we'd share too much to end it that way; as I told you yesterday I too had come to that decision; well lets be truthful I was made to see sense by Laura; she knew how I felt about you even before I told her fully about us; you women and your insight", he said smiling.

"This Laura you keep mentioning, was she your girlfriend at UCSF, I don't really have the right to pry I know; you were single, but…...lets just say curiosity has got the better of me". "I wondered when you were going to ask" he said laughing, "you know when we went camping you asked if there had been anyone serious, I told you one, Laura; we lost contact after we broke up, but it turned out she was at USCF, I had no idea, she's a good friend of the girlfriend of one of my best friends there, actually it was a bit of a shock seeing her; but we get on really well, we go out, but nothing happened Abby, we're just friends (I could hardly tell her about that night at Laura's). I'd mentioned you briefly when we first met; she asked if I was married, I told her I had been in love with someone, but things had ended awkwardly……well over the course of time she realized I was still in love with you, she told me to go and talk to you, straighten things out between us." "Why did she suggest that, because she was in love with you and you were not committing to her? Come on you can tell me, as I said we were not in a relationship, you had nothing to be guilty of ". "It wasn't like that….." "Then why are you blushing?" "Yeah gods Abby, your doing this on purpose just to wind me up, ……..listen, when you come and visit me I will introduce you to her, she will tell you there was nothing going on between us, honest, were just old friends, ok we were involved in the past, but it was a long time ago; it's great to think that she and I can still be friends, it's what I wanted for us if things were not to be in other ways, you can understand that, you've just said so". "I'd like to meet her, if for no other reason than to thank her for her insight in making you see that we needed to clear the air between us and that the only way to do it was by facing one another and talking, it's funny that she and your Dad could see that, yet we were blind to it; were supposed to be intelligent people but when it came to our own relationship we were complete idiots at times as to what to do". "Well I know what's the right thing to do just now……" I started to giggle as he began to kiss my neck , "Jake we really should go get some lunch before we go on the excursion, your blood sugar will drop……." "I know, ….. that's why I thought I'd just try that appetizer again", he said winking. "Jake stop it, stop it, ……. Jake…..hmmmmm".

"We'd better take two taxi's, it's the Papillion helicopters check in you want, see you there" said Sean. "Ok, " said Chuny. We girls took one, the boys the other.

"So where did you two run off too, as if I couldn't guess" said Danny grinning. "We went to the Liberace Museum, we'd talked about going there last night" I replied as seriously as I could. "Good try Jake, but if you must lie at least don't pick somewhere Dad and I went this morning, you two were nowhere near there, or did you just happen to go into one building as we came out to go into the next, was that it?" "Lucky timing, what can I say". "You bloody liar Jake, besides you give the game away by that smug look on your face " said Danny. "Boys pack it in, geeze your worst than kids; besides I really don't need to hear the topic of this conversation". "Hey remember who started all this, you've got no one to blame but yourself Dad" Mike said grinning. "It's a good thing I'm broadminded then " he said smiling; "just remember to stop teasing him at the heliport, you'll embarrass Abby". "Com'on, we know that, besides were only getting our own back on him for all the times he taunted us when he was a kid" Mike added. "Too darn right" said Danny. We all just burst out laughing.

"So where did you two run off too, as if I couldn't guess" said Chuny. "Jake suggested going to the Stratosphere to see "the Strip" from a different prospective, it was brilliant, it was just so clear this morning". "Bloody liar Abby, you knew we'd see that on the helicopter flight, in fact we see "the Strip" both in the daylight and all lit up that's why we choose this departure time" said Neela. "We forgot about that until we were up top and we saw some choppers pass by". "Good try Abby, but it won't wash with us" laughed Susan.

As we stood on the Canyon's floor all of us awestruck by it's sheer size and beauty I said, "I wouldn't have missed this trip for anything, it's totally amazing; to see it from this prospective is overwhelming, thank you so much Sean for including me I would have been gutted to have missed this". "I know what you mean Abby, you really cannot appreciate the immensity of this place until you're here and you fly over it, and down here on the canyon floor you truly see what a wondrous place this is. Look at all the different hues cast by the sinking sun against the rock face there, it's breathtaking." " Films don't do this place justice do they, it's really humbling being here" said Neela, As we had taken the last tour flights out of Vegas we had an extended stay on the canyon floor to take in the sunset; as we sat having the picnic watching the setting sun, I thought to myself I couldn't wish to be seeing this with anyone else; I'd never been happier than I had these last two days with Jake's family and my friends.


	50. Chapter 50

**Las Vegas pt 4**

"So anyone fancy going to a club?" said Neela, "after all the night's still young" "Count me out on this one, I'll take a walk back to the hotel and have a nightcap; but don't let me stop you youngsters" said Sean. "Dad what time are we leaving tomorrow, as I'm going back to Frisco direct is my flight earlier or a similar time to yours?" "We have to be at the airport at 230pm; I had to book for the 4pm flight otherwise the next one would get us back indoors at nearly 1am by the time we'd cleared the airport, and with everyone working except me on Monday, I didn't think I it was a good idea, but don't worry Jake I got you a flight that leaves just fifteen minutes before ours so you've still got a good part of the day with Abby. Listen lets just meet in the lobby at 2pm, we can do our own thing in the morning, you lot will want a lie in I expect if your going dancing; besides it will give me time to go look for something nice for your Mum to go with those kitsch fridge magnets I've bought Have fun. See you all tomorrow".

"Jake I don't know how you could have kept a straight face when I asked you to bring Danny along for a date with Abby, you really were wicked, teasing me like that." "I know, I didn't mean to lie, but how could I let on, you know how news travels at the hospital, and especially as Abby was part of my assessment team, if anyone in management had found out we were dating we'd have been in big trouble. Forgive me?" "Just about" she laughs. "You know looking back she was so god dam tetchy last Summer, none of us could fathom out why until Susan had this so called explanation about the failed relationship with the journalist; but seeing you two together again I can see that sparkle back in her eyes; you bring out the fun in her, I've never seen her laugh so much as when your around; I can't recall seeing Abby so happy; you two are so right for one another". "You're not jealous then?" "Ohhhhh was it so obvious I had a crush on you". "It's ok, I'm kinda used to it." "Stop it, stop winding me up, I don't know how she puts up with you" she says giggling. We stay on the dance floor for another slow dance. "So I hear you and Ryan are still dating, Danny says he's a nice guy; and from what I hear he's smitten with you, so is there another wedding in the offing?". "It's still early days; but it's difficult, even though I'm here, my parents still have a say in whom I marry, is a fireman good enough in their eyes, and he's a non Seek…. , but there's something about him, I can't explain, it feels so right with him." "Neela at the end of the day it's your life to live, how often will they see you, you cannot live your life for them ; don't throw away your happiness to please them". " Your right of course, but it's not quite so simple…..but if I were to give him up I'd sure miss out on all the great meals, firemen certainly know how to cook" . We both laugh.

"I hope we will see you at Mum and Dad's, don't think 'cause Jake's not there your not welcome, it would great to see you again; we've had a laugh this weekend, it's been nice to get to know you". "That's nice of you to say Mike, but I've only been briefly introduced to your Mum by Chuny at the wedding, so I don't think I can just turn up alone, but Jake used to tell me about your Mum's get together Sundays; I hope I'll see you and your family at one soon." "I don't think there's any fear of him not bringing you along to one; I've not seen him so happy in ages; he can't take his eyes of you ". I just smile. "I must admit I was nervous going down to meet everyone the other night, especially your Dad; and I'm sure I'm not the person you expected your brother to have dated, what with the age difference and everything; but you all made me feel accepted right from the start; it never felt awkward being in your company, I'm so grateful for that". "Look there's nothing special about us, were just a normal family; Mum and Dad they've never been judgemental in that way, they've never interfered in any of our relationships, save for this one time, they just want their kids to be happy; I hope I'm that way with my children too."

"So shall we make a move, it's nearly 1am" says Danny. "Yes it's been a fabulous day, but I'm ready for bed" Neela replies. "Lets see if there's a mpv taxi so we can all go back to the hotel together" says Susan, adding,"any plans for tomorrow Mike?" "Do a bit of shopping for the kids and Julia, but definitely after a lie in, I'll be shattered at work on Monday otherwise". As we enter the hotel Jake excuses himself and goes up to the reception desk to ask something before joining me by the elevator. "What was all that about?" "Never you mind".

As we are taking off our coats, he says "Let's not shower, lets take a nice relaxing bath before going to bed, would you mind going and run it? I'll join you in a minute, and remember, don't forget the bubble bath like you did that very first night " he grins. "Ok". I hear the room door open, "Where you off too?" "I'll be back in a minute" I hear him call out. When he re enters the room I see him carrying a partial filled ice bucket. "You thirsty, you should have had a drink downstairs you know how expensive the mini bar is" "Who said anything about drinking?" he says with a wink. "Ohhhhhh" I say before starting to laugh.

"I love the way ya look tonight  
With your hair hangin' down on your shoulders ……….  
………And how ya stare at me with those undress me eyes  
Your breath on my body makes me warm inside

Let's make out - let's do something amazing  
Let's do something that's all the way  
Cuz I've never touched somebody like the way I touch your body  
Now I never want to let your body go...

Let's make a night - to remember  
From January - to December  
Let's make love - to excite us  
A memory - to ignite us  
Let's make honey baby - soft and tender  
Let's make sugar darlin' - sweet surrender  
Let's make a night - to remember - all life long

I love the way ya move tonight  
Beads of sweat drippin' down your skin  
Me lying here - n' you lyin' there  
Our shadows on the wall and our hands everywhere

Let's make out - let's do something amazing  
Let's do something that's all the way  
Cuz I've never touched somebody like the way I touch your body  
Now I never want to let your body go..

I think about ya all the time  
Can't you see you drive me outta my mind  
Well I'm never holdin' back again  
Ya I never want this night to end  
Cuz I've never touched somebody like the way I touch your body  
Now I never want to let your body go.……"

"Honey, come on get up we've only got twenty minutes till check out". I 'd only half got out of bed before he pulls me back down into his arms; trying to stifle my giggle I said, "Jake not now it's late, come on get up" "It's only early we don't have to leave yet". "Checkout's 11am, what you talking about?". "No checkouts by 2pm, that's what I was doing last night, I asked them to bill me for a late checkout…….so we're not going anywhere; besides I can think of a few things we can do to fill in the time". "Like what?" I cheekily reply, "This, …..…..or this…….….or this……..".

"Dad I don't know what to say to you, I can't believe all you did for Abby and I; I know I've never been happier than I am right now" "That's all I want to hear son, I just hoped this time together would get you two to see sense, you both knew what you really wanted but were to, ……shall I be honest and say it." "Stupid, idiotic, witless;….. the list could go on" "Don't be so harsh on yourselves; sometimes you just need someone to push you in the right direction; we all need that at times. Listen do what you two want, it's your lives to live, no ones going to judge you; there's no need to rush into anything," he says as he embraces me in his arms. "Listen Dad, you must tell me what I owe you for the vacation, my flights, I'll call and speak to you in the week and you can let me know, I'll send a cheque home" . "It's my treat to all you boys, …… besides, it's been great fun, even if the girls weren't here we'd still have done something to celebrate with Mike, it's been too darn long since we've done something like this, we really should try and do it again next year, don't you think so?" "Yes, yes I do……I never knew how much I really missed you guys until now." "I expect we won't be seeing you for awhile, you'll be wanting to spend your spare time with Abby which is only natural, but I hope you'll come visit us sometime, I'd like you to bring Abby home one weekend and meet Mum". "Of course I will, she's been hearing about our Sunday get togethers since forever, I know she's been briefly introduced to her like Mike was at the wedding. I won't leave it too long I promise; and she can get to know Grace and Mary too, if that's not too daunting a task, women can be more intimidating than men…… isn't that so." "I think your right" he says laughing. "Have a safe journey home". "You too, and thanks so much for everything Dad" I say as I hug him again.

It was sad to say goodbye to everyone, the weekend had been a blast; but I knew they would look out for Abby now that everything was out in the open. "Please don't tease her too much at work Neela"; she just grinned. "Give my love to Julia and the kids and thanks for making Abby so welcome". "I've told Abby she's welcome to call me anytime she wants to chat or come visit us; just don't leave it too long before your back home, I'm sure Mum's gonna want to see her again; it's been a while since the wedding." "I 'll phone her when I get back tonight, explain what's happened, do you think she will be mad with Dad for keeping it a secret?" "What's the betting she knows there was something more to this than just a birthday celebration, you know Mum" he laughs. "That's true, Dad could never lie convincingly to her; mind you, she always knew when us kids were fibbing too " I say grinning. "I think it's a hereditary gene all women have……but you know what, I think this time he might just have pulled it off".

Abby walks up with me to my departure gate to say farewell in private. "These three days have been just wonderful, I really don't want to say goodbye." "Then come with me Abby what's to stop you?" "Oh the impetuous of youth …….If only it were that simple". "You've not given me a reason, come on?". "Work, the lease on my flat" "There excuses not reasons" "Stop splitting hairs,…….you know I want to be with you, but I can't just drop everything; ……, I 'm gonna see you in just over three weeks after my nights, I promised you last night I will come over; didn't you see me pick up an application for a frequent flyer programme……...how much more of a commitment can you get than that", she laughs. "Your be eligible for your free set of tumblers before you know it then" I grin.

"I should give you these before I forget…….by the way, I promise none of the others have seen them." He hands me over a sealed envelope. "Oh the pictures, they will be nice to have as I don't have any of Jake. I'd made an album up of our camping trip and gave it to him, I assume he's got it in Fricso, so thanks it will be nice to have these." "I can let you have a couple from his graduation if you'd like, and when you come over I'll get some old family ones out for you to have a laugh at too. I'd like you to come and meet Cath and the girls, I know they were at the wedding but you didn't really have a chance to talk, even we only spoke a few words." "Yes I'd like that. Jake always spoke about his family when were working together he was always so proud of you, you sounded so loving, so much fun; now having spent time with you I know that to be true; he's very lucky; his childhood and family life were so different from mine; I'm only really getting to know my Mum we didn't always have the best of relationships." "I know I count myself lucky; not all families get along so well, but I think that has a lot to do with my wife, oh we have our ups and downs just like everyone but family has always been important to her; she gave up a lot to raise them. Cath's a music and English teacher, music being her first love, once Mike came along she gave up teaching in school but gave private lessons to help with finances, then when the others came it was impossible for her to do that, so we made a pact that I'd look after them once a week so that she could go and play at the remedial school, she loved it; plus it gave me a chance to do things with the kids; to be honest working shifts I probably saw more of the kids than if I worked office hours as I'd have four days off on the go, so maybe that's why we get along so well." "That's really strange, Jake told me about you and the boys, even that his sisters worked in the Fire service, but he never mentioned his Mum taught music." "Yes she taught them all piano and got them to sing too, Jake plays but he preferred sports to music practice so his probably a bit rusty, Mike and the girls play really well, Danny's like me, switched to guitar'. "Yes I know, last year they had a jamming session in the ER I wasn't there but I heard he's good". "You know what annoyed Cath, not only did Jake give up the piano, but he stopped singing too which was a shame as he's got a good voice". "Yeah he has when he can keep in tune, I've never yet heard a single song where he doesn't go off key" I say laughing. "Oh he's not still doing that, he used to drive his Mum crazy winding her up like that, he used to do it on purpose all the time; things never change I see," he chuckles "Jake said you still work in the Service, what as, you surely don't go out on calls." "No getting too old for that, I could have taken early retirement at 55 but I knew it would drive Cath crazy having me at home all day, so I work three days teaching rookies, it keeps me on my toes, and I really enjoy it". "That's a good idea, and it keeps you in contact with your friends too. Oh listen before I forget you must tell me what I owe you for the Canyon excursion I should have said earlier I could have drawn some money out at the airport". "Nothing, my treat" "Oh no I can't let you do that, it wasn't cheap, I must pay you". "Abby I will be more than annoyed if you do, besides having you two come your senses is more than enough payment for me. Jake's crazy about you; and I can see you care about him too, just look out for one another that's all I ask".

A/N Song : Let's Make A Night To Remember - Bryan Adams


	51. Chapter 51

**Two Cities**

"What's this I've been hearing on the grape wine about your trip to Vegas" Luka said grinning. "Grape VINE;……. and I've no idea what your eluding too". "Lady luck came your way, you hit the jackpot,……... more than once I hear". "Don't you start, I've had this ALL morning, I wish I didn't have to come in today I knew what it would be like", I said laughing. "Ah but now I know why he got a high pass from you on his evaluation, think I should go pull that paper, I don't think you gave an unbiased mark for practical skills." " Stop it Luka, I thought at least I could have a sensible conversation with you, but NO, like everyone else it's gone straight to smut. By the way let me just say, when I evaluated his practical skills there wasn't a grade that really summarized it accurately, so distinction was a poor second," I said as we both just started to laugh. "It's good to see you smiling, I'm happy for you. Jake's a great guy, a little young ! (he grinned) I liked working with him, he was always so confident, always questioning, great patient skills; he's going to do well for himself. What about you, as he's on the two year surgical foundation course are you going to join him or wait for him to come back here……..do you mind my asking?" "Of course not. I was thinking about it last night actually; Jake wants me to go out there now I know, but not just yet. I want to finish my residency year here first, I think it will look bad leaving part way through, if I've got to look for work there it will be better to have that under my belt; don't you think so, besides I owe it to Kerry not to leave early. We've been apart since last June, so what's a few more months, but this time we'll be seeing each other regularly, speaking on the phone, it won't be like it was before…….wondering why we parted. You know how it was for us, we messed up, neither of us did anything positive to sort ourselves out we muddled along, but I've finally learnt from my past mistakes; I won't let it happen this time. I love him too much to do that to him again. Listen I've not even spoken to him about this yet, can you promise not to say anything to anyone here, I don't want him to somehow find out before I speak to him". "Of course I promise I won't say anything. He's a lucky guy Abby, I mean it; I hope he knows how very special you are." "I don't know about that, but I know how he makes me feel; I've never been happier, he makes me laugh so much, I adore his spontaneity, the diversity of things we do, we've been canoeing, horse riding, camping, things I wouldn't even think of doing; and he has such an inquisitive nature its broadened my interests too; yet he's so caring, so loving; he makes me feel so desired, so special. I don't know about him, but I know I'm one lucky woman".

I went up to the sink and stood behind her, wrapped my arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck, "your not still mad at me, come on Honey, if you'd have known you'd have stopped me I know." "Don't think doing this is going to get you into my good books, …..I'm so mad at you, what if it had all gone wrong you could have risked Jake never speaking to us again for interfering, how could you be so stupid Sean" "Hey, you're the one always trying to fix him up, I do something positive and all hell lets loose". I felt Cath trying to turn, so I loosened my arms a little so that she could face me. "The difference being I'm only jesting but you nearly jeopardised our relationship with him. We've never interfered with any of the kids relationships what made you do it now?" "I was trying to help, he was floundering, he'd never spoken about her to anyone so he wasn't going to start now that they'd split up. Do you really think I was so wrong in wanting to help them out? Come on , I know your only playing mother hen protecting your brood, but when it comes down to it I know you'd have done the same, am I not right?". I saw a smile begin to creep across her face, "Ok I admit he sounded really happy when he called last night…….., just promise me you'll never do that again, you know we'll always be there for them, they knew that too, but unless the kids ask for help, no interfering; I've seen too many people do that and its just pushed their kids away. I don't want that, and I know neither do you." "So is it safe to give you a kiss, it sure wasn't last night…..you were only after my blood" I said grinning. "Sean Scanlon what am I going to do with you? …….. you can wipe that smug look off your face for starters" she laughs.

"Nice to see you two, what's the occasion?" "We've been to Home Depot, thought as were close by we'd drop in". "Mum's next door she shouldn't be too long,…. coffee, tea?" "So did Jake call yet?" "Sunday evening, Mum was talking to him when I got in" "My, he was keen to tell her" " Yes I wish he hadn't been". "Why?" "Oh she was pleased to hear him so happy but non too pleased to hear what I done. You know she doesn't get angry that often, but when she does ……..lets just say it's ok now but boy did I get it in the ear on Sunday night; even Monday morning I had to tread a bit lightly." I grinned "So was it separate bedrooms on Sunday night?" Chuny giggled. "Never you mind". "I take that as a yes (Danny laughed), maybe we'd better push off before Mum comes back" "Chickens!"

"Hi you two." "Is it safe to stay Mum?" "That's debatable" she said laughing. "So I hear you all had a great time, and Sean tells me you were lucky on the roulette wheel Chuny, hope you didn't put all your winnings back". "Nope, but it didn't last long, we've just bought a lot of stuff at Home Depot we're going to decorate the apartment in the Spring". "Yes there's some good bargins in the sales, but your right to leave the decorating until it warms up." "Actually that's not the only reason were here, we've come to give you our bit of good news …….Chuny's pregnant" "Oh that's wonderful news, I'm so happy for you both". As Cath embraced Chuny I said "So when did you find out?" "You know I bought that necklace for Chuny I told you it was a gift for our first meeting anniversary this last Monday, she told me then. To be honest I was quite shocked; we both want kids, maybe not quite so soon, but we're both really happy about it. That's why we're gonna decorate, were wanting to move, get something bigger". "Have you told your parents?" said Cath. "Last night, but I made Mum promise not to call you, I told her we were coming over here in the morning". "She must be really pleased" "Yes they both were" "When is it due?" "End of July" "So your three months already!; have you been alright, any morning sickness; strange cravings?" "No thankfully, I hope it keeps like this as I don't think I could face work otherwise you know emptying bedpans, people vomiting….. That will be all I need to set me off" she laughed.

"Oh this is wonderful news Chuny, I'm really happy for you both. When is it due?" "End of July……..I know, I know……don't look at me like that; we both want children but we thought maybe in a couple of years, but all that sun, sea and …….; what can I say, we got a bit carried away in the heat of the moment; …… Hawaii's got a lot to answer for" she laughed. "You're not the first, and I don't suppose the last to say that. Danny's and your parents must be pleased no doubt, another grandchild on the way; has Danny told Jake yet ?" "Yes, we spoke to him last night, he was really chuffed to hear he's going to be an uncle again. By the way he can't wait to see you again, he's just so happy, he kept going on about Vegas……..ahhhhh young love!" "Ohhhh stop it, am I going to have put up with this every day?" I said feigning annoyance. "Yes, it's gonna be relentless……..it's payback time for not saying anything before" she said grinning.

"Hi Jake, I got your message the other day. Yes I had a great time with the family, it just went so quick; and you said it all went well with Abby, I'm really pleased. Listen I can't chat for long just now I'm making my way over to the ward right now, how about meeting up at the weekend sometime; ……Sunday yes, I'm on call but I could meet you in the canteen if you'd like then it wouldn't be too far if I get paged; shall we say about 1pm…..ok see you then".

I could tell by his beaming expression as I approached the table that he was a man in love; his eyes seemed to sparkle and light up as he mentioned her name. "I can't believe they did all that, and Abby not even catching on; that took some doing as they were working with her every day. I'm so pleased for you Jake; I can tell your really happy." "I must introduce you to her when she's over here, she's coming in just over a week; I know she'd like to meet you too, I've told her how you helped me to see sense and what a great friend you are". "That's nice of you to say, but I don't think I should meet up with her on her first trip here, you need time alone together; and whilst were talking of meetings; I think you and I shouldn't meet so regularly, not now; I don't want Abby to get the wrong impression of us; maybe we can go out once a month for a meal or movie and catch up on what we've been doing, but not every week like we have been, I don't think it would be appropriate, not now". "Laura, come on, Abby's not like that she knows we've been seeing one another as friends, she wouldn't like us to sever that friendship; she's was pleased to hear that I met someone from back home". "You might think like that Jake, but I bet Abby doesn't, I would be thinking the same thing - what's going on?. Besides how am I going to meet the man of my dreams if I hang out with you all the time?". "Don't be like that; I told you we will always be friends, I meant that". "I know, and I don't want to lose your friendship either, that's why we must be sensible, see less of each other; I wouldn't like to be the cause any friction between you …..agreed". "If that's what you want; but definitely, next time she's here I want to introduce you to her ……agreed" "ok".

I could see the surgical glove balloons as I walked out into the arrivals area; I thought to myself who else could it be but Jake. As I got nearer I could see his head peering from behind the man in front, a huge grin on his face. "Hi sweetheart, it's so good to see you", he said. As he stepped aside to move nearer to me I saw in his arm a beautiful bouquet of cream and peach roses, my favourites. I couldn't care less who were near us, I just dropped my bag to the ground and threw my arms around his neck, "oh I've missed you, I've missed you so much" I said before giving him a lingering kiss.

"You know I haven't been to the city before, do you think there's a possibility we might leave this room and go explore?" "Hey, if I recall you're the one who jumped me when we got in here, it was all I could do to keep you from crushing the roses" he laughed. "Guilty as charged" I agreed giggling. "Seriously I want to go on a cable car, visit Alcatraz, you know the touristy things. I appreciate we've only got a couple of days together, but the other stuff I can do by myself when your at work on Monday and Tuesday, I don't mind exploring other parts of the city alone. So shall we make a start, I'll go shower… alone…… to prove I mean business". "Ok, but I'll join you, after all, were always being told to conserve water….we should do our bit, don't you think so?". We both just grinned.

As we were getting dressed I asked, "have you spoken to your Mum about us, she was aware we'd not been seeing one another wasn't she?" "Actually I hadn't said anything to her until she called last Summer and asked when we were going to visit her; I told her then that we'd parted, she was surprised and strangely enough rather annoyed with me saying "you'll regret that decision." "Really, why did she say that?" "Don't laugh, she said I'd miss out on the best cooked carrot cake as she'd sent you her own recipe to bake for me". "That's true, ……..I tried it out on Frank instead, I guess he approved", I said chuckling. "Talking of which, you know I can't believe that you've not been doing any cooking, it just doesn't seem right not to see you standing over a stove, don't they have a kitchen for you to use?". "Yes, but to be honest you can't keep stuff there it disappears, that's why I've got the little fridge to keep milk, juice and stuff in, and the microwave to heat up some things, but I eat in the canteen mostly. I expect the next time I'm over at your apartment I'll burn the darn dish as I'm out of practice." I said laughing. "So shall we go into town for something, or eat here first?" "No lets get going, I said I'd be your tour guide and I know a place we can get a good lunch."

"It's rather a cliché I know, but it's just like in the movies, what a fabulous view of the bay from here, it's just wonderful." "Yes this is the best place for it, after this you start to drop down and you start to lose the view. We're lucky the mist hasn't come rolling in, it can do that suddenly. My parents were lucky when they were here we had clear weather all the time, let's hope you do too." I felt his arm envelop around me as we hung onto the side of the cable car, and I heard him whisper in my ear "I'm so glad your with me Abby, I love you so much".

After we booked a trip for Sunday to go out to Alcatraz at 1130, we spent some time at Pier 39, laughing at the antics of the seals, "I can't wait till my sis and their families visit, Mike's too, the kids will love to see this, they've only seen seals in a zoo before they will be so excited seeing all these." "Yes, but will they be so pleased with the smell, yikes, they've sure got bad breath" I joked.

As we'd had a large lunch whilst out, we decided to pick up something to heat up in the microwave for supper rather than to go over later to the canteen . It was nearly 530pm so we decided to call it a day and take the bus back to the hospital. "This centre has a multi screen movie theatre in the complex, it shows block busters and indie films, I've been here a few times it's excellent if you want to see something different" he said as the bus stopped for passengers to pick up and alight. "Fancy meeting you here" a female voice said. As I turned to look in her direction, I saw Jake smile and say, "Oh hi, where have you been ?" "The movies" "Laura take this seat I'll stand. Honey, this is Laura I was telling you about." he said as he stood up. "Hello it's nice to meet you, I've been hearing all about you" I said. "Me too, it's nice to meet you Abby. Bet I can guess what you two have been doing, cables cars, Pier 39, am I right?" "Yes, it's been fun, I've loved what I've seen of the city". "What film did you go see?" "A French one, "La Reine Margot" you know what it's like, these sort of films are either on at some weird daytime slot or late at night; I thought I'd go before my night shift, you'd like it Jake, it was an excellent historical drama, I'd recommend it". "Maybe I will try and catch it; are you going up to the hospital now?" Yes, I'm meeting Tim, ….Tim Green, he's working with me so were meeting up to have supper before we go on duty". "Laura's doing Gynie and OB,…… Laura did I tell you Abby was a OB nurse before she went on to do her medical degree". "Yes I recall you mentioning that. I think that's interesting as you've seen it from both sides; I'm sure you must have had a lot more confidence going into medicine having been a nurse, I know I was a nervous wreck the first time I went onto the wards and had to deal with REAL people, cadavers never asked questions" she laughed. "Yes, it helped at times, so are you in your intern year?" "No I'm a first year resident, I really enjoy it." We chatted amongst ourselves all the way to the hospital. As we alighted Laura said, "so how long are you here for Abby?" "Until Tuesday evening I'm taking the red eye back to Chicago". "Listen if your at a loose end on Monday whilst Jake's at the hospital, I'd be happy to meet up with you for lunch, show you a bit more of the city I finish my night shift tonight so I'm off…..that's if you'd like. Listen, think about it, Jake's got my cell number you can leave a message for me if you want to, but I won't be offended if you don't; it's just it can get a bit boring sightseeing on your own. Anyway, if I don't see you, enjoy the rest of your stay and have a good flight back." "Ok, I'll let you know. It was nice to meet you Laura." "Yes, it was good to meet you too; Jake I 'll call you later, so long." Bye Laura".

"She seems very nice." "Yes she is." "She's very pretty". "Yes she is". "What?…..…don't look at me like that Jake". Laughing he says, "Abby, your not jealous are you?" "Why would I be jealous?" "Preciously, I'm yours, all yours baby, there's no need to worry, I'm a one woman man," he says winking.


	52. Chapter 52

**Girl Talk**

"I'm so glad you called yesterday Abby, I hoped you might want some company whilst Jake's at the hospital,……. or was it out of curiosity?" she said grinning; as we sat eating our late lunch. "I think your right on both counts" I laughingly agreed.

We had had an enjoyable morning doing girly things looking around the stores, browsing as well as purchasing in the bookshops; Laura reminded me of Neela, made me look at things in a different light; she was great fun too, I could see why Jake had dated her.

"So are you planning to stay here when your 2nd years completed, or are you thinking of going elsewhere?" . "I'm not too sure yet, I've been out West since I came to study medicine at university, and I do love it here, there's a lot going on in the city, the theatre, concerts, I love all that, if I did go anywhere else I'd want all those things; but not only that the hospital has such a wonderful reputation I'm lucky to be working here". "Yes it does, that's why I'm so glad Jake took up his position here. I know he misses his family but he told me meeting you here has made such a difference; you've known each other a long time". "Yes we meet in school; my Father had been transferred to Chicago from New York and I found myself in Jake's class. He was such fun to be around, always so interesting, a real nice guy; so yes we go way back."

"You dated too I understand." "Ahhh, so it was curiosity that got you to come". "It's ok, people have pasts; it's nice to know you can still be friends, I'm in that situation too, I'm still friends with someone I dated, infact I work with him. I admit it was awkward to begin with but we have been through a lot together what with one thing and another and it's great that we still have that friendship. I don't want you to think that I'd want Jake and you to stop seeing one another because of me". "Are you sure, it's just I told Jake the other day I thought we shouldn't see each other so often I didn't think it was right, not now." "Jake told me what you said, that you were worried; but I'd never forgive myself if I denied him your friendship". "It's great to hear you are so open with one another, it makes such a difference in a relationship". "We are now, but it wasn't like that before; that's the mistake I'm trying to rectify, if I'd been more open before, Jake and I might not have parted on such unfriendly terms. I didn't feel confident within myself to let anyone share my doubts or fears, and because I was hesitant in expressing my thoughts I never gave him a chance to say what he really wanted to, I just pushed him away; I know now how much that hurt him. I don't ever want to do that to him again. You don't know how happy I am that we've been given a second chance".

"Abby, do you mind if I tell you about Jake and I." "If your sure you really want to, there's no need, really." "No I'd like to. I told you we met in school; actually it was in chemistry class that we really got to know one another, we worked together. I'd dated a couple of boys at school, but to be honest they had one thing in mind there wasn't much else to say about them, but Jake was so different. We used to chat about all kinds of stuff, I recall talking one day to him about a French film, "Jean de Florette" that I'd read an excellent review of, none of my girlfriends wanted to go and see it, he said "oh the one based on the Marcel Pagnol novel, yes I saw the reviews, its sounds great, I'd like to see it, would you fancy going with me if you can't persuade any of your friends along". That's how we began dating, starting out as friends, we saw the movie, loved it so much that we went the next week to see the sequel "Manon de Source". It was a natural progression from there. We'd go out one or two times a week to the movies, the theatre, bowling, for a meal, until one night about two months later he said to me "how about making tonight our official first date, it was the first time we kissed . He always showed me respect, he never tried to force me into bed like the others tried to, he was so unlike any other guy I dated. I knew I wanted him to be my first, someone I really cared for not someone just to "do the deed". It was another seven months before we drove out to that motel; when I think about it now, gosh we were so naïve, both of us were ………..oh sorry I shouldn't be talking about this, forgive my candour. Thinking about it now we were kinda old fashioned, most people in class would have laughed at us if they knew we had waited so long . I recall when he had his health problems, he was always so cheerful never complaining, and then when my Father had a coronary thrombosis he came every day after school to be with me at the hospital. That's Jake all over, kind and considerate, always thinking of others before himself; he's never changed." "So how long did you two date for?" " We dated four years more or less, when I moved over here the first year we saw each other quite often, but the second year Jake had begun at med school too, so we saw each other less and less and things happened; I wasn't fair to him, someone I was friendly with at uni …..lets just say it developed into more than that; looking back now I was not very proud of what I did; naturally we lost contact after that, and my parents moved over to Boston due to my Father's work so I never came back to Chicago."

"So what about these last few months, were you just friends?" I wanted to know from her, Jake had always said they were, but I was curious to know if he'd lied about that.

"Why do you ask that?" "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that, I've no right to ask, really forgot I even asked you". Laura started to laugh, "don't worry I'd be just as curious to know if I were in your shoes. Jake and I were just friends, we just went out to the movies, etc, I enjoy his company; you know how he is, he makes you laugh, he's fun to be around. I must admit I couldn't understand why you two parted, he only mentioned you at the beginning saying he'd been seeing someone, that it had ended awkwardly, but in all the time we went out we never held hands let alone kiss; (I could hardly tell her about my birthday evening; she didn't seem to know about it, besides I liked her, so if I was economic with the truth it was to spare her any pain), it was obvious to me he was still in love with you. I finally got him to talk about you one night and made him promise to go see you next time he was in Chicago; now I can't get him to stop going on about you (laughs) he's crazy about you". "He told me what you'd said; but can I be frank and ask you, did you pursue that topic because your feelings for him had changed, you wanted to take it further than being just friends?" Laura did not hesitate in her answer, "Yes, your right my feelings changed over the months, but I think I knew deep down he didn't feel the same way, that's why I had to get him to open up and speak about you, I wanted to know where I stood. I'm sorry if I've upset you saying that, but I want you to know I would never try and do anything to jeopardise your relationship, as I said if you tell me not to see him I'll respect your wishes on that." "I appreciate your honesty, but no I 've said I wouldn't want you to do that; besides I should be thanking you, as I said to Jake, both his Dad and you could see what we couldn't ." "I think sometime pride gets in the way, and we don't do what we should or know to be right, sometimes you just need a little friendly advice to help push down those barriers you put up. I'm glad I've been of help."

"So are you seeing anyone now?" She smiled, "are you just making sure I'm not lying about Jake?" "I didn't mean it like that (we both laughed) ……..actually Laura, I'm glad neither of us feel uncomfortable talking frankly about him, and I must say I've enjoyed our time together today, I hope we can repeat it another time when I visit if your free." "Yes I'd like that too Abby, it's been fun."


	53. Chapter 53

**San Francisco**

"So did you have a good time with Laura?". "Actually I did, she's really easy to get on with, we had fun today." "What did you do, where did you go?". "We did the things you and I never do, girly stuff, shopping for things other than food, (he smiles) I got this for you". I had bought him a shirt, the pattern consisted of thin multi coloured stripes, I thought it would suit him. "This is really nice, I love the colours, thanks so much ". "I remembered what you like, stripes; I think there are even a few brown ones in it ." I say grinning "I didn't get a tie, I know you hate wearing them, so I got you this instead". I had seen his book list for his course and noticed some he didn't have, only library copies so I had got one of those for him too. "Abby, I didn't expect you to get that, you shouldn't have spent so much on me". "I wanted too, besides it may not be available next time you want to lend it, someone may take it out, so this way you'll always have a copy". "Sweetheart they're great gifts thank you so much" he say as he pulls me into his arms. "So tell me, what did you talk about all day?" "Oh fishing are we……..well I think your name cropped up a few times during the conversations we had…….and no I am not going to tell you what we said, that's our secret". "I thought my ears were burning during the day, now I know why. (chuckles) I'm glad you spent some time together, I wanted you to be friends too ". "I really liked her, I'm not just saying that, I told her we must try and meet up another time I'm here." "I'm glad you got on so well; but more importantly than that, I can't tell you how happy it makes me feel to walk in my room and find you here, it's wonderful coming home to you", he says before leaning down to kiss me.

"This really is a beautiful spot, how did you discover it?" "Actually Laura told me about it, she recommended it to me when I told her my parents were visiting so I bought them here for a meal; we can go for a walk along the beach afterwards." "Won't it be getting dark?" "A little, but I thought you enjoyed our night time walks" he says winking. Smiling I reply, "your making it very hard for me to leave you know, and before you say "why go?" I've thought it through and I hope you will forgive me if I delay coming here until my residency year is over; it will be so much easier to apply for a place than if I've only completed a half year ." "I think your right, it will make it easier for you, I'm not that selfish to see that it's the right thing to do, besides July that's not so far away." "Actually it will be the end of September before I finish." "How come?" "I told you my brother got ill too, he went missing for weeks, it was such an awful time, I couldn't concentrate at work, I was constantly wondering where he was, worrying about my Mum too. Kerry called me up to her office and said to me that she thought it would be best if I took some time off to be with my Mum; to be honest I know we sometimes criticize her for being too harsh, but she was so understanding and generous to me, she allowed me two months off. As Kerry was so considerate I don't want to just leave, I owe her that; that's why I will not be finished until the end of September". "You know you think you have someone sussed out and they go and do that, she's certainly an unusual woman; she scared me a little at times, she could be quite uncompromising, yet on other occasions she was generosity itself in her teachings and patience with me; perhaps it's a ploy all women have to keep us men on our toes, we never really quite know you" he says smiling.

"What did you just say?" "Oh I think you heard alright". "Why now? You've taken me to two romantic locations tonight and you never said anything; now were in bed and you ask; Jake your Mother wouldn't approve if she knew". "Com'on they were so cliched; a candlelit restaurant and a moonlight walk on the beach, that's not us Abby".

"No!" "No to the question, or no, your not going to answer right now?"

"Yes" "Yes you will, or yes, your not going to answer now?"

" Isn't this a bit deja vu?"

"Now you come to mention it……yes"

"Then you know the answer" I say giggling.

"Yes, …..ahhh, but now I know you like to torment me a little first, you don't want to be seen as a pushover".

"Jake Scanlon you're the pushover, look how easily you gave in that first night there was no resistance what so ever ……..you were putty in my hands".

"Agreed (chuckles) ok so it's work in progress………with the end result known." "Hey don't be so sure, we women have been know to change our minds".

"Not regarding this."

"I always did say you had a high opinion of yourself ….." I say laughing.

We were strolling through the Golden Gate Park; Jake was supposed to be at a lecture this afternoon but had skipped it saying he'd copy his friend Josh's notes; he said as I was leaving tonight he'd rather be with me. "So have you enjoyed your stay here, do you like the city?". "It's a beautiful place, I can understand why you love it ." "Could you settle here?" "Yes, quite easily…….why?" He lets go of my hand, and drops down on one knee. I smile knowing what is to come, but pretending I don't say, "what's the matter?" "Oh my shoelace has come undone". "Liar, you're not wearing lace up shoes, you're wearing boots" He just laughs. "Jake you're impossible……. you're like a ten year old kid at times" I say starting to laugh too.

Jake and I embrace for what seems an eternity, it is even harder saying goodbye this time. "I'll be counting down the days until you return, I love you baby so much". "It's been wonderful Jake, and this part is the hardest, saying goodbye. I love you so much" I reply before kissing him again. I take my bouquet from him and make my way down to the departures hall, turning back every few feet to smile and wave to him. I'd never felt this loved or wanted before; I'd never known such happiness.

March:

I'm glad we decided to leave the city for these two days, I'm really looking forward to exploring the coast, it's all new territory to me." "It's a shame I have to work Monday as we can only explore so much. I want us to see Monterey, Carmel and San Simeon; I'd really like to visit Hearst's castle, would you like to take the tour?" "Yes I would". "I just hope as it's the weekend it will not be too busy on the Big Sur drive but more importantly lets keep our fingers crossed that the mist doesn't roll in or else we will miss some spectacular scenery. I've booked a room in Carmel for tonight so we don't have to worry about looking for accommodation; I hope you don't mind leaving fairly early tomorrow morning so that we can continue on down to San Simeon to get on a tour". "No that's fine by me, it's great that we can do this, I'm so grateful for Susan jiggling the rota so that my days off after nights are when you have a free weekend. They have all been so good to me at work like that, swapping shifts."

Unfortunately the weather was not so kind hearted, the mist rolled in as we drove South . It wasn't until the very late afternoon that it lifted; because of this we decided against driving the "17Mile Drive" scenic route to Carmel as we couldn't see anything, so we spent longer in Monterey visiting the aquarium which was really interesting; "Kinda reminds me of one of our first dates" he chuckled.

The small community of Carmel was delightful, full of artist galleries and small run stores, I really liked it. We took a walk along the beach, and sat down to watch, what turned out to be a beautiful sunset, with nothing but the sound of the waves and birds to disturb the tranquillity. As we sat watching the sun sink into the ocean I tell Jake that as of last week I have stopped going to see my counsellor as I feel so much more confident within myself now that I have learned to share my concerns with him and others; "I know she's always there if I feel the need to talk things through; I won't feel hesitant in going another time". "If your sure Honey, don't think I would stop you if you felt you weren't ready". "I know that, but right now I couldn't be happier".

We wind up the day by having a wonderful meal back in Carmel. It's a delightful setting, with a guitarist playing softly in the background. As I look across the candlelit table at him watching him smile, and feeling the warmth of his hand as he caresses mine I think to myself, if he were to say those words again I would not hesitate, I would say yes, but I knew he wouldn't,…. not here, so I resign myself to wait and wonder when that moment will come round again.

We have a wonderful drive the next day along the coast, the day is warm and sunny; and as Jake had said, the Big Sur drive offered superb scenery. We did all the things we wanted and reluctantly set back to the city, arriving in the late evening having taking the inland route101 to complete our circular trip.

The next two days pass by so quickly; I spend the Monday by myself exploring and on my last day I stay around the campus, meeting up with Laura in the canteen for lunch as we'd arranged. All too soon I was back at the airport saying goodbye yet again. "So your coming back to Chicago next month, why didn't you say anything before?". "I just wanted to check my schedule and see if I could leave on the Friday evening instead of taking the redeye; I will call and tell you what flight I've booked later this week; and I promise I will take you over to Mum and Dads too whilst I'm home." "I'd like that, it will be great to see your Dad again."


	54. Chapter 54

**Abby/Jake in Chicago pt 1**

I could hardly concentrate on my book, I was too excited; "my god, I'm like some love struck teenager waiting for their date to come," I think to myself as I begin to laugh at my stupidity; but it wasn't stupidity, it was love, my overwhelming love for him that grew with each new day. Why did he have this effect on me? No one else had ever made me feel this way; at times Luka and I had been happy, but never in the same way as now. Looking back, even Richard and I had had some good times. Yes, even he and I had been in love, it had been wonderful at the beginning. He'd been the one who'd taught me about physical love, I wasn't innocent but quite naïve in many ways; but he had always been generous in that way; "tell me what I can do to satisfy your desires, we men know the end result, but women are so different, I want to share that moment with you, please you in every way possible" he had always said. We had been very happy for the first few years, he had been so supportive at first of my future medical career plans, understanding the problems with my Mother; then everything had changed until we could barely communicate with each other. It was so unlike now, when I thought of Jake I just felt so elated.

Eventually the sound I longed to hear got me dashing to the intercom phone, "hello" "Delivery for Abigail Lockhart" "Delivery?" "A floral arrangement plus emergency supplies; bubble bath, ice, and "things" for the accompanying product." Laughing I say, "ok I will be down to sign for them". "Sorry but these goods are covered by our premium service, they have to be delivered personally into the recipients home, they need to be thoroughly examined to ensure there has been no mistake with the order" "I see; but if I'm not completely satisfied can I get a replacement?" "Unfortunately no, the order clearly states no replacements The product, I'm reliably informed, offers 100 satisfaction guaranteed." "Satisfaction 100 guaranteed; now there's an offer I can't turn down, you'd better come up and show me your goods ."

"Well, any complaints?" "None, the product certainly lives up to it's reputation." I say giggling.

As we lay in bed next morning, entwined in each others arms, he says, "you know I mentioned that Mum had asked me to bring you for a meal with just Dad and her tonight, I thought we could sleep over, it's just if we're going there tomorrow as well to meet my sisters and Mike's families it will be crazy to come back here just to sleep….what do you think?" "I thought you said your parents didn't approve of that kinda thing in their home". "Well Dad can hardly say anything can he, but Mum……..I can always sneak you up to my room in the night" he chuckles. "You know I've only spoken briefly to your Mum with Chuny, I'm nervous of meeting her". "Why for heaven sake, you know Dad, she's like him real easy to get on with". "I'm pretty sure she doesn't remember me, and lets face it I'm sure I'm not the person she had in mind to be her youngest boys choice of girlfriend." "Abby what on earth makes you say that, she not like that at all, she knows how happy I am with you." "Jake look at it from her point of view; I'm older, divorced, pregnant." "What did you just say?"

Smiling I look straight into his eyes, " you mean the third thing?" he nods, speechless for once; "yes I'm pregnant." The widest smile begins to spread over his face, "you're having our baby, …….. I'm going to be a Dad……….oh sweetheart that's wonderful news". "You think so, it's not exactly the best time with both of us in different places and you still studying, ..……. we're both adults, and to make matters worse, doctors for god sake, we know all about conception and contraception….. …what will your Mother think of me". Laughing he says "tonight's gonna sure be interesting…….the only saving grace is I can blame it all on Dad……..let him take some of the flack for bringing us together." "Jake it's not funny…..….it would be different if I knew her better like your Dad, it wouldn't be so awkward telling her." "Was it that first morning when you jumped me in my room in Frisco we didn't use anything, ……. I never got the chance". "No, it was that morning in Vegas when you jumped me". "You told me you had just finished". "I lied". "So your almost three months……..why haven't you said anything sooner?…..…., did you have second thoughts? "NO never, I hate to say it but I was quite shocked to find out, I know you only need one time, but I never thought I'd conceive so easily …….. I thought about all those things you said to me, and you were right of course, you love your child unconditionally, I never had any doubts when I found out. I can honestly say I've never wanted something more than this……..to be having YOUR baby." "Oh sweetheart I can't tell you how much I want this too, I'm absolutely delighted, …… I love you so much Abby" he says before beginning to kiss me tenderly.

I lean over and pull open the bedside drawer, "I got this for you, it was done a couple of days ago" I say as I hand him my ultrasound scan picture. "That's amazing……..to think this is inside you …..…I know that sounds stupid, I've seen plenty of these……but it's OUR baby… …..I'm just so thrilled". I can see tears forming in his eyes, tears of joy. "I love you, I've never loved anyone as I love you Jake" I say as I lean in to kiss him passionately.

I can feel his hand move slowly down my body and rest on my stomach; he just beams at me, then tilts his head downwards, …….. "so Jack I hope you're being good to your Mum" "Jack?" He looks directly at me, "yes, after Vegas, …….we hit the jackpot there" he chuckles. "Jacqueline, ……it's going to be a girl" "No way! …… there's no way your Wyczenski genes stand a chance against my Scanlon ones; all my siblings first kids were boys, my parents, and Grandparents too". "Ahhh, but you don't know about my side of the family, the firstborn's always a girl" He just looks.

He slides down the bed until he's opposite my stomach and leans in, gently covering it in kisses, and I hear him softly say "Jack, listen to what your Dad has to say; I can't be with your Mum all the time right now, it's not that I don't want to be, it's just our present circumstances. We will all be together in a few months, so in the meantime I want you be good to her, don't make her feel too queasy, or make her have peculiar cravings; like wanting a dill pickle, peanut butter and sauerkraut toasted rye sandwich at 2am in the morning as I will not be here to make it for her, and as I know, Mum doesn't keep a well stocked fridge so it will make her real cranky if she can't have some, so be a good boy for me, and know that I will be thinking of you both always." "Jake since when would I even contemplate eating such a peculiar snack?" "Your pregnant Honey, anything's possible" he chuckles. As he makes his way back to face me, leaving a trail of kisses along my flesh I say, "Jake please stop calling it Jack, I've told you it's a girl". "You know I'm only kidding, I don't care what we have. I'm just like any Dad to be, I just want both of you to be well and healthy", he says before embracing me again. As we part I say; "how do you always manage to do that?" "What?" "Say the sweetest things yet make me laugh so much too; how could I not be hopelessly in love with you?" "Are you?" I just smile and say, "You know the answer to that."

"So here's the big test, can you remember how to make pancakes……or do I need to show you?" "You may just have to ……… Abby what's this?" "Oh you mean my well stocked fridge?". "I've never seen it so full, what's come over you?" he chuckles. "It must be all these hormones racing around my body, they've made me a changed woman" I say laughing.


	55. Chapter 55

** Abby/Jake in Chicago pt 2**

Jake takes the bouquet we had bought for his Mother out of my hands and places it on the porch balustrade; "hey are you ok, you've gone so pale, do you feel nauseous?" "No, I'm ok, it's just standing here on the porch has made me come over so nervous, Jake how am I going to tell them, what will they think of me?" "Honey please don't feel this way, it's not just you, I did contribute a major part towards your present condition, come on, cheer up, it's not as though we are going to be shot at dawn; they maybe a tad annoyed I grant you, but ……" "A tad annoyed,….. that's rather an understatement don't you think.' "Look, I've got something to give you a bit of Dutch courage (he puts his hand in his coat pocket and pulls out a small cartoon of cranberry juice) well you can't drink brandy" he laughs. "Jake stop it; I've told you it's not funny." "See I got you smiling again."

He pulls me closer to him, "I gave you the wrong thing I meant to give you this," he says as he pulls a box from his other pocket and places it in my hand. "I'll be honest and say this isn't where I'd planned to do this, but maybe this will ease your nerves a little." I just look at him then down at the small black jewellery box in my hand. "Are you just going to stare at it or open it ? Geeze Abby I had this romantic scenario all worked out and none of its going plan ……Abby. "

My heart is racing in anticipation, knowing full well what it contains. I finally bring my free hand up to lift the lid on the small velvet box; I can't believe what I see, a beautiful eternity ring, comprising of a complete circular band of diamonds, lay inside on the black velvet base; I just look up at him. Jake lifts the ring out of the box and takes hold of my hand; and says, "this ring is like my love for you, a continuous circle, never ending. I thought my happiness was complete that day you walked into my room in Vegas, but it was nothing compared to today when you told me the wonderful news about our baby. I want to share my life with you, to watch our children and grandchildren grow up with you, and when we're old and grey, to be able to laugh and cry as we look back over the shared memories of our life together. Life will always be challenging, there will be highs and lows, but know I will always be there for you as I know you will be for me. Abby, I love you more with each new day and nothing would give me greater pleasure than to hear you say you want to spend your life with me too . Abby will you do me the honour of becoming my wife, will you marry me?"

"Yes" what more do I need to say.

As Jake gently eases the ring down onto my left finger, I can't stop the tears, tears of overwhelming joy; I just look up at him and say, "what have I done to deserve someone like you?" He reaches up and gently wipes away my tears; then leans forward and nuzzles my nose with his, softly saying, "this is all I want; to know that I will be spending the rest of my life with you," he pulls back a little, and both of us start smiling as we look into each others eyes. I reach up and encircle my arms around him; "Jake I've never wanted anything more than this too, I love you with all my heart and soul and I will do everything to make you as happy as you have made me" before kissing him in a tender embrace.

As we part I lower my arms but keep the left hand in view saying, "this is just so beautiful, absolutely stunning, and it fits so perfectly; how on earth did you guess my correct size?" "That's my secret." "Com'on it's not as though you had a drawer to go rummaging through to find the size" I say mockingly, "tell me" "No!." I look up with pleading eyes, but all he says is, "Abby, will you promise me to always wear your ring, only take it off the night before our wedding. I don't want to buy you a conventional marriage band I want you to just to wear this eternity ring, it sums up my love for you far better than anything else I could give you." I nod and say "always….. I promise, always."

"Mum, …..Dad…….,they must be out on the back porch," he says as he leads me by the hand through the lounge across the hallway and into the kitchen. The back door is ajar and we can hear voices outside. "Ready to face the music?" he chuckles. "Stop it Jake …..you just love winding me up," I say poking my tongue out at him.

"Hi Mum,…..Dad" "Oh Jake you're here, we didn't hear you come in" his Mum says as she gets up from her chair to embrace him. "Abby, I feel as though I know you already, my son never stops talking about you when he phones me; I'm really glad you've come to our home, welcome" she says as she comes forward to embrace me too. I move the bouquet to one side as she hugs me and kisses me on the cheek. "It's nice to see you again, you probably don't remember but I was at Danny's wedding, Chuny introduced me to you." "That's right, I do recall you, you were wearing that pretty lavender blue dress." "My goodness what a memory." "It's frightening isn't it, I can never win at cards playing with her she knows where every single one is in the deck, we made a big mistake not taking her to Vegas we might have won at the tables" laughs Sean. "It's so good to see you again Abby, how are you?" he says as he gives me a hug. "I'm very well Mr. Scanlon; and it's lovely to see you too". "Don't you dare call me that, it's Sean as you well know, and this is Cathy." "These are for you" I say handing the flowers to her; " it's a beautiful evening, I can understand why your sitting out here." "Yes it's been so warm and sunny all day, come on, sit yourselves down I'll go get you a drink and put these flowers in water, their scent is absolutely gorgeous, thank you so much Abby." "I'll get them Mum, Honey did you want an iced tea or cranberry juice , a hot coffee, tea?." "An iced tea would be nice, thanks". "Mum, Dad are you ok or can I get you a refill?." "I'm fine, but bring another bottle for your Dad; and be a love and put these in a vase, there's some in the cupboard in the lounge." "Ok" "Oh Jake, whilst your in the kitchen, can you take the lasagne I made earlier out of the refrigerator and put it on to cook for me too." "Sure Mum."

"Did you take advantage of the good weather today?" "Yes, we went out to Millennium Park and hired bikes, we went for a long ride along the shoreline, it was great fun, and I've planned an evening out to the theatre on Monday, I've not told Jake yet, we went quite a lot last year when he was here." "That's a nice surprise, he does like the theatre." We had a pleasant time just chatting and laughing sitting on the porch, "I remembered to get a couple of the old family albums out for you to see, and the pictures of Jake's graduation, we can take a look at them after supper." "Yes that will be nice, thanks Sean." "Well the lasagne should be ready in about five minutes, I'll just go and get the salad ready." "Can I give you a hand Cathy?" "No, Sean and I will do it, we will call you two when the tables set."

After they leave I quietly say, "did you remember to put the champagne in to chill?" "Yes, when I got our drinks earlier." "When shall we tell them?" "About what, the engagement or ….." "Both." "Actually I'm sure they've noticed your ring, but knowing them as I do, they will wait for us to mention it. So do you feel less nervous now? I told you Mum's very approachable like Dad." "I knew that, Chuny's always said how well she gets on with her. Shall we bring the champagne out whilst we're having supper and tell them then, we can't put it off anymore, and I'd rather do it sooner than later." "Yes I agree with you, we'll do it then," he says before he leans over and kisses me briefly on the lips, "I really don't think they will say anything in front of you, they are not like that, they may think differently, but they wouldn't upset you by saying anything detrimental whilst were are having our meal; Dad will pull me up later no doubt, but it's our lives at the end of the day; were both overjoyed, and that's all that really matters. I love you Abby, and as I told you earlier I couldn't be happier than I am today."

"Mum where have you moved the champagne flutes to, they used to be in here" Jake asks whilst looking in the glass fronted cabinet. "I moved them to the bottom shelf, we don't use them so often so I swapped them around. What do you want them for?" she says looking at me and smiling. "Abby doesn't drink so I got some non alcoholic elderflower champagne for her, you can't serve that in tumblers or wine glasses" he says non'chalantly. He returns from the kitchen with the bottle of chilled drink; "actually would you and Dad like to try it, it's rather nice isn't it Abby?." Trying hard not to laugh I say, "yes it very light and refreshing, actually it's really rather good." "Make it four glasses son," says Sean. Whilst he pours the drink his Mum says "these two are pretty cool customers don't you think Sean, so unlike Chuny and Danny they couldn't wait to tell us their latest news, but these two……". "I know you know Mum, I saw you looking when we were sitting out on the porch" he laughs. "So are you going to make it official?" Picking up his glass he says, "I'm truly happy to say that Abby has finally agreed to say yes to my marriage proposal" a huge grin spreads across his face as he looks over at me. "What! you turned my son down before? How many times has he asked you?" she adds laughing. "It's not so much turned him down, but refused to say yes in the circumstances." "Now I'm curious, where did he ask you?" "We were in …." "Jake NO! please it's embarrassing" "Oh you were in bed" says his Mum laughing, "honestly Jake, I thought you knew better than that, that's not very romantic, we women liked to be wooed isn't that right Abby?" I can't help laughing, it's so refreshing to find her so blasé at his choice of venue. "No moonlight night, no candlelit dinner, no grand romantic gestures like in the movies,…..shame on you Jake" adds Sean nodding his head in mock disgust. "You can talk Dad, Mum said you proposed to her sitting in the fire truck at the fire house, I'm sure THAT was very romantic." "Don't mock your Dad; I knew how much he loved that truck, it was the first one he'd been assigned to, so to propose to me there was very special. Sean had got me to go inside on some ruse, but said I had to keep my eyes closed as I got onboard, which wasn't too easy I can tell you; he'd bedecked the inside of it with baskets of old fashioned roses, it smelt wonderful, it was a very romantic gesture Abby, don't listen to Jake. The funniest thing was I just kept thinking "don't let the alarm go off" because I knew all those roses would get thrown out by his buddies in their hurry to go to the fire; you know we even had that truck at our wedding, we went to the reception in it." "I agree, I think that was a very romantic gesture by your Dad, it showed how much he cared for your Mum." "To tell the truth, I think I always took second place to that darn truck" she said smiling at him.

"Abby, Jake I'm very pleased for you both; and I know Dad is too, especially after all the effort he put in to get you two together again; so Sean lets raise our glasses and wish them both every happiness for their future together." After sipping the champagne they both stand up and come over to each of us and embrace us warmly. "I'm very happy for you Abby, I know Jake adores you, and I know seeing you together in Vegas you care for him deeply too; I'm very pleased to welcome you to our family." "Sean that's so sweet of you to say, thank you" I say giving him a kiss. "So have you decided on a date, a venue?" asks his Mum. "Cathy don't you think we should start on supper I wouldn't like it to get cold knowing all the time it's taken you, it looks delicious, and smells just wonderful." "Yes Mum, sit down we can talk about it whilst we eat."

"May I ask, how long have you two been engaged, you phoned your Mum during the week but you didn't say anything, or did you hold back on purpose so that you could tell us tonight?" "You're right, I didn't say anything, that's because I had planned to ask Abby this weekend." "So he's only just asked you? May I be nosy and asked where he finally proposed, see if he made up for his bad error of judgement the first time." "It was outside on your porch just before we came in." "Really, what made you choose here?" "It wasn't where I'd planned, but under the circumstances I thought it might help, Abby was a bit nervous." "What of meeting me? Surely not?."

"No, of course not, it's just I'd only spoken to you briefly at Danny's wedding and under the circumstances I wish I knew you better, I wouldn't feel so awkward, as it is I ……," I just look across to Jake. "Abby told me some news today……." "Jake, please let me……, there is no easy way to say this ………., I'm pregnant."


	56. Chapter 56

**Abby / Jake in Chicago pt 3**

There was an awkward silence, I couldn't look at either of them, just at Jake. He gives me a wink, smiles broadly and say's, "well they always did say I was the black sheep of the family." "I'm sorry Cathy to be so blunt but I didn't know how else to tell you; if I knew you better like Sean I wouldn't feel so awkward, but even so it's not the sort of thing you'd expect to hear the first time I come to your home, I'm sorry if I've upset you ..….what must you think of me." "Honey, please don't think like this, as I told you this morning I'm absolutely thrilled with the news, we're gonna be a Mum and Dad, what could be a better expression of our love than that?" "Abby, please don't feel uncomfortable, besides I think my son played a vital part for you to be in your present condition too, but looking at his face I can honestly say I've never seen him happier." "It's all your fault Dad, you're the one who started all this". "I suppose it was…….., and let me say, despite the initial shock of hearing this ….. I'm delighted for you both, …….so it's a double celebration tonight".

"Abby, Jake said you told him this morning about the baby, have you just found out?" "No, it's sounds crazy I know, but I was rather shocked myself when I realized, then when I had time to take it in I decided I wanted to make sure everything was going ok before I told him, in fact I'm almost three months." "Yes Dad you can do the math……blame it on Vegas……in the heat of the moment …….what can I say." "Chip off the old block eh Cath……..you women could never resist us Scalon men." After a pause, they both start to chuckle. Jake and I just look at each other then at them. "What's so funny Dad?" "Lets just say, had you never wondered why there was a six year gap between Danny and you ?" "SEAN , ……..honestly no one spares your blushes in this house, you will have to get used to this, the boys used to tease their sisters all the time, and Sean's just as bad, he encourages them all …….it's working all those years at the firehouse that does it….., they forget how to behave when they come home, look what I have to put up with, please excuse him……, (she looks at him in mock annoyance but then just grins) ….seriously, do you know what your letting yourself in for Abby?" she says with a laugh. "I think I'm getting used to the teasing being with Jake, but can I say I find it so refreshing that you can be so open and relaxed with one another it's taken me a long while to be like that but Jake has helped me so much that way; I could tell even before I met you all what you were like; I could tell there was so much fun and laughter in your home, so much love. I always thought how lucky he was having such a childhood and family; he was always talking about you, I knew how much home life meant to him, I hope our children will have fond memories of their family too."

"Forgive me asking but what have you two planned to do; are you going to get wed before the babies born, or are you going to wait until Jake's finished at USCF to get married?" "Actually Mum we haven't even spoke about it, you know I've only just asked Abby so ……." "If I could I'd marry you tonight but were not in Vegas." "Honey don't feel you have to say that, I'm quite happy to wait; I don't want you to think ……" "Goodness, please don't think I'm pressurising you into making a decision, I understand youngsters don't always want to make that commitment, or marry just because of a baby…..I may be old but I move with the times, I know

things are different nowadays, it wasn't so easy when Dad or I were younger , it wasn't the done thing; Dad or I don't mind what you decide…. It's your lives after all, isn't that right Sean". "I told you in Vegas no one will judge you, your Mum's right were just happy for you both, please don't think otherwise Abby, honestly." "No I'm serious, I want to get married, in fact I was wondering when Jake was going to ask me again, I've been dying to say yes.". "Really, so I needn't have waited so long; mind you that first time was a little bit spur of the moment it's not where I'd intended to ask, I told you earlier tonight I'd planned to do it here in Chicago". "Why here?" "I can't believe you have to ask me that, ……why do you think here ?" "Because we are seeing nearly all your family tomorrow and you wanted to tell them?" "It's NOT about them it's about US, have you no idea ?" "With you nothing is ever conventional, ….. you planned to do it here because there are some unusual venues to ask me like…., the Sears tower, The Navy Pier Ferris wheel?" he just shakes his head; "Oh I know the Shedd Aquarium our second date; only because the Bears are not playing, the season being over or I believe you'd have asked me there, the venue for our first date ." "Geeze Abby, I can't believe what I'm hearing, you don't have a clue do you…… I'm shocked I thought you women were the romantic ones". "Well the last venues relating to us……if I'm so clueless tell me. " "I'll tell you later…….not now". I look at him, he just stares back; I know that's all I'm going to get for now; he can be as stubborn as me .

"Jake why don't we go to get a licence Monday you only need a days notice to marry, we could go Tuesday and do it," I say in all seriousness. "You're kidding …..right?" "Why would I joke about such a serious thing?" "Lets talk about this later, we haven't even spoken to Maggie yet, and how do you know she and Eric could get here……..you do want them here don't you ?" Smiling I say "yes, yes I do. Ok maybe Tuesday's a bit premature……but as we are talking about this lets look at possible dates, you really don't mind discussing this now do you?" "No it's ok if you really want to." "The only thing I'd like to say is that I don't want any big fancy affair, I'd rather have a large gathering for the babies baptism, I'd like this just to be very close family and friends, how would you feel about that?" "I'd be just as happy if it were the two of us" I say without thinking, before seeing the look of astonishment on my Mum's face. "Jake I can't believe you've just said that, even I would want YOUR family there; they have done so much for us; honestly I'm shocked at you." "I'm sorry Mum, I didn't mean it how it sounds" "Good thing I'm thick skinned or I'd be seriously upset with you" she says. "So what are you hoping to do, I take it you will have it here, and can you take time off for a honeymoon or will you have to go straight back to work?" Actually Dad, I have a vacation next month for a week but I also am owed a couple of days for the holidays I worked, so Abby and I could go away somewhere, I've got my diary in my jacket I'll go get it".

Whilst he's left the room his Mum say's "Abby I want you to know I'm truly very happy for you both, please don't think otherwise. I've never known my son so excited as he was that Sunday when he called to tell me what had happened in Las Vegas; well until today that is; he adores kids, I know he will make a great Dad. What about you, have you been ok yourself during these last few weeks sometimes it can be quite unsettling as the body changes I know. I was fine with the boys but I had terrible weird cravings with the girls for some reason, poor Sean had to go out to the deli and buy all kinds of strange things for me." "Especially at night if I recall, I'm sure it was your way to eek revenge" he said laughing. "Please feel free to call me anytime Abby if you want a chat, or come over; I understand from Jake that your Mum doesn't live here in the city, so please don't be afraid to do that." "Yes I will, that's lovely of you to offer."

"I hope your not off from the 12th of May; you might recall I'm taking Mary and Grace to the Spa that weekend. As Sean took the boys away to Vegas, I had to do something for the girls too Abby, so were off for a girly weekend." "Oh that's a nice idea, sometimes you need of bit of time to yourself. I'm sure they will have a great time." "Yes it should be good, we couldn't decide at first what to do, a city visit, Vegas, but in the end the girls said they'd like to indulge themselves at a spa so were going to the Pheasant Spa in St Charles, I know its not far really, but a change is as good as a rest".

"I'm off the week starting Sunday 21st May so you've got no worries there Mum" . "So you could arrange something for the 20th ?" Sean says. "No, I'm still on call, I can take the red eye over that evening but not before." "The 22nd will be a good day, you can hardly forget that can you ?" "That's true Mum." "Why the 22nd?" "It's Jake's birthday, so you could have a double celebration." "WHAT! You never said anything last year about your birthday, now you're making me feel really guilty, you went to so much trouble for me on mine, even though I didn't get to participate in all of it, ( I laugh) honestly you should have said something." "Actually we did celebrate my birthday." "No we didn't." "Believe me we did…….. It was whilst we were camping at Sacred Rock State Park.". "Really?" "Yes, you recall our walk?" "That was on your birthday, ……oh we DID celebrate Jake I could hardly forget that" I say without thinking, then realizing his parents are listening I can't help blushing. He just looks at me, winks and smiles. "Then we should definitely make it for the 22nd, and I promise I will NEVER forget your birthday again, how could I ?"

"Ok I will mark that down on the calendar, and you must tell them all tomorrow so that they can book the time off; and what are you going to do about a venue?" "We will talk about that later, don't worry Mum, Abby and I will sort it out, just keep the day free we will see to everything." "Are you sure? If you don't want anything big you can always come back here I can do a buffet for you." "No Mum, I want you to relax, you gave me a great spread when I graduated, this time I want you to let others do it so that you can enjoy the day with us." "Definitely, I agree with you, your Mum is to go no where near a kitchen that day" I say.

After supper Sean shows me some of the family albums; "it's amazing how the boys have become so alike as they have gotten older, its rather uncanny". "That's what everyone says, their faces definitely changed in their teens, I think they looked more like Cathy when they were smaller." "Yes I can see that, now their definitely favouring you." "Jake tell us you just have a brother, is he married?" "No, but he has been going steady with a girl these last seven months, I met her when I was home earlier in the year; she's working at the library where he has a job, she's good for him, she's a very calming influence. Did Jake tell you about my family?" "No, he's not said anything, the others did say there were some family problems when we had our get together, but even then they didn't elaborate, and I recall you telling me on our flight back from Vegas that your relationship had been difficult with your Mother." "The reason being both Mum and my brother are bi polar; it hasn't been easy in the past, but thankfully it is under control now; and things are going really well for them, I'm just so pleased to have them stable, it might sound selfish, but it has made my life a lot easier, the constant worry before got too much at times; lets just say, we didn't have an easy relationship my Mum and I for a very long time, but now, ……., we're getting there." "Mental illness is difficult in whatever form, my brother Robert 's wife had terrible post natal depression it took her a couple of years to get over it, I think that's why she and Bob never had anymore children; it might never have happened again, but she was scared understandably. It effects more of us than you think. Has Jake met your family yet ?" "Eric my brother, no, but Mum and he met at on my birthday last year, they really hit it off, it was as if they had known each other for years, I couldn't believe it, it was so nice to see." "Do you think they will be able to come over to meet us before the wedding?" "If the weddings going to be next month, probably not, but I will make sure they will come a few days before; maybe we could get together, just those two and you and Cathy for a meal, I'd like that." "Yes, that would be nice."

"Mum let me do these dishes, you go out and talk to Abby." "You sure?" "Of course." "By the way, I've put fresh towels and toiletries in your bathroom, and left a couple of bathrobes in your room for Abby and you, I don't think there is anything else you need but if you do you remember where things are………...what?" "I didn't think you approved of that sort of thing here." "For goodness sake Jake, that was when you were all youngsters, remember there are quite a few years between you and Mike, even Mary, I didn't want them setting a bad example in the house in front of you; whatever they got up to outside I didn't have to know about, but in here, that was a different thing; besides you've got to move with the times; and let's face it how often do Abby and you get to see one another. I sometimes think you kids forget that Dad and I were young once too." "I hope Abby and I will be as lucky as you two; I don't think I've known anyone as happy as you and Dad. " "Relationships are not just about love, it's about learning to compromise, allowing each other freedom without taking advantage, mutual respect, yet sharing experiences, friendship and laughter too; being there for one another in good times and bad; it's not all easy; you have to work at it, if you don't that's when the rot sets in, you find small things begin to niggle away until they are blown out of all proportion; just remember don't take one another for granted. We have had some difficult times too despite what you may think; but I just knew from the moment I saw him that he was the one, and I can I honestly say, I couldn't wish to share my life with anyone but Sean, I have been very lucky."

"Now that we have had time for the lasagne and fruit salad to go down, I'll go make us a drink, Jake, will you give me a hand to bring in the coffee, I've made something to go with it so I could do with an extra pair of hands." "Let me help Sean." "No you stay and chat with Cathy; by the way is coffee ok for you?" "Yes that would be lovely, thanks." "Hmmm, coffee and walnut cake, you were always good at making that, I can't remember the last time I had some." "Thought I'd give you a treat, I know you don't eat too much sweet stuff, save for your Mum's muffins,…. let's face it who could resist those." "True. So tell me Dad, did you really get me out here to discuss cakes or were you going to ..….." "What lecture you, you mean? No why would I; your all grown up, you decide what you want in your life not Mum or I; ok, maybe I interfered once but I think you've forgiven me for that. ( we both smile ) Look if you have any problems, worries don't be afraid to ask for help. Abby was telling me about her family earlier, if anything happens to either of them, tell Abby to call us, we will be here for her too; I don't want her to think that she is all alone. I mean it; you kids know that Mum and I will always help out if we can." "Thanks Dad…….., I know the baby wasn't planned, but we are both so pleased, truly we are, I 'm just sorry we can't be together right now; she will join me at the end of September so we can be together for the birth. I feel bad that I'm not here for her now; but I respect her wishes and understand why she wants to finish her residency year; and let's face it September's not so far away." "I can understand your wanting to be together it's only natural, but I recall Abby telling me when we were flying back from Vegas that she had been an OB nurse prior to her medical studies, so she is more than qualified to know if anything is amiss; but I am sure there will not be; but as I said if she has any concerns just tell her to call anytime; both Mum and I mean that." "Thanks I will tell her." "Com'on we'd better get this coffee and cake out or those women will be getting suspicious," he says grinning.


	57. Chapter 57

** Abby / Jake in Chicago Pt.4**

"Did you really mean what you said earlier tonight about the wedding or were you just trying to placate my parents?". "No, I meant every word, I want nothing more than to be your wife, truly, and I also meant what I said about getting married on Tuesday; I would do it, no hesitation on my part; but I know it would upset everyone if we did; we owe them all so much to just do that." "I know, we couldn't do that;..…. so lets go Monday and get a licence, and book a time for the service; and we should maybe look for somewhere to have a meal after, I don't want to leave it all to you to do." "I was wondering about the service, the city hall's not where I especially want to get married, I've had the big white wedding, you haven't, and I'd like something special for you, maybe we could look for a different venue." "What do you think of this idea, tell me if you think it sounds crazy, but what about enquiring to hold a service in County's chapel". "Are you serious? ". "Absolutely, … I think if we hold it there it would mean something special to both of us, don't you agree?; besides with a bit of luck more of our friends from the ER could come along, even some from surgery; I got along real well with them so I'd like to invite them along too, hopefully as we are planning to hold it on a Monday the ER should be quieter……well in theory. I know you said you didn't want some big family affair just yet, I 'm happy to go along with that, so maybe we could go somewhere a bit special afterwards, splash out a bit for our immediate families and a few close friends; what do you think to this idea?" "I think your ideas great actually, yes lets try to see if it's possible." "If we can we should try and arrange the service for around 11am, that way we could have plenty of time for pictures, then go onto the restaurant and enjoy our meal together without having to rush, and we'd be able to leave early evening for our honeymoon". "Over a week alone with you; how will I cope?" I say giggling. "Do you realize how many months it's been since we've been together that length of time? It was way back when I was working in the ER, even when we started dating, because of our different rotations, and your wanting "your space" we only ever met twice a week; I wonder what we will be able to do to fill in the time". Both of us just grin.

"Abby would you like some ham and eggs, toast or maybe some oatmeal?" "I'll have what your cooking, ham and eggs thanks." "Jake can you get the other cartoon of the juice out of the fridge whilst your there. Now go sit yourselves down, Sean's in the dining room, I 'll be along in a minute; oh, what about you Jake, shall I do the same for you?". "Yes, that will be fine Mum, thanks". "Morning you two, looks like we are going to be lucky again with the weather; no doubt Mum's got the BBQ out already; that means I'll be busy cooking today, Jake you can give me a hand you could do with the practice as your not doing much cooking in Frisco, (he chuckles). Are you ready to face the grilling Abby, Mary and Grace can be relentless, we men know what you women are like" he says grinning. "I'd better leave after breakfast then", I say breaking into a nervous laugh. "No I am only kidding I'm sure you'll get along just fine, they are very easy going like the rest of us." "Are their families coming too, I haven't really spoken to any of the properly, it just didn't happen at the wedding, we were all too busy dancing and enjoying ourselves". "Yes, Tom and Kevin are, so too is Julia, Mike's wife, plus all the grandchildren; it gets quite hectic at times I can tell you". "Is Danny coming over or is he working?". "They said they will try and pop in for a few minutes to see you but will not stay long as it's Chuny's Mum's birthday so they are going over there today." "It will be good to see them again, it's been a while since Vegas, and chatting on the phone's not quite the same".

I felt so at ease in his parents company; I thought perhaps I'd be embarrassed this morning going down to eat breakfast after the confessions of last night, but there was no feeling of awkwardness at all. I hoped they realized how much I appreciated their acceptance of me; it couldn't have been easy; learning about the baby, especially for his Mum.

The day was great fun. I couldn't believe all the noise and laughter that filled the house; it made me realize just how unhappy I'd been during my own childhood. I vowed to myself that our child would share in this too, this warm loving atmosphere. Jake was spared the cooking for quite some while as he and his nephew Liam were huddled together, talking and laughing for ages, engrossed in a book about astronomy. "They're like some kindred spirit those two; as soon as he sees Jake he doesn't want to know his poor old Dad" said Mike pulling a face." "He seems very bright for his age". "Yes, more so than the other two were at his age, takes after you, doesn't he love" . "If you say so, the other two are more into music, pc's and sports, they're getting to that age, but he's inquisitive about so many things, it's hard to keep up with him at times". "I remember Mike saying you taught part time, what subject?" "English, and drama." "Really, they are interesting subjects; actually I'm taking Jake to the theatre tomorrow, I told him this morning, we used to go quite often; don't go as much as I'd like nowadays". "Then you must come along with me sometimes. Mike and I have this agreement, alternate weeks we have a night out with our girlfriends or buddies so that we both can do what we want for one night as the rest of the time it's taken up with kids activities or doing something as a family together. It's great "Me day" as I call it; I can be "me, Julia " again, not just Mum, you need it for your sanity at times." "That sounds a good idea, I'll have to bear that in mind, "Me Day" I laugh. "I mean it Abby, you must come along and meet my girlfriends, we are a mixed bunch, all in different jobs, some are old school friends, some work colleagues, some friends of friends, we try and do something different each time we meet; movies, bowling, a show, or just a meal; and the number one rule for the night is NO talking about families; that sounds terrible doesn't it; but you know what I mean, we confine that to the other days. I'm sure you must miss going out with Jake; so if you feel like some company……please join us". "I might just take you up on that, thanks for inviting me." "Abby you must come round home for a meal with Julia and I too, you never phoned back after I called you that one time, why didn't you?" "I thought Julia might find it a bit strange if a woman kept phoning your home, she might have got the wrong idea as I'd never formally met her, I know I'd be a bit mystified". They both laugh. "Mike's the last person to do that, oh I know he was a bit of a Jack the Lad in his single days from what his sisters told me, (he looks bemused) but that is one thing I've never doubted; not many people are so lucky nowadays but I just knew once we started dating I'd never felt so trusting of someone before, underneath all the jesting I realized he believed and wanted the same things as me; I never had any hesitation when he asked me to marry him; and I can honestly say, I couldn't have chosen better." "Oh she's finally admitted it, and I've got a witness too, she always says her first choice would have been George C. given half a chance", he says laughing. She looks at him, smiles, and pokes him gently in the chest…"A moment of weakness, must be the champagne, it's gone to my head". My quizzical expression causes her to add, "Clooney". "Oh definitely some tough competition there Mike, you obviously must be someone very special to knock him outta court, ." I say adding to the teasing.

Jake and I had told them all earlier in the day when Chuny and Danny stopped by about our marriage plans and the baby. There was a noticeable pause before the congratulatory words came flowing our way. All had been put under strict instructions by us to keep Monday the 22nd of May free.

"So who will tell her, you or me?" I ask. "Actually for some strange reason I think she'd like to hear it from you, I don't know what it is about you two, but you seem to have this easy rapport that we don't." "Really?" "Yes, the day after my birthday, Mum spent most of the time talking about you; she was very impressed, so you can do the honours".

"Do you know this is the first time in years I've heard my Mum cry like that; I can't believe how happy she was with our news; she seems thrilled about becoming a grandmother, and can't wait to tell Eric when he comes in." "It hasn't been as bad as we thought, telling all of them, about the baby" "Do you mean to say you were a little anxious too?". "Actually, I was; but I daren't tell you until now".


	58. Chapter 58

**Abby / Jake in Chicago Pt. 5**

"So do you want to go and see about a restaurant now we've got the licence or do you want to go round to the hospital first?". "I think the hospital, we can ask about the chapel, then go on down to see them in the ER, you've not seen most of them in months and it shouldn't be too busy with a bit of luck and we can tell them about the service. How about we stop by surgery for a few minutes first, then go down to the ER we can then go on somewhere for lunch; does that sound alright with you". "Yes. By the time we've eaten it should be ok to check out those restaurants we have whittled it down to; your quite sure that's alright with you, you sure you don't want a party?" "No. I thought we agreed last night, we will save that for another time". "Then the only thing left to sort out will be the honeymoon; I wondered what you might think to going to Yellowstone….well we never did get there last year…..or have you gone off the idea; maybe as it's a honeymoon you'd prefer to laze around on a beach ?" "Oh that would be so different, yes lets go there we did say we would, it shouldn't be too busy in May, maybe just at the weekend, but we could go somewhere else then; I think that's a wonderful idea; we could sort out the flights and accommodation tomorrow before you fly back". "No leave that to me, I'll sort all that out. So in theory the only thing left to do will be to decide whom we want to join us for the meal , anyone in particular you'd like to invite?" "It really depends on their shifts, but I definitely want Susan, Chuny and Neela, after all they helped get us to where we are today; and you must invite Laura over, and Tim; is she still seeing him by the way?" "I'm not sure she never mentioned him when I saw her last week, infact I don't know if they were actually dating or just going out socially together, she's kept rather quiet about him." "Well ask her if she wants to bring someone, and what about your friends Josh and Steve and their partners do you think they can come?". "Hopefully they can; I'd like them to be there." "Lets make a list when we have lunch, so we will have a better idea of numbers". "Good idea, so are you ready to face the quizzing, Chuny did say yesterday she wouldn't say anything until we came, lets hope she kept her word". "Listen after your sisters questions, nothing fazes me," I say reaching up to kiss him.

"Your pregnant? Three months…..you're a dark horse Abby, and I thought friends were supposed to tell each other EVERYTHING," laughs Susan. "I explained why, I wanted to make sure everything was going ok before I said anything, I must admit I'm still nervous encase something happens, I'd hate to lose the baby, it means so much to both of us; ……. so can forgive me?". "Only if I get an invite to the wedding breakfast, your not getting off so lightly," she jokes; "and Abby, you know if your worried about anything, I'm here for you, doesn't matter what the time is, just phone me, ok" . "Thanks, I will……. Oh and you must jiggle the rota to make sure Neela and Chuny are off or at least on nights as all three of you must come. I know it's not going to be a big affair, but you MUST be there, I want you all to share in our special day; after all you all made it possible. I'd like to invite Chuck and Ryan too if they're not working." "Don't worry I'll work on the rota tonight".

"Your ring is absolutely gorgeous, where did you get it?" "Believe it or not he chose it, I never saw it until he proposed; I can't understand how he managed to get the correct size, he just will not say. He's full of surprises like that, that's what I love about him, nothing is predictable with him". "I think your so lucky Abby, he's such a sweetheart, ……you know I kick myself for not making a move on him that Christmas, I just should have plied him with punch" she laughs "not as though it would have made any difference, you'd captured his heart already…..I stood no chance there;" we both smile. "He's over the moon about the baby, he can't stop talking about becoming a Dad; and your just glowing; I'm so very happy for you both." "Thanks, and yes I'm extremely happy with my life right now too," I say as I hug her.

"I think you'll make a great Mum Abby; I can tell Jake is thrilled with the news. I know he feels a little guilty though, he told me he wishes the two of you could be together, he wants to be there for you during your pregnancy." "I know he feels a little guilty, but we're not the other side of the world from one another, just a few hours flight away. I've told him if there's any problems, and I don't expect there to be, I'll call him straight away and tell him I'm going to go and get checked. I think because of his medical background he knows the things that that could happen, we always think the worse; and so he's worrying unnecessarily, it's a tendency all we medical people have; plus he's a a first time Dad to be so of course he's concerned; but more likely, it's the fact that I've only just told him, I think he is still a bit shocked by the news;" I say smiling. He laughs, "that's probably true; so are you pleased?". "Yes, I am; truly I am. Forgive me if I say this; but I don't think I've ever loved anyone in the same way as I do Jake; I can't explain it, it just feels so right". "I'm not offended, I understand what you mean, that's how I felt with Daniella. I'm very happy for you both". "We've not had time to discuss numbers properly yet, but I'd like you to be with us at the restaurant; but would you mind if I asked Jake first; I'm sure he will not mind you being there, but I'd like to ask him rather than just say your coming". "I'd love to come; I really would." "Well tell Susan after we've left to make sure your free as I've told her to work on the rota tonight." "Sure thing, and let me say again Abby, I'm so pleased for you both; I don't think I've ever seen you looking happier than you do today". I lean up and kiss him on the cheek, "thank you Luka".

We are standing by the admit desk, "are you ready to go get lunch Jake, I'm starting to feel a bit hungry." "Sure Honey, anytime you want." We say our goodbyes; and I move towards the door saying; "so where do you fancy eating?" I look back as there is no response from Jake; and see him bent down on the floor. "Is something wrong?" "No I was just tying up my shoelace" he says, slowly getting up with a huge grin on his face. Then it dawns on me, "your were going to ask me here; in front of all these people!!?" "Oh course here……., I was standing here, more or less on this spot, when I first saw you, …….when I turned around there you were; you looked so beautiful, (he chuckles) standing there with the rain dripping from your hair down onto your face……I told you, you had me from that very first moment". "Beautiful!!," I laugh, "I can think of a somewhat better description than that I believe to describe my look then." He moves towards me and takes my hand; "well, would your answer still be the same?" I smile, "absolutely"; this time I don't care who sees, I just throw my arms around his neck and give him a loving kiss. I think it was the whistles and jeers that finally make us part.

"Do you think your cousin will be able to officiate then?" "Yes I'm sure there will not be a problem, I can give him a call tonight before we go to the theatre; it will please

Mum if he can" "If he can't then I will ask the hospital chaplain to officiate for us". "Ok; so have you anymore thoughts about who else you'd like to ask for the meal we've got 23 so far; I don't think the kids will come as they will be in school, but we can provisionally add them onto the list, but I'll check with the others when we get in to see what they say," " "I'd like Luka to join us; we've been friends for such a long time, would you mind?" "I can hardly say no to an ex boyfriend if Laura's coming can I", he says grinning.

The time just seemed to whiz by; we'd sorted the restaurant for the reception; thankfully, arranged with his cousin to marry us, and had a great evening at the theatre it all just seemed to pass in a blur.

"Apart from getting up to take nourishment or go to the bathroom, we're staying here all day until I leave; agreed". "What!!." "Look we've been running around these last couple of days, sorting things out, visiting the family, it's time out for us two now, don't you think so?, besides I've got that paper to finish, I'll go grab my surgical textbook later and bring it in here to do". I smile, "sounds like heaven". "Abby, do you mind if I ask you to do something special for me for the wedding, it's not something I'd normally say, just for this one occasion." "Now I'm curious, what is it?" "I regret never saying anything to you at Danny's wedding; you looked simply sensational that day, I don't think I've ever seen you look more beautiful; would you wear that dress for me again?" "You don't want the bedraggled look of our first encounter? "It's a tough choice between those two looks I agree, and maybe your right the latter maybe the one to go for……." he says chuckling. "I chose that especially for you, you probably guessed, I was trying to say to you……forgive me". "I noticed the colour, even the brown ribbon, and you were wearing my earrings too, can I say, your psychology worked." "But it didn't make the slightest difference you just ignored me." "God, don't remind me of my own stupidity that night, I was a total fool." "We both were, lets face it. So, if your able to request something for the wedding can I too?" "By all means…..fire away." "You've got to wear that striped shirt I bought you, it's got brown in it; I can't have you not wearing something brown, it just wouldn't seem right; and you're not wear a tie, leave the top buttons undone, I gotta see that chest hair, ….….you know why," I say giggling. "What about my brown cords, do you think they'd be ok?" "Definitely, although they maybe a tad warm in May, but yes, I know how much you love them," I say as we both start laughing.

"I've been thinking, I'm going off the idea of Jack, I thought Jake Scanlon II would be rather nice, we can start our own little dynasty; what do you say?" " I told you it's going to be a girl,….. and you want to start a dynasty? your so funny Jake the things you think of. I hope you will not think I am being selfish, but I'd like to continue to practice as a doctor; I don't mean fulltime, but after all these years studying, perhaps when the kids are older I could work a couple of nights, that way I could keep my hand in and be there still for them, that's if you wouldn't mind." I will not mind you working, it's only natural you will want to continue, I'm agreed to that. I love kids you must know that, but I love you more, and your happiness is what counts. Once I've finished this foundation course I can concentrate on my intended speciality, and we can see how we go from there; you might feel like working again after we sort out where we will be living, maybe you could work over the weekend, that might work out. Your a great doctor Honey, I don't want you to feel frustrated that you can't do what you love too." " I wouldn't want to work for a while, not whilst the baby is young, just as long as I can work a few hours later on, I'd be more than happy. Now this thing about a Jake Scanlon dynasty…….." I say rolling my eyes and laughing.


	59. Chapter 59

**Chicago - Pre Wedding**

"This has to be a first, a bachelor do without booze and women, trust you to be different Jake," laughs Mike. "Look you know what happens if I have three drinks, I'll be out of it, and I don't want to spoil the day for Abby tomorrow, it wouldn't be fair; that's why I suggested this, I thought this would be a great way to celebrate, and we'll all remember this night for years to come; don't you agree". "That's for sure, drinking hot chocolate, and ice skating!!! Honestly Jake, does she know what she is letting herself in for?" he says grinning . "Actually there's a few surprises in store for her when we go on our honeymoon, I hope she likes them". "Why what have planned?" "I'll tell you tomorrow just before we leave". "Hey, it's me your big brother, you know I won't tell……." Nope, I'm sorry Mike, you'll just have to wait till tomorrow". "You never change Jake, you always were a tease; but being serious for a minute, I want you to know, I'm very happy for you both; I really like her, we got on so well that time in Vegas; and seeing you two together at Mum's last month I can just tell that she's "the one" for you; you just belong together, I can't explain it, I just know it." "That's how I felt about Abby from the moment I saw her…….I just knew, it's strange, it's like you say, you can't explain it. I love her so much, I only wish we could be together in Frisco straight after the honeymoon, I feel real bad about that, especially with the baby on the way, but she can be real stubborn when she's set her mind on something. Mike, will you do something for me, promise to keep an eye on her whilst were apart, I know that sounds crazy, she's a grown woman, and I don't expect anything to go wrong with the pregnancy, but …….. ". "Of course, Julia and I we'll always be there for her, I've told her that, if she's worried about anything, all she's got to do is call." "Thanks, I know I can always count on you."

"Did Abby tell you she's been out with Julia, they went bowling two weeks ago." "Yes, she rang and told me, she said they were a great bunch of ladies, she said it was a fun evening. I understand she's going just with Julia next month to see "Twelve Angry Men". " "That's right, I'm real glad they have hit it off too; hopefully Abby will take up my invite to dinner now; she was a bit hesitant before." "Why was that?" "She thought she might upset Julia, you know, an unknown female keep phoning; she thought Julia might get the wrong idea (he smiles) I know, I was quite touched by her concern, but if she really knew me, she'd know that would be the last thought on my mind; Julia's my only girl ." "It's sixteen years this July isn't it ?" "Yes, where does the time go?…….so are you nervous about tomorrow, you know, wondering what Mary is gonna say about you" he jokes. "I think she is still a bit mad with me having such a small gathering, and with it being mainly family you all know my quirks; what I've got up to in the past……well some of them at least; so I'm gonna have to make amends; give her another opportunity to do the honours……maybe on my 30th ……do you think she will settle for that?" "You could always get round her, you'd tease her mercilessly, and she'd be so dam annoyed with you, but you just flash one of your beaming smiles, and it was all forgotten; whereas with me, I'd be in her bad books for days if I got up to some of the things you did, especially when it concerned her boyfriends, you always did have a way with the ladies, Danny thinks he has, but no, you win hands down". "Was I really so bad as a kid?" "Yep, the kid brother from hell", he says with a huge grin spreading across his face.

"Ok Abby, your turn". "I can't think of one to sing, I'll go later". "I know a good one for you Abby, it's by Millie Jackson." "Who?" Susan starts singing,

"Young man, older woman,

Caught up in the rapture of respect and devotion,

Young man, older woman,

Denying feelings and emotions,

And still they are falling in love,

Young man, older woman……."

"Knock it off Susan" I say giggling. "Ah but it's so appropriate……….young man". "Keep on like this and your off my guest list tomorrow…….got it"; she just grins. "Ok what about ABBA, you must know one of their songs, Fernando, Dancing Queen". "Actually I've got one, see if they have got the music for Dusty Springfield's "I only want to be with you" Jake's always singing this, it's a bit of a joke between us, I'll give it a try; but let Laura go first, she's got her song ready, I promise, if they have the music, I'll go after."

"Where do you get all your energy from, aren't your tired after taking the redeye last night?" "I think it's more excitement keeping me going than anything else, I don't feel the least bit tired Luka." "God help you tomorrow then…..it's gonna kick in." "I know; Abby will kill me if I fall asleep on the plane, better make sure I drink a few cups of strong black coffee during the day or there will be hell to pay." "I don't think she'll mind you sleeping whilst your travelling, but if you fall asleep in the hotel…….well it will be …….karta u jednom pravcu for you…….a one way ticket" he adds laughing. "I think your right there." It felt good to be able to joke around with him, knowing they'd been through so much together; did Abby feel this comfortable in Laura's company, she said she did but I was never sure if she really meant it or just said it to please me. "So I understand your off the next couple of days before nights, that worked out well for you and us." "Susan managed to juggle the rota so Chuny, Neela, me and her would all be free during the day, none of us wanted to miss the wedding; I'm sure even those on duty will try and sneak up for a few minutes, and I know Haleh is popping by even though she's on nights. Your Dad was telling me your two friends couldn't make it over for the wedding, that's disappointing for you." "It is, but on the other hand it's not entirely unexpected as it was all rather rushed between Abby and I, I couldn't expect them to change their vacation plans; Steve's away with his girlfriend in Mexico, and Josh has gone home to Charleston; it's his Dad's birthday tomorrow, all the siblings are going home for it as it's his 60th , their Mum has organised a surprise party for him, he thought just one of the kids would be home, but all four will be there; but Laura, an old friend of mine could come, she's at UCSF too, we flew over together, she's out with Abby at the bachelorette do tonight." "I recall Abby telling me about her, you were at school together." "We were; we're still the best of friends which is great, she and Abby seem to get on well, they been out together both times Abby's visited me; I'm really pleased she could make it." "Abby told me your parents had asked Maggie and Eric to go over for a meal so they could get to meet them before tomorrow, did they go?" "Yes they got together last night; it went well so I understand." "Maggie's thrilled with the news of becoming a grandma so I hear." "Yes, she really is, it's been nearly a year since I saw her, although we've spoken on the phone it's not the same, it will be good to see her again, and to meet Eric too". "You got on with her?" "Actually I did, we had an interesting day together, we had a lot of laughs, I like her; I was surprised when Abby finally told me about her illness, I had no idea." (I had to keep to this line for her Mum's sake, and the promise we'd made each other) "Yes their relationship has been rather traumatic over the years; but now that she's stabilized they seem to be slowly rebuilding their relationship with one another; it's not been easy for Abby." "I know, she's been through a lot, I just wish she had told me earlier, but that's just her, although I think she's learning to open up nowadays; I'm glad she's willing to discuss her fears not keep everything locked away." "Yes these last few months I've noticed such a difference, she's so relaxed, so happy; that's all down to you." "That's nice of you to say…….thanks," I really appreciate his words, knowing their relationship, they mean a lot.

"Will you want Jake to pick you up tomorrow?" "No I'm fine, I looked up where County is, as I'd forgotten it's exact location, it's not far from this hotel; I'll make my way there. What floor is time chapel on?" "On the third, if you take the main lifts, turn left when you leave and you'll see it signposted." "Ok. It's been a fun evening Abby; but I'm sure ready for bed; I didn't sleep too well on the flight over, never do on the redeye; and what with Jake's non stop chattering too; he's just so excited about tomorrow; ahhh what love will do to you (she laughs). So, I'll see you both tomorrow just before eleven." "Yes, it's been a laugh. Goodnight Laura, sleep well; and see you tomorrow". "Laura's fun; you two seem to get along well." "Actually we do; I've been out with her both times I visited Jake; she's real good company. I like her."

"The men folk must be enjoying themselves, Eric's not back yet." "Well the lure of naked women ……." I say jokingly. "A traditional bachelor do, is that what they lined up for Jake?" "I don't think so. He told me on the phone that he was going to do something different not let his brothers organize anything. We will just have to wait to hear from Eric what they got up to." "If your feeling tired Mum you can go to bed, I can read for a while besides I'll only wake up when Eric comes in if I try and sleep on the couch now." "Listen you should get a good nights sleep, why don't you share the bed with me, there's plenty of room; you don't want to have a bad back, especially tomorrow; (she winks) come on be sensible, you know I'm right." "Ok, I think I will tonight. I don't feel too tired just yet though I think I will make a herbal tea, did you want anything?" "Have you a camomile tea?" I nod. "Yes, I'll join you then".

"I'm really looking forward to seeing Jake tomorrow, it's been nearly a year since last time; it was a shame he wasn't able to fly in earlier so that I could have seen him at his parents. After meeting his Dad, I can see where he gets his sense of fun from, in fact both his parents are real nice folks, your very lucky there Abby; I don't know if he can say the same about me." "Don't be so hard on yourself Mum, Jake really likes you, he's always telling me what a great day you two had. I've often wondered what you two managed to talk about all day, neither of you were very forthcoming about that." "Oh we talked about so many things, I told you the next day, don't you remember?" "Well I recall you saying how well mannered he was, and what a cute butt he had…….." I say laughing. "I can't deny the truth can I , she grins. " I have to ask, have you told Jake about your brother's and my condition?" "Yes, of course" "How did he take the news?" "He was surprised, shocked even; but I had to tell him; I couldn't let the relationship continue unless I was truthful about my past; I've told him everything; it was mainly to do with my fears that caused us to part in the first place; that's why I had to be honest with him." "Jake already knew." "What do you mean, he knew?" 'Promise me you will not say anything Abby, I told him I wouldn't say a word to you, but I feel you have the right to know, especially now that your getting married; I told him all about my illness the day of your birthday". "What!!! you said you wouldn't talk about that; that it was up to me to tell him, why did you lie?" "We were talking about the two of you naturally, he felt confused about how you really felt about him, he said you never seemed to talk about your feelings, you always clamed up; he was desperately in love with you even then, but it hurt him that you never expressed how you truly felt, you always made light of it, and not just about him, he felt you never wanted to speak openly, not even about family, you seem to brush those conversations aside. I could see he was hurt Abby, that's why I opened up to him, told him about our past, your childhood, the burden you took on because of me; about your relationships, your marriage, explained why I felt you hid your innermost thoughts, that you were scared of being hurt again, by others, and especially me. Can't you see, despite his age, his very mature in many ways, he has more insight than you give him credit for. Your very lucky you know, you should count your blessings, you've got a good man there; a man of his word, intelligent, fun loving, and so family orientated; do you really appreciate all these qualities he has?; but as I said before, don't ever let on I told you; we promised each other we wouldn't say anything to you." "I promise I will not mention it; but thank you for being honest with me, I know I hurt him in the past but I am doing everything I can to make amends for that. I love him, more than any man I've ever known; he means the world to me, that's why I want this baby so much, because of him; he has given me so much; confidence within myself again, made me laugh again, made me relax, I've never been happier; your right I am very lucky to have Jake".

A/N song "Young, Man, Older Woman" by Millie Jackson


	60. Chapter 60

**Abby and Jake's Wedding Day**

"You look wonderful Abby; thank you so much for wearing this dress for me again; and you've done your hair the same too, you look……. amazing," I say as I lean in to kiss her tenderly on the cheek. "And you look ………so brown; where did you get this suit?, I've not seen it before." "I thought you might think I was only jesting the other day when I said I'd wear my brown cords; so I thought I'd amuse you by wearing my, in your opinion, favourite colour." "Actually the chocolate brown suits you, plus it goes well with the shirt; and you've not shaved; (I smile approvingly) I think we will definitely be able to display our wedding pictures, unlike Chuny" I say laughing.

"Laura, this is my brother Eric. " "It's very nice to meet you; I understand from Jake you went ice skating last night; trust him to do something different." "We had such a blast; it was a shame the Millennium rink was closed for the season as we had to go a bit further out, but it was worth it, I haven't had so much fun in ages, they really are a fun bunch of guys. Did you have a good evening at the karaoke bar?" "We sure did, your sis has the most amazing voice," she says giggling. "Oh don't I know it, it definitely should be left in the bathroom." "You can talk,…… Eric, before I forget did you give Jake the jewellery box , he's got my ring?" "I gave it to him last night, don't worry." "Ok." We move away from him towards a few of the County staff, "Laura, before the wedding ceremony let me introduce you to………" "Luka, I remember your picture from Danny and Chuny's wedding photos; your difficult to forget," she says blushing slightly; "I mean your so tall, you stood out in all the pictures." "Occupational hazard, but I can't do anything about that" he replies reaching out to shake hands, whilst smiling at her.

"Are you nervous? I am." "Your nervous Jake, I can't believe it; nothing fazes you, your joking right?" "I've never been more serious; I think it's because I never thought this day would come about; all the time we were apart I thought of no one else but you, hoping we'd maybe have a chance again; and now that we are about to start our married lives together I want you to know that above all else, you and our children will be the main priorities in my life, your happiness and theirs. I admit I used to think that my career was the most important thing, but I know that it will take second place to you. I love you so much Abby, I always will." "What, your not going to be the hot shot surgeon, and there I was thinking I will become of those ladies that lunch,……..hmmmmm, I think I may just have to reconsider my options." We both start to laugh; "so are you ready to become Mrs. Scanlon, or have you changed your mind?" "What do you think?" I say as I take him by the hand and lead him to the front of the chapel.

"Now don't do anything embarrassing, our parents are here". "It didn't stop you on your birthday last year if I recall, your Mum was in the room." "Your meant to kiss the bride, not have a debate" Danny calls out. "Behave Jake…… ok!" "What was that? I didn't even get time to depress the button……… come on I'm trying to get a picture" Mike throws in. "You weren't shy the other week in the ER……..come on, we've all got our cameras at the ready" Susan says. "If you don't want to, I don't mind kissing the groom for you" Neela says laughing, adding to the teasing. "Ok, ok,…….and thanks for the offer Neela, but I think I've got this covered" I say, as I raise my arms and wrap them around his neck; "well, seems like we've got no choice…..if they want a picture."

I can't really recall the ceremony it all seems a blur, but looking into his mesmerizing eyes, as we part from our kiss, I know this moment is the second happiest time in my life; only seeing the sheer joy on his face when I told him about the baby could top this moment; "you've made my life complete today, I love you more than you will ever know Jake" I say before kissing him again lightly on his lips.

"We know it's not the same as giving you a present, but we thought as your going to be moving over to Frisco soon you might prefer this, then you can get something there for your new place rather than having to mail it over." "Jake look what the guys from the ER have given……………I don't know what to say". "Oh Honey that's so generous of them, …………..thanks everyone; by the way, who made the card? it's hilarious,…… yep that's definitely captured me alright. I'm only sorry we can't take you all for a meal this time, but when the babies baptized we will have a party for you all to come to, I promise." "Frank, before we go…….these are for you to take back to the ER". "Hmmmm, smells like baking, some of your Mum's muffins?" "Not this time, it's a couple of my carrot cakes." "I was speaking to your Mum earlier and I told her how much I loved her baking, she never said you'd bought anything in; that's kind of you son." "That's ok, just remember to save some for Jerry".

"As I have not been able to make my intended "best girl" speech, there being so few people here who don't know what you got up to in your former years, I will take up your offer Jake to use the said embarrassing piece at your 30th party, so be forewarned. Therefore it really only leaves me to say, all of us here wish both Abby and yourself a very happy, successful, and fun filled life together. So please raise your glass to the youngest of my wonderful brothers and his wife, …..to Jake and Abby."

"I know it's not normal to reply, but as it's my birthday too, I'm taking advantage. I just want to thank you all for my presents; was there anyone apart from Susan and Laura who didn't buy me a dvd of "The Graduate"? (I chuckle) Susan, your cd of Millie Jackson's greatest hits was hardly subtle though; I note the heavily underlined track "Young Man. Older Woman" Abby was singing that to me in the car just now, I somehow think I'm gonna be hearing this for the next 9 days. Laura, I knew I could rely on you for some sanity, the "Amelie" dvd will always remind me of our meeting at school and the long and happy friendship we've forged over the years that started through our love of foreign films; I can never see "Jeanne de Florette" and not think about you. More importantly I want to say, even though you were not in Vegas with us, your insight and words of encouragement, made it possible for me to be standing here today; I'll never let distance sever our friendship again; I promise. Finally, I just want to add, ( I turn and look down at Abby) that Dusty sums it up for me when she sings, "oh look what has happened with just one kiss……." darling Abby, you've made my life complete, I've never been happier," then I lean down and kiss her tenderly on the lips; as I pull away I whisper, "I love you, I love you so much."

"So can I ask, what did you wish for Jake?" "Abby not to divorce me." "What?" "Mike you asked me last night about our honeymoon, if I tell you, promise not to breath a word to anyone; Abby can tell them all about it when we come back." "Ok, I promise." "This is what we're doing……." "Oh my god Jake, ….. And she has absolutely no idea……., when are you gonna tell her?" "She'll know the initial surprise today of course, but I'll leave the other until the morning." Mike just laughs, "trust you, ……..actually if she doesn't like it call me, I'll tag along instead. Do you recall when we were younger we said we'd do that." "I know, we never got round to it, but I read an article last month describing it, and I thought, that's interesting. Do you think she'll hate it?" "I tell you what, I'd love to see her face tomorrow when she finds out" he says grinning.

"Laura if you want to go I can leave the spare key at reception; (the renowned restaurant we had eaten at was located in the hotel, and all agreed the meal had been superb, it had definitely had been worth the expense;) but if you want to wait we will not be long, I only want to change as I shall not need this dress at Jackson or Yellowstone." "It's ok, we will all wait until you've changed, and we can all see you off, don't worry."

"We've got time you know." "I know, but we're not going to." "Why's that?" "It's our honeymoon, knowing you, you will have booked some romantic hideaway so I want to wait until then, make it something special to remember, not here, besides Laura might come back to change her shoes or something…….so NO." "What's going on with those two do you suppose?, they seem to be getting along well." "I noticed, they hardly stopped speaking to one another all through the meal, maybe it was wise move of her not to take up your parents offer of a place to stay but book into a hotel." "You think he'll stay over?" "You said you were not sure if she and Tim were dating, or just friends, so who knows." He just smiles.

"Have a fabulous vacation Abby; Yellowstone is absolutely wonderful; I can still remember my family trip there when I was a kid, but be prepared to wait, Old Faithful isn't quite so faithful with it's time keeping but the spectacle is worth it. Jake," I say, as I embrace him in a warm farewell, "I couldn't wish for a better friend than you, I mean it; have a wonderful time with Abby, and I'll see you soon, and don't forget, take plenty of pictures and we'll have a get together evening to celebrate with Steve and Josh next time Abby's over ok." "Yes we must; have a safe trip back tomorrow and I will be in touch when I get back."

"Jake, what are you doing? This isn't the desk for Jackson Hole, look it's the fourth one down from here, can't you see?." "What makes you think we're going there?"

"That's the nearest airport for Yellowstone and the Tetons, this one's for Vegas." "That's right; that's where we're going." "WHAT!!!"


	61. Chapter 61

**The Honeymoon Pt 1**

"Jake you are such an old romantic; not only is this the same hotel, but it's the same room, I remember the number, how could I forget." "How could we not come back here, it holds special memories for us, but I didn't know if we'd be able to get the same room, I just hoped they'd be able to arrange it." I lean up and kiss him on the cheek, "you spoil me, you really do; and by the way, …..your forgiven for falling asleep on the plane," I add starting to laugh. "Honey, give me the two bags I'll just take them inside, but don't you move ok, stay right where you are." "Ok.." As he emerges from the room, a huge beaming smile on his face, I wonder to myself what other surprises he may have in store; before I know it he has scooped me up in his arms, "it's the traditional thing to do, carry your bride over the threshold, ok, it's not our own place, but….." "Jake" I say laughing, "just don't put your back out, not tonight." "Welcome to our temporary home Mrs. Abigail Scanlon," I say as I kiss her tenderly before carrying her inside.

"Come on sleepy head, time to get up." "Ehhh.." "Honey, come on, we got to go get breakfast, no dawdling, get up", he says leaning over me and gently kissing my forehead. "Jake, it's our honeymoon, lets just stay snuggled up here in bed, let's be real lazy, besides I can think of something to tempt you with to stay here;…... you know, we don't have to leave the room if we don't want to, let's face it we've seen the main sites of the town, here," I say as I pull him in closer and kiss him. "Sorry we have to get up now……no lingering." "Why for heavens sake?" "Because we're going somewhere ……..you don't think I've brought you here to spend all our honeymoon in Vegas do you?" "I never know with you…….I thought perhaps you had." "No of course not,…….so come on let's go take a shower." "Where we going?" I ask as I reluctantly push the covers away. "You'll find out soon enough."

"Abby would you mind bringing the two small bags down when you've finished? I'll go settle the bill and arrange for a taxi; oh,….. I've just remembered, there's something I need to buy before we leave, so can I meet you outside the entrance in about twenty minutes or so, will that be ok?" "Alright." "I forgot to say, can you put the keys in the drop box as you pass reception". "Sure." "See you in a bit" I say, giving her a kiss.

"Abby." I look over to my right to the taxi stand but I can't see Jake, it sounds like his voice, maybe I'm imaging it. Where is he? It's been almost half an hour. "ABBY" I hear even louder, "Over here." The sound is coming from the left. I look in that direction; , and see him beckoning me over. "Oh my god!!" I say, and just burst out laughing.

I make my way over to where he is, "this doesn't look much like a taxi to me Jake" I say giggling, "but then again; this is what I love about you, …….the totally unexpected." "So what do you think?" "Since when have you ridden a motorbike?" "Since I was 18, Mike taught me, he had a bike for years; see there's a lot of things you don't know about me Abby." "So I am finding out; now I know why you said not to bring much clothing, honestly Jake you are the limit at times. You know I saw the bike pull up just now but never dreamt it was you on it; ( he chuckles) so, where are we going on this?" "You don't mind then?; and THIS, as you can see is a Harley, only the best for my girl." "No, I don't mind, I've been on a bike before, a boyfriend years back had one. The only disappointing thing with this is that we will not be able to speak to each other properly, if we were in a car we could; and this is the first opportunity to be alone with you for this many days in ages, so that kinda sucks, but otherwise, as I said, I don't mind going on this." "Well thank god for modern technology then, here, this ones for you ( he hands me a helmet) . Nifty little gadget isn't it, so we can chat away to our hearts content. "Is there anything you don't think of?" "Not much," I say smiling. "So your not mad at me ? Mike said if you hated the idea I was to call him and he'd come instead, do I need to?" "Absolutely not," I say before kissing him tenderly on the lips. "When did you arrange this? "I read about it just after I got back to Frisco last month so I made enquiries. You know I told you my family said they would give us some money as a wedding gift, I've put it towards this, our honeymoon, rather than buy a couch or something sensible, you don't mind do you?" "If I were to say yes?" "What, you'd miss this road trip?," I say feigning mock surprise. "So where are we going?" "Here you can be the map reader……it's all marked out; the company even booked the overnight stays so we don't have to worry about accommodation." "Jake, this route is fabulous….. This is going to be so much fun". "I hope so too. Well, that's everything packed away, I'm glad neither of us bought too much, there's only so much room in the panniers; so let's get going".

"Wow, this is real pretty up here, all this forest, and look at all these cabins, how'd you like one of these?" "Maybe ten years down the line who knows, but it must get quite snowbound in the Winter, look you can see the lake's still icy in parts." "Can you imagine being somewhere like this with the kids oh it would be great; fishing, hiking, cycling; they'd love it." "You would, even if they didn't; and what's wrong with camping; you gone off the idea after seeing these?" I say laughing. "Actually can we stop for a bit, I need to go pee". "OK….….It's so peaceful, do you think anyone's here, or do you think they are just weekend and Summer places?" "I reckon were the only one's here, we've not seen any traffic in the last hour or so ." "Your probably right." I get off the bike and remove my helmet, then take about six paces towards the trees, looking back a him I say, "what are you waiting for?" "I don't need to go." "What makes you think I do; I had an ulterior motive; it's my turn to take you for a walk in the woods……….just bring the money and keys" I say winking.

"This is just wonderful, the colours and shapes are amazing; have you ever seen anything like it?" "I know, I thought the Grand Canyon was the most amazing sight but this equals it in it's sheer beauty." "Let's stay here until the sun sets, we've got a sandwich and a drink we can have to tide us over, and we can go straight for a meal instead of checking in the motel, is that alright with you Honey". "Definitely, I just hope the pictures your taking does this place justice. I know we have only one night here; but do you think maybe we can do that hike we saw the signs for, it said it was just under three miles, what do you think? It's just I don't want to tire you out as your "driving" and it's a far way again tomorrow, but it looks so interesting in this brochure" "The Navajo Loop/Queens Garden trail; that would be great, I'd love to; and it will be nice to stretch the legs before we continue tomorrow, but only if your sure you want to Honey." "Of course, who knows when we will be back here at Bryce Canyon again, lets make the most of it".

"Look over there, can you see how the colours are changing; it's absolutely marvellous; I'm so pleased we stayed". "Me too, trouble is you need a video to really capture the different light and how it effects the rocks as the sun sinks, it's never quite the same on a still photo, we shall have to invest in one for another time, we could have filmed the Bellagio water fountains display; they were pretty amazing too when you think about them, it's very creative, the music and their shapes." "True, but not as amazing as Mother Nature…….I can't get over how beautiful it is here". "Listen before the sun goes completely, I'll go ask that man to take our photo, we got to have some of the two of us." "Alright".

"Are you feeling hungry?" "Actually I'm not too bad, what about you?" "I could last another hour, why?" I reach up and encircle my arms around his neck, "I just thought instead of going straight back for a meal we could go check in to the motel, celebrate our first day full day of marriage." "Abby, I do still need to eat……remember, I got to work the nightshift tonight" I say grinning. "Have you never heard of room service?; and don't worry, you've had a tiring day doing all the "driving" I'll cover your shift" I say with a wink, before embracing him passionately. "Hmmmm, I rather like your idea……..room service; but do motels run to that." "There's always dial out."


	62. Chapter 62

**The Honeymoon Pt 2**

"You sure you want to see the sunrise, you don't want another hour in bed?" "No, lets be crazy and go see it; we could go and do the walk after too; we've got those nutritional bars, and bananas as well as some water to take with us, and we can come back for a cooked meal after before setting off to Lake Powell. What do you say?" "That's fine by me, I'll just throw some clothes on for now, have a shower when I come back." "Brrr, it's a bit nippy out here, good thing I packed for Yellowstone as I may not have had any warm clothing with me." "I know, I'm sorry about that, but I wanted to keep it a surprise, but I thought if I told you to pack a few pair of trousers and t shirts and sweater you'd be ok, anyway I bought a spare sweater with me for you, just encase."

"Today has been absolutely wonderful Jake, I'm just sorry I can't share the "driving" with you, you must be tired, especially after our early start," I say as I look at him sitting on the edge of the bed. "I am feeling it now, but we've got two nights here, and we don't have to do anything, we can just take it easy, laze by the pool, on the other hand we could hire a kayak for an hour or so tomorrow, that might be fun." "We'll see how you feel; listen why don't you have a sleep before dinner, I 'll go get a paper and sit by the pool, leave you in peace, go on, lie down." "No I'm fine, honest; I don't need to take a nap." "Go on, lie down, I insist," I say as I kiss him tenderly on the lips, before pushing him gently back onto the bed "I'll come back in an hour or so."

"Hi Honey." "You're awake, I thought you might be sleeping still?" "I've been awake about five minutes; you were right, I did need a nap." "It's more tiring for you I told you; you don't always notice it until you stop, I'm glad you manage to sleep, do you feel better for it?" "Yes I do. How about we take a shower and go for dinner a bit earlier tonight, I'm feeling quite hungry actually." "I am too, what do you fancy?" "Apart from you?" I just grin. "I fancy meat, I think I will have a steak." "Steak it is; so how about we go take that shower and get going."

As we sit eating in the restaurant I say, "you know Jake we will have to make a sure we go to Yellowstone sometime, I was reading up on it only last week, it sounds fascinating." "Are you upset we didn't' go there?" "Absolutely not; this trip so far has been amazing, the sheer grandeur of the area takes your breath away; I'm so glad you made the decision to do this trip." "Me too; and being here with you has made it all the more special, as much as I love Mike, it wouldn't have been quite the same," I add with a laugh. "So what do you feel like doing tomorrow?" "Let's have a lie in and spend a lazy morning by the pool; and then later in the day we could take a boat trip or hire a kayak for an hour or two." "Ok, but let's do the latter, just the two of us; and I'll do the steering, I'll sit at the front for a change."

"Jake someone might see, behave," I say half heartedly, as I surrender to his embrace. "Like who? The tour boats will not come in this close to the beach, so why not misbehave?; and, if we're gonna misbehave, lets be very, very bad.," "You've got a point, and we are on our honeymoon after all. " "Do you think a judge will accept that as our plea?" "Well if not, I could always blame it on my pregnancy, say my hormones are driving me a bit wild." Laughing, I add, "yep I can vouch for that."

"This trip just gets better all the time, I feel as if I've step onto a movie set, this is marvellous." "It's quite surreal, you've seen this view in so many movies you just can't believe this is for real. Wow I feel like we should be here on horses, not horsepower, with John Wayne in tow." "I'm so glad we booked the tour, as we'd not be able to make it here on the bike as we're off road; and all this area's restricted." "Yeah, and these guys are just a mind of information, you know who'd love this, Liam, as young as he is, he'd just be enthralled by it. I must tell Mike to bring the kids here one day, its just so fascinating." "So does Monument Valley top your list?" "Each place has it's own beauty and grandeur, it's really difficult to say which one I like best, I just can't make up my mind." "It's the same for me, each has a special something about them; I really can't decide either."

"You know it is going to be really strange going back to a big city after all this peace and quiet; I think it's quite good we did the tour this way round, heading on down to Sedona and Phoenix, rather than ending in Vegas; can you imagine the impact it would have after here." "Your right, it would be too much. Listen you have a long drive tomorrow, lets make it an early night of it; how does a nice relaxing soak sound?" "Sheer bliss, especially if I'm sharing it with you," I say pulling her closer to me.

"Oh darling this is heaven, what a beautiful place to end our stay." "I thought we'd splash out a bit as it's the last place were staying and we are here for three nights, besides it's my early birthday present to you as I will not be with you this year to celebrate; and this sure is a great place for honeymooners." "It's no wonder it's popular for that, it's really special, it's so intimate and romantic, and what a fabulous view from the terrace; thank you so much Jake; I'm going to miss being with you so much; I really don't want this vacation to end." "Me neither, I'm going to savour every moment of the next four days with you here, " I say as I draw her into in my arms.

"We've had most wonderful honeymoon Jake, thank you so much for making it so special; I've loved every minute of it; ……oh god I don't want to say goodbye." "I know Honey, I don't want to leave you either, the end of September just can't come quick enough." "One thing when we next meet, you will be able to show me all the photos' of this trip, it will bring back a ton of happy memories; I can't believe how much we've done, the horse rides, the hot air balloon trip, all the hikes, it's been amazing. You have changed my life so completely, I can't begin to tell you how happy I am being with you. I love you so very much, " I say before embracing him for one last time. "Have a safe flight back to Frisco, and call me later tonight, promise." "Yes I promise. Take care of little'n in here, ( I say patting her stomach) and have a safe journey home Honey. I'll call you tonight about 1130pm your time. As much as I want to stay, I've got to go now they are calling my flight, I love you so very much Abby." I say before enveloping her in one final embrace.


	63. Chapter 63

**Chicago / San Francisco - Post Wedding**

"Hey, your back, I thought you might be off today." "I wish Luka, I could do with starting tomorrow, but, no such luck. You taking a breather or are you on days too?." "Just taking some air; Susan's little'un is sick; she phoned about half an hour ago, so she will not be in till later; if at all, I kindly volunteered to stay on. So how was the Yellowstone?" "You mean you don't know; didn't Chuny say anything?." "No, she never said a word." "We never went." "What!! So where did you go?" "Jake never let on to me until we were at the airport that he'd booked a flight to Vegas instead; we had the most fabulous vacation visiting some of the South West's National Parks. We stayed one night in Vegas, next morning he'd arranged to pick up our transportation for our journey, guess what it was?." "A '50's open top Chevie?." "No, don't laugh, it was a Harley; and it was absolutely fantastic." "Wow!! What I'd give to do that." "Really?" "Oh definitely; that is so Jake like from what his brothers told me about him, always the unexpected. So where did you go?" "Bryce Canyon, Lake Powell, Monument Valley, Sedona; we flew back from Phoenix." "You didn't go to the Grand Canyon's South or North rim?" "Not this time, as we'd flown over and landed there before, remember I told you." "So how was it? How did they compare to the "big one"?." "They were equally spectacular, breathtaking infact, you really should try and go sometime, the area is just wonderful." "It must have been difficult to say goodbye to Jake yesterday; I bet you wish your were with him now instead of here." "You could say that, but at least his not alone, Josh and Steve will be back from their vacations and Laura's there. Talking of whom……what did you get up to after we left?" "As you know it was such a lovely afternoon, that many of us decided to head down to the Lake. Unfortunately, Jake's older siblings had to leave to pick up the kids, so they couldn't come, but those of us that did went for a walk, it was real nice, we had a laugh. Some had to leave early evening but Eric, Danny, Chuny, Laura and myself decided to stay so we stopped at Navy Pier; we had a good time; stuffed ourselves in the evening on burgers and cotton candy." I laugh, "that sure was healthy. I did notice Laura and you seemed to be getting on well at the wedding ." He smiles, "what are you looking at me like that for Abby?." "Are you going to tell me, or am I going to have to hear it second hand from Chuny?."

"Laura's very easy to talk too, we had the most interesting conversation." I laugh, "Luka, com' on it's me your talking to, there's no need to go all coy; I've never seen you so entranced by anyone; myself excluded of course," I say with a smile. "So what happened?." "Nothing happened." "Then why are you blushing Luka?." "Hi you two…….Abby, how was the honeymoon?" says Helah as she passes to go into the ER. "Wonderful, listen I will tell you all when I come in……..see you in a minute." "Ok." "So……., I'm waiting Luka." "Luka", Chuny calls from the ER entrance, three car auto accident coming in, five minutes eta." "OK, we're coming. Abby do you mind if we talk later, not here." "You got something to hide?" "I'll tell you later, I promise." "I'll hold you to that," I say intrigued.

"I can't believe you spent your honeymoon night back in Vegas, and at the same hotel, that was so sweet of him to do that; and riding on a Harley; it's so different for a honeymoon; he's quite a romantic at heart; lucky you," says Neela. "I don't know if everyone would consider spending their honeymoon on a bike as romantic; but we had so much fun; he's such great company, it was just wonderful; really wonderful. So has it given ideas for Ryan and you to try?" "Maybe. We could even go to one of those drive thru chapels on it." "What, you're considering marriage? I thought you always told me you had to get your parents approval." "I know that's what they expect, but I recall what Jake said to me, and I think maybe he was right; if they didn't approve of him they'd would try to break us up; but I know I couldn't bear that; I feel, no, know he is the one for me." "What about Ryan; you've been going steady since last October; does he feel the same?" "Yes, we have been talking seriously about it since your wedding day, he wants to settle down, start a family with me." "Really! Then you should just do it Neela, if you both feel like that, just get married and face the music with your parents later." "If they don't come round, I'll feel bad I know, they have given me so much to enable me to come here, continue my medical studies, I owe them a lot." "True, but you have your own life too Neela; they understand that, surely." "I hope so."

"Hi Jake, thanks for calling. Did you have a great trip?" "We sure did, went all too quickly of course; but it was terrific." "Are you back in surgery or have you got lectures?; it's just I thought we could meet up sometime, we could go for a bite and you could tell me all about it." "Is tonight too soon? I have a lecture this afternoon then I'm free; so do you fancy meeting up tonight?" "Yes; that would be great. How about I treat you to an Italian at Portifino's, shall I meet you there say 8pm?" "If your buying……why not" I say laughing.

"Luka's visiting you here!!?" "Yes, he's taking three days off, and I will have finished nights by then so I can go to meet him at the airport…. Sunday week." "So how did this all come about?" "The wedding group didn't want to split up after you left, we were having such an enjoyable time; unfortunately, the couples with kids had to leave to collect them or be home for them after school, but a bunch of us went for a walk down by the lake. Later on, just Chuny, Danny, Eric, Luka and I made our way over to Navy Pier for a bite; we were having a laugh and a joke, it was really nice evening. We walked back into town and the others took the EL, but Luka said he'd walk back to the hotel with me. We went to the bar and just talked for ages; I just didn't want him to go. So I…." she smiles, "I asked him to stay. We spent all the next day together too, we did all touristy things, took a tour boat ride, went up the Sears Tower, and when he dropped me off at the airport he asked if he could come visit me. It felt so right to say yes." "What about Tim, I thought maybe….." "I told you before we were just friends, there hasn't been anyone serious in a while." "Luka!." "Why do you sound so surprised? Is it because he's dated Abby in the past?" "How did you know about that?" "He told me of course. I told you we talked for ages; about his work in Africa, his family he lost in Croatia, how he came here; he is such an interesting person; he's been through so much, but he's lost so much too, it just doesn't seem fair." "I am surprised he opened up so much, considering he doesn't know you. I know Abby told me that was one of the reasons their relationship suffered, neither of them were willing, or maybe ready to do that, they kept everything bottled up. Maybe you're the one for him." I giggle, "sex, that's all it was, sex; nothing more." "Since when have relationships just been about sex with you?. You can have anyone you want; come on, you know that, but that's never been you; friendships always been important to you. So why now?" "What makes you think you know me so well in that respect, we were apart a long time, how do you know how I conduct my relationships?" "From what Steve's told me." "What?" "He told me Jenny said you had not been serious with anyone, as far as she knew, in the time she's known you." "Those two seem to take a keen interest in my love life; just 'cause I date someone doesn't mean she has the right to know whether I sleep with them or not." "So why have you told me?"

Why indeed? Was it to show him that I had finally severed those feelings I had for him? Maybe. But had I really severed them? I knew, deep down, no matter what, I would always love him; I don't think that would ever change.

Luka; was what had happened between us just sex, or something more? I had never been one for one night stands, yet I knew that night I didn't want him to leave; there was an immediate attraction, on my part at least, and a special feeling that I had not felt since my days with Jake; I just knew I didn't want him to go that evening. I'd expected him to just leave next morning; but he hadn't; we'd had the most fabulous time together. When he asked if he could see me again, come visit me here, I was both surprised and I must admit, delighted.


	64. Chapter 64

**June to September**

"It's a bit late we know, but we wanted to give you your present when Abby was here too," says Jenny. "Oh they are beautiful; I'm sure looking at the photographs tonight we can find plenty of use for them, the main trouble will be deciding which photos to use." Jenny and Steve had bought a pair of beautiful silver photo frames; and Josh one in the same design but larger in size. "Thank you all so much; they are absolutely beautiful aren't they Jake?" "Yes they are, thanks guys. "So sit yourselves down at the table everyone, supper's ready, and you two, we want to hear all about this vacation of yours," says Jenny.

Later in the evening I am chatting to Laura on the balcony; "so I understand Luka had a great time when he visited, he really loved the city he was telling me." "Yes, it all went far too quickly; I know how Jake and you feel now; but we had a real nice time." "He is coming over again so I hear, is this going to become a habit?" "I'll admit, I really like him; you're not upset I'm seeing him are you Abby?" "Why should I be?" "Because I know you two dated, and you work together." "Don't be stupid, you and Jake had a relationship too, what's the difference?" "True; your right of course." "Luka's a great guy, and a good friend." "Are you trying to tell me not to play around with him?" "Nooooo, I meant….." "I know all about Luka's past, he told me the very first day we met; he's had some tough times; but I don't intend to do anything to hurt him. I have no idea where the relationship will go; but I want you to know if it ends it will not be of my doing. I can't explain how I feel about him, it just seems so right being with him; as if we belong. Does that sound stupid?" "No, no it doesn't. That's how I felt about Jake the first time I met him; and look what happened with us," I say laughing. "Oh don't tell me I am going to have to go through all that angst too, " she says giggling.

"Did Jake tell you I asked dr Stonleigh if he would take you on in his gyne clinic when you come over; he's the best consultant here, I told him you wouldn't be here until the beginning of October and he ok'd it." "No Jake's not mentioned it." "I only told him a couple of days ago, I expect he's going to tell you later. I have been working with him these last six months, he's a real nice man, I get along well with him; that's why I was a bit forward and asked him; I hope you don't mind." "No, that's kind of you to think of me; I'd not even thought about that yet." "Despite what you might think, October's not so far off, you got to start planning for these things." "I'm trying not to think about it…….., I've attended so many births, I know what to do, but when it comes down to your own baby it's different; I hope I don't go to pieces, and make a complete idiot of myself." "Abby you will be fine, I just know it" "Actually Laura, could I ask if you would attend the birth, or is that imposing too much?; I know we haven't known each other too long, yet I feel comfortable in your company." "Are you sure you would want me there?" "Actually I'd love it, if for no other reason than to put Jake at ease, he's more nervous of this birth than me, not as though he will admit to that." "I'd be really pleased to Abby, I delighted you have asked me; do you think Jake will mind?" "Jake's not having the baby, so he will have to tow the line on this," I reply smiling.

June passes into July, into August. As the pregnancy progresses I find it increasing difficult to feel motivated at work, I shouldn't feel like this I know as I love my job, maybe I just miss being in Jake's company; especially after the time we spent together on our honeymoon, just seeing him for a few days every month, it just gets harder each time to say goodbye. His family have been so kind to me, inviting me over to dinner, going to different events with them, I have been made to feel so welcome by all of them; I can understand why Chuny speaks so highly of them. As for Jake, his second year begins in earnest, this year they will concentrate more on specialities, plastics being one, and obviously for him will be most interesting as this is what he wants to specialize in, but he understands the logic behind last year, as a basic grounding in surgical practice is still required, no matter what field you branch out into.

"You know Jake I think we should take a look at some of these apartments you emailed me when I'm over next weekend, could you set up some viewings of both the one and two bedroom ones." "Sure Honey, even if we don't like them it will give us an idea which might suit us. I'll see which ones are still for rental." "Do you think we could get away with just the one bedroom, or did you want two?" "If the lounge is large like this one it will be ok, as we can bring in a put you up couch so that if we get visitors they can take the bedroom whilst there here. Let's face it, it's more than likely be just our parents as if your sibling's visit they will come with their kids so they will more than likely stay in a hotel as even a 2 bedroom will not be big enough, unless we get with at least one and a half bathrooms." "Yes, or else it will create havoc trying to get ready to go out with just one bathroom. I think your right about the one bedroom it will work ok. Did you like this place?." "It's not bad, but the next one has larger rooms all round, depending on what it's actually like, it might be the one to go for, the rent is affordable too; and didn't David say we are the first to view it. Let's keep this one in mind though."

"What do you think?" "I think it's ideal, good size rooms, nice outlook, and easy for transport to the hospital and into town; the only disadvantage is the one flight of steps and no lift; when you have the baby it might prove awkward if there are not two of us to lift the pram." "I know, I was considering that too, but if you think about it, there are so many varieties of prams nowadays, I'm sure we will find a lightweight one that will be suitable. It's a beautiful apartment, I really like it; I'd hate to turn it down just for this reason." "I agree, and there is enough room in the lounge to take an extra couch, so we could get a put you up one for when visitors come. So shall we tell him we will take it, or do you want to go and have a quick look at prams first?" "No, lets just go for it, I'm sure we will find something suitable, if we leave it, this place is going to go." "I agree, in theory there shouldn't be any problems with credit references, or background checks, unless there is anything your hiding from me? (he grins). So all being well, this will be our new home for a good few months; I am so looking forward to being with you Abby, since the honeymoon, it's been lonely going back to my room without you there. If you think about it, since we began dating, we have spent more time apart than together; it's crazy. Things are going to be different from now on; I can't wait for you to join me here permanently. " "Let me hear you say that when the baby's here and you want peace and quiet to study, I bet you'll say something different then," I say laughing.

September:

"Did your Mum expect all this Mary, or did you manage to keep it quiet?." "I'd told her the family were going to take her out for a meal this Saturday to celebrate her 65th, but I didn't let on we had arranged this party; she was really pleased; last time we were all together like this was at Danny's wedding. Mike's 40th was mainly his friends, and just the immediate family, but this time the family from Houston have flown up, and there are a lot more relatives here, maybe you might recognize some from the wedding." "There are some I do; so I better go mingle and introduce myself properly this time, I'll catch you later."

"Why don't you two come and join Julia and I at the table; I'm sure you could do with a break Abby; all the questions from grans' and aunts can be relentless I know." "Yes, Honey, go sit down, I'll go get some food for us both." "Ok, thanks, I'll come over in a moment, let me just grab some drinks, Jake what did you want?" "I think I will have a beer."

"How are you settling into the new place Jake, I understand from Abby you moved in last week." "That's right, it's working out well for work, takes twenty five minutes to the hospital on the bus so that's not too bad; it's a real nice apartment isn't it Abby." "Yes, it's lovely and airy, we were lucky to have been the first to view it." "It will not be long now before your off to Frisco too, end of the month isn't it?" "Actually I've changed my mind, I'm not going then." "WHAT!!? You haven't said anything to me about this. I don't understand, what's made you change your mind, have you decided to stay and have the baby here for some reason?…… Abby tell me." "Julia, would you like to have a dance?" Mike say's looking embarrassed, wishing, (I know) he'd never raised the subject. I start to laugh, "Jake you should see your face, it's priceless. Mike, Julia and you don't have to leave, we are not going to argue. I was going to tell you tonight, but, I think I'd better tell you now. I moving on Saturday the 23rd. I finish work the Wednesday before." "Really!!" "Yes, I decided last month I would finish sooner if I could, it's getting too much at work, I 'm feeling quite tired lately, so I asked Kerry if I could finish about ten days earlier." "You'll be with me in two weeks time; oh Sweetheart, that's wonderful news." A huge grin spreads across his face; he leans over and softly kisses my lips. "Seems like your not the only one excited by the news," I say, as I take his hand and place it on my stomach, "he's got quite lively too." "HE!! Is there something your not telling me?" "NO!!, slip of the tongue, it could be a cheerleader in there, getting some early practice in, for all we know, " I say jokingly. "Do you know the sex then?" asks Julia. "Absolutely not, I told them specifically to keep that to themselves. I have even had my latest scans kept on file so I can't see, and I never look at the monitor when I go. We both want it to be a surprise." "It'll be a boy, mark my words Abby, " says Mike, "first born in each of the Scanlon families always are. Isn't that right Jake?." "I've told her that already, but she doesn't believe me." "Chuny and Danny, what did they have; a boy; Julia and I, a boy, Mary, shall I continue?." "Ah, but as I told Jake, girls are always first in my family; and our genes are very strong," I say teasingly. They just both look at one another and mouth, "boy."

"Honey, will you stop that, you do realize the effect this is having on me." "Oh yes, and it seems to be working." "We shouldn't you know." "Why ever not?, there is no rule to say we can't. I want to, I'd say you want to, so…….." "Don't tell me, it's the darn hormones," he saying chuckling. " Yes, blame it on those," I say winking.

"


	65. Chapter 65

**September**

"Abby I will try and keep you in the suture room, or at triage so that it doesn't get too hectic for you, I can remember what it was like trying to carry out procedures when I was this far gone, besides we might as well make your last few days a bit easier; not long now before you leave. Oh I am sure gonna miss you." "Thanks Susan, I must admit I do notice it now; but if you need me don't hesitate to call me into trauma, I will still be able to do some things. I am sure going to miss everyone too, but I can't wait to be with Jake, I regret I didn't go sooner, I miss him so much. When I think about it we are so stupid at times, like a couple of kids, but that's what I love about him, he's always makes me laugh, I truly have never been happier." "I know what you mean, that's what I love about Chuck, even if we have an argument and he knows I am about to explode, he will come out with something really stupid, and I can't help but laugh, I can never stay mad with him for long. As he's always saying, life's too short to be mad at one another." "We're both so lucky in that way". "Hey, it's the other way round, they are the lucky ones," she says starting to laugh.

"Hey, nice to see you, so how's life going for the new Dad?……...Danny? Are you alright son? ……Danny?" "Where's Abby?……..I need to speak to her; please where is she?." "What is it, are you ok?,…… are you hurt?" "Abby, I need to….. where is she?" "Jerry, can you get Abby she's in sutures I think?" "I just got to give this……" "Forget that, go get her……..now!!." "Danny what's wrong?"

Why do I feel all eyes on me as I make my way to the desk? Why are Susan, Luka and Frank looking at me this like this? "Danny? What you do'in………" I don't need to be told anything, I just know ……….their faces speak volumes.

I can hear the words, but don't want to listen; I can see the pain etched in his face, and the tears forming, the urgency in his voice. "I'll take you now, I've got a car outside…….." I can't move, can't cry, can't …… all I can hear inside my head is "oh god, don't let this be happening."

"Danny your not in a fit state, let me call the firehouse, they can collect the car, I 'll take you both, my car's here. I don't want you driving. Susan, I'm going with them; I don't care what you tell Weaver, I've gone off sick , got it." "Just get going, I 'll cover you, and I'll call them about the car too; your right, Danny's in no fit state either." "What about your parents do they know?" "The call came to them, they're on the way to the airport, the rest are making their way there." "Danny give me the car keys; Abby, come on, let's get your purse and coat, Frank will you take Danny outside, he needs some air, but stay with him, we will join you in a minute." "Sure, come on son, ( he puts his arm across his shoulder and leads him through the doors) listen I'm sure they are going to be alright, they are……." is all I hear before the door closes. "Come on Abby, lets get your things." "Why didn't they call me; I don't understand, why his parents?" I say, not knowing why I do. "He's going to be ok I just know he is Abby, he's gonna be ok."

Our journey to the airport passes in a blur, neither Danny or I say anything, both of us just spend the time lost in thought staring out of the window. I've not shed a tear, yet inside I am crying out, "just get me to him, just get me to him."

"Abby I'm coming with you; I know what your going through right now, I'm going to come with Danny and you; I'll go into the on airport's long stay parking lot, we'll all go together, and once were in the terminal we will see which is the first flight out ok, Abby, is that ok with you?" "Thank you Luka, I'd like that." I softly reply. "Danny is that ok with you? I reckon your parents may have already left, there's no use looking for them, or the others, lets just find the first departure, and get going." "Yes, there's no point in wasting time, we need to get airborne."

"Ignore this flight, look there's a direct one twenty minutes later, but it will get us there sooner, I'll buy the tickets for this; wait here and I'll go get them," he says, before going off to the ticket desk. "Why wasn't I with him Danny, why am I here, and not with him? I should have been with him." "Don't blame yourself, don't, ok; you couldn't know this would happen, please don't think like this." "Then why do I feel so guilty?" "Guilty?….. of what?." "That I stayed behind here, didn't join him sooner." "Abby, that's nonsense, Jake appreciates your wanting to finish your Residency year; besides would it have changed what's happened?; you could have been out shopping, visiting your Mother, and it would still have occurred; please don't feel you have anything to be guilty of." I understand what he means, but I know how I feel inside.

"As we have got time, let's go get a coffee and something to eat; and I know what you are goanna say, you don't want to eat, but you two need to ok." We follow like two lost sheep, unquestioning; we spend more time glancing at our watches than eating. "Shall we start heading down to the departure gate?" "Luka, I'm just going to go to the restroom, ok?" "Ok, we will wait here for you."

I close the door of the cubicle, and the façade that I've maintained fails at last, the utter despair I feel inside consumes my whole being, uncontrollable tears start to flow down my cheeks; I can feel my legs begin to buckle under me, I sit myself down and just surrender to it all. "Why ?…….why them?,…. Why?"

"This can't be happening, it can't be, not this," I say to myself, but there is nothing I can do, I have to go, I need to be with him. I go outside and get a napkin, and return to the cubicle. Outside, by the sink, I bend down and rinse my face, looking at my reflection in the mirror, I reach up and wipe away the mascara that's smudged under my eyes; images of that moment when we first met come flooding back; how he'd offered me a tissue, "Hi I'm Jake, I think you might need this." Why isn't he here now to do the same?

I make my way back to the others. Danny is on his cell, "where are you now?…….the gates open, were going down there now, we will meet you there if you can get a ticket for the flight, if not we will see you at the hospital, …….ok…….bye Mike." "Mike's nearby?" "About ten minutes out, he's got a lift with his pal Tony, he's a cop, he's driving him over in his squad car, so they are zipping through the traffic; he said he'd leave Lee in the car and come in with him if needs be, push in front of the queue, see if he can get him on our flight; let's hope his chief don't find out." "Let's get going." "Yes, all this waiting is driving me crazy, I just feel so helpless."

"Mike, thank god you made it," says Danny as he hugs him. "I've never run so fast in my life through the airport, thankfully the clerk at the ticket desk let me jump the queue, he was real helpful when he knew what had happened; …….Abby" he takes hold of me in his arms, "he's going to be ok, I just know, he's a tough cookie, I know he's gonna be ok." "I hope so……but we don't know much, just that all three of them have been hurt in the crash, my minds churning over so many possibilities, I just feel so ……. I just want this dam flight to start boarding," I say as I feel the tears start to flow; this time I do not try to stifle them, I just give in and cry as I lean into his body. "It's ok, it's ok," I hear him say in a soothing voice.

"Have our sis got away do you know?" "I've spoken to Mary, she was at the dentist with Robert when Dad called her, she's had to go home to arrange cover for the kids as Kevin's out of town at a conference; doesn't fly back until tonight. Grace and the family went to Sacred Rock park last night for the weekend so they have got to come back to the city as they've only taken the one car with them. I don't know what they are doing if they are going to try and fly over together, or just come alone. How did you hear?" "I was out attending a fire, so it was a while before I got told; when I did, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I called Tony straight away and asked if he'd be able to bring me here, as I thought he'd be able to get through the traffic, he came to the incident and picked me up. I've not had time to change, apart from taking my outer uniform off, so I reek of smoke, but I don't care I didn't want to waste time going back to the station to change. Have Mum and Dad got away?" "I assume so as I have not heard anything more from them. It's at times like this you just wish he wasn't so far away." "How come Luka's here?" "He saw I wasn't in a fit state of mind to drive earlier, so he bought us; you recall I told you about his family, he understands what we all, especially Abby's going through right now, the uncertainty of it all, he's been so supportive, a great calming influence; I'm glad he's been with us; usually I know how to cope in these situations, it's what we are trained for, but when it concerns your own family it effects you differently; I realize that now."

"Oh at last,….. I didn't think they ever would start the boarding process." "Mike you take my seat so that your with the others, the flight's not going to be full by the look of the number of people here, I can move up once we get onboard and have taken off." "Ok, I'd like that, and thanks Luka, for what you've done, being here with them, I know they really appreciate it."


	66. Chapter 66

**September Pt2.**

The flight seems to last forever. We try chatting about various things, last nights tv, the baseball game, the kids, just to deflect the uppermost thought in our mind; but none of us truly have our heart in it. I go and sit for a while next to Luka who has moved up to within two rows of us. As I sit down, he reaches over, takes my hand and squeezes it gently; neither of us say anything for a while; we do not need to. "I thought my next flight would be after my leaving County to join him, to start our life together, not this, going to the hospital to face….., who knows," I say, my words beginning to falter. "Hey, com' on, think positive, he's in hospital being cared for; I'm sure all three of them have been stabilized and are doing just fine. You know what it's like, being in the know as we are, we always think the worst and frighten ourselves unnecessarily; you told me Jake did that too when he heard about the baby; it's a common fault we all have." "Yes, but I'm afraid Luka. Since when has my life gone smoothly?"

As we approach the ICU I see Laura sitting on a chair just outside the door. "Abby, you're here, thank goodness" she says as she stands up and hugs me. "Jake's parents are with him now, they will not let more than two people in, I'll buzz the nurse to let them know you have arrived," she does so; "Mrs. Scanlon and some other family members have just arrived….ok." "What's happened Laura?" asks Mike. "All I know is that Steve and Jake were in Josh's car en route to the game when a stolen car being driven by some youths went straight into them; it seems it was going fast as a police car was in pursuit of them; the driver had been swirling all over the road, trying to get away and went straight into them as it crossed over the intersection. I knew nothing about it until Jenny called me at home, she's in there now with Steve, but as soon as I heard I dropped everything to be here, I didn't want him to be lying in there all alone until you all could make it." "He's been in surgery? what injuries does he have?" I ask; but before she can answer the door opens and his parents walk out. "Mum, how is he?" asks Danny. I see the look of apprehension on their faces, but do not wait for their reply, I just walk into the room.

"Honey are you ok?" " Luka, how come….what are you doing here?" "I bought Abby and Danny to the airport. I was just going to drive them there, and then head on back to County; but I thought I've known Abby too long to let her go through this without a close friend being here; and I could see Danny was in a bit of a state when he called into the hospital to tell her, it seemed as though he could do with the support as much as her, so I said to myself, to hell with it I'm coming too." "I'm sure they're grateful you did, and I'm so glad you're here too, I'm scared Luka, really scared, he and Steve suffered the brunt of the crash as it went into the passengers side, both took a lot of injuries, I just don't know…….." I say before falling into his arms sobbing.

I have walked into this scene so many times, yet why does it feel so alien to me? The subdued voices, the softer lighting drawing ones eyes to the various flashing monitors that surround each patient, the low rhythmic sound of the ventilators pumping their life giving oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide from the unmoving bodies lying besides them; it's all so familiar, yet it feels so surreal.

I can feel my eyes begin to well up as I see him lying motionless on the bed. His dark locks, and tanned face, disguising his somewhat pallid complexion, contrasting with the stark white of the pillows. As I edge closer towards him, the nurse who has led me to his bedside moves discreetly aside, allowing me to have this moment alone with him, before other family members come in.

I bend down and kiss his forehead; and run my fingers through his hair; I can't believe a week ago we were laughing and joshing with one another, holding each other in a loving embrace, as we talked about this moment, of joining one another for good, here in this city. We'd made love, despite his reluctance as first, and I recall how'd I laugh at him for putting up such little resistance to my advances. I can still feel the delicate touch of his hands as they'd run over my body, the softness of his kisses against my skin, the words of love he'd spoken. It's so difficult to imagine this is the same man, seeing him now, lying prone and motionless, his body now connected with various tubes and iv's; surrounded by machines monitoring his cardiac rhythm and other vital signs; not seeing his beaming smile as I walk into the room, or hearing him chuckle doesn't seem right; it should be a loving banter that greets me, not the rhythmic beat from the ventilator pumping life into his body. "Darling, it's me, Abby, I'm here Sweetheart," I say softly, close to his face, "I love you so much Jake, no one makes me feel so complete as you; remember when you asked me to marry you, you said you wanted us to grow old and grey together, don't break that promise, keep fighting; stay strong for me Sweetheart, like I will be for you. I'm not going anywhere, I'm here, right here with you baby, " I say as I caress his face with my fingers.

"I can't believe what your saying Mum; if they've stemmed the bleeding and he's stabilized then he has a very good chance, you know Jake he's a fighter, he's strong; he's going to be alright, I just know it." "We will just have to pray that he is, but it doesn't look……." her voice begins to falter. "Cath, he's going to be ok," I say as I hold her in my arms, "he's going to be ok." "Do you think I can go in to see him Dad?" "Danny, wait a few minutes more, let Abby be alone with him, she needs a bit more time by herself." "I think Dad's right, let her spend a little bit longer with him." "Do you know if the girls managed to get away?" "They're hoping to get over as soon as they can; Mary's had to arrange for someone to be with the kids, and Grace had to come back to the city; I don't know if they are going to fly over together or what, but I'm sure they will get here as soon as they can."

"Luka, what do you think his chances are, from what Mum's said, do you think he's going to pull through?" "It's difficult to know what to say; people respond differently to treatment, without seeing him or his charts, I really can't give an answer. I know that's not what you want to hear Mike, but I'd rather be truthful than mislead you." "It's ok, I admire your honesty, I'd rather hear you say that than give false hope. I know it's bad Luka; and I can't imagine what's going through Abby's mind right now; she's his wife, but she's also an emergency doctor, she knows all the complications that can arise. I don't really know how she's coping." "I'm concerned too, Abby's been through a lot in the past, and now this. I've never known her to be so happy as she is with Jake, they idolize one another, they are so in love, if anything should happen I can't imagine the effect it will have on her."

"I know, I'm worried about her, what with her being pregnant and all; but I'm concerned about my parents too. I know how I am feeling right now, I can't begin to imagine what they are going through; no parent should have to see their child like this, fighting for their life. It just doesn't seem fair that the boys were the innocent party in all this, just going out for an afternoon to the game and they are the ones who have ended …….." I can't continue, the words just choke me up, and I feel the tears begin to roll down my cheeks. "Hey Mike, it's ok, just let it go, you don't have to try and keep up a brave front," I say as I put my arm around his shoulder, " I know exactly how you feel, you just want to be able to do something, but you can't, you just feel so hopeless, I understand, believe me." I try to take comfort in his words, knowing he has been in this very same situation; willing someone to pull through.


	67. Chapter 67

**September Pt.3**

The hours pass by, nothing changes, save for the face of the family member sitting opposite me. Every quarter of an hour they perform the same ritual, whispering words of encouragement to Jake and I, then quietly leave so that another can be there, willing him to pull through. They have such an outstanding bond like no other family I've known before; such love and devotion to each other; his sisters arrival later that night, see them become part of the cycle too. Laura comes and sits at both Steve and Jake's bedside, she looks so pale and drawn; what must she be going through, knowing that both her friends are fighting to hold onto life. It turns out Josh, although badly injured, is stable enough to be nursed on a normal surgical ward; and in between her ICU visits, she and Luka make time to sit with him too.

Throughout this time I try to disguise what was happening to me; the diversion of talking to Jake has helped, as those opposite are concentrating on him, not me; but the intensity of the contractions are becoming stronger and more frequent, so that now I can not hide the discomfort from my face. It is Cathy who notices what is happening. "Abby, are you ok? Are you ……oh my god, Abby," she says as she gets up and comes round to my side of the bed. "Why haven't you said anything before, how long has this been going on?" I can't answer at first, as, breathing through the contraction seems to help the pain; "hours." "What! How often are the contractions? Come on, we have got to get you looked at, you know this shouldn't be happening, it's too soon, come on, let's go outside, I'll get Laura to get you checked." "No, not yet, I promised him I'll stay, I can't leave him." "Abby, do you think Jake would want to hear you say this? You know he'd be worried for both you and the baby, now come on, we must get you seen to, you know the others will be with him every minute, he will not be alone, come on now," she says as she slips her arm around me and helps me up.

"Abby?……., what's going on Cath?" "Where's Laura?". "Luka and she have gone to get a bite to eat, why?" "Abby's having contractions, she needs to be looked at right away, it's too early Sean, the baby's not due for another few weeks." "What!, why haven't you said anything Abby?" "There's no time for this now Sean, we need to get a doctor to take a look at her, the contractions are pretty frequent, nothing's going to stop this baby now." "I've got Laura's cell number, she gave it to me earlier tonight, I'll call her now and pass her over to you." "Thanks Mike,…….so Laura what shall we do, will you come here, or shall we meet you at the labour ward?……ok, I'll meet you there." "Mum, you stay here, go back in and sit with Jake, I'll take Abby down." "Are you sure Mike?" "Yes, but I think we had better find a wheelchair, I don't know if she will be able to walk too far without one if her contractions are so close together." "I'll go look for one and then I'll come down with you," says Danny, "we will come back as soon as we meet up with Laura; don't worry Mum; you just go back in with Jake."

"You're in good hands you know Abby if the lift breaks down, both Mike and I have delivered babies, you'll be amazed how versatile we fire fighters are, " he says smiling. "Let's not forget, were excellent at releasing fixed doors, and climbing through lift shafts too, who needs Superman when your trapped in a lift with firemen," says Mike winking. I can't help laughing, despite the pain and everything else that's going on, they certainly know how to lift your spirits; "will you two stop it, you'll make me pee." "Didn't know we had this effect on women, did you Mike?" he laughs. The latest contraction makes me wince even harder, grabbing Mike's hand I feel sure I'm going to stem the flow of blood as I grip it so tightly. He bends down to face me, "it's going to be alright, nothing's going to happen to the baby, your in a great hospital, it's got all the NICU facilities here, both of you are going to be just fine," he says, giving me a reassuring touch on the arm with his free hand, and smiling.

"Where's Laura?, Luka" "She's gone inside to see if there's a delivery room free so that she could take Abby straight in, she shouldn't be too long. Abby, when did this start?" "At the airport…….," I break off, as another contraction begins. "Laura's coming back, I can see her through the window, it's gonna be ok Abby, don't worry, " I say, and bend down and kiss her on the cheek. When the contractions over I reply, "thanks Danny." Laura bends down so that we are eye to eye, "I'll stay with you I promise, please don't worry," she says as she squeezes my hand, and gives me an encouraging smile. "Ok, let's go," she stands up and moves to the back of the chair and begins to push me towards the labour ward doors. "Wait…….Danny, tell Jake I'm coming back as soon as I can, will you do that for me?" "Of course, I promise." "Luka, will you come too? I'd like you to be there with Laura." "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'd really like you to be with me." "Ok."

"Let's go get some coffees' and sandwiches to take upstairs with us; I'm sure everyone could do with some, it's been a while since we last ate something." "Good idea, the canteen's just along the corridor from here, it's where I got them from earlier. You know I can't believe what's happening; today's just a bloody nightmare; but I still can't understand why Abby never said anything; the baby's not due until the end of October, why did she let it go this far?" "Com'on Danny, look at it from her viewpoint, if she had said anything at the airport she knew Luka would have made her go and get checked, and the docs. would probably have stopped her from flying here, you know she'd never agree to that, she'd never forgive herself if something happened and she wasn't here, so she took the risk; I think, if I were her, I would have done the same. As for letting it go this far; well maybe events just took over from her rational line of thought, she doesn't want to leave his side; would you want to leave Chuny?" "I suppose your right, we don't always see clearly at times like these; I admit I was a mess earlier when I had to go break the news to her; yes, I can understand what your saying Mike. Let's just pray all of them are going to be alright."


	68. Chapter 68

**September Pt 4**

"I'm sorry dr Stoneleigh isn't on duty Abby, but to be honest, even if I called him, it would be too late by the time he gets here; but dr. Hobson is excellent, a real nice guy too; he'll be along in a minute. So are you ok, or did you need a hand to get your things off?" "I should be alright, if I time it between contractions." "I don't know how you've coped so far without any pain relief, your a tough cookie, more than I would be." "I had other distractions. Laura, thank you for everything you've done today, for being with Jake earlier; I don't think I said anything before, I know his parents are so grateful, as I am, to know he's not been alone. It's been such a dreadful day for you too, you've had three of your friends in the accident; I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I know I asked you months back to stay with me, but you must be exhausted, I will understand if you just want to pass on it." "Abby, don't be stupid, of course I want to stay; besides I'm going to be in charge of the camera, got to take plenty of photos for Jake to see later; the nurse is getting the Polaroid out for me as we speak." "I don't know if he is going to even see his baby,……" "Don't let me hear you say that again Abby, of course he is going to, you know how excited he is about becoming a Dad, he's going to pull through, they all will. ( I give Abby a comforting hug) So if you're sure you don't need my help I 'll go get that camera, it's not going to be long now I'm sure. "

"Hi there Abby, I'm June, a student OB nurse and I will be one of the nurses with you along with dr. Hobson, he will be along in a minute, he's just talking to Laura. I just need to ask you a few questions?" "Hi June, of course, but, the contractions are pretty close together, I may just have to take a breather, so bear with me" "That's ok, don't worry. I understand your 33 weeks, and you've had no signs of labour until today." "Yes………..sorry contraction."

I'd gone back inside whilst they examined her, ( the consensus being the onset of labour having started due to extreme stress bought on by the dreadful news she had received about Jake, coupled with her long hours in her already demanding job, contributing to the situation; it's not common stress bringing on labour, but not as uncommon as people believe) but as soon as they finish I pop my head out of the door, "Luka, come in, they've finished, it's not going to be long now, she's fully dilated as we suspected." "How's she doing?" "Under the circumstances, she's coping real well." "What about you Honey, are you ok?" I just smile, and take his hand, "come on, or we're gonna miss it"

"It's a boy Abby, a boy," I hear Luka saying, before this perfectly formed, but smallish baby is laid on my chest. I see the smiles on their faces, the light from the flash going off, I feel the warmth of his body, the softness of his skin as I envelope my hands around him, see the mass of dark hair, and the scrunched up face; then his gone before I know it, as if he never existed" "He's absolutely beautiful Abby, " I hear Laura saying, "he's going to be fine, just fine." I understand why they have to take him, he's preterm, he needs to be monitored in the NICU; but it's as if my whole world is being torn apart, first Jake, now him. Tears begin to fall down my cheeks, tears of sheer joy at the miracle of his birth, but an overwhelming sense of sadness envelopes me too. I turn and look at Luka, "he should be here sharing this moment with me, not lying up there hooked to a monitor, " I say before I begin to sob uncontrollably.

I regain my composure after a while, soothed by the comforting words from Luka. I can hear Laura say, "can we push the incubator beside her so she can see him before he's taken to the NICU; I'd like to take a few more pictures for them." "Ok, I've give you a few more minutes." "He's a Scanlon alright," she says laughing, "look at all this dark hair. Do you know Jake always said to me it will be a boy,……. so did you two decide on a name?" "Jack, I'm going to call him Jack." "Jack, any particular reason? "When I first told Jake I was pregnant, the first name he said was that; he made up this funny speech about hitting the jackpot in Vegas; we thought about other names in the meantime of course, but I think I'll call him Jack, it will always remind me of that time. You know, I can still see the look on his face when I told him, he was shocked initially, speechless infact, but so darn happy too, we both were; and I think Jake will be pleased if we keep to Jack too." "It's a nice name; so com'on lets take some more pics of Mum and baby Jack for Dad to see before they have to take him."

After I have delivered the placenta, Luka and Laura come back into the room; they had accompanied Jack down to the NICU and were telling me all the details, that despite his early birth his vitals were good; I was listening half heartedly, my concern right now was Jake. I knew I just had to get back to him, "Laura, could you get my clothes for me, I must go back to Jake, I need to be with him." "You should rest a bit Abby" say Luka.. "Look I'll only be sitting down, I can rest in a chair I don't need to be lying down in this bed, Laura, please," I say looking straight at her. "Ok, I'll clear it with dr. Hobson, if he's agreeable I'll bring the wheelchair, but don't bother changing, I'll get a dressing gown and some scrub bottoms for you to wear, they will be more comfy for now, we can bring your trousers and other things along with us, ok?" "Ok."

Whilst we are in the lift going back up to the ICU floor I say, "you know Jake and I had been discussing whom we wanted as godparents, we were going to ask you two and Neela if you would do us the honour, but as Jake's not able to ask you right now, may I? "Oh Abby, I'd love to be, thank you for asking me, of course I will." "Luka, what about you?" A huge grin spreads across his face, "Really?" "Of course, we both want people who mean a lot to us to be them, that's why we chose you three, your all such good friends to us." "I'd be thrilled to be, thank you both for asking me." "I glad you've both agreed, I know Jake will be too."

The lift comes to a standstill on the 10th floor, the doors silently open; my heart is pounding in anticipation, I close my eyes for a moment in silent prayer; before Laura wheels me out.


	69. Chapter 69

**September pt 5**

"Where are they all?" I say, as no one is visible in the hallway outside the ICU. "I'll go and check with the desk clerk to see where they are" says Luka, before heading off. "I'm scared Laura, I'm not afraid to admit it, scared of going back inside. I desperately want to be there with him, but not being able to do anything, just having to watch his motionless body, it's tearing me apart; I don't think I've ever felt so helpless, not even with all the problems with my Mum, I've never felt so vulnerable as I do right now." "Abby, your not alone feeling like this; I feel exactly the same; I want to reach out and help him but all I can do is will him to pull through. It's as if it's my own brother lying there, I love him like that, and to see him like this it's heartbreaking. Just stay strong for him and the baby; that's what he'd want Abby, he's so lucky not only has he your love but that of his family too, they're incredible, they have such a unique bond between them, he's so lucky to come from such a loving, caring family; at times like this it's so important to have their support, it makes such a difference. How many times have you witnessed begrudging relatives who've had some disagreement in the past with the patient, come into hospital, or be telephoned just 'cause they are down as next of kin, clearly not wanting to be there, we've all seen it; seen the effect it has on the patient; be thankful Abby, his family are so genuine in their concern."

I see Luka returning, "what's happening, where are they all?" I see the look of concern on his face, "Luka?" He puts a hand on my shoulder, " I'm sorry Abby, but I'm afraid it's not good news, Jake had a haemorrhage whilst you were in delivery, he's been rushed back to surgery, the family have all gone to the surgery waiting area, they don't have anymore news here I'm afraid." "Oh god no, no……" "What!! I don't believe it, he was stable, what happened?" asks Laura, her face turning ashen at the news. "Come on let's go down there, I've been told it's at the far end of this corridor, Laura, come on Honey, " he say's taking hold of her hand.

I see Sean pacing up and down as we approach, a grave look on his face. "Sean any news, how is he?" "Oh Abby, thank god you're here, we've not heard anything yet, he's still in surgery; he 's been gone for what seems like forever, they rushed him off and we've not spoken to anyone since, so I don't know what's happening." I stand up, he takes hold of me in his arms, "I'm so worried, I can't think straight," he says, the trembling in his voice becoming more noticeable. I can feel his tears run down my cheek as he embraces me, "I just wish I knew what was happening."

Danny who is standing the other side of the window, and saw us approaching, comes out into the hallway to join us; he seems visibly pale too. "Dad's told you what's happened?. It was such a shock, one minutes Mum and I were with him just talking to him hoping he could hear us, next minute the monitor was going crazy, they said they thought it was a clot or a bleed and that the only thing was to take him back to surgery; we're all just praying they find something." Tears start to flow down my cheeks, I can't say anything, I'm just stunned. "Come and sit inside with the others, there's not anything we can do, we can only wait."

"Abby, how's the baby, is it ok?" asks Cathy. "Oh I'm so sorry Abby, I completely forgot to ask, yes how is it, what did you have?" asks Sean as he takes hold of my hand. "A little boy. Mike you were right, those Scanlon genes are stronger than my Wyczenski ones," I say trying to smile. "To be honest I don't really know much, I was more concerned about Jake, wondering how soon I could get back to him, that sounds dreadful I know, but it's the truth. Laura and Luka went with him to the NICU so they know more about the baby than I do; but I think he's going to be ok, isn't that right Laura?" "Yes, of course he will, they'll just monitor him for another three or four weeks, babies are considered viable at 37 weeks, and he's just 33; its just his kidneys and liver are not quite fully developed now, so that's why we need to keep him in the NICU, but he's absolutely beautiful, isn't he Luka?" "Yes, he's gorgeous; Honey you've got the photos' in your pocket haven't you?" "Gosh, of course I have, here, Cathy, Sean take a look at your new grandson." "Have you chosen a name yet Abby?" asks Mike. "Yes, it's one Jake mentioned from the start, and I like it too, so I've stayed with that, it's Jack. Can I have one of the pictures for Mike to see Laura." "Sure, I took enough, (she laughs) here Mike." "Jack Scanlon, it goes well; he's adorable, a real Scanlon alright, look at all that hair and those big blue eyes; he's gonna break a few hearts in the future I can see." "There are a few Wyczenski genes in there too Mike; intelligence, humour, ……modesty." He just gives me a grin. "How much did he weigh?" asks Mary. "Four pounds eleven ounces, which is about normal for 33 weeks, so I'm pleased with that, he's not underweight which is good, something less to worry about."

Time passes, we try and keep the conversation optimistic; finally, the door opens and a surgeon walks in; a silence pervades the room, it's obvious by the look on their faces, he's the one who has done the surgery. "Oh dr. Gordon, this is Jake's wife Abby we told you about; Dr. Abby Scanlon," says Cathy. "Dr. Scanlon." "Please, Abby's fine,….. what happened?" "Do you mind if we go outside for a moment, I'd like a word in private." "Of course." I feel all their eyes on us as I follow him out into the corridor.


	70. Chapter 70

**September Pt.6**

"Would you like to sit down? ( I nod, we both do) I'm sure Jake's parents explained what happened when you were in OB, we've been trying to stem the haemorrhage but we couldn't find the source for quite sometime, I'm afraid he lost a lost of blood, and unfortunately as a result suffered a cardiac arrest. We've got him back, but I'm sorry to have to tell you that his condition is critical, he was deprived of oxygen for quite sometime. I can understand how difficult this is for you right now to hear this, you've just come back from OB, you should be celebrating with your family and friends the birth of your child, not be sitting here with me receiving this news; I'm so sorry Abby. We did everything we could for Jake believe me; some of the staff in surgery have worked with him and are very upset with what's happened to him and his friends today, they are all such great guys; they don't deserve this; I'm really just so sorry."

I don't say anything for a while, I just let my mind digest all he's telling me. "Do you think there will be any chance of recovery?" I ask; tears begin to run down my cheeks, but I make no attempt to wipe them away "please I'd prefer your honest opinion, is there any chance?" I notice he hesitates, as if choosing his words carefully, "in my honest opinion, I'd say the extensive damage to his brain revealed by his CAT scan show irreparable damage. Our physical examination confirmed that there was no response to pain, there was an absence of cranial nerve reflexes, papillary responses, ocuocephalic reflex, corneal reflexes and an absent response to the caloric reflex test, as well as, unfortunately, still no spontaneous respirations." I know what he wants to say, but he holds back, "what your telling me is clinically he's dead, they're all signs of brain death; so why did you bring him back, why not just let him go?" "If I'm honest we could have let go, but I thought given what you've been through, the preterm delivery, …...this, I personally felt you should see him one more time on the ventilator, not be taken to see him laid out, lying alone, in a side room. I hope you don't feel this was wrong of me." "Keeping Jake artificially alive you mean?" "Yes."

I feel like my heart has been ripped open, I don't think I have ever felt as lonely as I do right at this moment hearing his words, knowing everything we'd looked forward to; our babies birth, being together permanently as a married couple here in this city, Jake's plans of hopefully running his own practice one day, his desire of doing pro bono work on burn victims financed with funds gained from his private patients having cosmetic work; my gradual return to work too, facing the challenges of a new hospital, new techniques, forming new friendships with colleagues; watching our child grow, maybe becoming grandparents ourselves one day. Now with his words, I knew most of this would be gone, just our child's recovery and watching him grow was all I could hope for.

"May I see him before I break the news to the family." "Of course, we have put Jake in a private side room nearby, it's more preferable than in the post op. recovery room, I will walk you down there." "Thank you." We both get up, and walk the short distance to Jake's room and go inside, both walking up to his bedside. "Abby, you know we need two physicians to carry out a neurologic exam 24 hours apart and that the exams must show complete absence of brain function in order to certify brain death; I feel this will only prolong a difficult situation for you, so I think if we go for an alternative, a radionuclide cerebral blood flow scan, this as you know, if it shows a complete absence of intracranial blood flow can be used to confirm the diagnosis without performing EEGs, and could be used to lessen the time" "Even though he's on a ventilator, you can still proceed with this test?." "Yes." I just look at him; I know he has done more than he should, allowing me this extra time with Jake; I don't want to let go, but I know I must, there is no alternative for me. "Yes, I'd prefer that, thank you for giving me this option dr. Gordon." "I'll go and arrange for the test; stay as long as you like Abby."

I intertwine my fingers with his right hand, and stare at him, taking in his handsome features; wishing for just one more chance to look into those hypnotic blue eyes of his that I had done so many times before, but I know it is not to be. I wish he could flash that beaming smile at me, let me hear him laugh with that wonderful chuckle of his that always captivated me, but I know it is not to be. I wish he could wrap his arms around me, kiss and caress me like he had done so many times before; but his response is not forthcoming, I'm left only with my thoughts; Jake is here with me physically, but his spirit had already gone.

I slip off my shoes, and climb onto the bed and lie beside him on top of the blanket covering him. I reach over, take his left hand in mine and pull his arm over, and rest it on my waist, then I reach up with my left arm and cradle him as best as I can. I lean in and kiss his cheek feeling his slight stubble against my lips; breathing in, as I nuzzle against his face, I take in "his" scent for the last time. "I've only just found you; but in the short time I've known you, you've bought so much joy and happiness into my life I've never known before. Your enthusiasm for life is so infectious it encouraged me to try so many new things. Unknowingly you gave me the confidence to confront my fears, yet you never tried to change me; not once, even though this hurt us both, you knew I had to make those steps, because I wanted to, not because others felt I must. You've made me a better person, more open and confident within myself, I have so much to be grateful for; but if losing you is the price I have to pay for loving you, so be it; but know there has never been anyone whom I have loved as I love you Jake; you mean the world to me, but knowing your leaving without ever seeing your son Jack is the hardest thing to bear. I know how much you wanted our child; and knowing Jack will never have the chance to speak to you, play ball or hoops, laugh and joke with you, grow up without such a wonderful father as I know you'd be is the saddest part of today for me. If only you'd been able to see him, just once, I could have gained comfort from that, but knowing this will never happen is heartbreaking. I promise I will do everything to raise our son in a way that I hope you will be proud of. If only I had known what life had in store for us, I would have moved here sooner and shared these last few months with you; but we never know what Fate has decided for us; it bought us together, and gave me the most wonderful time of my life with memories I will treasure forever. I'll never forget you darling, until my final breath, you will always be in my thoughts, you'll always be the love of my life."

"All that I am  
All that I ever was  
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see………………….

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

How long was it before I heard the knocking on the door I had no idea. "May I come in?" "Yes, please come in," I say, as I move Jake's arm and sit myself up. "I'm sorry, I can come back later." "No, it's fine dr. Gordon, really," I say as I get off the bed. "Whilst I have been lying here I have been thinking, as tragic as today has been, I'd like something positive to come out of it. I believe Jake would want it, but I feel I need to ask Jake's family first; I've known him such a short time really, I feel they should decide not me." "Decide what?" "To donate some of his organs for transplant. I know I would take comfort in knowing his life was not wasted, that he could give life to others; but as I say, I feel they should have the overriding say. I'm his wife, I have the final say legally; but they have been so generous and loving to me, I don't want to put them through anymore pain, if they don't want to I must respect their wishes, I hope you can understand that." "It's never an easy decision to make, especially as peoples emotions are so raw at this time, I think it's the hardest task any doctor has to perform, to ask this of relatives." "I agree, I've never been able to find an easy way to put this to anyone, but I think they will understand why I'd like to do this, it's for our son's sake too, he'll never know his Dad, but I feel he will be pleased to know that in his death, he gave others life." "I'm sure he'll be proud of your decision, if they agree." "I hope so. May I bring all the family in here? I like them to be together to say their goodbyes." "Of course, I'll come and call you once the test has been done." "I'll let you get on then dr Gordon, and I'll let you know their decision." "Thank you, I'll talk to you later."

I stop just short of the surgical waiting room. I can see Cathy talking to Laura through the window. I take a few deep breaths, then continue towards the door.

A/N Song : Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

There is still a little bit more to this story.


	71. Chapter 71

**Altered Plans ?**

I know this day will be difficult every year, more so as Jack grows up; celebrating his birthday will always be tinged with great sorrow; recalling as it will the cycle of life that passed on this day: a birth, a death. As I look at this tiny bundle in the incubator sleeping, conceived with so much love by Jake and I; I can't help but feel such an overwhelming sense of loss at a life cut short. Jake's sheer enthusiasm for life, his desires to help people through his medical career, his love for me and our unborn child had left it's indelible mark; knowing him had had a profound effect on my life; how was I ever going to really convey to our son what a wonderful man his Dad was?.

I think it was the hardest thing I've ever done walking into the waiting room and breaking the terrible news to them; broaching the subject of organ donation had been almost impossible; but somehow I summoned up the courage to do it; because I think I knew deep down that they would take comfort in knowing that he was "still here" helping others like he always had.

No one had wanted to leave the hospital until they could see him at rest in the chapel, so they had remained in the waiting area except for Cathy and I, we had come to the NICU together, gaining solace somewhat from seeing Jack. "What are you going to do Abby, you told me your apartment has been relet after next weekend, will you stay here in your new place or come back to Chicago?" "I will stay here for the time being, I can't leave Jack, but when he's able to leave the hospital I really don't know what I'll do; apart from Laura whom I've got to know quite well, the only other people I know are Jake's friends but they are all so much younger , and I can't expect them to be calling in on me. I will have to see what the landlord says too, see if I can rescind on my rental agreement, it may not be possible. I'll call Mum later with the news, not now, it's too early; she will be terribly upset I know, she really got on so well with Jake, she really did; despite only seeing him a couple of times, they had this instant rapport. I know she will want to come and join me for a while to visit her grandson, and she will want be able to help me with the funeral arrangements too." "Abby, you know Sean and I are will always be here for you too, we can stay on a few days, we'd just need to buy a few things to tide us over, we'd both be really pleased if you'd allow us to." "Thanks Cathy, I'd really appreciate your company, I don't think I can face being alone, especially tonight." "The kids will fly back sometime today I'd imagine, there's nothing really they can do here now; and knowing Dad and I are staying will please them, I know none of them would want you to be alone." "I'm just so grateful you were all here with Jake at the end, I know how much family meant to him, I'm sure he knew you were all with him; but I know they've got their families too, and work, as awful as it sounds, life doesn't stand still."

"Abby would you like me to ask Mike to talk to cousin Patrick about arranging the funeral service for you, that's if you want him to be buried back in Chicago, not here. It's just you are going to be spending a lot of your time here with Jack, it will be difficult for you to do." "Thank you, I'd really appreciate that; and yes, I want him to be buried back in Chicago. Your right, it will be so difficult to organize it from here if I'm back and forth at the hospital. The only way I could do it would be to fly back to for a few days, but I can't, I just couldn't leave Jack here alone, if anything should happen to him whilst I'm away, I'd never forgive myself. I don't know how I will feel come the funeral day, it will be difficult leaving him, but I have to; I will try and arrange to take the red eye over and fly back the same evening so that I am away the least time." "I can understand that, but I'm sure there's not going to be any problems with him, he's being well cared for, it's a wonderful facility." "Yes it is, I'm very lucky. As for the funeral, can I say, Patrick would be my choice too. I can't believe just a few months ago he was marrying us, now this….., it's just so……," I sink my head into my hands, "its just so unfair, he never got to see his son, it hurts me so much to think he never saw Jack." I feel her arms wrap around my shoulders, "I know that saddens me too, he was over the moon at becoming a Dad, he loved kids. He was still a big kid himself at times if truth be told, (she tries to laugh) Liam idolised him, I don't know how Mike is going to break the news to him, I know he is going to take it real hard; despite their age difference, they shared so many interests. Jake had been just like him at his age, it was uncanny, they were definitely like two peas in a pod, those two." I try to smile, "I know Jake told me that Mike teased him about that; but kids are more resilient than we think, in many ways their courage helps us adults get through difficult times; I'm sure Liam will be a comfort to Mike too."

We stay a while longer before heading down to rejoin the others. "Did you want to go to the chapel?, the nurse just came and told us that Jake is in there now, they have closed the chapel to allow us some time alone with him, " says Mary. "Yes, I'd like to, but I will just go and put my things back on, I will not be a minute, " I say before gathering up my clothing.

I am fine until I enter the chapel and see his covered body lying on the trolley. I freeze up; it's almost as if I am finding out for the first time that he is gone. "Come on Abby, just sit here, it's fine if you don't want to go to see him, come on, sit yourself down love," says Sean as he puts a comforting arm around me. "I just can't go and look at him, I don't want to lift the sheet and see him; I don't want my last memory of him to be his this, I'm sorry Sean, I just can't," I say as the tears start to flow. "Shhhh, it's ok, I understand, it's ok…….it's ok, Abby," he says as his arm pulls me closer to him.

Before we had left the hospital I had taken all of them down to see the new addition to the family, they had taken turns to spend a few moments with him by the incubator; and afterwards we'd gone for a meal before the rest of the family left for the airport. Luka had gone to Lauras, he said he was going to stay one more day to be with her, she'd been through such a lot in this last twenty four hours too, and he didn't want her to be on her own either. "So will you be able to do this for me Danny if it's not too much trouble; it's just I don't know what else to do." "Oh course, why don't you give me your apartment key now so I don't forget to take it later." "Listen why don't you bring Abby's things to us, we can store them, there's plenty of space, you don't want to pay out for storage Abby, that's unnecessary." "Are you sure, I don't want to impose" "Dad can give you a hand, we will be back in a few days." "It's ok Dad, I'll give Danny a hand to box Abby's things up, and I can tidy up the apartment once Danny takes the things round yours," says Grace. "I'm so grateful to you all, I don't know what to say to truly convey how much strength your love and support has given me during these last few hours; I don't think I could have got through this alone. Jake was always talking about you, he loved you all so much, I am just so glad we were all able to be with him, I'm sure he knew we were."

"Mike will you do something for me. Once we know the funeral date, can you tell your folks not to come dressed soberly, Jake had such a love of life, I want his service to be a celebration of his life not a day of sadness; tell them not to wear mourning clothes, but everyday wear, will you do that for me?" "Of course, anything you want just let me know. I will call you in a couple of days and we can talk more about the service, not now, you can let me know if you have any special music, hymns you want played, what flowers you'd like so that I can tell Patrick." "I know one thing, I don't want people to buy wreaths, I'd rather they give a donation, maybe we can put any monies towards buying some equipment for the hospital, I think Jake would appreciate this gesture. The only flowers I want will be a couple of wreaths for his coffin, one from his family, and one from Jack and me. I want mine to be roses; just peach and cream roses; he always bought them for me when he visited my apartment, or if I came here;………. I'd like him to have them " I say as the tears begin to well up, "I want him to have them from me this time."


	72. Chapter 72

**San Francisco (Aftermath Pt. 1)**

"Are you sure you don't want us to buy you anything, it's not a problem Abby?" "Thanks Cathy, but I've always left clothing with Jake so there is bound to be something to change into at the apartment, and he will have toiletries, so I'm fine. Let me give you the address and phone number, get a taxi back I'll cover it, just call when your leaving the mall ok, and I'll know when to expect you. I will stop and pick up some groceries before going home, there's an excellent deli, just five minutes away, so don't worry about any food. I'll see you later." "We can get the bus like you're doing it's not a problem." "No, you must be feeling pretty tired so, get a taxi." " Ok, see you later love," says Sean before he and Cathy set off towards the mall.

It seems really strange to be walking up the steps of our building; the last time I was in our apartment, we had come for a viewing. I had been given the keys from Jake's personal effects; it felt strange holding them, knowing less than twenty four hours ago he had held them in his hand and had stood here closing the door with the security lock. I hesitate before going inside, letting my thoughts drift back to Vegas, how he'd made me wait whilst he took our things inside, then had swept me up in his arms and carried me across the threshold, his initial tender kiss, turning into a passionate embrace as we stumbled into the room trying to push the door shut; before bursting into laughter at our eagerness to find the bed. Now instead of that, I cross the threshold and walk in alone to the apartment that would have been our first place together.

It is a weird sensation standing in the lounge, there are signs all around of Jake's presence, his extra coat and jacket on the hook by the apartment door, his text books, cds and dvds neatly piled beside the pc on the work station he had set up by the side window; his pack bag is lying on the floor beside it, the one he carried to work with his books, and sometime his lunch. On the work station he had placed the large photo frame given to us by Josh, containing a picture of us at Sacred Rock State Park, the one taken on a hike, where we were fooling around, when he had thrown me over his shoulder; it was slightly off centre, but was more natural because of it, it bought a smile to my face. On the coffee table by the couch, were a couple of parenting catalogues, left open on the prams page, with a couple circled in each of them, together with a handwritten note clipped to one saying, "scan for Abby"; lying beside them was the photo album I had given him of our camping trip. The couch cum bed we'd chosen and paid for just before I'd left last month, was now in place, it was one of those big comfy types that was great to flop on after a days work, we'd chosen one in a neutral colour so that we could bring colour into the room with the soft furnishings and paintings. A second hand wooden table and chairs set I'd not seen before, sat in the alcove window overlooking the street; besides them on the floor, were two tins of wood stain in different shades and a tin of white paint, he was obviously waiting for me to decide with him which colour to stain or paint them to cover up the few surface scratches.

The kitchen was tidy, as was his way, his breakfast dishes from yesterday were as he left them, drying in the rack, before he had left for the game. The cupboards were as I suspected filled with spices, pastas, rice, tuna and other staple standbys, the fridge filled unlike mine when he had first visited my apartment. On the window sill were four small tubs with fresh herbs growing in them. He had placed two pin boards on the wall, one filled with photos of his family, mine, our friends, taken at various times and at our wedding, the other contained just pictures of us. The bathroom had more visible signs of Jake, his razor, shaving foam, tooth brush and paste were sitting in two containers by the sink; in the cupboard underneath were his other toiletries, along with some of mine that he had bought along from his room at the hospital. The towels he had used after his shower the day before were where he'd left them, drying on the towel rack. In the bedroom all there was for now were the bed and a chest of drawers, on top of which he'd placed the two smaller wedding gift picture frames, this time the photos were of us on our wedding day. I go over and open the built in closet and see his clothes neatly hung on the rail; I smile to myself at the predominance of the brown clothing, "lavender blue is my favourite colour," he always insisted; but I knew I'd been right that day; it was definitely brown.

I feel like curling up on the bed under the white duvet, never to resurface, but I knew he would never forgive me if I did, so I look in the drawers for the spare linen to make up the bed for his parents. The linens he's used, I pile neatly at the foot of the bed ready for me to use on the couch bed, I want to wrap myself in them tonight, it's irrational I know, but I don't want to put them through the wash, not today.

I go back out into the lounge, and pick up the groceries I'd left by the door, and return to the kitchen to put them away. I make myself a coffee and go back into the lounge, sit down on the couch, and pick up our album; my eyes begin to fill with tears as I turn the pages filled with memories of our, all too short time, together.

A/N I meant to put "apricot and cream roses" not "peach and cream" last chapter.


	73. Chapter 74

**San Francisco (The Aftermath Pt 2)**

Opps!!! I loaded the next chapter before this, hopefully it's in the correct order now.

I can hear the intake of breath at the other end of the phone, hear her voice trembling as she speaks, "this can't be, it just can't be, Jake's dead, …….oh Abby, I just can't believe what I'm hearing; …how?….. what happened?."

Maggie is so supportive as I struggle to tell her what happened. In between my tears she gives me the encouragement I need, is so compassionate; I feel for the first time, in a very long time, this is my Mum being there for me, when I need her the most.

"I 'll put a few pieces together and I'll be right over, I'm sure there will not be any problem getting a flight, I can be with you later today." "No Mum, it's ok, Cathy and Sean are staying for a couple or so nights with me; so come over when they leave, it will be lovely having your company then, just the two of us; we can go to the hospital together, you can see your grandson Jack." "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm sure, his parents have been so supportive, the whole family have, I'm really glad they are staying especially tonight, it's not easy for them either, losing their child in such horrendous circumstances, I cannot imagine how they must be feeling, it shouldn't be this way, outliving your child; that's why I'd like this time alone with them too, their loss is just as great." "Ok Abby, but call the moment you know they are leaving and I will be there, I 'll tell work that I need sometime off, if they don't like it……well they can fire me, being with you is more important right now." "Thanks Mum, ….., I'll see you soon." "Abby, promise you'll call me, anytime, it doesn't matter, if you want to talk." "I will, I promise." "And tell Sean and Cathy I 'll call them tonight about 7pm your time, will you do this for me, I'd like to speak with them today, especially Cathy." "I will, speak soon,….. bye Mum." "Bye Abby, and remember I am just a phone call away."

"This is such a lovely apartment Abby, it's so spacious, it would have been perfect for all of you." "I know, as soon as we saw it we just knew we had to take it, it's a shame I can't pick it up and transport it to Chicago." "You're definitely coming back?" says Sean. "Yes, I was talking to Mum earlier, it's the most sensible thing to do, but I need to find out where I stand with regard the lease, we signed for six months, so I have to talk to the agent. So, sit yourselves down, I'll make you a coffee, or would you like tea Cathy?…..Sean there's some beer in the fridge if you prefer."

"That will be my taxi, make yourselves at home; if you want anything else to eat, there's cheese, fruit and snacks in the kitchen, and some muffins in the cupboard, just help yourselves. I'm sorry there's no tv as yet, but Jake's cd's are on the side there, you can always listen to those. Oh, don't forget Mum will be phoning in about half an hour, if anyone else rings it will only be for you as I gave the family my number here, and as I said, I've not told them at work, I couldn't face it today, I will call them tomorrow. I'll see you two later, but if you feel tired, please don't wait up I'll understand, none of us have slept in hours. I changed the bed linen for you, just put the other I've left at the bottom of the bed on the couch here, and I'll make it up when I get back." "We will be fine, don't worry, just get yourself off, and give the little'un a kiss from us, " says Sean, giving me a hug.

"How are you bearing up Love?," I say as I envelope Cathy in my arms. "Hanging in there, just about; and you? " "The same," I say pulling her closer. Neither of us say anything for a while, we both just take comfort in one another's embrace. As we pull apart slightly Cathy says, "I've got such a thumping headache, I didn't want to say anything to Abby earlier, she's got enough on her plate; I think I'll go look in the bathroom for some tablets, he's bound to have something I can take, knowing Jake, he's always got the essentials to hand." "Yes, that's Jake alright," I say, then the significance of what we say dawns on us; "yes he always did."

"Bye then Maggie, and yes I'll be in touch…….bye." As I put the phone down I wipe away the tears that came as she spoke; her words had been so comforting; the sentiments she expressed were those that only Mothers' can truly understand. I had been deeply touched by them.

"Sean, I think I am going to go and lie down, I'm feeling real tired now, it's all starting to catch up on me." "Ok Love, I think I might just wait till Abby gets back, I don't think she will be too long tonight, she's exhausted too, I'll just see how Jack's doing, then I'll turn in as I'm feeling pretty whacked too. How about I go take a look in the kitchen, see if he has any chamomile tea he usually has some, if not I could do you a warm milk, that will help you sleep." " Thanks, that will be lovely," I say as I move towards him. I lean in and kiss him on the cheek.. As I pull away, I feel the tears beginning to well up again. I see the concern in his eyes; he pulls me closer to him. "Why him Sean, why Jake, it's just so unfair; he had his whole life before him. It should be him talking about one of us, not this, not us, talking about our son's death."

It's now, alone with Sean, that I fully surrender to my emotions. I have been trying to stay strong for the family and Abby, to help them come to terms with his death too; but now, I give in, and cry uncontrollably as he holds me tightly in his arms.


	74. Chapter 73

**San Francisco - The Aftermath Pt.3**

"I am sorry Sean, I didn't mean to wake you." "No it's fine, must have dozed off, what time is it love?" "About 9.30, I stayed to speak to Steve's and Josh's parents that's why I am later than planned. "So how are the boys doing, has Steve shown any more improvement?" "He's still in a coma, but he's been stable all this while, thank god." "His parents, are they holding up?" "Yes, now that he's stable, they have been able to relax a little; and his sister's here now too, her flight got in mid morning, so that's helping, her being there with them. I made Jenny go home to get some rest, she's been at his side for hours, she didn't want to leave him naturally, but she can't keep on going; I dropped her off enroute here, reassuring her that if there is any change the family will contact her; hopefully she will be able to get some sleep. Josh is doing well physically, but he's devastated emotionally. His parents decided to tell him what happened as he was asking about the others, they asked his doctor what to say if he asked, and they were told they should be honest with him; so they were; but they emphasised the fact, as I did, it wasn't his fault; but he feels guilty, I know he does." "You're right, he mustn't blame himself, it was just a tragic accident; it wasn't his fault at all. I will pop down to see him tomorrow, try to put his mind at rest; he needs to concentrate on getting himself better, not feel riddled with guilt. I feel bad not doing so earlier, but things just got on top of me." "Don't worry about that Sean, if you like we can both go and see him tomorrow." "Yes I'd like that, I'm sure Cath will want to see him too; I know she'd want to put his mind at rest as well. So how's my new grandson tonight?" "He's doing really well, far better than I 'd imagined, he's a little fighter, that's for sure." "That's excellent news, I can breathe easier a bit tonight." "So has Cathy gone to bed, or is she taking a bath?" "She turned in earlier, hopefully she asleep, like everyone, she drained emotionally, it will do her good to rest." "Don't let me keep you Sean, I'm sure you could do with a lie down." "Actually I think I'll make myself a tea, can I get something for you?" "I'll have the same as you, tea, but make mine a herbal, I believe there's camomile in the cupboard; I'll have that, thanks."

"We both spoke to your Mum earlier; before she hung up, she told us both to tell you to call her if you want a chat at anytime, and that we mustn't forget to tell you." "I'm glad she got through before you fell asleep, nothing worse than being awoken in a start; oh she told you that too, ( I smile), yes, I will call her, don't worry. So did any of the family phone?" "Yes the two girls did and Julia, Chuny too; she said she tell them at work for you, but that she'd keep your number private until you tell her otherwise, she didn't want people phoning if you were trying to sleep, with the time difference and everything." "I'll phone Susan and her tomorrow, it's a bit late now, I don't want the ringing waking up the kids." "Chuny said she'd give her a quick call for you, Neela too, as both had phoned her earlier this evening to find out how Jake was." "That's right Neela was off yesterday so wouldn't have heard until this morning about the accident. Yes I'll call them all tomorrow evening; thanks for telling me".

We were sitting together on the sofa having our tea. "I see you were looking through the album, there're some beautiful atmospheric shots in there he took on our honeymoon out in the desert and canyon lands. We spent an evening one time I was here, when he was still at the hospital, adding them to the Sacred Rock ones; we had a lot of laughs writing up the captions for the ones were we were fooling about. You know Sean, I've never laughed or had so much fun in any of my relationships as I had since meeting him; he gave me so much, enriched my life in so many ways, made me look at things so differently; I can't believe he's gone; I expect him to walk through this door any minute." "I know, it still hasn't really sunken in for me either." "I loved him so much, from the moment I saw him, I just knew he was the one, but pushing him away like I did, wasting all those precious months we could have had, I just can't believe I behaved so cruelly to him." "Don't be so harsh on yourself; cruel is a very strong term, I'd hardly use that, you were both a tad misguided, but things sorted themselves out for you both." "Thanks to your foresight, and actions, I can never thank you enough for what you did." "Jake loved you so much Abby, he adored you, anyone could see that, and he was so excited about the baby………Fate can be so cruel. I must admit at times like this, it does test ones Faith. I'm struggling, I can't deny it. I keep asking myself …..why?" "You're not the only one Sean…..your not alone thinking this."

We sat in silence for a few moments, each lost in our own thoughts of him. "Listen I'll push off, let you get some rest. I'll just take a quick shower if that's ok, then I will not disturb you until the morning". "You don't have to rush off for my sake, I'm not too tired just yet, unless you want to go to bed." "I'm not too bad actually, the nap earlier revived me a bit, so if you like I can stay a little while." "Yes stay, I'd like you to."

We talked for a long time about Jake; as a kid growing up, his teenage years, all his interests, his enthusiasm for life; I learnt so much about him that had only been skimmed over before. It was clear to anyone that Jake held a special place in his Dad's heart. When the tears came, he didn't try to hide them, he openly expressed how he felt, a Father, robbed of a son who had given so much love, support and happiness to so many people he met. I didn't need to say anything, I just took hold of him in my arms, held him close until the tears subsided. I was only beginning now to realize, just how special Jake had been.


	75. Chapter 75

**San Francisco / Chicago**

(just a reminder, I posted the previous chapter SFO aftermath pt3 before pt2, so you may have missed chapter 73, I've uploaded in the correct order now.)

"Isn't that the top Jake bought you for your birthday?." "Yes, I'm wearing it tomorrow with the brown trouser suit I bought the other day; I told you, I'm not wearing black." "Isn't it a little……" "What?" "Revealing, for the funeral service." "Feminine, yet sexy are the words I'd use, …..and yes it is. So?" "Do you think Father Patrick will approve?" "Actually I believe he will." "Abby, really!!," she says before breaking into a laugh.

Mum had been here eight days. We had gone together at first to the hospital to watch over Jack, but after three days she had made me go at different times to her so that I could get on and do things, and she, have time alone with her grandson. "There's no need for you to be here every minute Abby," she had said, "Jack's being so well cared for, it's a wonderful facility, and you need to arrange things this end with both the funeral home and airline to complete all the paperwork to fly Jake's body home, as well as liaise with them in Chicago. If you want me with you just say and I will come along to sort things out, but if you'd prefer to do it yourself, it's ok.." "Thanks Mum, but I think I will be alright; you go along to see Jack. To be honest I don't really have too much to do this end, and Mike has been such a great help the other end, I think it's all coming together." "Ok then, I will see you later."

"So are we meeting Laura at the airport tonight, or is she coming here first?" "She is working until 7pm, so I told her it's probably easier for her to go out to the airport save her rushing about too much." Yes I think that's the best idea too. Laura's a lovely girl, we've had some interesting conversations." "Yes she is, she's very amiable; we get along well." "You don't mind her dating Luka?" "Why on earth should I? Luka and I will always be friends, we've been through a lot together, nothing will ever change that, I'm happy for them both." "I understand from what she told me the other day, that she's going over to see her family after the funeral with Luka; is it getting serious with those two?" "Maybe." "They've not know each other that long, didn't they meet at your wedding?" "They did, but do you really have to be going out with someone for months to know they are the one for you. I believe your initial gut instinct is the one to follow. I knew that with Jake, I tried to deny my feelings, but deep down, I knew we were meant to be together, I just never knew how little time we'd have." I could feel the tears beginning to form, it 's always the same, if I say his name, or look at his photo, a gut wrenching feeling of loneliness and despair engulfs me. "Oh Abby," she says as she steps towards me and hugs me, "it will get easier, it will never fade away, but the pain will ease, I promise. You meant the world to him, I could just tell the very first day we met, he loved you so much, and that love is still with you in your son; Jake will always be with you in Jack, remember that." "I know, but……." "Sweetheart, it will be alight, I promise," she says and she holds me closer.

Chicago:

"The hearse has just pulled up, are you ready Abby?" says Danny. I nod, dreading this moment, but smile to allay his concerned look. "Thanks, have you told your Mum and Dad?" "Yes, Mum's just getting her jacket on, Dad was out on the porch talking to Uncle Robert so he saw it arrive." "Ok, I'll be right there, I'll just go get my jacket . Mike, I've probably asked you this already, but you've given the cd I sent you to Patrick, and the photos.?" "Yes, we played it and it's fine, the system works perfectly outdoors; and I took the pictures down the same day he got back home and placed them in the coffin, don't worry it's all taken care of." "Thanks, thanks for everything you've done," I say as I hug him.

Do you ever wish for a journey to end, yet at the same time don't want it to? It's how I feel right now. As I sit looking ahead at the hearse, staring at the coffin, I so want this slow moving procession to zip through the traffic to put an end to this dreadful moment, but my heart doesn't want to let go, I want this journey to continue forever, delaying the inevitable, the final parting.

The pervading silence of our journey begins to break as we pull into the cemetery. As we drive along I note the azure cloudless sky, the sunlight dappling through the trees, whose leaves are beginning to display their magnificent Fall finery, vibrant reds, golden yellows and orange. There could have been a chill wind blowing or a grey laden sky, but no, we were blessed with this; this beautiful morning with which to say our goodbyes.

"You ok Love?" says Sean to Cathy. I hear her take a long deep intake of breath and say, "yes, I'm fine, and you?" I don't hear his response. "Abby", she says, as she reaches over and takes my hand, as I turn towards her, I see Sean holding her other hand, squeezing it tightly, she looks directly at me, and gives me a reassuring smile. "I was just thinking what a glorious morning it is. Jake would be saying, "come on, no lying in bed, lets me the most of the day," that's what he be saying right now." "Yes he would, your right." We both smile.

Jake would approve. There was not one single person in mourning clothes; even cousin Patrick had dressed in a blue suit. I was so grateful, that even the older relatives had adhered to my request, to make this short service a celebration for Jake's life, not some mournful event. I was not particularly religious, but I knew his family were, so I had told them, if they would like to, they could hold a private service for just the immediate family, which they had done, conducted in the family church, yesterday.

I'm touched by the many people who want to say a few words about Jake; his medical student pals, some childhood friends, various people from County, Laura, my Mum. The same theme runs through all their speeches, his great sense of fun, and his undeniable enthusiasm in everything he took part in, in life.

I think it is the combination of hearing these words, and the comfort they took in the service yesterday that helps his parents and siblings when they come to speak. Their voices falter a little at times, but they want to say their goodbyes, and pass on their memories to us, so that we could share them too. Mary's speech brings both a tear to my eye and a smile to my lips. Mary's words were those she and Grace had put together for her "best woman's speech" at our wedding. "I never had the chance then as so few non family members were there, but I made Jake promise to let me embarrass him at his 30th birthday party; he said, "yes I'll let you have your payback time, I tormented you enough when I was a kid, it's only fair;" but I'll never ……. I'll never get this chance. So Jake, I hope you don't mind my embarrassing you today, my only wish you is that you were here to tease me with some witty repartee, like you used to……. I will never stop loving you, or thinking about you. Goodbye, and God be with you, dearest brother."

I barely hear Patrick's words as he gives the final blessing; I'm just completely transfixed to the coffin as it's lowered into the ground. I feel Sean's hand on my arm, "Abby, it's time." I step forward and stare for a moment or two, looking at his final resting place. "You bought so much joy and happiness into my life, you made me laugh, and live life to the full again. I miss your singing, our silly conversations, your beaming smile and that chuckle you make when you laugh,….. the sound of your voice, ……your touch. You gave me so much love, a beautiful son, you made my life complete. I'm not going to say goodbye darling, ……..but farewell until we meet again. You will be forever in my thoughts, I will never stop loving you."

I drop two roses down onto his coffin, and return slowly to my seat; both Sean and Cathy take my hands and squeeze them tightly; as the music plays the tears begin; I make no effort to stem them.

You took my hand

You showed me how

You promised me you'd be around

Uh huh

That's right

I took your words

And I believed

In everything

You said to me

Yeah huh

That's right

If someone said three years from now

You'd be long gone

I'd stand up and punch them out

Cause they're all wrong

I know better

Cause you said forever

And ever

Who knew

Remember when we were such fools

And so convinced and just too cool

Oh no

No no

I wish I could touch you again

I wish I could still call you friend

I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now

For they're long gone

I guess I just didn't know how

I was all wrong

They knew better

Still you said forever

And ever

Who knew

Yeah yeah

I'll keep you locked in my head

Until we meet again

Until we

Until we meet again

And I won't forget you my friend

What happened

If someone said three years from now

You'd be long gone

I'd stand up and punch them out

Cause they're all wrong and

That last kiss

I'll cherish

Until we meet again

And time makes

It harder

I wish I could remember

But I keep

Your memory

You visit me in my sleep

My darling

Who knew

My darling

My darling

Who knew

My darling

I miss you

My darling

Who knew

Who knew

A/N Song "Who Knew" Pink.

This fiction was not meant to be so long, I had already written my final chapter when I was asked to write some more, 96 chapters, to be exact. Ok, so I didn't make it, but I gave it a go. My original ending I did not change the content in any way, I just altered the title to "Las Vegas….. Part 1"; and, as you will have read, it finished completely different. Thank you for reading, and your comments.


End file.
